Bi culture: possible? desirable? what should it look like?

submitted by PenseePansy from self.Bisexuals

Unlike gay men and lesbians, bisexuals never seem to have developed a culture of our own; from what I can tell, there isn't much beyond the bi-pride flag itself (other than jokey/eye-roll-worthy stuff like lemon bars).

My own feelings about this are somewhat mixed. On the one hand, I often find myself wishing that we had some sort of genuine bi-specific culture, since always having to find ourselves in stuff made from/for the monosexual POV is pretty unsatisfying (not to mention tiresome).

But on the other hand... there's something to be said for NOT having our own culture. So it can't restrictively-define or police us, isolate us, or create symbols that others can appropriate to impersonate us (as gay-wannabe straight people have with LG ones). Or generate stereotypes. Or attract the attention of those who would exploit us for commercial, political, or other purposes.

What are your thoughts on bi culture? Do you think it's something that could ever exist? And would that be a good thing? If so, what should it include/look like?

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[–]deftoneslettuce 5 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 5 fun -  (8 children)

This isn't really a culture thing but I track my bi cycling with my menstrual cycle. Obviously this isn't really possible for men but it would be cool to have stuff with moons, kind of like a way of getting back at people who say it's a phase, like a moon phase.

[–]clitoriana 4 insightful - 4 fun4 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

I want to start doing this too 😂 Just to see what I can glean from the data

[–]PenseePansy[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Re: bi-cycling-- I've wanted to write a post on this too, actually! Curious about people's experience with it. Would you mind sharing yours? It's connected to your menstrual cycle, then?

[–]deftoneslettuce 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

For me it happens to sync with my period, and I get my period every six weeks.

The weeks before, during, and after my period, I prefer women. The three weeks after that, I prefer men. I just so happen to prefer feminine women and masculine men, but overall I like all women.

The week I'm ovulating is usually the last week I prefer men, and it hits me hard, as in I just cannot stop thinking about them lmao and I'm constantly aroused. It all dies down and my preferences flip the next week.

I get intense mood swings in the week before my period, and I don't know how much of that is attributed to changing hormone levels, so I'm not sure if that's linked to the sudden change from obsessing over men to preferring women completely.

It's strange thinking about it and I wonder if it's all coincidence or if I'm making it up, but this has happened for a few years before I started tracking the cycle with my.. cycle.

[–]PenseePansy[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

So interesting! This is, as that GIF with Phoebe from Friends put it, "brand-new information!" (At least to me-- never heard of "bi-cycling" tracking with menstrual cycling before!) Particularly because it's one of those phenomena that's bi-specific; the whole cycling/fluctuation in our attraction to the sexes really has no parallel among monosexuals, I don't think (they can experience increased or diminished desire, of course, but only ever for one sex, which seems like quite a different matter to me). And I feel that the ways in which we are clearly "our own thing" (rather than the popular misunderstanding of us as "half-and-half") are especially important to emphasize.

[–]PeakingPeachEater 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've wanted to write a post on this too, actually!

That'd be fun! I'm curious to hear people's perspective on this. :)

[–]ChodeSandwich 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

What do you think of the double crescent moon symbol ?

[–]PenseePansy[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

What do you think of the double crescent moon symbol ?

First: thanks for the link-- bookmarked! New bi-related stuff is always welcome :)

About the double-crescent-moon symbol: I confess that I've never really "gotten" this one; what's the significance of the lunar theme? Though maybe, as noted above-- re: bi-cycling/menstrual-cycle synchronicity-- there actually is some moon-related relevance after all! (At least for some bi women.) How does this symbol strike you, Sandwich?

As far as bi symbols go, I'm kinda partial to the interlocked ♂ & ♀ (Mars & Venus) ones, myself, especially if blue is used for the opposite sex, pink for the same sex, and lavender for the "central" (bi) man or woman. (Definitely prefer that to the more typical color-coding for the bi person's partners: pink = woman, blue = man-- ew! Gender-role bullshit alert! No thanks!) That seems to get the point across in a simple and aesthetically-pleasing fashion. Like, being lavender means that we're not "half-gay (pink), half-straight (blue)"-- we're a blend which results in something else altogether. A "color" in our own right, you know?

I would like a symbol on the order of the violet-flower for lesbians, or the pansy/green carnation for gay men... haven't been able to come up with anything suitable, though. If you guys think of a good one, please let me know!

[–]ChodeSandwich 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't 'cycle or fluctuate very much but I really like the crescent moons. I have some personal affinities with the moon, and it looks mysterious and powerful. I think I'm partial to anything that isn't as geometric as a flag or the sex symbols.

ETA: I remember talks on one of the bisexual subreddits of "weapon" symbolism i.e lesbians have a labrys, gay men have a broadsword, and the bow-and-arrow for bisexuals. It's not a terrible idea but I don't know much about it (namely whether or not this would feel like stepping on lesbian toes.) If I find anything else I can bring it here too.

[–]PeakingPeachEater 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I believe we do have a "bisexual culture" but it's very...split depending on who or where you hang around.

The reddit bisexual culture is "lemon bars", " finger guns ", " bisexual bob haircut", "cuffed jeans" and "bi puns". I just see that as teenagers being...teenagers. Or young (reddit) adults, whatever they are.

[Edit: To be frank, I do quite like cuffed jeans, it looks nice. So there are some silly stereotypes from reddit that I don't mind too much.]

Then there's the Female Exclusive Bisexuals(FEB) whose culture (usually) ties with radical feminism---different from the r/bisexuals. A non political version I heard from /u/clitoriana is " lavender bi"which means same sex attracted.

There's also some stragglers who use terms such as Buck(masculine), Stag(androgynous), Doe(feminine) and Tomcat(androgynous or masculine) to define themselves. I honestly thought those terms were RIDICULOUS at first, and now it's starting to grow on me. It's nice to have our own stuff. I use the term tomcat since I'm gender non-conforming(I kinda...don't like the term gender nonconforming/GNC based on political connotations but it works to describe myself I guess.) It'd be nice to meet others that are "tomcats" and that I can relate to! These terms might even be useful for dating other bisexuals too apart from making friends.

Honestly...I guess bisexual culture is sorta whatever you make it. You might be able to start the trend first. For example, maybe [saidit/gender critical/etc] bisexuals like to wear ABC or have XYZ in common and use the terms 123.

I'm thinking of researching a bit more on "bisexual history" and see what I can find...

Edit: grammer

[–]PenseePansy[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Guess I forgot my own rule (that I'm forever reminding everyone else of), huh?: "define your terms!" :) As in what I MEANT by "bisexual culture" in the first place!

Cuz, yeah, as you point out, there IS bisexual culture... of a sort. In various forms, in various places.

But there's really nothing comparable to GAY culture, you know? What homosexuals (both male and female) have. Something that encompasses the intellectual, political/advocacy, the arts/media, businesses, services, places/ways to socialize, events... the whole enchilada. Reflecting all the aspects of bi-ness, all the ways that it can manifest. So there's something for every kind of person. An expression of everything we are: one that's comprehensive.

Like, "bi film" should be a recognized thing: movies centering on/made for (and usually by) us. There ought to be academics and theorists who specialize in bisexuality as a subject. Historians studying it. Fun forms of community. So we don't need to TRY to create "bi things", a la lemon bars/finger guns-- if we had our own little world, dealing with The Bi Experience from a variety of angles, such stuff would emerge naturally. From our movies, TV shows, books, music, web sites, prominent members, etc. The way it has for gay men and lesbians.

I guess I see the bi-cultures that you mentioned-- Reddit, FEB, etc.-- as a start, but still pretty... embryonic. Of course, people have to work with what they've got; there really IS nothing larger to draw from/bounce off of, so they seem to be trying to invent a culture for us out of whole cloth. And maybe there has to be at least SOME of that, at this point. To jump-start the process. Was it like this at the beginning for gay/lesbian people, I wonder? Simple, lemon-bars-type stuff? Is that enough to get the ball rolling?

Maybe I'm just asking too much, wanting something so substantial. And am too impatient. Does my vision appeal to anyone else? Or are ya all like, "nah, we're good?" :)

If you do end up looking into bi history, Peach, please let me know what you find!

[–]PeakingPeachEater 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Ah, I see, I do see your vision and it is appealing. Yes, that would be nice if we had our own FULL culture instead of sub(?) cultures. It is rather...whacky that we hardly have anything.

The only way I think we can "claim" it(if that is the right word) is to create our content and spread the word!

Maybe...this is just me but I notice some strange commonalities when finding out someone is bisexual. For the bisexual men I meet, they're typically musical/artsy/creative types. Go with the flow, easy going, not scared of femininity. I think this might...be a (good?) stereotype to incorporate into bisexual culture---that bisexual (men) are creative and easy going. Idk. As for bisexual women...They may be more of a "femme tomboy" (once again stereotype,not sure if detrimental or..good?) or gender non-conforming.

Or perhaps bisexuals have a good balance/mix of feminine and masculine energy. We're not afraid of either side and own it. Maybe we have "bi cycles" with how masculine or feminine we decide to appear(I know I have! Decided I like being more on the androgynous side instead of extreme both) and bi cycles with what was mentioned earlier about our attraction. I think that would be good components to bi culture.

I wanted to look into the history of bisexuals to see if maybe we can pull some culture out of that or at least have some cool idols to look after!

Kristen Stewart seems like a cool cat too! She's bisexual and date both men AND women! Some try to claim her as lesbian, but she said so herself she's bi! Maybe we can pull inspiration from people like her?

I also found interesting quote from Ana Paquin

The former True Blood actress appeared on Larry King Now in 2014 where King asked her if she was a “non-practicing bisexual” to which Anna replied she was happily and monogamously married to actor Stephen Moyer, reports E! News.

King pressed her, asking, “But you were bisexual?” Paquin responded, saying: ”Well, I don't think it's a past tense thing. Are you still straight if you are with somebody?... If you were to break up with them or if they were to die, it doesn't prevent your sexuality from existing. It doesn't really work like that.”

Source: 35 Celebrities Who Say They're Attracted To Both Men And Women

[–]PenseePansy[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ah, I see, I do see your vision and it is appealing. Yes, that would be nice if we had our own FULL culture instead of sub(?) cultures. It is rather...whacky that we hardly have anything.

Glad that it ain't just me! :) Especially when even subcultures for us (let alone the full-fledged, comprehensive bi-culture that we dream of) are so thin on the ground. Yeah, this sad state of affairs does seem pretty strange, doesn't it? Where is our version of what gay/lesbian people have?

My theory is that it has to do (at least in part) with the following: 1.] bisexuality not even being regarded as a sexual orientation at all; and 2.] our fledgling community/movement somehow getting shoved aside by, and then ignored in favor of, the "TQ+".

In brief: the first causes "bi invisibility" so pervasive that it often makes our own bisexuality invisible even to us, and we consequently identify as either straight or gay; such people aren't available to help build a bi culture (though they may be enthusiastic contributors to gay/lesbian culture). It also promotes the misconception that "bi = half-and-half", which suggests that having a culture of our own is unnecessary-- we can just go to either straight or gay culture (as the case may be) for all our needs, right? Why even bother with anything bi-specific?

How the second came about is still something of a mystery to me, but it sure seems suspicious that a bi culture was beginning to emerge in the early 1990s... and the "trans"/"queer" stuff at right around the same time. Then it was like the TQ sucked up all the oxygen. So there was none left for us, and we shrank back to where we'd been before, while they continued to grow... indeed, at an out-of-control, kudzu-esque rate. I can't help but feel as though their success came at our expense somehow. Does it look that way to anyone else?

The only way I think we can "claim" it(if that is the right word) is to create our content and spread the word!

Peach, you're a one-woman content-creating dynamo! :) Hope that my far-more lethargic ass can at least help ya out a little bit! And that we might inspire other people to pitch in, too. Which brings me to...

Maybe...this is just me but I notice some strange commonalities when finding out someone is bisexual. For the bisexual men I meet, they're typically musical/artsy/creative types. Go with the flow, easy going, not scared of femininity. I think this might...be a (good?) stereotype to incorporate into bisexual culture---that bisexual (men) are creative and easy going. Idk. As for bisexual women...They may be more of a "femme tomboy" (once again stereotype,not sure if detrimental or..good?) or gender non-conforming.

Or perhaps bisexuals have a good balance/mix of feminine and masculine energy. We're not afraid of either side and own it. Maybe we have "bi cycles" with how masculine or feminine we decide to appear(I know I have! Decided I like being more on the androgynous side instead of extreme both) and bi cycles with what was mentioned earlier about our attraction. I think that would be good components to bi culture.

I'm sorta of two minds about this, Peach. On the one hand, it really appeals to me personally-- this view of bi men, and bisexuals in general as having transcended gender-role straitjackets. This is what I'd like to think that bisexuality means, yanno? But on the other hand... since most bi people either aren't out, or don't even recognize their own bisexuality, could this be a skewed impression based on the type who's likely to openly self-identify as bi? In the face of messages that it doesn't exist, and means that you're an unstable, unreliable, pretentious, ultra-open-minded, slutty weirdo? I suspect that more conventional-- much less conservative or even reactionary-- bi people don't declare it, or (in many cases) even realize it. Could there be a lot of "invisible bis" like that? Can't say for sure, of course, but it wouldn't surprise me. Typically-masculine guys (macho ones, even!) and girly-girl women! Who knows how many of 'em are covertly-bi? And just unable to relate to bisexuality's artsy, androgynous image?

Which is one of the reasons why I think we need to emphasize that bisexuality is, first and foremost, a sexual orientation. Not a personality; not "open-mindedness"; not a fad, fashion statement, or phase; not being automatically into anyone & everyone. Just the capacity for attraction to both sexes. Nothing more; nothing less. And maybe we can build a culture from there. With that as the foundation. What do you think?

And having blabbed on at such length, I'll spare you my thoughts re: bi history for the time being! :)