My housemate-neighbour, an old guy with a Zappa / Van Dyke beard whom I've played chess with this summer, he has a sister who suffers from dementia. His brother-in-law and sister are daily guests, often 2 or 3 times a day. For the most part she's well behaved, always cheerful (that I've seen), and just sits there and mumbles completely incoherent stuff. (I keep telling the guys we should record it, layer it up, and add it to ambient or chill music - but they only like country and classic rock so they don't get what I'm after.) For the most part she's ignored, though I try to engage her as often as I can with little things (ie. high fives, pointing and touching fingers, giving her feathers, making silly faces, etc.).

The second half of the problem is her husband, the brother-in-law. He's determined to carry the burden entirely by himself. At times he's at his wits end. Many of us have offered to help in many ways - yet he refuses all help. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

She's more of a problem when she has energy yet is commanded to sit in a chair and be quiet. We live right by a large lovely park and I've often suggested that we wander over there where the two older guys can just sit while she and I amble around the park so that I can get some exercise and she can burn off some energy to be more managable. Everyone thinks it's a great idea but he's not having it.

I found out part of the reason. She want's to be sociable yet does not understand COVID at all - plus to the ignorant eye she might seem like a creepy old lady rather than the kind gentle soul we know she is. Worse, there have been times where she's wandered off on him, and when he tried to bring her back she started screaming for help. One time she was even screaming for help and that he had a gun (not true), but fortunately it was within the hall of their appartment building at 3am and either no one heard or didn't care or knew she was loco.

When I heard about this, I suggested that we start adding standout items to her wardrobe. 1) A medic alert bracelet would be good. (She'd been lost for 8 hours once and didn't know her name.) 2) Wearing an reflective orange vest, may take getting used to, but eventually it would become a second skin so in a situation where she "escapes" she wouldn't have the organized thoughts to get rid of it. 3) Bright orange shoes, bright orange pants, etc. might be a little like a bright prison outfit but would be a helpful clear indicator that something is not quite right if she engaged other people or if the police were called again.

It will get worse.

I'm seeking tips and tricks and advice I can pass on to my friends.

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