What's the hardest part of being bisexual?

submitted by PatsyStone from self.Bisexuals

I'd say the lack of a community. I always thought I'd eventually "find my people" (I used to actually say that 🤮) but I never did. I've always been on the edges of the gay community or other communities where I'm not rejected.

I'd follow that up with homophobia, which a community would have helped me cope with much better, I think. I actually quit a job once because of harrassment, looking back now... I could have had more of a backbone. I didn't have the imagination at the time to realize you can talk back 😉

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[–]clitoriana 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

The way nobody (including us bisexuals a lot of the time) can seem to comprehend it even though it's technically the most simple goddamn concept in the world: a person who is attracted to both sexes. Yet we constantly overthink and question it and so does everybody else...😂 it's SO simple but everyone has to make it so complicated. wtf!

[–]PatsyStone[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's exhausting for sure. If you start to get bogged down in technicalities of definitions I feel like you've already lost the plot sometimes.

[–]usehername 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (32 children)

  1. Homophobia
  2. Disinformation
  3. Misinformation
  4. Other bi people

Elaborating on #4: Bi people who spread misinformation and harm the entire LGB community (especially LG) because they don't understand what bisexuality is or have decided they're going to make up their own definition of bisexuality. Also bisexual people with low empathy who think that monosexuals are capable of attraction to both sexes. This type of misinformation is more commonly spouted by bisexuals who lean heavily towards a sex and don't identify as bi. They just assume that everyone has the same experience as them. I'm starting to believe that these people make up the majority of the bi community. However, bi people reading this, if this isn't you, don't be offended by this statement and I appreciate you.

If you're dealing with homophobia, the general LGB community is great support. It seems you've alienated yourself from them by being homophobic yourself.

[–]PatsyStone[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (31 children)

Stop trying to get me in line and chill out.

I am not homophobic! When have I ever "assumed people have the same experience as me?"

I agree that misinformation is a consistent problem, and that other bisexuals often aren't supportive or available.

[–]usehername 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (30 children)

You seem to have a different definition of bisexuality than this one: sexual attraction to men and women regardless of degree. You also seem to be under the impression that it's possible for homosexuals to be "brainwashed" into experiencing opposite-sex attraction.

"assumed people have the same experience as me?"

I didn't accuse you of this and was speaking generally.

[–]PatsyStone[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (29 children)

Haha that's not what I said. This is the Graham Linehan article? There was only one guy who claimed to be attracted to women (transmen) as a way to virtue signal that they are men.

Given the enormous amount of pressure being put on publicly out gay people, especially celebrities to both 1. Validate gender identity and 2. Express hetero attraction in some way, I think he's bullshitting to try and conform to homophobic pressure from the left. It was a tweet, he didn't have to actually have sex with a transman. Lying and deluding yourself about things like this is how people often react to homophobia. Ask any lesbian who's had a boyfriend, or a gay men who had sex with women in college. I do not think Dave Paisley is a bisexual by definition.

There is a difference between protecting homosexuals from pressure to engage in hetero attraction and pretending that there are swathes of people who identify as gay who are really bisexual. I think the gender critical feminists who blame latent bisexuality for gay people submitting to queer culture or accepting gender identities as part of homosexuality are missing the bigger political picture.

I think what's been happening in feminist circles the past few years is purity spiraling- leftist groups have a tendency to break down by becoming more fundamentalist in their ideology and increasing their demands for purity from members until they fizzle out.

[–]usehername 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (28 children)

It was a tweet, he didn't have to actually have sex with a transman.

I already acknowledged that homosexuals will lie about this to save face sometimes. Regardless of whether this Dave fucker would really stick it in some "boy pussy" or not, there are a ton of bisexual self-identified "gay men" out there who would. Ask a passing trans-identified female how many (self-id) "gay men" hit them up on Grindr.

Ask any lesbian who's had a boyfriend, or a gay men who had sex with women in college

A lesbian may get a boyfriend before she understands that she's a lesbian, but she soon realizes that she feels no attraction to men and does feel attraction to women. A gay man who had sex with women in college? I can't think of anything less gay than a man having sex with a woman. A gay man does not feel attraction to women, so he can't get his dick hard enough to have sex with one, let alone multiple, unless he's some sort of hardcore fetishist whose fetish supersedes his orientation.

pretending that there are swathes of people who identify as gay who are really bisexual

I'm not pretending. You're in denial.

I think the gender critical feminists who blame latent bisexuality for gay people submitting to queer culture or accepting gender identities as part of homosexuality are missing the bigger political picture.

I participate in the GC sub and lurk Ovarit daily and I have NEVER heard this viewpoint before. I'm guessing you said that because you checked my post history and saw that I post on GC.

I think what's been happening in feminist circles the past few years is purity spiraling- leftist groups have a tendency to break down by becoming more fundamentalist in their ideology and increasing their demands for purity from members until they fizzle out.

How is this relevant?

And lastly, I think it's pretty rich that you're a bisexual trying to tell homosexuals that it's possible for them to have sex with the opposite sex and enjoy it, as if you have the faintest idea what it's like to be exclusively homosexual. That's the reason I'm calling you homophobic.

[–]PatsyStone[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (27 children)

, I think it's pretty rich that you're a bisexual trying to tell homosexuals that it's possible for them to have sex with the opposite sex and enjoy it,

I'm really fucking insulted that you've read all I wrote and are still projecting that on to me. I do not believe that, I never have, and I feel like I'm being used as a foil somehow.

A gay man who had sex with women in college? I can't think of anything less gay than a man having sex with a woman. A gay man does not feel attraction to women, so he can't get his dick hard enough to have sex with one, let alone multiple, unless he's some sort of hardcore fetishist whose fetish supersedes his orientation.

Take it up with our Transportation Secretary, Pete Buttigieg. I know a guy in real life who did this too, it's called "forcing yourself."

I didn't check your history, btw. I was a passionate gender critical feminist once and I know the ideology, I picked up on it and guessed what you've been reading 😉

Stop being an asshole!

[–]usehername 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (26 children)

Just ask a passing trans-identified female how often they hook up with/are messaged by "gay men" (bi men) on Grindr. A lot of bi men are into it. Most late-in-life "gays" are bi with a huge preference for the same sex, which isn't to say that none of them are gay. There haven't been any studies on this so we're just throwing anecdotes at each other. A ton of these people exist, as gays and lesbians will tell you. If you don't want to believe us, fine. There's no argument here because there are no facts.

[–]PatsyStone[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (25 children)

There's no argument here because there are no facts.

True! It's a matter of interpretation, isn't it?

[–]usehername 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (24 children)

True! It's a matter of interpretation, isn't it?

Well what I meant is that the facts can't be proven because like I said, no studies.

You've convinced yourself that despite the fact that bisexuals vastly outnumber gays and lesbians, it's them who are perpetuating these ideas and any bisexual who claims to lean heavily towards one sex that they are only attracted to that sex and trans people who look like it are actually lying homosexuals.

I am telling you this is a thing. Gays and lesbians are backing me up telling you it's a thing. You were the only one on that whole thread who didn't believe us. I understand I don't have a study to link to but can you explain to me what you believe to be the reason for us "lying"? Or do you think we're all idiots?

[–]PatsyStone[S] 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (23 children)

I think you adhere to an ideology that promotes this idea in order to compensate for flaws in the ideology. I'm aware there are bisexual women who pretend to be lesbians in order to gain access to the lesbian community, but there's not the type of political significance to it that feminists want there to be. There's definitely not an epidemic of it that's ruining the gay community.

Since you've repeatedly lashed out at me with nasty personal attacks, can I ask you a personal question? I know it'll upset you, so I want permission first. I don't want to be accused of anything.