I need advice, I want to get my brain out of the gutter for good. Can you give me advice on how to do that?

submitted by Dennster101 from self.AskSaidIt

So, as you might have recalled from my previous posts, I suffer from a little porn problem and a social anxiety problem. I figured that the internet is the "best" place to get advice from "helpful" people, so I chose Saidit. All I'm asking for is some advice so I can free myself from the clutches of the internet, pornography, and loneliness. I've tried some methods, but they didn't work, so can you share a little advice on this before I leave the internet for good?

Edit: No one's gonna read it, but fuck it. I've started to gradually reduce my porn intake and repetitions, and discovered patterns (such as my bedroom, boredom, and nighttime) I already eat healthy but tend to pig out sometimes, and I excercise regularly, doing arms in the afternoon and running at night. I might think about asking for Jesus's help, I've practiced communicating, might try EasyPeasy, and since I'm still a late teen, my parents don't really want me a dog unless I live on my own. I'm not playing with my nipples while jacking off (i never have), and I've tried site blockers, but found loopholes around everything. Overall, I'm getting there. So far, It's a one man journey, I'm the audience, the coach, the team, and the competitor, but I'll make it out.

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[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My advice is this. First, stop making yourself feel bad about porn, about your internet use, about your social anxiety. It's not a problem, its a condition. You're not broken, you don't need fixing. What you will BENEFIT from, what we all will benefit from, is balance. Once we are in a state of imbalance, things can get kind of weird, kind of "out of kilter" and that can lead to all sorts of bad thoughts, about ourselves, and about others. The first thing is to introduce some balance. Go outside, take a walk. Say hello to the people you pass in the street, in the grocery aisle. Start easy, with a smile, at yourself in the mirror when you wake up. At others in your life. Remind yourself that you are a blessing, and you're blessed to have those around you. Smile. Start with this, and see where it leads you. :)

[–]In-the-clouds 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If you want to break free from this addiction, you have already begun at correct first step: Admit it's a problem. You are right to call the lust for images a problem, contrary to the others who try to justify it. Loneliness can be related to the porn problem. Porn can take the place of people. But the images don't even know you exist and they care nothing about you. Porn also causes people to view others only for the value of their physical appearance, instead of seeing the value of their personality, their real spiritual self. Addiction is a spiritual problem and the best way to overcome an addiction is with spiritual help. The Holy Spirit wants to help you to be pure, clean, to be at peace and free of anxiety, to be loving and to receive love. God's fundamental nature is love. So if you want the best help, pray from any location to the Lord himself and ask him for strength to overcome any addiction, and he will help. He earned the right to do so by dying on the cross in your place, so when you call on Jesus, he will give you strength from his all-powerful Holy Spirit to overcome any sin. You can pray like this: Heavenly Father, you are holy and free from sin. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give me this day my daily bread. Forgive me my sins as I forgive others. And lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil!

I also pray for you now and I hope to see you make progress!

[–]elchupacabra 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

You don't have to quit porn 100%. It's normal and it only becomes a problem when it's consuming your life. Trying to stop jerking off is retarded because the urge will become all-consuming and you'll want to kill yourself every time you cave. It's natural to jerk off. This kind of addiction is similar to food addiction in that you can't just quit cold-turkey.

Just cut down on the time you spend doing it. A good goal is once a day or every other day for a few minutes instead of hours. It might also help to look at still images of just hot naked chicks so you exercise your imagination a little more, especially if you're becoming really rigid in your preferences.

As far as loneliness and internet use, I need more information to tailor my advice. I skimmed your profile and I have no idea how old you are or what you do for work, if anything. I can give you a few generic tips.

You need to go outside. Go on a 15 minute walk every day and enjoy the mental silence of not reading words. Take in a deep breath of fresh air and sigh, and congratulate yourself for putting in the effort and successfully completing one task: to go outside for a walk. A lot of people want to do it, but don't make it. Even if it seems like a small accomplishment, there are always people accomplishing less.

If there is a park nearby, you can practice the easiest form of small talk known to humankind: chatting to someone with a dog about their dog. "Hi, is your dog friendly? Can I pet him? What breed is he?" and if you're feeling nervous and it looks like the person wants to get going, you can keep the interaction short and tell them to have a great day and keep moving. As you get more comfortable talking to other people, you can start making the conversations longer by asking people about themselves after the chat about the dog.

You know Dennster, depending on your level of functioning and your living situation, you might benefit from getting yourself a little companion dog. You'd have to get up and take it for walks and see the sun every once in a while, and when you're home, you could have someone to hang out with. Fenced, off-leash dog parks are the easiest place on earth to socialize and they're separated by weight, so you could safely let your small dog loose and chill on a bench. Other people will be there doing the same. You always have a topic to go back to (dogs), and you can get to know people who are also there to chill on a bench and socialize with other people while their dog socializes with other dogs.

If you're in school, join one or more clubs. If not, look for some local hobby groups to join. Meetup.com has a lot of good events. If your town is too small for that, talk to the City Hall about upcoming events and groups.

Do you have a regular barber? Practice talking with him and tell him you're trying to branch out socially and ask him for recommendations. He knows a lot of people. And if it's a small town, he knows everyone. If you don't have a regular barber... you would probably look a lot better with a nice haircut my mans.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

daaamn nice. be my dad?

[–]elchupacabra 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Sure thing, son. I just need to run to the store for some milk... I'll brb

[–]iamonlyoneman 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Look up the ezpz https://easypeasymethod.org/

[–]LarrySwinger2 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I'll call in /u/Phooey. I'm sure he can help. He's our masturbation expert.

[–]WoodyWoodPecker 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Vote Republican. Every time you do something wrong, you donate $1 to the Republicans until you become too poor to do so.

[–]weavilsatemyface 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Get a hobby that involves actual people in real life, not the internet.

Are you sporty? Join a sports club of some sort. Find something that you like.

Are you overweight? Start exercising. Swimming is good. Go for walks. Change your diet: just cutting out fried food and junk food will make a huge difference. Eat plenty of veges. Cut out sugar. You don't have to be religious about it, you can give yourself a treat occasionally. Instead of eating three chocolate bars a day, cut down to one a day, then one a week.

I agree with u/DildoGaggins -- there's nothing wrong with porn, in moderation. Everything in balance.

If you do want to reduce the amount of porn you use, find a distraction. YouTube is great for that: you can spend hours watching videos instead of looking at porn. Watch comedians, or movie reviews, or people picking locks, or science videos. I'm sure you will find something.

Get help for your social anxiety.

[–]Node 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

there's nothing wrong with porn, in moderation.

Depends on how dysfunctional with with women you'd like to be.

[–]elchupacabra 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Welcome back nibba

[–]Node 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

https://files.catbox.moe/bi6rm0.jpg

Thanks. Had forgotten how reddit it is here, but have trained on trolls that would curl the hair of normal internet users.

[–]TheMaharishi 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Forgive yourself. Get away from your triggers. Exchange your bad habits for good habits. Like if you get horny put on your shoes and go for a walk or drop and do pushups. Finding friends is easiest if you start a hobby. Say you like guns. Become the member of a gun club. Then when someone who has a gun you like shows up. Talk to them about their gun. See where shit goes just avoid coming off as needy and desperate.

Recovery is not a one stop shop for most people. Understand that you will likely relapse. If you do try to avoid the fuck it all response ;)

[–]RapeMyMouth 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Small wins. Working out, practicing jokes, sun tan for 5 mins outside, do some push-ups,

A small win every day. Just one. Then move it up to two. And so on.

[–]ShoahKahn 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's all about taking oneself out of one's comfort zone -- be that physical, psychological, spiritual, or economic.

https://i.imgur.com/LqLylHX.jpg

[–]hfxB0oyA 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

All the advice here about meeting people irl checks out. Find a thing that you may have some small interest in that doesn't focus on the internet, and develop it. Take an actual classroom course with real people. Learn a language and practice by speaking it with actual people over coffee. Maybe a woodworking course or learn an instrument. New activities may take a while to try out to find the one that grabs you, but the activity is less important than getting out of the house and finding a more compelling motivator than the screen.

And stay off social media. That garbage is designed to make you feel like shit by comparing you to other people's fake lives. It's very demotivating.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

10 push ups a day, no more, no less. Alternate with sit ups if you want.

[–]POOPCORN 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

you're not going to break a p*** addiction by doing push-ups you f****** moron, no more than are you going to break a meth or heroin addiction by doing push-ups.

oh my apologies I see you also mentioned to do sit-ups holy f*** did you did you actually go to university to learn this crap?

f****** f***** are a disease

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Yes you are eddy spaghetti. Exercise gives you an endorphin rush and post nut clarity, just like whacking the pud. Do 10 push ups and tell me you don't feel saner.

[–]POOPCORN 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

You're such a f****** retard you can't even get my name right but you think that push-ups and sit-ups break an addiction?

Have you ever had an addiction to anything and no playing your game boy doesn't count?

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Did you ever consider that I'm well qualified to be here, as your media agent? I looked at all of the good responses, and added something new. 10 push ups a day is the miracle fitness plan sweeping the entire world.

I'm addicted to nicotine and maybe alcohol.

[–]POOPCORN 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

If you were addicted to alcohol you would not maybe be addicted to alcohol but instead you would be addicted to alcohol.

There is a huge difference between drinking a little bit too much and enjoying it and being addicted to alcohol.

People that are addicted to alcohol drink at 24 pack once or twice per day or they drink a half a gallon of vodka every day.

You're not addicted to alcohol

And since you think that you're addicted to alcohol what is stopping you from doing some sit-ups and some push-ups? Except for the fact that that is your possible solution and it's a b******* solution.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I'm doing 10 push ups a day, and it changed my life. It's the baby-ist of all baby steps.

[–]POOPCORN 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Yeah but that has nothing to do with an addiction to p**** now does it?

10 push-ups? What are you a 4-year-old little girl?

https://youtu.be/ZyhrYis509A

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Less is more! You know that the first step is always the hardest. And he's not just addicted to pussy, he's in full blown existential failing life depression meltdown.

[–]POOPCORN 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well the part that you missed is that he is complaining that he is addicted to porn, which is usually an addiction that will have one or many more addictions that are attached to it.

Gambling addiction, sex addiction obviously, meth addiction, crack addiction, shoplifting addiction, and the list goes on and on and on.

Just so you know because you probably didn't take the time to really study the Ted Bundy video where Ted says that his problems started with a pornography addiction and led him towards becoming a serial murderer.

Pretty much every serial murderer is heavily involved in pornography and that is one thing that Ted Bundy said in that interview is that every major sex criminal that he has been incarcerated with or has known was heavily involved in a pornography addiction.

A pornography addiction is absolutely not something that you're going to cure by doing push-ups and sit-ups.

Truth is being poisoned you don't have a f****** clue what you're talking about.

I wonder did I ever mention that I studied counseling quite carefully?

[–]JasonCarswell 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Those sound like drastic measures.

Start by trying to cut down. Porn and social media. How? Find other stuff to do.

Determine what your interests, hobbies, ambitions are. No doubt there are real life communities and groups who meet about your interests. Gardening, prepping, freedom fighting, media production, etc are among my interests - and there are more than one group in each field.

Behave yourself in these groups. They will keep you distracted, occupied, working, informed, (not online) and maybe you might even meet someone.

Leaving the Internet entirely seems like an extreme measure, especially when you might need it to communicate with your new communities.

[–]carn0ld03 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Have you tried https://www.nofap.com?

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Probably not a good idea. That will only make him want to watch more porn, because the longer you go the hornier and more desperate you get.

[–]Dennster101[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That's true, but once you are in a state of sobriety, you're not as desensitized and horny for the wrong reason. Hopefully, when I find the right one, my lust for porn rebrands itself into lust for my lover. I would rather get horny and desperate for a real-life woman, rather than a pixelated bootleg copy of one.

[–]Vulptex 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's barely different. It's better to tame your lust so you think and act clearly, with your head and heart, not your balls. You do not have to find a lover and get married just because everyone else is doing it.

I'd steer clear of porn, since it degrades people and reduces them to sex objects. But marriage and even relationships are a commitment, one most follow the herd into without thinking. I don't see much good in either. And you know you're allowed to be friends with and love someone who isn't a SO, not everything in life has to be about sex. I don't care what nature intends, screw nature.

Idk, maybe I don't understand shit because for some reason all my fantasies revolve around long-term bondage instead of sex.

[–]Vulptex 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Okay this is going to sound weird but. Try playing with your nipples when you're doing it, it should intensify things by at least a factor of 2-3. Pressing on the area right above your pubic bone might help too. Once you're done, try to do it at least once more time immediately after. Ideally you don't even have to touch the usual place at all, but that's really hard to accomplish.

I think the typical thing is just never quite enough (which might be by design, but idgaf). This should give it the extra little push you need. I know doing this it takes a lot longer for me to feel compelled again, often several days (before it was sometimes only like an hour).

[–]POOPCORN 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

porn turned Ted Bundy into a serial killer, but it probably will not do that to you at least not for a while

I studied counseling and I can promise you that most of the suggestions in this thread are complete nonsense such as the one to get out and go for a walk that's complete BS.

ted died in an electric chair.

https://youtu.be/OlbuMdeK-s4

[–]Vulptex 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I don't even like porn.

[–]POOPCORN 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I couldn't give a f****** s*** less what you like b**** who the f*** asked you? F****** trannies.

Oh sorry I thought I was talking to somebody else

[–]Vulptex 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

With social anxiety I don't know what to say. You'll probably need to get help from a professional. And I don't mean most therapy, which is really just lying to yourself. If you have an anxiety problem you might want to consider taking meds for it. Sometimes it's simply something wrong with your brain and not anything done wrong on your part.

[–]Dennster101[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's not as much anxiety as much as it is 'I'm not outgoing, and I couldn't start and hold an interesting conversation easily'

[–]Vulptex 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I know society scorns introverts, but there's really nothing wrong with it. People's instincts will always try to force everyone to conform to the "ideal" man or woman because it's good for the species. But that is a worthless game.

[–]UncleWillard56 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

I think that stems from a culture that is generally ashamed of sex. Take out the shame and you're really just using porn as a release valve for sexual tension. Nothing wrong with that, but yeah, if you think you're spending too much time looking at porn, try simple self-discipline and cut down, but don't go cold turkey. If you can cut down on your own, you have control and you can exert that control to whatever goals you have.

[–]POOPCORN 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

That's a bunch of b******* why don't you let your mother do p*** or or let your little sister do p*** or how about your father he should do p***.

Just think of it as a release for other people to jack off looking at your fam fam like your grandmother or your auntie..

[–]UncleWillard56 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

You seem stressed...maybe you should relieve some tension. I suggest porn.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[deleted]

    [–]UncleWillard56 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    "If you are already mentally unbalanced..."

    There's your problem.

    [–]POOPCORN 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling mentally unbalanced. I'm here to provide information and support to the best of my abilities. However, it's important to remember that I am not a substitute for professional help. If you're struggling with mental health issues, I strongly encourage you to seek assistance from a qualified mental health professional who can provide you with the necessary guidance and support. They will be able to assess your situation accurately and provide you with the appropriate help you need.

    [–]UncleWillard56 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Nobody's asking you for anything. I'm not the one who's afraid of the human body.

    [–]POOPCORN 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I apologize if my previous response seemed intrusive or inappropriate. I'm here to provide information and assistance based on the questions and requests I receive. If there's anything specific you'd like to discuss or inquire about, please let me know, and I'll do my best to assist you

    [–]Musky 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Turn off the devices. The whole reason people used to go out, date, engage in hobbies, whatever, was because they were bored. Boredom is a powerful motivator. Now we don't have boredom anymore, not true boredom. Not the sort of boredom that spurs throwing caution to the wind and making an adventure out of ordinary life, or even devoting a truly ridiculous amount of time to some niche hobby.

    Get rid of the instant gratification, the rest will fall into place. Quitting stuff is simple, you just stop. Simple isn't the same as easy, which is why if you don't want it enough you won't do it.