all 14 comments

[–]soundsituation 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (9 children)

I think it's weird. I've heard two reasons for it:

  • Concerns over being dumped for someone of the opposite sex: this one I understand but still find pretty sad. I think it's better to evaluate people's character on an individual basis rather than blanket-ban an entire group.

  • A desire to be with someone with whom you share a sexual orientation: this one I don't get. I understand that a lot of people (maybe most people) want to be with someone of the same race*/sexuality/etc., I just don't understand why. Okay, you likely will have shared some of the same experiences with them; why is that better than being with someone who has had different experiences?

However, I also think that at the end of the day it's none of my business and that no one should be shamed or pressured into "deconstructing" their dating preferences just because I have different ones.

*Edit: actually with race it could be a matter of physical attraction, which is different.

[–]usehername[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (8 children)

Sorry are you bisexual or a lesbian?

edit: I just have different questions for you depending.

[–]wafflegaff 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

I wouldn't want to date them, either. Ignorance isn't sexy.

[–]usehername[S] 2 insightful - 4 fun2 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 4 fun -  (5 children)

Do you think the only reason someone wouldn't want to date a bisexual is ignorance?

[–]wafflegaff 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

Do you think there is another reason that's plausible and not rooted in ignorance? Your question assumes bisexuality is the only disqualifying criterion. If you meant to include others, please clarify.

But either way, I don't date ignorant people and I find no other plausible explanation for this particular hang-up, so I wouldn't find such a person attractive in any case. Sounds like a win-win to me: Neither of us would want the other. ;-) I don't think about dating people who aren't interested in dating me. So I don't really care what their problem is, as I know it isn't with me as a person, if it's about some immutable category I happen to belong to which in and of itself is neutral with respect to having any negative effects on others. That bias says something about them, not me.

[–]usehername[S] 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (3 children)

Yes. Many bisexual stereotypes are true and even if they weren't, we have different experiences and some non-bisexuals want to date people with the same orientation as them.

[–]wafflegaff 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Different experiences is plausible if and when it is actually true. But since you haven't defined what we are supposed to consider beyond the strident "who refuse to date" phrasing, you've invited a blunt response. How the question is asked relates to how it is answered. Be specific about the context you want us to consider. "Refuse" implies blatant bias.

Thus my response is that if someone looks at a neutral (and it IS neutral, like it or want to admit it or not) immutable trait and thinks "ew" then they probably have issues.

In addition, don't assume that bisexual people haven't had many or most of the same experiences at some point, if you are talking about L / G-related experiences. Been there, thank you very much, for many years.

The thing is, I wouldn't be pursuing someone who didn't want to date people in a category I can't escape belonging to, so it's all moot to me. But I would certainly be making a note of their biases for future reference, sure, and would choose to likely not trust them in important contexts because their judgment is poor. Because this bias is categorically silly, and no I don't care if you disagree with me about that either. :-) The only criterion you have presented is bisexuality. The only way someone can form a bias solely on that basis is through ignorance. And we can go ahead and call it willful if they settle for stereotypes as well.

[–]usehername[S] 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

No need for all the qualifiers. I was looking for blunt responses. And I was expecting some hurt feelings from some users. Clearly I hit a nerve, but I'm just trying to have a discussion here.

There's more to it than the simple fact that one is attracted to both males and females. The majority of bisexuals first think they're straight, then bisexual. It's really different from the homosexual experience. And the fact that bisexuals like to use homosexuals for sex and then only have relationships with the opposite sex, or end long, invested relationships where the same-sex partner was completely in love just to throw it all away because they want a husband/wife (opposite-sex) and kids and to be considered normal is just unavoidable. There are thousands of stories like this. Homosexuals have had the same complaints about us repeatedly and it's clearly a pattern. So how can I be upset if someone doesn't want to get burned again and would prefer to date someone of their own orientation? People are free to have their preferences and I can't blame them for it.

[–]PriestTheyCalledHim 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I am not sure if 'the majority of bisexuals think they are or identify as straight/hetero first...' I thought I was gay/homosexual and was not sexually attracted to women until I was older. I know other bisexual men who are also like this.

[–]PriestTheyCalledHim 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I became very angry at a gay friend who I literally grew up with, as a close family friend, who knows I am bisexual and he emailed me something about how "bisexual men spread sexual diseases so I would never sleep with one or date a bisexual man..." I remember he identified as bisexual before he came out as gay. I know he has had certain STDs and is not always the best at having safe sex, except for using condoms usually always for anal sex, and he has had unsafe sex with gay men who were HIV+ and not on meds. No I never have had sex or dated him it would be too weird, and I do not have any sexual attraction to him and never have.