am I a #tradwife? is there a community?

submitted by hkkb from self.Barefootandpregnant

so I'm an atheist and I feel I'm missing out on a lot of good by not being part of a religious community. I've been trying to find a religion that may work for me, but no luck yet, and then I remembered ya'll and how I keep hearing about the "trad wives movement". I don't know if I'm exactly a textbook #tradwife, but I know ya'll uphold some of the more traditional values I'm looking for in a community (I want friends who want to have kids before 35!) but that this group isn't necessarily religious, it seems to be just women celebrating traditional values. I was wondering if there's a real trad wife community and if that might be a fit for me instead of religion? it seems like such a community may just end up being a social group for ladies moreso than replacing a religious community, but it may be a place to start?

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[–]Retro-Housewife 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (13 children)

There are 2 things that you've written that jump out at me:

  • 1. You can't go "looking" for a religion that "works" for you. Religion doesn't validate or confirm what you already believe. In fact, it does the exact opposite by challenging your beliefs and curtailing your behaviors. Faith in G-d, is best thought of as medicine. From time to time it may taste bad but it's making you a much healthier person.

I'm strict Jewish Orthodox (Hasidic) and I've been down the road of shopping for a faith that better suited the lifestyle that I wanted to have. In the end, my quest for a religion that validated my world view only brought me a lot of pain and suffering.

  • 2. There is no Trad Wife organization or any kind of Trad rule book. If you want to be an atheist and live like a 1950s housewife and stay at home mom, then there's nothing stopping you. The only problem that you're going to have is finding a community that shares your lifestyle /values. By comparison most Orthodox religions will have a community of people that will share your lifestyle /values.

A good synagogue or church provides you

[–]hkkb[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

thanks so much for your help! I'm looking for a religion for the exact reasons you describe, it is not acceptable to me that I am believing and practicing whatever I like, worshipping my own worldview. I believe it is morally wrong to not be part of a religious community to which you have to conform yourself and be challenged by, it's wrong to do every single thing exactly as it suits you, and thousands of years of knowledge and tradition probably know better than me anyway. my obstacle in righting what I believe to be the serious moral failing of cultural atheism is that I am unwilling to lie for any reason, and I'm obviously an atheist, so i've been "shopping around" I guess for a religion that would allow me membership even if I don't believe God is a conscious force or being. I don't have any religious background in my family that I can go off of, so I don't just want to arbitrarily pick a religion at random to join, it could be a cult or something for all I know. The only religion I've really heard of is Catholicism (I've also heard of Judaism, Protestant, Muslim, but I don't know what they are other than Protestants are related to Catholics) and I would be happy to become Catholic even though I think I disagree with them a lot -based on the Catholic friend I had- because what do I know about what's right anyway? However, it seems to me that true faith and belief are very important to Catholicism and they wouldn't want me to attend if they knew that I just can't get myself to believe deep down that God is conscious. I've also found that a religious group is the only source of community and shared lifestyle and values, as you said, but as religion doesn't seem to be an option for me, I thought I'd give a shot at finding a community of similarly traditional women in case there was at least some benefit

[–]WooWhoVintage 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

I am unwilling to lie for any reason, and I'm obviously an atheist, so i've been "shopping around" I guess for a religion that would allow me membership even if I don't believe God is a conscious force or being.

Joining any religion when you're an atheist is hypocrisy and you would be, therefore, a liar.

Also a religion for atheists is basically government. We believe that God created us, gave us a divine purpose and all our rights and laws come from Him. Whereas an atheist believes that we were created by chance, have no higher purpose and our rights and laws come from the threat of government's use of violent force.

[–]hkkb[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yes, I was hoping there was a religion where my atheism would not be considered hypocrisy, but it doesn't look like it, thanks for the info! The government is not even close to a replacement for religion, though some people unfortunately treat politics as one. Not all atheists think exactly the same, I am an atheist and I guess I believe that scientifically speaking we are created by chance, and I believe laws are rules which are enforced on an entire community by the agreement of the community, which in the legal sense means -theoretically- they are rules enforced by the consent of the majority of the population to the rule of the authority, which enforces those rules via the implied threat of unequal access to force. Depending what exactly the divine/higher purpose you speak of is, I may or may not believe humans have one, but rights do not come from government, they are God given, and it would be frankly ridiculous for even an atheist to believe otherwise, especially to think that the government can affect rights in any way but to infringe upon them.

[–]WooWhoVintage 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

The only reason why someone can be Jewish and an atheist is because They're also a nationality.

Otherwise, the very first building block of any religion, including paganism, is the belief in God or gods.

[–]Retro-Housewife 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (8 children)

  • If your mother was born Jewish then you can be an atheist Jew. If your mother was not born Jewish then you can not become Jewish.

  • I'm fairly certain that 99.9% of all Christian denominations will require that you believe in G-d.

  • Islam will have zero tolerance towards atheists.

[–]hkkb[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

thank you for sharing the info! I did a little research and found similar things, that Christianity basically requires you to believe literal God, I was hoping one group might not. I did also actually ask a few Jews about converting and they told me it was strongly discouraged

[–]Dragonerne 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

If your mother was not born Jewish then you can not become Jewish.

This is not true. Jewishness comes from the male line from Abraham into Shem. You cannot be a jew without a jewish father.

[–]Retro-Housewife 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Jewish law is very clear that the child of a Jewish mother is Jewish and not the father. It has been this way since we were given the Torah. On the other hand the priesthood is patrilineal.

[–]Dragonerne 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

No, it is Jacobs seed that is blessed by God. Not his wife, not his daughters, but his seed.

[–]Retro-Housewife 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/601092/jewish/Why-Is-Jewishness-Matrilineal.htm

I'm Jewish Orthodox. My mother is Jewish, my grandmother is Jewish, my great-grandmother is Jewish and and every grandmother that I have that came before me has been Jewish. Judaism is Matrilineal

I wouldn't argue with the Pope about being Catholic so kindly don't argue with me about being Jewish.