I can't reprogram my mind, i can't change who i am
I don't hate myself but this life is honestly annoying i can't stand being a woman. I never felt like a 'woman' and always was different. also people always tell me that I'm 'different' but it's tiring having my mind, being me and seeing the word the way i see it
I can't change myself cause my sense of who i am is too strong. Everything is so triggering, even the sun. I fucking hate sun. Idk wtf is wrong with me but i don't fit in, i never did even when i try (everytime i tried it was so mentally painful and left me feeling suicidal) so i just end up isolating cause i can't connect with people
I look at other women and i'm like ????????????????? Tf are you
why are u this way?????
Why????? Just why????? I not only hate men but i also start to hate women and have those horrible thoughs about them(that they are stupid etc .. I'm sorry but what if i'm the stupid one? Lol maybe idk) i can't look at the anymore cause i realize how much of a dumb pickmes they are. Everytime any of the girls i know starts dating a man i feel disgusted and imagine all the pickmes shit she does with him and that she suck his dick(i think i have a trauma from hearing those stories girls i know tell me about how they give oral to some random men at parties and shit like that and im like??? Are you retarded? Why would you do that) and honestly making a man feel good just doesn't feel like a smart thing to do and i know and i'm aware of who men really are and what they really think and that they don't deserve anything... Idk maybe pickmes just are not aware of the things that I'm aware of? Or their brains ignore it like ... it's biological but for some reason my brain works differently lol
The fact that most straigh/bi women serve men and get thier mouth close to their opression tool (dick... lol most men are rapist and pickmes be putting it in their mouths anyway wtf) is really...... repulsing i'm repulsed by both men and women tbh
And also pickmes are dating men 20+ older than them LOL why would you do that??? how do they even sleep with those men without being left traumatized
This life kinda sucks and the fact that i still have some romantic(i guees) desires ?? like wtf i don't even know why there is this weird desire idk if its even real or its thw conditioning
My whole life i'm just isolate from people i'm ok with it but like... tf is purpose of this life why i'm this way how do i get any life satisfaction
I guess
...
tf is this reality
It feels like a game
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