all 24 comments

[–]loveSloaneDebate King 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think I’m not gentle enough for this task lol

But I think I’d offer a space to vent (without me present), attempt to help people come up with healthy coping mechanisms (I know I’m a broken record about this lol) for when they are triggered.

Also, when I was a tra I used to help people beginning to transition find a “big brother/sister” to offer advice, support and help in whatever ways they could. Idk if that makes sense, but basically I’d put someone at the beginning of the process in touch with someone I knew (or a recommendation, so it was always someone I knew or a friend of a friend) who had already gone through what they were about to experience, I guess I thought it would be nice to have someone that they could turn to who they could get firsthand insight from.

I don’t think I could take the venting, depending on what they’re venting about, but I’d make sure they had the space to do so with someone else

Help with jobs and housing, stuff like that. I live in a city where it’s easier to help with that kind of thing.

I don’t think I’d be willing to help in any areas that I felt undermined female rights or involved adolescents transitioning.

Pretty sure I’d get fired ASAP lmao

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's admirable that you know yourself well enough to know that you may not be a good match for the role! That said, I like what you laid out and it seems like you've got good experience to draw from.

[–]HouseplantWomen who disagree with QT are a different sex 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Mostly as a case manager.

Housing, employment, social security, education, AOD rehab or treatment program, doctor, psychiatrist etc etc referrals. Reminder with each that it’s illegal here to discriminate against them over their being transgender and to please come see me for assistance if they are discriminated against. I’ll walk you through making a complaint to the ombudsman and we can skip some red tape. If needed, I will also refer you to free legal support.

If the referral doesn’t work out (usually therapy because it’s hard to click) we find a better fit until something fits.

Information on puberty blockers, exogenous hormones, and surgery outcomes. Good and bad. Ideally a client would please read a collection of unedited accounts from real transgender people who have had successful outcomes and who have had poor outcomes. My opinions won’t be a part of that text. Just the people’s accounts. The goal is to ensure that an unscrupulous surgery team that promises perfection is not the only input the person receives.

Liaise with a particular local shelter who offers single room occupancy with code locked doors and their own toilet and shower as the best option for transgender individuals who are homeless.

I’m not qualified to do anything else and lack the patience and frustration tolerance for any sort of group therapy. I can navigate the systems and open doors but I cannot discuss gender in a way that encourages or validates the concept.

[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That sounds like a really wonderful resource. :)

[–]HouseplantWomen who disagree with QT are a different sex 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Social work is amazing when it’s applied properly. Just sucks that it burns people out so badly and tends to attract bad eggs.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I love how you know and can envision exactly how you could best help if thrown into a scenario like that! You'd be really helpful, I think

[–]censorshipment 4 insightful - 8 fun4 insightful - 7 fun5 insightful - 8 fun -  (2 children)

My agenda would be to get them all to detransition. Reverse the harm that has been or is being done to them. 🙂

If you've seen X-Men: The Last Stand movie... I'd be like Kavita Rao (played by Shohreh Aghdashloo 😍) , the scientist who worked at Worthington Labs to cure mutants.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Please explain how this isn’t just establishing a conversion therapy practice.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Interesting, would you just calmly and gradually reveal facts and things to think about then? Or would you be more blunt and up-front about what you were trying to do?

I haven't seen that, I'll have to check that out!

[–]MarkTwainiac 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

It would depend on the purpose of the support group. What is the group providing support for ? Is the group meant to support trans people's belief that they are the opposite sex & to support them in taking more & more extreme measures to "transition"?

Or is the group meant to support trans people coming to terms with reality, learning better coping skills, developing more self-acceptance & self-esteem, having better mental health and campaigning for their rights as a distinct group?

Alternatively, is the purpose of the support group meant to foster trans people's feelings of victimization & powerlessness by recounting all the slights, injustices & hate they believe they've experienced - and by rehearsing & reliving the toxic emotions that go along with all that?

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I didn't have anything particular in mind, perhaps something more affirmative. But if you would entertain how you would operate the three different types of groups you mentioned, I would be very curious to know how you would run things in each circumstance.

[–]MarkTwainiac 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Obviously, I am not equipped AT ALL to lead groups in the first and third circumstances. I'd come across like the despised mother, Nurse Ratched, Dolores Umbridge, the Wicked Witch of the West, the abusive nun in Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All For You, & Joan Crawford with the wire hangers all in one. I'd be shouting "oh get over yourselves! And take the fucking trash out too." Which would not go over too well.

In the second circumstance I perhaps could lead groups. In the late 70s to early 90s I led self-esteem groups (but for women, not for trans people). But back then, I almost always worked with a co-leader with different views to my own, & that's what I would do today. I think we all need checks & balances as well as different communication styles. A criticism I've often gotten is that I am too blunt & mean, which I think is accurate & should be balanced out by someone else with a softer, kinder style.

But basically, anyone looking for someone to "lead a trans support group" would be wise to consider me wholly inappropriate.

If the group were for "people exploring gender/sex stereotypes" then I'd fit the bill. But in that event, I'd still want to co-lead with someone else. In this case, preferably a gay male.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

😂 Is it wrong your answer had me in stitches? That was exceptionally fabulous, I love your self-awareness, insight and wit! You'd probably make a very effective group leader (or co-leader)

[–]MarkTwainiac 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

No of course it's not wrong. At all. Laughter is the best. I think the human condition is inherently muddled & embarrassing but at the same time totally hilarious. Which points to one of the problems I have with today's cultural climate. Why is it now forbidden to make fun of ideas that are ridiculous & persons who behave in ridiculous ways & espouse ridiculous views?

I was teased & mocked mercilessly as a child for various reasons both within my family & in school & the nabe. But so was everyone else. This helped me develop a sense of humor & resilience.

I'd be very happy to consider joining with you to lead a support group or groups for people exploring "gender identity." I imagine you & I would often lock horns, but so be it - & what's the big deal? People can & do disagree and still be friends. Many of my closest loved ones have views different to my own. Including the persons I gestated & gave birth to.

But if it's a support group for people who've already signed up to & swallowed gender ideology & believe anyone who questions it is a Nazi TERF who deserves disemboweling & death, I am not the woman to lead - or even to participate. After a few minutes of listening to me, half the group would be trying to choke me to death with their girl cocks, & the other half would be running for the exits & charging me with hate crimes.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think we'd make a dynamic duo, Mark 😉 at the very least, our group would be interesting and surely thought-provoking--if we played our cards right, our story might end up fictionalized as an "odd couple"-style show with a therapeutic twist! I'd like to think it would make the world a little nicer of a place at least

[–]PeakingPeachEaterdetrans GNC female skeptic 🧐 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Well, I'm gendernonconforming and detrans who's not for transitioning, so I'll try to be unbiased but...If they give superficial reasons for wanting to transition, I will call it out...as nicely as possible lol.

I come from an environment that was extremely religious, sexist and well...abusive... I thought I needed to "transition" to be normal since my interests were stereotypical "masculine" and I also was only same-sex attracted from grade school...until late teens/early 20s, I became attracted to the opposite sex too apart from same-sex.

Many confused me as a boy anyways, so it made it a bit easier. I was a young teen when I wanted to transition, and read up about gender dysphoria (which mine was severe) and also looked into hormones/surgery but that scared me off and made me more depressed that I could NEVER be like a biological male and wished I would just die instead...or be "reborn" as one.

Anyways, detransitioned around late teens/early 20s somewhere around there. So...that's just a little bit of background.

To answer your question, I would look deep into WHY they want to transition. Ask them questions on "Why do you feel you should be born female/male" and depending on their answer...just go over it with them.

For example "I wish I was born a girl because I love makeup, dresses, and going shopping" or "I wish I was a boy because I love math, sports, and technology #NotLikeOtherGirls™" ...then those are shallow reasons and would tell them both they can still be themselves without having to change their sex and challenge their sexist perceptions.

If he said "I hate my hairy body, I hate seeing XYZ about body and wish I could just rip this off, etc", then we'd talk about the body issues he's facing and what we can do to help with the body dysphoria. I've experienced that too, so I would be gentle and do the best I can to help him navigate his feelings.

If she said " I wish I were a boy because in my culture, women are treated as lesser beings and I want to be seen as more" or even..."I want to be a boy to avoid child marriage" that's a WHOLE OTHER thing to unpack that's culture related...Once again, would just have discussions about it.

Also, u/HousePlant has a really good answer on what she would do if she had a trans support group. I'm not for transitioning either, but would have to be unbiased in this situation as much as possible.

[–]HouseplantWomen who disagree with QT are a different sex 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Asking some extremely important questions there and it’s so needed irl.

I assumed the group was not allowed to be discouraging of gender but if we could have open discussions with the group about gender and how they perceive it and interpret it, massive amounts of good could come of it.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterdetrans GNC female skeptic 🧐 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I had a hard time answering this prompt tbh, I didn't know how to be unbias---my bias seeped through haha. I just kinda wanna save people the heartache I faced...I used to get called a "faggot" and a "tranny" in school because some couldn't tell what I was. They thought I was an effeminate boy when really I was a "tomboy" girl. (I'm not a fan of using the word "tomboy" but using it here for this case). My early teens I went the opposite direction and dressed EXTREMELY feminine after to avoid being bullied and to attract opposite sex but didn't really feel comfortable...Then early 20s went back to dressing mostly masculine and chopped my hair short and people thought I was a boy all over again and it felt awkward(since I was detransitioned...). Lol.

Anyways....I'm rambling again hahaha. It took my many years to finally come to terms with myself. And I hope those who are questioning really reflect on what they would like to do because surgery/hormones are permenant and I knew if I went that path I would hate myself and wish I would die. I suggest therapy for them and self reflection like I did.

[–]HouseplantWomen who disagree with QT are a different sex 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sure there’s some bias but judging from the experiences youve described, who wouldn’t have some? You were treated terribly during the periods when being accepted is vital.

Bias or none, what you suggest sounds genuinely helpful and like a necessary part of pre-transition assessment and care that is not given. What you’ve described is exactly part of what should be required reading for all patients in transition care.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing! I retroactively decided I wanted to keep the question more open-ended to get even more variety of answers, so I really like that you gave some different scenarios and what you'd do.

Sharing an acceptance of gender-nonconformity from a de-transitioned person's perspective would be so helpful, since you've actually experienced gender dysphoria yourself and have been able to feel better with the person you are without having to undergo surgery or potentially permanent medical or legal changes--it would be incredibly helpful for people (especially children) to learn.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Ideally facilitated by at least a counselor, and primarilly as a venting and resource sharing space. When I was transitioning the support group was where I found which therapists saw trans people, which doctors saw us, where we could go safely etc.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That sounds nice! From experience, the ones I participated in were like that, too.

[–]Greensquidsphone 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Honestly if I had the opportunity id just do what I do for anyone who asks me for help on Twitter, help with medical treatment. Whether thats figuring out the easiest way to get on medication where you are, finding places that will do blood tests, discussing blood hormone levels and where to be aiming, etc.

I guess in a more local sense I could also provide information for good therapists, assistance navigating the legal world, maybe help set up classes, clothes swaps, meetings, anything being physically available entails really.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Having someone do all of that could be very helpful to many, that's really cool you could help out in that way!