all 409 comments

[–]crystalskies 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Growing up, I struggled to accept trans "women" were women due to the performative aspect. It felt like they were dressing up as women. I bought into it for a while but I think what really turned me was when they started talking about how "sex doesn’t equal gender".

My other peak was when dysphoria apparently stopped being included as a criterion for being trans.

[–]FeralSelkie 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Long time lurker here, making my way to the first post.

I recently lost the last "true" best friend I had in years.

The start of the war in Ukraine and spillover economic disaster in my country drove a wedge between us, because I had been the most affected by it. I found myself jobless and struggling in the inflation with extended family also impacted by the repercussions of the war. By the time things settled somewhat a few months later and we could properly spend time together and catch back up on our friendship, she had changed. From a fairly reasonable if overly male-centered woman to a "he/him transmasc gay man non-binary" whose biggest struggle at present was not being able to live as her "authentic self" and have "affirming surgery". This corner of the world is burning, often quite literally, and THAT was her most pressing problem in life?

I was... at a loss for words. Still am. I don’t know if things would have been different if we hadn't lost contact during my difficult post-job loss months, if I could have helped with whatever had set her on this path. Bad influences? Too much internet? The cult?? All at once?

Didn't display immediate happiness at the news and I reacted with enough confusion (and a bit of fear) each time she tried to broach the subject that it must've instantly labeled me as GC in her mind and led to her cutting me off entirely.

She thought she was finally being her truest self. I thought that I was witnessing a body snatcher in action. What happened to my friend while I was gone?

It is one thing to read about this happening to other people on forums and another to find yourself in the position of seeing this in action right before your eyes. I am still shocked. I peaked hard, there is no going back from here.

[–]pakibiterf 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm a mid-20 something bi man from a conservative muslim country.

And yeah, this TRA ideology has spread here too. However, there is a distinction I'd like make between the TRA ideology and like ages old "third gender" concept that's existed here for a while. I'm only referring to the earlier since the latter aren't really a threat and has historically been reserved for intersex people.

Okay with that out of the way, it's almost strange writing this but I had my "peak" (hope I'm using this correctly) 3 years back. Not long after for a brief time, I almost saw myself as trans or NB myself. I happened to actually come across the whole JK Rowling controversy and decided to read what she actually said and well... it made a lot of sense. I've always been a really critical person so speak and I don't subscribe to anything without really seeing what it's all about.

It's permeated a lot within a certain upper-class/elite class segment of liberal (using it differently from the connotations it has in the west) society here and it's strange, when you live in a country with so many issues related to patriarchy and conservative mindset in general, and you have "activists" going on and on about using the wrong pronouns literally causes them to have mental breakdown.

It doesn't help that most of my friends who are now trans or NB are also mentally ill and act like teenagers well into their late 20s, can't hold down jobs and pretty much supported my parents or generational wealth.

I feel like it's wrong trans women to bully ciswomen into their spaces. There are common experiences that 99% of woman have. And biological sex is a big part of that.

It's weird seeing feminist marches in a country where you still have honor killings and there are issues of woman going out to have jobs or be financially independent being grouped together with first-world nonsense like Gender identity politics.

Beyond that, I feel NB or Trans movement in general actually reinforce gender stereotypes even more. A man or a woman can do whatever they damn well like, without them needing to construct a whole new identity.

[–]sunnycosmos 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

One moment that led me here recently was a Twitter post that insisted instead of the current sports system of women and men, we should just have weight or muscle classes open to everyone. I grew up playing basketball and had an especially bad experience the time that I did a co-league. Our physiology is different and that's why women's sports are a protected class. But noo, our women sports are discriminatory towards 1-5% of the population, so we have to uproot the whole system and screw over women's sports in particular.

It feels like it's womens spaces that are ALWAYS facing the brunt of these new gender politics. We get the short end of the stick with everything. I also just hate some of the language I see, like "men can get pregnant too, so abortion rights are not a womens issue only" etc. And then if you argue that there IS a correlation and shared experience among women, in general, for issues like periods and reproductive rights, people say that you are reducing womanhood to having a uterus. What are YOU reducing it to, then? A feeling? Wearing a dress?

[–]Moutonelectrique 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I missed you guys on Reddit for some reason, probably because I tried to be a good left leaning feminist. However, I've been quite wary about the gender ideology for several years now. I think it started with the takeover of the LGB+ community. Suddenly everything seemed to be centered around the T, progressing to lesbians should accept girldick, gays should accept boypussy and bi's were TRANSPHOBIC as Bi means two. Well then. But as a straight woman in a relationship with a bisexual, I didn't think it was my place to say it out loud and furthermore, I thought I just wasn't being accepting and I didn't hear any backlash from within the LGB community.

Then the takeover of women's issues and spaces, erasing women, trans identifying males claiming to have periods, the transing of children, transing of almost everybody (including me, I am apparently a non-binary according to some as I watch football), going backwards to the 1950s gender stereotypes, claiming hormone therapy is completely innocent and reversible, the pronouns and so on. I also noticed the overlap with the incels from back in the day.

I felt, and sometimes still feel like I'm a bad person for not accepting it. But I just can't agree with it, I can't agree with the erasure of women, the erasure of years of fighting for women's rights and LGB rights and going back to insane strict gender roles.

I'm rambling a bit, sorry about that.

[–][deleted] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Few days ago, I found another horror story. This one is about Tashmica Torok, ironically the founder and CEO of the charity of rape survivors. She was actively harassing lesbians on TikTok for "punishing" trans women by denying them access to their bodies... For someone who works with rape victims, she surely has Harvey Weinstein's grasp of consent.

[–]Prude-aligned 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I can't really claim a "peak" moment, because I never fully bought into the gender movement. As soon as I learned sex and gender are different and gender is a social construct it made sense to me. Some moments that pushed me towards being gender critical are: 1. The non-binary male in my college art class who confused a group of prospective students by forcing them to do a pronoun circle. 2. The heavily pro-gender local theater community where I live/work. Immediate hatred for JK Rowling (she said nothing unkind imo), emails to performers and crew about having to "do better about misgendering" non-binary (mostly female) performers, and upper level staff going on social media screeds about trans-rights. 3. The silencing/harassing of GC voices, the terror of medicalizing children, the erasure of homosexuality and women, and the invasion of women’s sports and other spaces. 4. Close (male) member of household suddenly focusing on gender to explain/improve his mental/physical health issues during the pandemic. The easy indoctrination red flags are numerous. He is surrounded by gender cheerleaders.

Recently I revealed I am gender critical to this person. The conversation was rough and I'm fearful of what will become of our relationship and my life in this hyper-progressive area we live in. He agreed with me on a few points, but gave off "as a gender expert I will change your mind" and "radfems = bad" vibes (I don't align with radfems on all points so I don't consider myself one personally). His closing statement was to recommend Contrapoints to me, which I immediately shot down because I find those videos disingenuously biased. I suppose it's better to have it out there, but I worry my one refuge from gender ideology, my home, has been too deeply infected.

[–]selfalt 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I peaked when I went to a small women's liberal arts college in the Northeast. They had just enacted a new policy to accept trans women to the college. At the time I didn't see a problem with it, but after seeing the way the student body responded - vehemently demanding trans rights at a historically WOMEN'S college with a rich history of lesbian culture was the spark of suspicion. At the same time, witnessing how trans women acted - always demanding, complaining, policing language - made me realize there was something unequivocally male about constantly moving the goal posts, expecting free labor from women, and the general aggression toward dissenters. You can put on a dress, but you can't undo male socialization.

Now 5 years later I'm extremely gender critical, find gender ideology to be sexist and eroding the accomplishments of women (if you're an exceptional woman in certain subjects, then you must be a man etc.), and find the medical industrial complex that transes children and adolescents horrifying. I'm not anti-trans, but I won't be pushed around or forced into any ideology that privileges male feelings over women and children.

[–]TheHistoryMachine 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think we may have gone to the same college.

[–]Bookshelf 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Twenty years ago I did a lot of reading on trans topics because I was interested in a relationship with someone who was transitioning. (Definitely dodged a bullet with that!) I was pretty accepting of trans stuff and particularly gender non-conforming presentation for a very long time because I thought I understood trans-related issues thoroughly. Since childhood, I have felt that, deep down, my sex didn't really matter that much to my thoughts, interests and friendships. So I didn't emotionally "get" why someone would want to transition instead of just being GNC, but I was accepting nonetheless.

However, about 5 years ago I had a few conversations with a trans "woman" about trans topics and my thoughts about self-acceptance rather than medical interventions. I realized that some of the things I said to him were not being well-received due to his body language (no actual voiced objections) and not long after that I started researching trans topics again to figure out why. This was near the time of the Women's March after Trump's inaguration and the media reporting on trans complaints about pussy hats being transphobic and demands to "center trans women", which made my eyes roll, but then I got disgusted that they were being taken seriously by the organizers.

Around this point, I searched for "critical of gender" and found r/GC. I was a little dismayed that radical feminists were running the show (due to some previous experience with radical feminist discourse that was off-putting to me). But I quickly found a lot of interesting perspectives and enjoyed reading the peak trans threads. I soon realized that trans activism had changed enormously in the 15 or so years since I last heavily researched the topic and had become very disconnected from reality. Ideas that had been considered controversial even in trans circles in the past like hormones and puberty blockers for <18s were now being pushed into mainstream acceptance without safe guards and therapy was now "gate-keeping".

My real wtf moment was seeing the censorship around Yaniv and how free speech principles were being violated. Of course it has only gotten worse since then. But this is when I became determined to fight back against the nonsense. After r/GC got banned, I realized the full extent of the current dystopia. I have felt so much dismay observing how the left has embraced totalitarianism around this issue and other "wrong-think".

I've been lurking r/GC and Ovarit nearly daily for several years. I have a lot of thoughts and ideas that I want to share with the gender critical community that are much too long for a single post. My main goal in creating this account and posting this story is to get an Ovarit invite, so if anybody can help me out with that, it would be very appreciated. Seeing the courageous Afghan women protesting despite the danger has increased my resolve to speak out and engage with the GC community.

[–]Actia 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I peaked around February this year. I remember reading an Atlantic article about Ovarit months prior, and decided to check the website out. Now, I was never a hardcore TRA; I was one of those people who thought ‘let them be, they aren’t harming anyone.’ Then I started reading, and the pieces finally connected. Their muddling of language*, their hatred of women and the LGB, the rewriting of history, and so much more. They were harming people, and no one can do a thing about it! If you do, you essentially ruined your life; there was no debate allowed.

What solidified my position is how this affects autistic people. I haven’t looked into it much, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the reason why so many autistic people are ‘trans’ is because we have a hard time fitting in. TRAs know this, and swoop in to try to convince us that being trans will help us. And sadly, it looks like many are falling for it. Seeing this just makes me sad that I can’t really do anything to help them, and scared because that could’ve been me.

There is so much more I could go into, but I don’t want to make this comment long. I do want to thank you all for these sorts of community, though. Without it, I think I may of gone insane!

*A personal anecdote, but I always mixed up terms like transwoman and transman before I peaked. I wonder how many others also mix them up.

[–]puzzleskulls 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

The TRA's struggle to deny the truth is never more desperate than when reality is at total odds with their fantasy. Acknowledgment of reality would undermine the foundations of their world view, and they can't allow that to happen. They will loudly and violently push their agenda to seek validation for their lies at the expense of the truth and how it applies to others.

They don't want equality or the right to just exist like everyone else, that much is obvious. This is all about control, power, fear, and domination. They wouldn't be denying basic biology, playing on people's sense of fairness, erasing women and homosexuals, invading our institutions, removing parents rights, and manipulating our language if they wanted equality.

They are actively encouraging people to report others that refuse to buy what they're selling. People are being cancelled left, right, and center. There is now a feature on FB to report your "extremist" friends. A move that was obviously and disturbingly pulled from Stalin's playbook. I don't know about you guys, but I absolutely do not want to live under their totalitarian lunatic regime.

[–]anxietyaccount8 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I don't know if I can say I'm "re-peaking". But I just came across a trend which is horrifying so I hope radfems pay attention to this.

Non-binaries and TQ are already non-feminist. But I fear this could turn into active anti-feminism. One reason is because of their inexplicable hatred towards "cis women" and "straight women". They're always gatekeeping and criticizing random things, even if there's no reason or logic behind it.

It could be very plausible that they'll go after straight women who don't follow or subvert gender roles for "fetishizing and appropriating non-binary queerness" or something. That sounds exactly like something they would say.

I would have never thought that people on the left could turn into misogynists who love gender roles more than any conservative

[–]SaltySkank 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)


Firstly, glad to see this community again. I'm fairly certain I found it and lurked around some just before the great purge of a year prior on reddit thanks to the TRAs. I missed y'all.

My peaking has been a long time coming, but I think my actual legit final Peak happened a few days ago. I have always had some concerns and issues with the whole Gender Theory thing, at least what I understood of it, but I was largely okay with just letting it be. Like some other people on here, I assumed that "I identify as X, so I am" was meant at a more personal level, as in self acceptance, and I was and still am entirely okay with that. What I didn't realize until much more recently is that the trans movement is obsessed with abolishing the concept of biological sex altogether and replacing it with self identified "gender", and in the process, means to redefine language AND law. That goes way too far, and is not only ridiculous but outright dangerous in light of how rampant sexism still is. If humans were not a sexually dimorphic species, this would not be an issue, but we are, and I am not about to ignore that just because reality may hurt someone's feelings.

Some of my friends have recently become some form of trans, and the vast majority of the rest of them fully support this. I was heavily skeptical at first, since a lot of these friends struggle with mental health issues and have for a long time, and I suspected it might play a role in this. However, I largely just tolerated it and tried not to say much until it started to get more and more extreme over time. Eventually, I started to raise some questions and voice some concerns when the relatively chill "I just don't feel like I fit into either gender very well, so I would rather just not confine myself to them" became "Anyone who feels like they are X are X, in every way shape and form." and ANY opposition to that, no matter how small, became tantamount to a personal hate crime.

I have friends in the LGB community. Talking with them especially has opened my eyes as to how harmful TRA rhetoric can be, and how backwards parts of this movement are. Suddenly a man with a dick can be a "lesbian" just because he feels like he's a woman, and nobody can question that without being a "transphobe" or worse. Suddenly "anyone can menstruate" and "girls can have dicks" and I'm being cruel and "gatekeeping" for insisting that a vagina is a female sex organ and my lesbian friend's attraction to them is not a CHOICE or a PREFERENCE and that "lesbian" means SAME SEX attraction to NATAL FEMALE characteristics.

I was implied to be a TERF and a hurtful bigot for defending my lesbian friend's right to exclude dicks from her dating pool, because TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN and apparently what's between your legs has nothing to do with your gender. (Nevermind that I was talking about SEX, but apparently that word doesn't exist anymore.) I was apparently supposed to be content with that circular, bullshit non-definition, because pressing the issue and asking for clarification on what a "woman" even is anymore just resulted in TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN being repeated incessantly at me, like it was God's fucking judgement and nothing but full and unquestioning acceptance was tolerable.

My friends now either completely lack self awareness or are somehow oblivious to how stupid that non-argument is and how little sense it makes. I will go as far as to agree that Gender can largely be a social construct and refers largely to how you present yourself, but by no means can you use it to replace biological sex in either definition or importance. The "woke" section of my friend group evidently thinks that it is "closed minded", "hurtful," "transphobic," and "devastating" to identify someone based on their biological sex/gentials AND to acknowledge that homosexuality means SAME SEX attraction and has fuck all to do with gender identity.

Nonetheless, I actually attempted again to have legitimate, good faith discussion on this, and honest to god innocently and delicately as I could ask questions to try to fucking understand this shit, (I have in the past as well) and EVERY TIME I get either flat out ignored (as in the subject is instantly changed) or get snubbed and everyone pretends I never said anything and that I no longer exist for some hours/days.

I came to realize over time, and especially after the last incident, that this is not how healthy and normal people act, much less people who are supposed to be my friends. No, we're so culty and TRA-brainwashed now that even asking QUESTIONS is offensive and is somehow "invalidating" someone. We can't even talk about it now, at all. Fuck that. Apparently it is entirely possible to be a lady some days and a dude other days despite having no dick, BUT ONLY SOMETIMES when a person FEELS LIKE A MAN. This shit has gone balls off the walls insane and I'm done. My god, the entitled narcissism coming off some of these people. I was trying to be respectful, I was legitimately trying to understand their viewpoint and ideology, but every attempt was either ignored or met with spiteful ACKSHUALLY UR WRONG AND STILL A BIGOT BASED ON THIS TINY TECHNICALITY THAT YOU MISSED like I was being an intentional asshole and obstinate idiot.

I was never a normal female growing up. I was the biggest damn Tomboy, but nobody c a r e d. My parents didn't care, my family didn't care, my friends didn't care. It wasn't a big deal. I still don't fit in the gender binary. Probably. (I don't even know what the hell that is supposed to mean anymore??) My parents and family subscribed to the belief that boy-stuff and girl-stuff were really just stereotypes anyway, and what did it matter in the end because a girl could do just about anything a boy could do! Obviously sex played some role in how things play out, but it's you underneath that matters. I am sure some idiot would try to ID me as trans-something, but A.) I don't give a FUCK what society thinks and what random blowhards think of me / identify me as? and B.) I don't need constant validation from everyone around me in order to not self destruct, and C.) I don't care about labels. How would I have turned out, I wonder, if I was being raised today in hyper TRA culture?

Of course I had moments where I hated my body, loathed menstruation and wanted to chop off my boobs, wanted my non-huge hips back, and hated that my stupid body changed itself because BAYBEEZ and THATS WHAT WOMEN BODIES DO. As a teenager, I may have wished more than a few times that I was a male instead, and that I wouldn't have to be stuck with a monthly subscription to crotch bleeding forever and all the societal bullshit that comes with being female, but I got over it and accepted reality and learned to accept myself. I think that is a far more healthy outcome than living in some delusion that I was never really a girl and am secretly a boy somehow.

I'm disappointed in my friends, who are both smarter than this and should fucking know better than to buy into such stupidity, and in the entire fucking attitude surrounding TRAs and the trans movement. Erasing sex is stupid and dangerous to women and homosexuals. I'm done being gaslighted, ignored, and attacked and treated like garbage for asking a fucking question and living in reality where biology exists and is relevant. I'm sick of my lesbian friend having "girldick" forced on her constantly and being an automatic TERF!111 and bigot for wanting nothing to do with a fucking penis. Most of all, I'm disgusted by the demonization of homosexuality that a vast majority of TRAs refuse to see or acknowledge. Society should not be catering to this. People with actual Gender Dysphoria need therapy and proper medical care to learn to accept their bodies, not mutilating surgeries that promise shit they can never deliver and constant validation of their delusions. And god DAMN, being "trans" is not fucking trendy, and the sooner people can figure this out the better.

Not to mention the hypocrisy and misogyny. "DON'T REDUCE PEOPLE TO THEIR GENITALS!!" meanwhile, we can't say Mother's Day anymore, it has to be "Birthing People's Day" and I should be called a "Menstruating Person" because calling myself a Woman excludes trans people. I have to accept dicks in my women safe spaces now, and let natal men ONCE AGAIN barge into my spaces, business, legal protections, and reproductive rights, because who fucking cares about us, can't invalidate a trans person!! Fuck off. I said. P E A K E D.

[–]clitoriana 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I "peaked" almost 5 years ago, and I thought at this point nothing would surprise me, but I've spent so long now surrounded by intelligent, reality-acknowledging people and normies that today, when I heard the news about Chris-Chan, a mentally ill TiM allegedly raping his elderly demented mother, and saw tons of posts on Twitter and Tumblr asking people not to "misgender" him & lamenting how "transphobes" will use this against trans people... I realized I fucking hate these people. I literally hate them. They're horrible people with no moral center, just an all-consuming obsession with their personal identity. No sympathy left for people so heartless and selfish that they cry about how an old woman possibly having been raped affects them.

[–]myloudneighbors 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Before i got peaked, i was naive to the fact that trans people could be a danger to me. Thought that most trans people were actually just severly mentally ill people who thought they lived in the wrong bodies.
I live in a somewhat conservative country where female sexual assault is dismissed.
After trans people have gotten more accepted, it's more like in your face "hah, feminists, you wanted this, well you got it". If women get assaulted in their own bathrooms, they get blamed. But most actual women never supported it. It was all trans activists and idiot politicians.
I was on reddit when GenderCritical got cancelled. I waited until it popped up again in various places.
Another trigger my own brother, who had always been physically violent against me and my mother, and has very sexist views against women. Despite beating me up and harassing our mother he is suddenly pro-women now? Oh no, wait, it's not real women he is for, he's just scared of the new 3rd 'feminism' movement.

[–]ygrek 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I peak very early, but don't really realise it. When i was teenanger and started adventure with internet. Oh my it was about 20 years ago.:) There was site for women, about cosmetics, health, lifestyle etc. There were comments and profile keep wrote nasty things about women. Misogynic shit and weird stuff: that she better then biological women: more feminine and so on; men more wanted "her". Then I realise that someone is... trans. Keep remember this, even for years was woke person. Second peak I had about few years ago. It stared with libfeminists fanpaige, which wrote about SWERF. I didn't know that word and google it. I found Feminist Current and some site where was written that: "swerfs are also terf". So check out another mysterious word. I found terfislur com. There were tons of hate, misoginia and violence. From trans and nobody tell them to stop.

[–]WhoKnewWhoKnew 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

New here. If I’m understanding correctly, I peaked after my husband came out as trans and wanted to become a woman. The narcissistic drivel he spewed was so unlike him and eventually I realized was the most male entitlement I’d ever heard in my life. He believed being a woman was a feeling and consisted of looking feminine and being submissive in bed. In my experience, being a woman is all of the sacrifice I give for my family. So in choosing his feelings over his family, he chose the most anti-woman behaviors he could. Family men transitioning MtF is Male Entitlement.

[–]KvntXO 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ex husband, now?

[–]Data_Doctor 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Yesterday I got banned from a reddit sub for not regurgitating all the TRA slogans like a good, obedient woman. Being banned has convinced me I'm ready to officially hang out with y'all.

I peaked around this time last year. I was on a forum talking about trans issues and my ambivalence about some of the rhetoric and how I'm sick of "TERF" being the default insult for anyone who has concerns, no matter how slight. One of my concerns is how gate-keeping has been deemed "transphobic" and thus unacceptable. Anyone who says they are a woman is a woman, I was told robotically by multiple posters--people I'd been "friends" with for ages. These people were not only saying that anyone who says they are a woman is* a woman, but they are also female and thus should be able to change their legal designation to "F" and enjoy all the benefits and protections associated with that "F". Even if they haven't altered their biology in any way. Even if they have no plan on altering their biology in any way. Even if they had just started identifying as a woman yesterday.

So I asked one of the posters to explain this to me since it's crazy bananas.

He explained it to me like this: A female person doesn't have to wear feminine clothing to be called a woman. A female person can alter her biology and still be a woman. So why should it be any different for a male?

Leading up to that moment, I thought that gender ideology was stupid drek but mainly harmless. But as this ally mansplained what it means to be a woman to me, I realized that gender ideology is oppressive. It's dangerous. And I realized that this guy--who I had always thought was smart and decent--had been brainwashed. And so had all the other posters, who called me a hateful monster for not wanting every Tom, Dick, and Harry to feel entitled to women's spaces. I no longer post on that forum because I just can't with those people. I can't suffer that kind of foolishness anymore.

So I guess you can say that experience opened my eyes. I haven't been able to close them since.

[–]Rage-Xion 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm a 28 years old gay man and I only recently embraced "transphobia". I chaged my views gradually for many reasons. For many years, everytime I was questioning the validity of Trans right activism, I was worried that I was a bigot just as bad as homophobes so I struggled a lot.

When I was a teenager struggling with my sexuality (among other things), I kinda found it weird that LGB people were lumped with the transgender folk since LGB is about attraction while T is about identity. Nonetheless, I was supportive especially while watching a crappy reality TV that had a fairly sympathetic transman.

I subscribe to the mentality that transexuals were female souls trapped inside man body (and vice versa). This was way before non-binary shits became popular.

Catlyn Jenner was maybe one of the first crack. Althought I was supportive, I was weirded out by the odd revisionism. Not only should we acccept that Jenner is a woman named Caitlyn since 2015 became we must act like it has always been he case. Somehow, a woman was allowed to compete in men's sport, a woman married a heterosexual Kris and a woman fathered children. makes sense.

I've also noticed that TRAs became more and more demanding after same sex marriage was legalized in the USA and LGBT websites that I regularly consulted were suddenly almost all about trans rights and less about LGB.

Another crack happened when Riley J Dennis makes the infamous video about genital preferences. The video was (rightfully) downvoted to hell and saw many trans folk arguing against his rapey rhetoric. So I believed at the time that this kind of mental gymnastic was unpopular among Ts and only a few were supporting of the "cotton ceiling".(cringe)

Last year Rowling was demonized for defending biological sex and the right for lesbians to refuse to sleep with transgender women. I've read her article and didn't find anything offensive at all. I also wondered why no one talked about her abusive husband as if she deserved it.

The final straw was the Super Straight movemont. A 16 years old guy was harassed for not wanting to date woman and make a joke about starting sexuality and then suddenly all the website were on board that excluding trans people from dating pool is transphobic.

Then I started to read more about insanity like the erasure of basic biology and the transition of children. The latter really break my hearft. They go throuh irreversible body alteration and it's now hateful to protest about it. While I've never personally experienced gender disphoria but during my teenagehood, I really hated my body. The facial hair was growing in irregular patches, I had severe acne that wouldn't go away no matter how many creams, stinking lotions or even pills I took, having nocturnal emisions almost every nights,... I luckily gog over it but If I had spent my teengehood in a woke era, I might have decided to be nonbinary, have my penis chopped off and then regretting it.

[–]PluckyAgain 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Happily submitting my old story that was on r/gc too. Used to think that if someone feels theyre born in the wrong body, and do so much work to change genders, the least we can do is be supportive. Was happily chugging along like that, but i 'm part of an ethnic/religious minority where menstruation and the strict rules around it are still pretty taboo. Was in an fb womens group belonging to said minority, the issue came up, there was a very open and insightful and important discussion about menstruation and the rules surrounding it. Then one woman pipes up its "triggering" her. I didnt know what that meant at the time. The discussion got derailed, half the women starting fawning over the TIM, forty percent checked out and one or two stayed to argue. And were called words id never heard before. TERF and such. I asked a friend, she sent me a link on trans widows, i peaked, and admit to being an evil terven since. Glad to be back! Edit: i wrote windows...:-) makes sense too in a way

[–]EvaWumben 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

If I may update? It's been several months, and while I keep certain things private for anonymity, myself and several friends (few of us white or straight) have been brutally attacked by hordes of white kids online who immediately scream "TR*NSPHOBE" the second any of us say a single thing. They are terrorists (and zero of these young people identified as REMOTELY nonbinary, trans, gq, etc. until about a year ago), and this seems to be a pattern in every social circle that doesn't involve majority POC populations, tbh. I'm older, meanwhile a younger woman I know was just subjected to severe abuse by a "nonbinary..." whatever, he is a man. A MAN. For having to have surgery for severe medical issues that could've killed her. Her crime? She was accused of flouting her privilege at being born with female anatomy and getting healthcare for a serious actual health concern when trans people have to get a gofundme and "don't get to have ovaries". I am told her friend group peaktransed over this. I am so irate all the time. It was bad enough growing up knowing that once we hit a certain age we're discarded and considered irrelevant as women, now we're being appropriated by men while white girls who have only known sex based oppression are throwing out their womanhood (on paper at least) in order to......everyone knows what I mean.

The utter and complete racism involved in this movement as well, I am infuriated nonstop (and I am NOT sharing my worst story here lest I want to blast it elsewhere). All I see is groups of white kids appropriating the mantle of oppression by claiming random gender identities, and apologies if this offends, I don't have any hatred for any racial group, but this is so blatantly obvious and most of us are sick of this. Claiming a gender ID most never heard of till recently is suddenly widespread and more oppressed than racial minorities, EFF THEM ALL.

[–]PeachesAndSnakes 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Peaking again. A TiM I know recently put im some pictures flexing his arms saying 'ready to be someone's buff girlfriend' and let me tell you, I've never seen any of my female friends with arms that big, not even the ones who work out regularly. This person has been on hormones for ages, had SRS, and the advantage they still have when it comes to building muscle is just so clearly there. I don't know how he can look in the mirror and still not see the advantage he has.

[–]Moms_undies 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm an older millennial and as a kid, I was a tomboy. My mom told me that it was okay for girls to like "boy stuff" because the distinction is just based on stereotypes. She told me that I could be anything I wanted to be because girls are just as smart and capable as boys.

Two things peaked me:

  1. I work in academia in a STEM field. Being a woman in STEM can suck because it has enclaves of old boys clubs that don't even try to hide their misogyny. I'm a mom and that makes it even harder. But I feel like I have a duty to girls interested in STEM to blaze the trail for them and stand up to discrimination. It makes me really fuckin mad whenever I see a TIM invited to panels on being a woman in academia and/or STEM because they have no idea. They never had to be the only girl in middle school programming classes. They never had to be constantly interrupted at meetings. They never had to deal with comments about having baby brain while visibly pregnant at work. F them.

  2. The girls who should be told that it's fine to prefer toys marketed to boys or wearing jeans and a t-shirt or being good at math are being told that they're not girls. We're going backwards.

[–]absoluteblasphemy 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, it makes me so glad to see women in STEM speaking out. It’s tragic to see science become both falsified and dogmatic in the discussion of trans medical care and human biology.

Keep your kids close, this stuff is really insidious at the moment. Much love and respect to you for sharing.

[–]ontheVerge 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm new to saidit, and confused. But I am here to at least get some of my peaking off my chest. I never really was on board the trans train, I guess, it just seemed nutty to me from the get go, because you can't be born in the wrong body. I was peaked a few years back, but never went to reddit, or other sites to discuss it, I mostly stayed on pinterest, and was peaked by absolute denial of biological facts. Some troll was trying to convince me, that if a man said his penis was a clitoris, then it was, because of intersex people. My refutation was, my genetics professor disagrees with that, and would tell you what a selfish dunce you are for using intersex individuals. Magdalen is probably who made it clear for, I felt less confused, and that I wasn't the only one who found this all a farce. The first video I watched of hers, was of Charlotte Clymer. I felt for a long time though, that Germany would not go the way of the anglosphere, that because of the lack of the word for gender, that it would be harder to obfuscate reality, and that, Germans, don't really liked being told to fall in line with group think, you, having gone through two authoritarian regimes in the last 100 years. (yes, Nazi Germany was worse in my opinion than the DDR, I think I shouldn't have to explain why, it is obvious to me, the DDR was however non the less an authoritarian regime) Well, I don't know about that now, but the reason I have decided to come to Saidit, is because I feel at a loss. To me, having been peaked for about 5 years, from the biological denial, the digusting caricatures of what TiMs believe women are, the threats of sexual violence, hanging effigies of terfs, of violence (of the attack on Maria MacLachlan, to rats nailed to VRR Center), ach and the cotton ceiling, so rapey and so gross. My heart goes out to my lesbian sisters that have dealt with these TiMs. And reading the accounts of trans widows, how narcissistic and vile their husbands are. I peaked again there, over and over again, maybe it's because of having been in a relationship with a narcissist, and how the emtional abuse hits, a little too close to home. I have hit a block in my personal life in being able to talk about it. I guess a kind of allegory of the cave. I guess, I'ved peaked on the lengths this ideology is able to reach. I haven't been too shy about it with my parents, my mother loves to comment, on how I let this "trans stufff" make me so angry, and I need to stop caring about it, because it's bad for my mental health. Despite the fact that my mental health, is actually great, being angry it medical experimentation on children isn't mental illness. My one sister, believes I hate trans people, because I don't believe TiMs should be in women's spaces, and because I use medical terms like, double masectomy, or penile inversion, and take issue with the misuse of the chemical and pharmacological term of trans and cis. Also, I shouldn't have issues with porn, because it's not that bad, and is wrong to take away women's choice to be beaten, strangled and raped for their male partner's sexual gratification (but when questioned, on why is it okay for men to get off on beating women for sex, the conversation needs to end, and I need to stop hating trans people, because they are suffering). Sorry for all the rambling, the final nail in the coffin, was discussing with my other sister. She used to be, well gender critical in her views, because she hadn't looked into it, but that I was off my rocker, and that the fetishistic men, were just a niche, of a niche, and that I must be kind to dysphoric individuals. Until JK Rowling's essay: she said it was hateful, and I answered, "I thought it was tame, and actually very kind to trans individuals, what exactly in it makes you think she hates trans individuals." She read it, agreed, that I might not be too unfairly angry, to the next week, saying, "Well they are not cancelling gender critical views, because Rowling still has a twitter!!!" On further questioning about all the other women having kicked off for expressing gender critical views, and stating the biological that woman is adult human female, no, that's not why these women were kicked off, they did something wrong, they deserved to be kicked off. A couple weeks ago, she was explaining to my mom that, sometimes 2+2 does equal 5. This doesn't really sound like your typical peak experience, sounds probably like family drama. I am sorry if it is not really coherent, and rambly, drinking maybe a bit too much wine, to even write this all out. I feel a little nuts, to be honest, and no one to really talk to. There are amazing voices and people speaking out, I just love Karen Davis, she speaks to my soul. And maybe Germany, as of yet will not write women out of law, like America has, but so much is happening with out ANYONE being told. I can not kowtow to this vile nonsense, I don't really know how to speak up about it either. Sorry for my ramblings, maybe I just needed to get that off my chest.

[–]persistentlywoman 16 insightful - 3 fun16 insightful - 2 fun17 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

I just submitted my story to and while I planned to tell a more detailed version here, tbh this sums up why I reached my peak trans suddenly very rapidly after years of being a pretty staunch ally. I have definitely been veerrrrryyyy sloooowwwwllllyyyy peaking for a decade or so, after witnessing what the trans tsunami, as I call it, did to butch lesbians in my community. the peakening started increasing the last two years as the ideology grew more and more unscientific and gaslighty. but this piece of shit definitely pushed me right over the edge. I am as staunchly anti-trans now as I ever was pro-trans. it's a mental illness and the below individual illustrate all the reasons why indulging and coddling it only leads to more harm:

last year a male trans identfified person started attending social events I was organising. he claimed he was a trans butch lesbian. he attempted to latch onto me and through our conversations (I wanted to be kind and inclusive) I learned more about his identity that troubled me: he didn't identify as a woman but insisted he wasn't a man. he had no genital dysphoria and ensured he was still sexually active. he lied to doctors to get estrogen, but just enough to grow breasts. he prefers he/him pronouns and a male name and presenting entirely masculine as he gets 'dysphoric' otherwise. despite all of this he insists his experience is that of a butch lesbian and that our community is where he belongs, without question. and he was very quick to frame any confusion about all of this as transphobic.

I noticed he was quite misogynistic and I reacted against this a couple of times - a reaction which he framed as abusive to him. of particular note is him standing over me in my own home, after I had cooked and fed him dinner, yelling at me about what a terrible, harmful person I am for the way I reacted to misogyny in the community. a terf. I sat there and cowered because I was too afraid of further escalation to name the gaslighting (not to mention profound disrespect and cruelty) that was going on.

finally, in the lead up that confrontation, he had presented himself as having been the victim of false accusations of rape and the victim of a witch hunt in his former city's community. but as he revealed the details of this story that same night I realised with horror that he absolutely HAD committed rape (of a trans woman no less!) and was trying to pass it off as something more 'nuanced', as he claimed. something I have experienced many rapists doing in trying to absolve themselves of responsibility. after I asked him to leave subsequent to his attacking me, I investigated further into his past as the communities between these cities are linked, and found out his predatory behaviour was serial.

I expressed my confusion and distress anonymously on a reddit sub, which he found. we had a charged exchange in which I named him as a rapist and detailed his manipulation and distortions about it.

I later found out he had gone on to commit rape here as well since relocating from his former city. in this instance it was a gnc woman, and he repeatedly forced her to say she was 'really a boy' throughout the experience.

relatedly, he was also in the butchlesbian subreddit pontificating about how gnc women should all identify as trans and it was denying reality to claim otherwise. the agenda was so obvious it made my stomach turn.

I was to be on the guest list of a recent event celebrating butch identity where I live. I had assisted the organisers with contacts. he was to be walking the runway of this event. the week before the event the organisers contacted me saying the reddit post (again - anonymous) had made them aware I held views which could be damaging to their brand as a safe, inclusive event and they could not have me on the guest list. I asked them if having a rapist on their stage would damage their brand. these two women replied they would not get involved in a personal conflict. when I pointed out that they already had and were excluding a lesbian from a lesbian event in favour of a rapist, they claimed the call was not productive and ended it - though I did tell them to go to hell before hanging up.

I am now left facing the sordid reality that a lesbian - a participating member of my local community for close to 20 years - was blocked from a lesbian event because an abusive male weaponised identity politics against her, whilst leveraging bogus claims of shared identity to coerce women into sex with him, either through intoxication or intimidation. or both. all the while telling everyone around him that they're transphobic for objecting to any of this. that he recruited other women into discriminating against a woman who knew too much about his true nature and intentions amongst us. that he is protecting himself behind crocodile tears about his own feelings and pain, like he hasn't devastated the lives of several women through sheer hate and a sense of entitlement towards us.

my only solace is knowing the word about him is circulating and most are distancing themselves. I can only hope this ideological cult crumbles soon. people like this are clearly a danger to women.

so that's my story in a highly condensed nutshell. this monster is also writing a 'memoir' he seriously thinks will be the next stone butch blues that is literally just a narcissist's self indulgent parade of misogyny and abuse apologism. I'd love to share it with all of you because the more people that amplify how misogynistic it is, the more grounded in reality I will feel. my only concern is if he can see where people are coming from and perhaps remove the book from the internet. let me know if you want to read the garbage.

and yeah, I am feeling pretty messed up about all this and welcome any words of support.

[–]YourSister 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I am so enraged on your behalf, sister. Sorry for the late reply, I haven't been on this site in some time.

They've really managed to find a novel way to shut women up, haven't they? Solidarity and support- I will be thinking of you, as I quietly help unravel this misogynistic shit that hurts primarily women.

[–]linda_senora 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hello, I had to open a new account.

My story:

I think it all stared with the late Magdalen Berns.

After watching her videos (I don't recall if YouTube's algorythm recommended them to me), I could not believe what was happening to lesbians. I could not believe that Alex Drummond was successfully conning people.

Then I remember reading a bunch of posts on Twitter about the cotton ceiling and then I began to look for more people on Twitter who knew more about the trans lobby than I did.

I became appalled at the comments TRAs and most trans people make about gender and sex, homosexuality, women's rights, and female genital mutilation. I cannot believe that TRAs and trans identified individuals have the audacity to go after survivors of FGM. It is unacceptable.

I also watched Posie Parker's videos and she has managed to convey how dangerous gender ideology has become.

I admit to watching a few videos by Rose of Dawn and he seems less deranged than other Trans Identified Males, but I have stopped watching those.

I think I might have become increasingly angry with trans identified individuals. I don't know that being this angry is healthy.

That's all folks.

[–]Redditstinks 19 insightful - 4 fun19 insightful - 3 fun20 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Some 6 years ago I was watching a documentary about a trans couple. A TiM, and a TiF. The TiF was pregnant, and the documentary was presenting it as this amazing thing that’s almost like a scientific mystery. I was amazed, too, as I was brainwashed by the gender agenda. So I decided to do some research to explain this phenomenon ( 🤡 ) and I stumbled upon a blog post. The blog was a radfem blog, a really funny one written by an author who humorously claimed to “identify as a squirrel” (it’s been banned for a while unfortunately). I was hooked. Then I read the comments. They were along the lines of “such a scientific miracle that a biological female got pregnant from a dick ejaculating inside of her”, “he femininely penetrated her”, and the one that struck me the most, commenting on the picture in the blog post: “the mother is looking at the baby lovingly, while the man is making eyes at the camera”. Boom. From that simple but accurate description of the image, I quickly dismantled years of brainwashing. They can try to perform as women, but there’s something deeper down there that if you didn’t experience, you’ll never understand.

And I’m sick and tired of people trying to respond “but what about x? And x?” Stop trying to delegitimise our struggle by highlighting and magnifying exceptions. Shut. Up.

[–]PeachesAndSnakes 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Peaking again. On a dating app looking for women and I STG half the profiles I look at are barely transitioned TiMs. Normally I would just keep scrolling but there's just SO MANY. There's all the classic stuff too, pictures of anime girls, oddly sexual pictures/text, "HRT turned me into a dragon", the list goes on. I'd gotten pretty good at spotting the signs because that's just not for me but with most of these I don't have to ask twice. Is it too much to ask to only see women on dating apps when that's what I'm looking for?

[–]VdeVulva 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Getting some peak trans in the morning on the endo thread of reddt. This user really wants to say that *not only women get endometriosis and of course invade our outlet. F* off! Asks the mods if "this is an inclusive space" and says that it's a waste of time to debate the meaning of "woman". I will never ever call myself a uterus-owner! You can get all the f*ckin way out of here!

[–]lis 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

As an introverted and solitary lesbian with workaholic tendencies I had not paid much attention to the LGB community and/or policies until a year and a half ago, when one of the lesbian authors I was reading at the time stated “transwomen are women” and denounced lesbians who didn’t want to date them. I was genuinely shocked as at the time I still believed that most people understood the difference between sexes and viewed gender ideology as a coping mechanism for those who couldn’t handle enforced gender roles and stereotypes and needed to fit in. A quick search showed me just how wrong I was...

[–]PenseePansy 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

at the time I still believed that most people understood the difference between sexes and viewed gender ideology as a coping mechanism for those who couldn’t handle enforced gender roles and stereotypes and needed to fit in.

Yes, this is pretty much what I originally thought, too! Even though I've firmly believed that "gender" was a pernicious lie ever since I was 20 or so, I mistook "trans" for the kind of compromise that many people have to make with parts of their culture-- stuff which is too pervasive/deeply-rooted to just ignore, or end overnight. So on that basis, I was willing to accept that this was some people's way of dealing with the burden of gender roles. In the words of the old song, "whatever gets you through the night", you know?

Yeah. Then, like you, I came to realize how wrong I'd been... and that "trans" wasn't a way of finding a workaround for gender-roles (enabling people to just live their lives); it was a way of reinforcing them. :(

[–]Catbug 27 insightful - 1 fun27 insightful - 0 fun28 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Just repeaked after an absolutely disgusting TIM told me women owe their rapists help if the rapist is hurt while you defend yourself and of course a TIM mod backed him up. In the fuckin gcdebatesqt saidit.

I was informed that victim blaming is not breaking any rules or disrespectful enough to even address. Absolute disgrace.

[–]Rationalmind 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Repeaking with Gottmik on Drag Race.

[–]Shesstealthy 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This is probably peak virtue signalling more than anything else.

I follow Dominic Noble's book and movie reviews on YouTube. He's very woke - to the point where he was all "I completely owe my career to JKR because of Harry Potter but now that she is so terfy with her whole don't call me a menstruator thing I can no longer produce HP content ever again" - but his reviews are often sharp and funny and he has a nice soothing voice.

Anyway he has just pulled a presumably humorous review of a presumably m/m book about a sexy lumberjack because... he just found out that the author has come out as NB so his video misgenders and deadnames and makes assumptions about their gender so he has to redo it.


I'm guessing this was a typical m/m sexy romance written by a woman who no longer identifies as one, so all his observations about how the characters don't act like men have to be reviewed. That's what I'm guessing.

I hate this obliteration of people's lived experience just so they can be "who they really are" no matter how recently they made their gender decision. If you're born and raised as a girl you're formed by that no matter how NLOG or manly you think of yourself as being.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Wait for it, that bloke is in deep with woketubers. He'll come out as a TIM too, just wait for it.

[–]butch_woman 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm just tired of hearing I'm transphobic for not wanting a penis in me, or on me, or anywhere near me, or hearing about how the female penis has a different mouth-feel than the male penis. It's funny in that I used to be very accepting towards trans people before all of this shit started. I of course still support anti-discriminatory laws against trans people, but I won't encourage rape culture in the guise of progressiveness.

[–]Shesstealthy 17 insightful - 10 fun17 insightful - 9 fun18 insightful - 10 fun -  (0 children)

Different mouth feel = flaccid.

[–]Lady_Merlin 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

For me, it’s the visceral fear/disgust over the idea of TIM in change rooms.

[–]ravenclaww 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've peaked awhile back, where I've acknowledged that TRA is repackaged MRA and that misogynistic men would use it as a shield to attack women without any consequence, such as Rahul Kohli. What's making me peak again is seeing a tweet from an online acquaintance where she said that "Pregnant people make [her] sick". (Note that it's "pregnant people", instead of "pregnant woman".) It's one thing to be horrified at the prospect of being pregnant herself, or not wanting the side effects that come with pregnancy, but having a visceral reaction to OTHER WOMEN being in a state that only adult females experience is extreme and sad. I feel like TRAs are encouraging libfems to harbour a sense of internalized misogyny and erase their own sex-- no man would ever say that a male-exclusive thing makes them sick. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if this woman comes out as "non-binary" or "trans", like Ellen Page did, just to separate herself from this aspect of the female sex. It's honestly very disappointing.

[–]anxietyaccount8 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This isn't really a "peak" story, but just so you guys know, some "tru trans" people/HSTS have extremely and I mean EXTREMELY conservative views of gender, so I don't think GCs should be hanging with those ones.

[–]itsnotaboutewe 20 insightful - 2 fun20 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

Around four months ago I posted on here about a transgender identifying man who was moving to my small rural community and how I thought I would be the only person to not go along with his delusions. I feared I would become the odd person out and be ostracized from my own community for not accepting this man's fetishes. I was the only person who knew anything about trans-ideology and I thought he would ruin the great atmosphere we have here in our isolated village. This is an update.

The guy came here to do some odd-jobs and was house-sitting at a place on the main street. He would wander around in his pink tights, which caused a few raised eyebrows, but as he kept to himself he wasn't much of a problem. His other mental health problems soon surfaced when the home-owner returned six weeks later and he abruptly left the village without having done any work for anyone, so not many people had interacted with him in his time here.

I was relieved that my fears weren't realized because I had really stressed over the situation. He had left in a hurry so his room was a bit of a mess and when cleaning it up the home-owner found tampons, pads, and her own underwear with lipstick stains on them under the bed. She peaked. Slowly the word has gotten out about this guy (not by me) and now I think the whole village has peaked.

[–]fuckupaddams 10 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Nope, not a fetish, he's just living his fucking perverted truth.

[–]PenseePansy 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Nope, not a fetish, he's just living his fucking perverted truth.

Well, yeah-- the truth that he's a fucking perverted fetishist!

[–]Monchichi 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

and her own underwear with lipstick stains


[–]assignedcopatbirth 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh my god... that must have been so creepy for the owner! Glad he left before he pushed even more boundaries.

[–]marmorsymphata 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There is literally just no level of bending over backwards and pretending you believe their ideology that will satisfy these people. They NEED to erase EVERYTHING about sex on every level.

[–][deleted] 35 insightful - 1 fun35 insightful - 0 fun36 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I used to think the whole "trans women are women" thing was legit. At least in the sense that they genuinely had a female brain and experienced consistent distress at their body and consistent improvement when that body was changed to match their brain.

Then I saw some transbians speculating on tumblr (of course) about how to unlearn the male gaze. This was years ago and would never be admitted to today, but I was confused: if you're a bona-fide female with a female brain, how do you have the male gaze? If you're gay, you don't "unlearn" straight behaviors. You might stop mimicking them to fit in, but you always had an innate sense of who you wanted to be. So the idea that some people had to forcibly train themselves to be less male instead of exposing their "true self" troubled me.

I notice that the general PR image of transgender people is the HSTS, meanwhile the AGP runs the TRA agenda. Then the RODG/NB types support it without (as I see it) the greater context. The NB thing really got me as I could tell these were straight women, often troubled with mental illness, chopping off their hair and insisting on special pronouns.

I started to feel uncomfortable because I couldn't have a debate in that environment without getting ostracized. People would blow up and scream on social media over much less. I felt I was being forced to validate a fantasy that I didn't believe in. There's no such thing as a non-binary brain, as brains and brain structures are not binary. It seemed that if they had dysphoria it was self-cultivated in the sense that by obsessing on their gender and tying their validation to their pronouns, misgendering and similar behaviors became an act that struck their ego deeply. If I see myself as an amazing musician, and everyone around me also told me so, if someone said bluntly that my music sucks my ego would be devastated. The conflicting statements of "it's just about decency and respect" and "if you don't do it, they'll kill themselves" especially drove me nuts.

I remember a comment from a female NB about how she wanted a PHD mostly because "Dr" is a gender neutral title. Perhaps that woman thought it was proof of how actually non-binary she was. But I just thought it must be a miserable existence to be so obsessed with how other people see you that you would devote years of your life to something you're not otherwise interested in.

The TRAs got bolder. Trans periods, truescum/no dysphoria to be trans, support of children transitioning, etc. Around then was when I started hearing TERF thrown around. People were treating terfs like those evil dirty stupid republicans, and I'd learned long ago that was hate propaganda. So I had a look. I don't agree with most radfem beliefs but it seemed that we shared concerns about free speech, about liberal sentiments that weren't actually helping people, and some actual good data about transgenderism, ROGD, and medical transition. Looking at things like the ratio of TIMs/TIFs, the problems with puberty blockers and hormones, the stories of detransitioners whose sexual trauma had made them hate their bodies, helped me go beyond the simple "born in the wrong body" narrative and understand how complex this thing actually was.

You won't be long on GC before you hear about AGP and check out itsafetish, and then it was pretty much over Trans Everest. I knew itsafetish couldn't last - it was too revealing to show AGP TRAs speaking honestly. No one would look at that stuff and see a woman, because AGPs are not women. And then seeing that for some TIMs, the fetish isn't just them but also enacting feminization on young people, I was done with all of this stupid shit.

[–]Locastor 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Hi again everyone! Just found out about SaidIt and delighted to see you all again!

Meta but is there a place where I can see a list of communities sent down the memory hole on Reddit that have been resurrected here?

[–]worried19 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

There are two other active ones that I know of, s/GCdebatesQT and s/LGBDropTheT.

[–]Locastor 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thanks friend

[–]worried19 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No problem. Hope to see you on the debate sub if you're interested.

[–]diapason 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

I had kind of been sick of trans/'queer' ideology for a few years already by this point, but what really shocked me and pissed me off about it recently was when a few months ago my younger sibling (early teens) expressed the opinion that people who refuse to date trans people are horrible people. I was shocked and wondered where they had heard this, because there was no way they came up with this on their own… Needless to say, I told them that they had the right to reject anyone for whatever reason they want and they should not be labeled bigoted or a bad person for it. The fact that children and teens (especially LGB ones) are being groomed into this mindset is abhorrent to me, and I hate what the TQ+ are doing to the rest of the LGB community and what transgender ideology is doing to women's rights. Around the same time, there was uproar on social media coming from some of my former classmates who were offended by JK Rowling's "transphobic" essay, but hadn't seemed to have read it themselves, so I read it, thought it was reasonable, started looking, and wound up here.

So, all in all, I wouldn't say there was one specific thing that was my "peak trans" moment, it was more of a slow burn with a lot of stuff chipping away at my initial support for trans ideology (trans and non-binary friends and classmates, pansexual snobbery, noticing r/actuallesbians was like a third transbians, every LGBT online community being mainly about the T, stopping believing in the concept of gendered souls, lack of evidence for gendered brains, trans-women in women's sports, TRAs denying the differences between male and female socialization and their response to Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's comments, "genital preference" discourse, the increasing obviousness of how reliant on gender stereotypes this shit was, TRAs' denial of biological sex, pronoun madness, non-binary obviously just being an attempt to escape misogyny, insistence on using gender-neutral language in sex-ed which would make it inaccessible to those who needed the info the most, how liberals had a religious fervor about their support for trans ideology, getting corrected in class by a teacher and a liberal friend that sex and gender were different, seeing kids getting corrected in class on classmates' pronouns, when I first saw the fearmongering about Drop the T being a hate movement when it made perfect sense to me and didn't seem hateful at all, the "you owe your rights to trans women" shit, the highjacking of feminism, the gaslighting of saying that the vast majority of transgender people are nice people and therefore the problematic and violent ones don't matter, logical inconsistency, learning about how harmful puberty blockers were to children, finding out about the astroturfing in the trans movement and seeing how they were deliberately holding LGB rights back, TiMs getting women's scholarships and political seats, the high amount of TiFs in an online eating disorder support group I was in, the pathetic state of my school's GSA, "queer sex" guide articles floating around talking about PIV sex being a type of lesbian sex, noticing the grooming in all this stuff, noticing how conservatives I knew were more likely to be supportive of/sympathetic to trans than LGB, seeing how transgenderism ran in certain social circles, observing how transgender people behaved more similarly to what was typical of others of their biological sex than their gender identity, the likes of Danielle Muscato, the pressure to be open to dating trans people, the fact that I didn't have a sense of gender identity like they insisted I must, the insistence that trans people were the most oppressed group in america despite nothing to really back up that claim, the beggars on social media, the way gender identity kept constantly being likened to sexual orientation, and so much more.), but to hear something that reeked of such obvious grooming from my beloved younger sibling made me just 100% done with this shit.

N.B. My sibling isn't a "they", I just used gender-neutral language and an approximate age to refer to my sibling to avoid identifying information.

TL;DR: Younger sibling said people who weren't open to dating trans people were horrible people, whole thing reeked of grooming, said fuck this shit.

PS I'm probably younger than most of the people here and this transgender ideology stuff has been around all throughout my teenage years, so it's interesting reading stories from people older than me here to get a different perspective on the whole thing!

[–]hetisachoice 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

noticing how conservatives I knew were more likely to be supportive of/sympathetic to trans than LGB

What's conservative about trading in a perfectly functional penis for non-functional fake breasts?

[–]distortedlinds 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

do you know where your sibling heard that crap from? I am incredibly curious.

[–]diapason 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm guessing either 1) unrestricted internet access or 2) poor choice of weird friends who have unrestricted internet access who then rub off on them. I can't even tell where on the internet, possibly Tumblr, possibly YouTube, possibly Discord, just it has to be from somewhere cause no one comes up with this stuff on their own. (My sibling's had much more restricted internet access the past little while since our parents have realized how much weird crap they're coming across [unrelated to the gender stuff], thankfully)

[–]OrangeFireflyReturns 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I have a fervent hope that younger people will start to see through this bs. I'm desperately hoping that non-binary (in particular) will be a fad and that teens will start to reject the whole concept as a bit passé.

[–]Lilith_Fair 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Come join us at I'll PM you with how to join if you want.

[–]Shesaidno22 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Can I get a PM, please?

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I would also appreciate one. Saidit... is a fine temporary refuge, but its primary userbase is wildly engrossed in conspiracy theories. I don't think it's a good permanent home for gendercrit discussions.

[–]distortedlinds 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Can I get a PM :)

[–]diapason 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)


[–]windrunner 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

When I look back at it and after reading all the things you enumerated, I don't know how I didn't see this ideology for what it was before, although I was never a TRA or very supportive of it all. But damn, when you actually read everything you can't just help wonder just how many people were brainwashed when SO MUCH evidence exists.

[–]diapason 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

For my age group (late teens) a lot of it is there's a lot of social pressure, especially in certain social groups (art/theatre/choir kids, LGB youth, especially so for girls) to buy into the ideology, and I remember it started becoming popular when we were in our early teens, with a lot of the stuff spreading via social media. Nowadays when I open up Instagram, the stuff my old classmates (mostly girls) are posting on their stories is like 1/3 BLM, 1/3 "if your feminism isn't [xyz], it isn't worth shit" (one post said a whole list of things, including "male-inclusive" lmfao), and 1/3 TWAW/TMAM/NBsANB shit, with some Biden propaganda sprinkled in here and there. So yeah, realistically some of them are just virtue signaling but many of them are genuinely indoctrinated when you talk to them. And why wouldn't they be, when this shit gets pushed on us at school too? We never had any formal "education" on gender identity or anything like that, but we'd get chastised in class for accidentally 'misgendering' or 'deadnaming' classmates we'd known since elementary school, so it's not like we could express anything critical of trans. The good news is I think a large portion of us are sick of it/think it's bullshit, but the opposition isn't very vocal; really only the Trump supporters can get away with being open about that and still have friends, and that's a niche. What's telling is more how many of us are silent on the issue, especially for kids who are otherwise pretty vocal about politics or liberal/left-leaning. The unfortunate thing is a lot of my generation really strongly associates LGB with TQ+, so I'm really worried about the probably inevitable coming backlash.

Part of what concerns me most is how targeted the push for trans acceptance is on LGB youth—many have been sold on the lie that they are in any way like us or that we owe them our rights, and so support them with an almost religious fervor. I've seen over the past few years that even some of the kids who were initially skeptical of the gender identity stuff have drunk the koolaid (like an old friend who used to say "there are only two genders" sophomore year who just shared an informational post a few weeks back about supporting non-binary gender identities; and she's the only out lesbian I know who hasn't gone trans or non-binary)[ETA: I forgot I knew one other who hasn't either, I have no idea what her opinions are on the TQ+ stuff, she doesn't post about it ever, which I guess might be a good sign]—whether it's for woke points or genuine change of belief, idk, but either way it's kinda disturbing. The new fad is pronouns in bio—that's even reached some of the straight kids who never really knew about or cared about this stuff before. At the same time, some of the girls who really bought into it early on in high school to the point of adopting a non-binary or trans-guy identity themselves have since desisted (and a couple grew their hair back out or began presenting more femininely again, which sends a weird message, but that's neither here nor there). Gay guys seem to be more spared from it, I'd imagine bi guys as well (I only know one guy who's out as bisexual, so I can't comment on them as a group), but lesbians and bi girls have been pretty affected, with lesbians getting the worst of it I think. Plenty of girls who claim LGBTQWERTY status but who I'm pretty sure are actually heterosexual have gotten sucked in too.

An important factor, too, in my age group's support for trans ideology is the demographics of transgender people. At my (moderately large) school, there were multiple female students in my grade who claimed trans-guy or non-binary status, but to my knowledge not a single male one claimed to be trans or non-binary. This fits in with the demographics of the population too—trans youth tend to be TiFs or female non-binary, while IIRC adults 30+ are more often TiMs. So when someone my age who has only a passing awareness of the issue thinks of trans people, what comes to mind is the TiFs we know, who are at worst mildly delusional, obnoxiously PC, self-centered, or weirdly obsessed with gay men, but maybe a slight majority of whom are generally nice and unassuming but seem to have low self-esteem. The TiMs who are sometimes genuinely a threat to women or children, the ones who appropriate groups and online communities and moderate them with an iron fist, the ones who take women's political representation, the ones who colonize lesbian spaces, the ones for whom it's a fetish… they aren't even on our radar most of the time, so when liberals/TRAs push for the trans-inclusive stuff with bathrooms/changing rooms/shelters, it's easy to dismiss the opposition as right-wing fear-mongering or older people stuck in their ways (plenty of youthful arrogance mixed in there, TBF), because that's not the image we're associating with the group if we haven't really looked into it. If someone my age has a negative view of trans people from their experience, they're more likely to think they are mildly delusional or self-obsessed, rather than fetishistic or threatening.

I think the whole ideology is relying on adults having the wool pulled over their eyes. IRL I've heard adults/parents express criticism of what's going on, but they always seem to miss the point—they think the issue lies in kids thinking they're boring for being heterosexual, or clout being given to 'marginalized' identities, and think all they need to hear is that it's okay to be straight, and then the issue will resolve, but that's not really the issue—otherwise straight kids would be pretending to be gay or bisexual instead, not non-binary, trans, etc, and those who are gay/lesbian/bisexual definitely wouldn't be claiming a gender identity cause they wouldn't feel the need to. It's another part of the forced association between LGB and trans—a lot of adults associate them too (again why I'm not looking forward to the inevitable backlash, although I know a lot don't have a problem with LGB but only TQ+, just there's no real way to know how things are going to play out).

It seems like the effects have gotten worse for kids a few years younger than me, like my younger sibling's age group, and I don't really see it going away within the next couple years—I think it'll take a little longer before the trans/gender identity movement reaches its head, and by then so much damage will have been done.

TL;DR: peer pressure, indoctrination, propaganda spread on social media, only knowing TiFs, forced teaming with LGB issues, the vain desire to be "on the right side of history"… all of that's contributed to support for trans advocacy in my age group.

I think trans ideology is up there with the normalization of pornography and "sex work" in destroying my generation. There's so much propaganda bolstering support for both, and it's having terrible effects on my age group, especially the girls.

[–]MonstrousRegiment 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Fantastic post, thanks for the insights! and hang in there, you obviously are going to be great at being an adult.

[–]diapason 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Aw, thanks!

[–]jjdub7Gay Male Guest Commentator 29 insightful - 3 fun29 insightful - 2 fun30 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

When Mike "Zoey" Tur assaulted Ben Shapiro on Dr. Drew for pointing out that Tur was still biologically male in perpetuity.

"[blaspheme trans dogma again] and you'll be going home in an ambulence."

Not only was it shocking to see an obvious, 6'4" man wrap his ham-sized hand around Shaprio's head and neck, but the juxtaposition of the 6-7 other panelists, insisting that not just anything about this aggressive (even on HRT), hulking individual was feminine, but that the entire display was the pinnacle of female social achievement, asserting its "human rights" as never done before throughout the course of human history.

I then realized we were dealing with a cult.

[–]BiologyIsReal 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I can't say I really peaked as I've never believe in TWAW. I've never feel really feminine despite being a women, for that reason I always found something ofensive about a effeminate man claiming womanhood. Also I know enough about biology to not buy the "but intersex!" excuse. However, I didn't pay attention to this topic because I take a "live and let live" philosophy as long noone is harming anyone and I though trans were a tiny minority, anyway.

Several things make me reconsider this approach, though. First, I noticed how the world seemed to be more obsessed with gender roles than 20 or even 10 years ago and I started worrying that transgenderism supporters were re-enforcing the very same gender roles and stereotypes that they claimed to defy. Moreover, I heard about the so called “cis privilege”, and rejected this concept from the beginning because I didn’t think any woman, including the very feminine ones, was privileged just for the fact of being born female. Some people were arguing TW should use the women's bathroom, an idea I found ridiculous because they weren't women and beacuse sex predators were bound to abuse this. I also heard some people arguing things like sexual orientation was based not on sex but on gender and a transgender individual didn’t have to disclose their biological sex to their romantic or sexual partners, all which sounded pretty rape-y to me.

In short, I was growing wary of gender ideology and the fact the only pushback I saw came from people who didn’t buy in the sex change narrative but still believed in and supported gender roles, didn’t help. The last straw for me was when the UN decided to include transwoman on International Women’s Day! At this point, it really felt like I’ve stepped in an alternative universe were things worked differently from ours. I mean, I even stumbled upon a graffiti claiming something like there were boys with vulvas and girls with penises! Such disregard for biology was maddening and I still hadn’t heard the worst of it.

This March, I find out more about trans rights activists’ goals, by chance. I ended up in a radical feminist website while searching for another topic. In the side-bar there were some articles about transgenderism which picked my curiosity. The more I read the more horrified I got: not only the future I feared was much closer than I thought, it was also way worse than anything I ever imagined! In a matter of a few days, I learned about things like self-ID laws, the “cotton ceiling”, male rapists in women’s prisons, autogynephilia, children and teenagers being medically transitioned, girls surpassing boys in gender dysphoria statistics, the increasing number of young detransitioners, legitimate research on the topic being shut down because it were against the official narrative, the rape and death threats towards women with opposing views, the butchering of the language 1984-style, and more.

I can’t describe how mad and frightened I was and I still am! I’m angry with all the scientists and health professionals endorsing this ideology despite they should know better than to think sex is neither binary nor immutable. I’m angry with all those involved on the transitioning of children and I can’t believe this is not a huge medical scandal already. Neither, I can’t understand how a lot of self-proclaimed feminist are championing the erasure of women’s rights and tolerating all the rape threats sent to Rowling and all the other women who dare to speak out. How can they not see the misoginy of this?

But it gets worse. About two months ago, I learned I was wrong in thinking the gender ideology was concentrated in the English speaking countries. I thought the peak of this insanity have yet to come to my country, but it turns out both self-ID and transition of minors are already legal here in Argentina since 2012. Oh, and there are more insane laws incoming! I'm in despair...

[–]nautilistic 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've never feel really feminine despite being a women, for that reason I always found something ofensive about a effeminate man claiming womanhood

This is what makes me completely disregard the gender ideology. "Cis" people never felt "cis". No "cis" man has ever stated they feel their gender. No "cis" woman has ever stated they feel their gender. It's an assignment of a term which applies to those who don't "feel" their gender. I reject the notion that a gender is a feeling.

Are gender roles a social construct? Absolutely. Therefore I can get along in the reasoning that gender is a social construct. But to say sex is a social construct is a denial of scientific facts. You can change your gender role, by being non-conforming and I think that is very important for a society and the emancipation of all. You can change your sex, somewhat, by undergoing sex change operations. And I believe people exist who really feel they're in the wrong body and happier living as a member of the opposite sex than the body they were born in. I won't get into any debates whether that has a psychological or physical cause. It doesn't really matter to me. I respect it and I will use the "he" or "she" pronoun if that's what makes them happy.

I draw the line by neo-pronouns and genderfluids. I don't believe you can change your gender by saying "I am now a woman". I don't believe your gender fluctuates. That's your mood or emotion. I think neo-pronouns are a sign of narcisism for wanting to feel very unique and special.

The fact that so many people go along with this is what peaked me and this seems to be a place of sanity.

[–]vodka_gimli 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I had a former close friend who first came out to me as trans. He and I had drifted apart due to moving across the country, but he knew that I wouldn't judge him. And I didn't. I had never been a fan of the whole 'TWAW' mantra because I don't like being told what to think and it came across as overly religious and preachy, but I really didn't mind treating transwomen as women. I gave him open feedback about his clothing choices and picking out cosmetics. One day we were chatting and he brought up the bane to transwomen that is TERFs. I didn't know what that meant so I started researching and found r/GC and their arguments were cogent and made sense. I didn't know what an AGP was but my friend was a textbook case. I started reading Andrea Dworkin and I had never had feminist literature resonate with me like she did. This newfound class analysis made me see so much misogyny which I would have dismissed before. I especially saw it in the trans rhetoric toward women/TERFs.

[–]distortedlinds 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Andrea Dworkin

which work did you read? I'd love to read it as well

[–]Erised 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I spent years and years of giving the benefit of the doubt to trans ideology that I never quite believed but just nodded along to be nice. And besides, who doesn’t want to be on the “right” side of history? But the biggest thing I could never quite believe was the whole “Trans Women are Women” thing. Whichever way I tried to justify it or reason it out, I could never TRULY believe TWAW— that we shared a similar enough experience for us both to be grouped under the “woman” umbrella. But, I concluded that including trans women in feminist circles, doing what I could to make them feel valid and accepted did more good than harm. It was kind of like calling a close family friend “Aunt So-and-So.” Yes, she wasn’t really a family member and I wouldn’t ask her about her 23 and Me results to learn about my family lineage, but everyone was on the same page so there’s no harm in calling her Aunt So-and-So.

Ironically, I finally got peaked by Contrapoints, whose channel is supposed to educate people about the trans experience. Her video “Gender Critical” first introduced me to GC theory which lead me to the Gender Critical subreddit (R.I.P.). I looked it up purely out of curiosity, but found that, actually, the GC stance made a LOT more sense than the theories I’d been nodding along with for the past 3-4 years. Rather than telling boys who like to wear dresses that they’re trans and need to get surgeries/ they’re trans and therefore should be able to access any female space they want, shouldn’t we be working on telling boys they CAN be boys and wear dresses and put the pressure on men NOT to harass said boys in male spaces?

And then contrapoints released her video called “Men,” in which contrapoints spends half an hour using the good ol “I have experience as a man AND as a woman, so I can definitively say who has it worse” while only reading ONE book as “research” (MRA-fodder “The Myth of Male Power”) and coddling men for having it “so hard nowadays” for suffering under a patriarchy they choose to prop up. Men are lonely because no one pays attention to them— should I, as a man, take the initiative to call my male friends to check up on them and build a strong relationship with them? No, it’s the feminists that are wrong. Of COURSE men are going to gravitate to misogynistic MRA groups! They have nowhere to turn to for help under toxic masculinity and the pressures of patriarchy... except for Men’s Liberation? Which is an incredibly positive community that contrapoints fails to mention once in her video.

No, it’s actually the men who are oppressed because men’s greatest weakness is their perceived power and women’s greatest power is their perceived weakness. Thanks Contra, I’ll remember that all the times I’m being told I’m overreacting when standing up for myself after being sexually harassed, when states continue to erode the rights over my own body, when I receive 80% of the salary my male colleagues get, while I’m married and doing all the housework, all the childcare, AND a full time job. But at least men will automatically just DO things for me that I never asked for in the first place, because it would be a shame for me to actually have to figure something out and build a skills I can use for a lifetime, right? AND I’ll get showered in male (false) praise and (duplicitous) affection... until I turn 40 and get treated as though I were invisible.

She can attest that, as a man, it stings when a woman walking alone at night and automatically assumes that you might be a predator. Ouch, poor men. Could it be that women LARGELY experience violence from men AND are then shamed for “putting themselves in that situation” when they experience violence? It doesn’t matter that women routinely have to make themselves small and cut themselves off from experiencing life at its fullest for fear of violence, harassment, and rape as pointed out from the Sylvia Plath passage that Contrapoints decided to put in her own video— but none of that freedom appeals to Contrapoints. And since it doesn’t matter to contrapoints, it shouldn’t matter to all other women.

Here was someone who made video after video explaining and rationalizing how she was a woman, and how everyone needed to believe her and validate her as a biological woman— how other biological women needed to fight for her rights in order to be “good intersectionalist feminists.” But then she puts out a 30 minute thirst trap (oh yeah, did I mention she wears lingerie for the majority of the video? Because this one is 4 da boisssss!) dismissing, belittling, and invalidating concerns women have had for years because those concerns don’t align with her view and experience of what “womanhood” is.

But that wasn’t what ultimately peaked me. People make mistakes, and hopefully they learn from those mistakes and grow. I wasn’t mad at Contrapoints, I was just.... disappointed.

What peaked me was the comments. More specifically, the responses to the comments that respectfully pointed out that contrapoints’s views on men and the safety concerns of women were most likely influenced by the fact that Contra was socialized as a man for about 80% or so of her life (as she’s very open about considering this ENTIRE VIDEO was drawing on HER OWN EXPERIENCES as a man). No, she wouldn’t mind getting so called “positively” cat called, because those comments AFFIRM her gender identity. That, as a former self proclaimed MRA shithead (her words), she might have some misogynistic attitudes and beliefs she still needs to work out. Plenty of biological women have internalized sexist beliefs, it should stand to reason that those beliefs likewise just don’t magically disappear for trans women.

But her supporters were having NONE of that. It’s transphobic to EVER point out that a trans woman USED to be a man (but then, what did they TRANSITION from them?) To critique and criticize ANY trans person’s views mean you’re trying to invalidate them and erase their identity, even if most TRA talking points are inherently contradictions of each other, kill yourself TERF!!!! (It’s okay for someone to be mistaken or misinformed about something. Pointing out that what you’re saying can be harmful to women who’ve been oppressed and brutalized for millennia isn’t an attack on you. Also, rude).

For years I had viewed TRA’s points in good faith and unquestioningly assumed the best when they shared their experiences and what it meant to be a woman to them. But whenever a biological woman spoke up with concerns or criticisms, she was met with hostility and the worse was assumed about her — she automatically hated trans women and wanted them dead, everything she said was just a dog whistle for hate. I watched as women lost their jobs over asserting that biological sex is real. I watched as the bar of entry for what constitutes “a woman” became lower and lower and the danger that comes with that as men can enter female spaces and redefine what womanhood means and what should be important to women. All the trust, validation, and support I’d been giving TRA’s for years wasn’t a two way street.

[–]distortedlinds 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

so well said. its important to note that Contra harvests and encourages the comments in her videos. thats his fan base, and as much as they can ignore or reject that fanbase - its still the mindset they encourage and are a direct reflection of who they are as a human.

just food for thought.

[–]Daraincork 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Brilliant explanation of the problem there , Erised. There can be no compromise with the TRAs because they won't accept one. Much always wants more as the old saying has it.

[–]jjdub7Gay Male Guest Commentator 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The compromise is them assimilating every last piece of space, designated benefit, familial kinship, categorical accomplishment, bit silence awaiting a voice - and it will still never be enough, all fodder for the narcissistic void.

[–]MonstrousRegiment 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks Contra, I’ll remember that all the times I’m being told I’m overreacting when standing up for myself after being sexually harassed, when states continue to erode the rights over my own body, when I receive 80% of the salary my male colleagues get, while I’m married and doing all the housework, all the childcare, AND a full time job. But at least men will automatically just DO things for me that I never asked for in the first place, because it would be a shame for me to actually have to figure something out and build a skills I can use for a lifetime, right? AND I’ll get showered in male (false) praise and (duplicitous) affection... until I turn 40 and get treated as though I were invisible.

Great summary!

I'd like to encourage everyone here to use sex-based pronouns. Free your head!

[–]889250 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I started lurking at the Gender Critical subreddit a while ago, I was sad to see it was banned. I would say this was a peak moment for me in itself. Having seen the posts on there, I didn't see that any of it was hate speech or dehumanizing in any way. Anything that questions the trans movement is a huge no no on the internet. Great free speech there.

The hatred shown towards JK Rowling even after (especially after) her essay in response to the outrage of her latest tweet was definitely a huge peak moment for me. A woman being silenced, insulted, and threatened for daring to stand by scientific fact and biological reality really grinded my gears. And through that hearing about biological women who lost their jobs for believing science and voicing and standing by that belief? Important peak moments.

Boiling womanhood down to essentially "I feel like a woman so I am one regardless of any other factors" is a huge peak moment for me too. How does one feel like a woman? I don't even know. How do you feel like a man? Man and woman isn't a feeling.

Trying to find any articles or opinions questioning the trans movement at all is almost impossible, so when I found myself questioning a lot of what I was seeing i googled opposing positions and had a lot of trouble finding anything that wasn't supporting trans or "debunking" opposing views. Calling people terfs or transphobes when they so much as question the TRA narrative, utilizing cancel culture to silence any attempt at rational discord about the trans movement is frustrating and was a huge force in pushing me to be gender critical.

I didn't want to write a damn essay but when I started naming peak moments it got harder and harder to stop lol. I don't hate trans people and I believe they should receive all rights and protections everyone else has. But I don't agree with their attempt to rewrite history, biology, and language to suit their needs.

[–]PrincessBubblegum 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hello. I guess I peeked a long time ago. I grew up Catholic, and no one let me read anything that would contradict what I was taught. I learned pretty quickly that not being allowed to read was the opposite of freedom of thought. My mother used to tell me when I asked her a question; because I said so; and that answer was never good enough for me. I kept asking her why, and she told me that one day we are able to learn to read and then we can decide the answer for ourselves. I think that's the most important thing she ever taught me. Sorry for my punctuation.

[–]drunkthrowwaay 37 insightful - 1 fun37 insightful - 0 fun38 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The thoroughness and viciousness of the Reddit purge, and how tra and supporters behaved during it, repeaked me. Celebrating shutting down not just opponents’ speech, but even just open discourse, like in the debate sub. Celebrating shutting down truelesbians. Lurking and threatening with possible shutdown the detrans sub, if their content wasn’t up to tra standards.

The fact that a major social media platform and public discussion host enacted such a ridiculous, widespread, and unrelenting purge based on political views that a minority of the population vehemently despises, as well as non political speech that this minority deemed not correct enough for them. I hate it so much. It’s suppression of free thought and the freedom to share and exchange such thought. Some might say, “It’s a private company and they’re free to regulate speech how they like.” They are a private company and can legally do what they like—but it seems obvious that this is the form that suppression and censoring of the public spheres of ideas would necessarily take in a late capitalist society. It’s 2020, and in the US most speech directed at the “public sphere” is conducted through private companies.

To paraphrase Justice Brandeis, the remedy for speech you hate is not suppression, but more, better speech. If TRA ideology is accckkkshuallly scientifically correct and logically valid and sound then they shouldn’t be suppressing opposing ideas—they should be meeting and defeating them in public discourse. I can’t respect a movement that shies away from such debate and can’t meet such challenges, that would prefer its opponents are simply not heard.

Edit: Honestly, it is depressing as hell. I only ever participated in the GC v QT debate sub, so I can only speak about that. There was nothing at all within the debate sub that could plausibly make it a “hate sub.” Things got heated sometimes, but “heated” for that sub didn’t include slurs, and certainly nothing actually hateful. I believe misgendering was actually against the rules, and mods were pretty strict about enforcement. Nothing about it was hateful. Redditors abusing the report button, Reddit employees with an agenda, and Reddit corporate that wants the easiest way to avoid controversy—fuck all of them.

[–]Ailyn99 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

i've always been a die hard feminist. I got introduced to radical feminism when i realized the prostitutes i saw in the streets were not the free sex workers i was told they were. Then, I found out about the word "terf" and googled why they were so evil... And the rest is history

[–]ComeTheFuckOn 30 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 0 fun31 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I always knew it was bullshit but I've been smart enough to play along because the alternative just wasn't worth it. Now, I'm over it.

[–]leninsleftnipple 45 insightful - 1 fun45 insightful - 0 fun46 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I discovered r/gendercritical about a week before it got banned (along with other various female subs being banned or overtaken by mods with trans agendas. I saw JK Rowling's essay and I was like how can anyone disagree with this, it makes perfect sense. But apparently that makes me a TERF. I'm sick of the TRAs destroying womanhood and female spaces.

[–]thexxfactor 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Do you happen to have a title or link to JK's essay?

[–]leninsleftnipple 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

[–]saged 35 insightful - 6 fun35 insightful - 5 fun36 insightful - 6 fun -  (1 child)

The first time I ever questioned anything trans was when this person I went to school with posted a picture of james charles going, "Since you guys don't get it, this is a feminine gay man. A straight man or lesbian would NOT be attracted to this person because they do not like men" So gay men, bisexuals and "pansexuals" would.

and then they had the same picture going, "If this were a trans woman, then gay men and straight women would NOT be attracted to them because they are female, it does not matter what a trans person looks like. If they say they are something then they are"

And it was the dumbest shit I've ever seen. Basically they were saying that if James charles said, "hey i'm trans now!" and just stayed his make up wearing self, then that means NO men would be attracted to him unless they were straight and all gay boys who liked him would no longer like him or would be forced to identify as straight or bisexual.

that and "not dating trans is transphobic" were some of the first things that made me give the movement a major side-eye.

[–]exploratorium 33 insightful - 3 fun33 insightful - 2 fun34 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I don’t have a long story to tell, but the main things that peaked me were 1) deciding to take a campus course for anyone at the uni who wanted to be a “safe space” for lgbt students and sitting there having to go around the table and tell our pronouns (still don’t understand for what purpose as it was a two hour thing and never saw those people again), 2) originally remembering when a lot of this was growing in popularity how people would say “gender is between your ears, sex is in your pants” (which at the time made some sort of sense to me), but it quickly changed to people claiming sex isn’t real and “girlcock” and “boicunts” are legit things (barf), and 3) the demanding from TiMs that lesbians accept them, date them, and have intercourse with them so they feel validated.

I get peaked on a daily basis though, really, since it seems like some TRA bullshit occurs every day.

[–]msteacherlady 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I just had a phone convo with an old friend who's work serves a lot of queer folks and he's kinda bought the dogma, but clearly annoyed by most of these people. He's a finance guy, not science and he's got a history of getting taken advantage of for his kindness, so he's kinda vulnerable to the rhetoric.

Anyway, he was bitterly describing the "them" who was "clearly female when THEY started working here" and had always been a lunch-stealing grump. (I've hear him complain about this person for like, over 2 years now?) Shortly after coming out this employee quit, and quickly after that was corralled back in but to a different division. Now this person is filing a complaint for poor and exclusionary work conditions. According to friend, they all bent over backwards to accommodate this person and make them feel included. Even the other trans people that work there had a hard time getting along with this person. Anyway, friend saw this person last week hovering around HR and had some scar tissue on their forearms. You know what that means!

I just remember thinking, who even wants that? We go on about how complex the female reproductive system is, because it truly is and it's so offensive how so many transwomen just think of it as a hole, and if you're lucky, a baby-bag. Penises and testicles don't hold a candle to what women's entire bodies have to do to be reproductively functional, but still, they're more than just a tube! So now there's this crabby chick walking around with a flippy floppy dongle that no hetero woman or gay man would know what to do with. Hopefully they just expect to play with it themselves.

[–]threefingersam 21 insightful - 2 fun21 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

I've already peaked before, but I peaked again when I saw a demo of this game: It's about a nonbinary character with their head stuck up their ass while getting a cig to smoke. The protag came off as super self-important about "correcting pronouns" and overall, the game was mostly TRA propaganda.

[–]jjdub7Gay Male Guest Commentator 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Ironically, GamerGaters' nearly-identical criticisms of a nearly-identical gender-and-depression-themed game by one Zoë Quinn (she/her-turned-they/them) kicked off that whole firestorm.

[–]levoyageur718293 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Holy mackerel, "an outcry" looks terrible. The Bundle For Racial Justice had a lot of naval-gazing gender garbage like that, too.

[–]bunchabaloney 32 insightful - 2 fun32 insightful - 1 fun33 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Funnily enough, I had peaks one after another during an attempt to support my long-time friend who at the time just came out as MTF. Beforehand I was of the mindless school of thought that 'transwomen are women' and didn't think much of it when he came out to me. I had gone to r/egg_irl (subreddit that convinced him originally) to try to empathize with him and educate myself, and came out all sorts of confused at the backwards-ass logic being applied, which only got worse the more trans-related subreddits I/he visited. At first he didn't make much of a big deal about it, but after he became more involved in the community, he became way more sensitive and I found myself walking on eggshells whenever we would talk about anything gender or even sexuality related.

During that year or so I realized the guy has so many red flags (BPD, autism, trauma, has self-loathing that you would NOT believe) that it should be plainly obvious to anybody looking on that transitioning would not suddenly fix all the problems that he's retroactively made into signs of gender dysphoria. He fits so many online transwoman stereotypes that it's kind of frightening: cute anime girl fixation, furry, tech nerd, even the stupid 'programmer socks' and degenerate fetishes, the whole nine yards. It's abhorrent to me that TRA and the trans community can see his situation and still parade around the idea that living as a 'woman'/hormones will magically improve his life with no downsides, when realistically there are many. He's built like a brick shithouse, and while maybe he can attempt to pass online, there's not a chance in hell he can pass in real life. He has never once thought about anything from a woman's perspective; if I talk about something relating to lesbians/women, he will shoot back with something about gay men/men in general. If you look at it honestly, he's just a gay guy with deep-seated issues who likes to wear feminine clothing and more likely than not has AGP tendencies.

We are still friends (as much as it pains me to admit that), but I'm not sure how much longer for. I'm a people pleaser type who avoids most conflict, so I haven't made it known just how I feel about the whole situation, even though it goes against pretty much all of my values... The more he talks about how TERFs should be killed or how J.K Rowling is an awful person, the more I think/know I should cut him loose, for his sake and my own.

[–]DimDroog 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's a cult.

i was raised in a cult, didn't even realize it was a cult till this year, and now can see the cult signs in other movements.

[–]juli 17 insightful - 2 fun17 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

reading your second paragraph I almost wondered if we were thinking about the same person, lol. I have a friend that's "suddenly" realized they're trans during quarantine, and literally all of those qualities: tech dude, super introverted, has mental health issues, is a furry, super into anime girls and now all things that are "uwu cute". and now all of his social feeds are dedicated to crying about mean JKR, TERFs, and wanting to look like an anime girl. It honestly feels offensive that his version of "womanhood" is playing into every annoying stereotype that women have tried to push back against. I really think that he's thinks he's discovered a magical "answer" to all of his longstanding issues, and now everything is seen through this lens. I just try to keep things light and I don't really hang out with him much anymore except group settings.

[–]SanityIsGC 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This really is like someone losing their friend to a cult especially his wanting terfs killed, that is, the non-believers who threaten the hive mind. He does sound like an emotionally unstable person who's susceptible to mind-control. Not easy stuff for you to deal with:(

[–]TarshishJupiter 30 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 0 fun31 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I'll share my peak trans story here since my old one was on reddit and it was way too lengthy.

As a teenager I was indoctrinated into the Christian Patriarchy movement. (Yes, it is/was a real thing.) They believed that women should be basically owned by her father until she was married, from which point she should submit to her husband totally. If her husband died, she should submit to her sons or closest male relatives. She should have as many children as possible and raise them up to be Christians so she could "outbreed" the heathens. I never really believed most of those things, but being surrounded by girls and women who were so submissive, wore skirts and head coverings, and seemed happy to be feminine... it really screwed with me.

I bristled against the notion that I ought to be more feminine. I wanted to be a person, not a baby-making accessory. I began to think that since I felt resistance in myself against this idea of "womanhood", it must mean that I wasn't really a woman. I never came out to anyone as trans, but in my head I saw myself as such. I went through intense dysphoria about every part of my body that reminded me I was female - breasts, hips, facial structure, thin hands, lack of muscles... everything. I was happy if someone thought I was a boy. It was textbook gender dysphoria, and no one can tell me I didn't really experience it.

I peaked in 2015 when I started to realize that words had no meaning to the trans movement. Then I saw this video that College Humor put out about "Coming Out as Trans-Everything" and in the comments was someone saying "People are reaching peak trans". I was like, what's peak trans? So I looked it up, and found Gender Critical on Reddit. The image on the sidebar with the pink and blue brains in the "wrong" bodies caught my attention. I was fine the way I was? I could be a woman without the whole "womanhood" thing? It was an amazing feeling to realize that I didn't have to worship this idea of gender - whether I submitted to femininity or chased after some ideal of toxic masculinity.

My dysphoria slowly subsided over the next year or two, and now I'm happy to say that I love being a woman! I'm comfortable in my body without the chains of gender holding me down. If I had gone down the path of being trans, I would have felt increasingly more uncomfortable about my body, since there would always be something I would hate about myself. So thank you, Gender Critical.

[–]SanityIsGC 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It was an amazing feeling to realize that I didn't have to worship this idea of gender

Well said. You're a very good writer.

[–]TarshishJupiter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks :-)

[–]oofreesouloo 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Wonderful story, thanks for sharing!

[–]blackrainbow 24 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 0 fun25 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Repeaked when a friend of mine (an uninformed TRA) told me my sexuality is fluid just because sometimes I have sex with a strap on (in her mind that makes me a bisexual). Uh, and just because a girl likes to blow some guy from time to time, that does not make her any less of a lesbian. What counts is how a person identifies.

Fucking homophobe.

[–]oofreesouloo 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Fucking morons and homophobes grrr.

[–]trumpetvine 23 insightful - 3 fun23 insightful - 2 fun24 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Hi, former lurker of the now banned r/gendercritical. Never took a chance to post my peak trans story. It's long, sorry. Bi, not out to anyone that I didn't know before I met the father of my kids, my husband. Not unicorn-hunting or trying to align with the LGBT crowd for political points like Kate Brown. Very happy to be off-market now, because before I met my husband, I would not have been opposed to dating a trans man or woman because of their trans status. I don't know of any trans people who don't currently have completely repellent personalities, and they weren't obviously broken back then. The recent trans-fad may have discouraged them from maintaining their mental health or even giving an appearance of emotional stability. Dodged that bullet!

Currently SAHM, 2.5 kids, boy, girl, expecting another boy. Hopefully he turns into the third member of my little brood. BTW, womanly horror story might follow. Non-moms might not get it, so consider yourself warned. I have a somewhat complicated obstetric history, but if all goes well, I will, once again, demonstrate the most universally accepted affirmation of womanhood and push a whole human being out of my body, hopefully with less stitches this time. My pronouns are “I”, “Me”, “My” and “Mine”. Unless we're addressing the state, then it's “We”, “Us” “Our” and “Ours”. I get my pap whenever my OBGYN says I'm overdue, so if someone uses the wrong pronoun to describe me, they're stupid. I find it amusing when people online refer to me as “he” or “him”, and I seldom bother to correct them, because “there are no girls on the internet”.

It's hard to pick an isolated moment when I “peaked”. It's been building since the “cis” prefix came into use among woke libs. It probably happened around the time boys started playing girl's sports. I'm not necessarily opposed to inverted rapesticks in the ladies room since the surgery disarms them, but there aren't many opportunities for a female to physically compete against a male opponent, rapestick inverted or armed. In fact, I can only think of two, and they both have built-in equalizers, cars and guns – racecar driving, and sharpshooting. Some might claim that they aren't sports at all, which I would dispute. (Whatever they are, all women should be trained in firearm operation. I know my little girl will be when she's ready.) The invasion of women's athletics opened the door for abuses and violations that were unthinkable 10 years ago.

I come from a somewhat liberal background. Exmormon, anti-rape activist, anti-neocon activist, I voted for John Kerry in 2004 because he promised to end the war. (Back when the war was in Iraq.) I spent every Saturday in October of '04 canvassing for his campaign, and went to the election night party at the largest ballroom in Denver. I watched in horror and disillusionment as Ohio was called for Bush, and all the people over 21 swarmed to the bar. So much for ending the war that was killing my age-peers. I did a few protests against that war, including traveling to Crawford, Texass, to look at Dubya's ranch. I think I spat through his fence, but it was a long time ago. A lifetime for the younger adherents of this instagram/tumblr/twitter trans fad.

(God, I'm old. Not genX old or anything, I'm millenial-old. I'm old enough to be president.) Look at their hair, I used to do that. My canvassing-color was a very pretty shade of cyan-blue. And the piercings, nothing says youth fad like a facial piercing. When you get too old for it to be cool, just take it out, it'll heal up. At worst it'll look like an acne scar. Tats are a bit harder to get rid of, laser removal costs money, which kids don't have much of, and cover-up tats that don't look like shit cost even more money, so a young person with enough wisdom to recognize the inherent transitive nature of their age group won't get one until they're at least 25, and they'll abstain from hormones and medically-unnecessary surgery, just change their hair and clothing and say they're GNC. Unfortunately for their cooler counterparts, wisdom is NOT cool, never has been. Shitty tats, unnecessary surgery, and fucking with your hormones are very much in...right now.

There will surely be an epidemic of trans suicides eventually, when the more-permanently transitioned realize that they made a mistake and nothing can fix it. I fear that the very privileged men in very expensive dresses and very fancy makeup (TIMs who are leading this movement and their TIF “handymen”) will blame it on women. It's not hard to predict that women will be blamed for the actions of men. They'll use that degrading “TERF” slur to do it, and they'll appropriate terminology that describes women to obscure the fact that they were not “assigned” male at birth, because they were not born with ambiguous genitalia that needed assignment. They were “identified” as male at birth, or earlier if they were born after prenatal ultrasounds became routine.

The very damaged person who is the star of that really horrifying TV show (not saying their name or using their desired vocabulary) might bleed to death when they try out their newly-crafted fuckhole, because inverting a babydick and sewing it into a dick-sized pocket of thigh-skin...well, scar tissue doesn't hold up under stress very well. It tends to tear. If they get to a surgeon fast enough, they might survive long enough to die from despair when their age catches up with them and the trans fad dies off. I do not foresee a long life for this TV star. That famous track and field star from the 70's who posed for a racy Vanity Fair cover is old, so I can't say for sure which one will die first. If the old one can avoid the COVID, then probably the younger one with the more-experimental surgery. Poor kid. I feel sad for this very damaged person. That said...the CHILDREN's book which spawned that horrifying show should be BANNED from public libraries and schools.

Children are impressionable by nature. Some TRAs got the ODE to insert some vaguely described "gender education" into their health curriculum. Since I feel that my work experience with the rape crisis center, my lived experience as a woman, and my MOTHERLY-intuition makes me better qualified to teach MY kids about gender, I must now write to the school district and tell them that boys are boy and girls are girls, and that is the only gender education that is appropriate to teach MY children. Something like “Boys have penises, girls have vulvas, penises should never be allowed in rooms where vulvas are used to pee, gender education doesn't have a place in k-12 education, and it should probably only be available to people pursuing advanced degrees in psychology”. If I need to send my kids to a private christian school...fuck it, I'll home-school them. I will protect them to the hilt.

It is disturbing and upsetting that ultra-woke parents are actually fucking with their prepubescent kids' endocrine systems, and there are ethically-compromised pediatric endocrinologists who enable this abuse. Tons of them are in Portland. (Fucking Portland, the foulness that flows from that shithole gives people deadly infections if they're dumb enough to swim in that disgusting river. PSA, never touch the gross water in the Willamette, you'll surely catch something. If you have an open wound, you might die from it.)

Kids...they grow up, they reach puberty, and they become interested in sex. If they happen to be gay or lesbian, they become interested in sex with members of their own sex. If they hear from/are gas lit by their peers about the wokest gender fad, they might be persuaded to think that their sexual orientation is indication of their gender deviation, and decide that they're trans, not gay, because gay wants gay rights, and gay rights are for old married people, and they're too young to settle down. Young women are especially vulnerable to this, because the benefits of being a man are very appealing. Who wouldn't want to be free of the expectations of fucking makeup, and fucking hair removal, and fucking gussy-the-fuck-up-because-fucking-men-are-watching? I wish there were butch lesbian role models for young lesbians these days. Remember k. d. lang? Too talented for the riotgrrls, beautiful without the fake shit that TIMs adorn themselves with. And..she's old, older than me, fucking boomer-old. Why aren't there young versions of her? Maybe The L Word convinced them to either gussy-the-fuck-up, or transition into something less womanly. Now, actual women loving actual women, there's nothing wrong with that, right? Not if you're a very privileged straight man-in-a-dress experiencing deprivation of privilege for the first time. (Or a republican, but they're a different animal completely.) Making-up terms like “The cotton ceiling”, feeling deprived of the right to fuck whoever they want, actually suggesting that they should have a right to sex, these are the noisiest of the TRAs. Slave owners have a right to fuck their property in places where slavery is practiced, is that what they're talking about?

Maybe. This whole movement has set women's suffrage back...or simply derailed the progressing train from the track to a future of more equal rights and protections for women, and onto a track of...collapse. BTW, uterus implants for TIMs, have you heard this shit? I'm not currently an organ donor, and I never will be after reading about that. Atwood couldn't begin to imagine (well, certainly wouldn't be permitted to write about) anything like that in her dystopian nightmare fiction. But I can! The setting: A future world free of “cellulite”, where “reproductive organ hosts” are grown in, eh, “organ-growth facilities”, where their insides are “harvested” once they “ripen”, and the host is then discarded. Problem is, I can't think of characters or a story for the setting. Oh well, it wouldn't be any good without female characters.

[–]FilthyHomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The river isn’t Portland’s fault. At least not having anything to do with the current times. The willamette has been disgusting since my mom was a child. One time when I was a kid we boated on it, my dad fell in, and he came out green. That was further south though. The further south you go down the river, the grosser it gets.

I knew I was lesbian young and the L word definitely made me feel like I had to be Shane or Femme. It didn’t help that I didn’t really have other lesbian media, but it did affect me that the only butch other than Shane in the show went trans.

[–]thea 37 insightful - 1 fun37 insightful - 0 fun38 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I peaked a few years ago due to an intersection of a few different things happening. In the past, I had been a very dedicated social justice advocate (including hosting a workshop on gender and identity in undergrad - with what is now a defunct "gender"bread person) and the idea of being considered bigoted or a TERF was terrifying to me. But in 2017 following the women's march I began to see a lot of criticism of the march being cis-centric and cis-sexist. Two women in my graduate program (one of whom identies as a nonbinary he/them) were laughing about the pussy hats and uterus/reproductive pun signs and how ridiculous the idea of them were - because they weren't inclusive of transwomen and were obviously indicative of white feminism. Why, I thought, were those women being ridiculed? For caring about their reproductive rights? For acknowledging the biology we are so shamed for? Overhearing their conversation unnerved me badly although I couldn't put my finger on exactly why yet.

Around the same time, I saw this post on celeb gossip blog ONTD. Well, I saw the first post which has since been deleted. Writer Chimamanda Adichie expressed quite eloquently imo that women and trans women are not the same. We have different experiences, different struggles, and require different activism. ONTD lost its collective mind, calling her TERF, transphobe, bigot, and (incredibly) a white feminist. Some user chided another to just "go back to gendercritical" essentially calling them a troll. What, I thought, was gendercritical? That led me to the subreddit. A later post accusing JK Rowling of following transphobes on Twitter led me to Magdalen Berns. And this post Pose Actress Indya Moore starts Twitter Debate "Trans Women's Penises are Biologically Female" fully woke me up to the full ridiculousness of gender ideology.

I eventually called my younger sister (herself in undergrad at the time) to fearfully confess that I thought I might be gender critical - a "coming out" more frightening than telling her I was a lesbian a year before. She accepted it without much thought but we have since had an incredibly difficult crossways conversation about the subject. The reason? I brought up r/gendercritical getting deleted! We have mutually decided not to speak on the subject again to stay civil but that conversation pushed me to find where all the other gendercritical women had gathered!

[–]RevengeOfTheCis 28 insightful - 1 fun28 insightful - 0 fun29 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Doesn't the TRAs' ridicule and condescension towards women's reproductive imagery remind you of conservatives, lol? They both hate it!

And Chimamanda Adichie is not the only WOC I've seen called a "white feminist"! It's insane. It proves they only use the "white feminist" label to silence women. And ironically, if anyone's feminism is "white", it's obviously theirs, since all this TRA bullshit started thanks to the dominance of English-speaking, majority-white countries.

I hope your sister comes around. She sounds young, so hopefully with time she'll learn.

[–]thea 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It is truly absurd! Yet another reminder to fight against post-truth philosophies: "gay" and "lesbian" have nothing to do with sexuality, "female" is literal violence, brilliant WOC activists are white feminists... I hope you can sense my eyerolling as I type.

I think in her own time she will. There's a bit of an age gape between us and in so many ways we are in political/philosophical agreement (liberal daughters of a conservative father). Honestly I think my slight pushback ("I think this is a disagreement of definitions. What do you suppose the definition of woman is?") frightened her in a way. When gendercritical and/or radfem women have been so thoroughly slandered as fascist "TERF"s responsible for the epidemic murder of transwomen, I can see how her own sister bringing up a "TERF" talking point forced her to suddenly reckon with me possibly being one of the "baddies."

Yet I remain the same liberal sister she's always known. Nothing else to do but hold the line I suppose!

[–]RevengeOfTheCis 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I bet there's also a possibility that your sister is afraid that answering your question won't only make YOU one of the "baddies", but might make her recognize that if she thinks about the trans issue long enough to answer your question, she'll discover she's one of the "baddies", too!

And to be fair, it sounds like she's in the age group where being outed as a TERF (or even being related to one) is social and career suicide, so it's understandable she's afraid to discuss it.

[–][deleted] 17 insightful - 3 fun17 insightful - 2 fun18 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Took me wayyy to long to find this place. So happy to be reunited with the crew!

[–]Baileyscheesecake 40 insightful - 2 fun40 insightful - 1 fun41 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

My peakening started with Caitlyn Jenner. What was all the fuss about? She wasn’t the first transgender person to make the news. Chaz Bono anyone? (who I remember as the little girl Cher brought out at the end of the ‘Sonny and Cher Show’). Dr. Renee Richards way back in the 70s? Then there were the bathroom and locker room debates. Surely, it was a ‘no brainer’ that men shouldn’t be in women’s areas, so I was stunned when people argued that this was perfectly acceptable and if women didn’t like it, THEY should be the ones to leave. Then came TWAW, and now it’s the idea that ‘woman’ is a feeling and that ‘people’ have cervixes. Before discovering gender critical sites, I felt like I was the only sane person in a world gone crazy. The stereotypes I thought we’d moved beyond have instead been resurrected with a vengeance. I wondered why feminists weren’t protesting this and was hit with a ‘stupify’ spell when I found out they were actually supporting this, including organizations like Planned Parenthood and NOW.

I remember the women’s movement of the 70s, how hard we fought to be taken seriously rather than dismissed as hysterical, on our periods, or just plain silly. We had to get men to understand how the racy pictures and condescending language created a ‘hostile work environment’ for us. We struggled to break free of the stereotypes that were used to limit us. I thought we had succeeded to a great extent, women more so than men, so that each sex could embrace aspects of humanity that were once denied them. Men could be sensitive and caring, and women could be brave and rational.

I was a tomboy. I preferred to play with Tonka trucks rather than dolls. I liked to wear pants rather than dresses. At one point, I even wanted to have a boy’s name. But I never thought I was a boy. I was a girl who liked boy things. I was a girl who saw that boys got to have all the fun, going out into the woods camping and having careers. Girls stayed at home and learned to cook, sew, clean, and take care of babies. Yuck! In the horror movies I loved, women were weak and ineffectual. They screamed, fell down, and waited for someone to save them. When my mom and I went swimming, she never dove underwater or splashed or played, but complained about getting her hair wet. I wanted none of it. I rejected the role that society would have me play, and fortunately, my parents let me be me. I didn’t like the idea of developing a woman’s body no more than I did the realization that I would end up being short, but there was nothing I could do about it, so I had to learn to cope. And I did. When puberty came on, I accepted it and lost my dislike of femaleness. The ultimate turnaround came with ballet. That was sissy stuff when I was younger, but then I fell in love with it. I shudder to think of what would have happened to me if I’d been brought up today. I would not have been allowed to work these feelings out for myself and come to my own conclusions. I would have been told I was trans and to go on hormones. I had no idea of what it was really like to be a boy, the socialization and pressures they endured. I saw it only from the outside, and it looked fun.

I tried writing to my 20 something niece, asking her if she could explain three things: why so much hostility to anyone who questioned trans, why women’s feelings were being ignored, and why gender stereotypes were being resurrected. Her first response was to ask if I was referring to a specific event. I gave her numerous examples I’d read about or personally observed. She never answered.

Any disagreement with trans ideology is deemed “hatred” and “hurtful.” We have to change how we speak so as to spare their feelings. Yet, self-help books and memes tell us to believe in ourselves and not rely on others for validation. Apparently, that doesn’t apply to trans people. They are made out to be emotionally fragile and utterly lacking in any coping mechanism or resiliency.

The Trans movement has made me “trans apprehensive.” Whereas before, I felt kindly toward transgender people, I now want to avoid them because I don’t want them insisting that I share female space or change my ideas and language to suit them. This has bled over to non-binary people. They can identify how they want and I will be polite in their presence, but they have no right to control what words I use to describe them (they/them rather than he/she/him/her) when they are not around.

When I hear of what children are being taught in schools and reading in magazines, I despair for the future and wonder how I am going to navigate this scary new world. For now, I plan to gather my things and leave if a transwoman enters the locker room; to say that I am uncomfortable if a transwoman comes in to do my mammogram or pelvic exam; to cross out “assigned at birth” on any form I am given; and to continue using the word “woman.”

Thank you for creating this site and offering a way for women to connect and support each other.

[–]Eurowoman24 35 insightful - 2 fun35 insightful - 1 fun36 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

earliest peak trans moment? A woke friend telling me I need to get over my unconscious bias and that it's transphobic for me to not be interested in trans men (women's bodies/vagina) as a straight woman. If I don't like TIFs then I should be into TiMs, because apparently it's unreasonable to not be attracted to men in dresses, makeup, who act feminine and who may or may not have boobs.

[–]sisterinsomnia 36 insightful - 1 fun36 insightful - 0 fun37 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

The authoritarianism in the way sexual orientation has simply been turned into gender expression orientation is very shocking from lefties. Lesbians are told that it is transphobic to 'have genital preferences' and that at least they should try once. Not that different from what hetero men used to do to Lesbians in the past, and almost like forced conversion therapy.

When did feminism lose its thread this badly? I wrote "feminism,' because I have heard these arguments from feminists. We now have feminists essentially trying to pimp other women so that TIFs and TIMs can be made happier. That's the reason for those extremely convoluted attempts to explain away sexual orientation as somehow having nothing to do with the sex of the bodies. It doesn't work, of course. One part of the theory contradicts other parts of the theory and the whole thing is an illogical mess. But we should be nice, so they keep trying until suddenly the group they try to cajole into sexual activity is the one that has always been cajoled into sexual activity.

[–]Eurowoman24 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It is shocking! This was years ago when the trans thing started and I couldn't believe my ears. Of course miss "I'm so woke I'm now pansexual" has only had boyfriends and nothing else ;). I was especially shocked to hear about the pressure lesbians are facing regarding this! The brainwashing is so deep people have a hard time being convinced it's at least partly wrong (I'm talking bout PIV sex and non-feminine looking bodies here).

[–][deleted] 37 insightful - 1 fun37 insightful - 0 fun38 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I peaked when I found out about the Vancouver Rape Relief shelter getting defunded and vandalized. I peaked again when JK Rowling came forward in support of women only to receive death threats and rape threats and attacks against her person. And then again when reddit started banning women's spaces and subreddits that dared question the TRA agenda. I'm done going along with this utter woke nonsense.

[–]dancing_with_durga 38 insightful - 1 fun38 insightful - 0 fun39 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

CNN's "people with cervixes" nonsense while an article on men's health uses the word "men" 27 times has peaked me all over again:

In a couple of years I think all the "Trans Women Are Women" brainwashed ninnies are going to be backtracking and retconning. We are going to get the word "woman" back. There are too many of us.

But this is the time when we know who the brave ones are. The ones who have a mind of their own. The ones who hear the first circular definition, or the first Orwellian argument that doesn't hold together, and immediately say "Hang on, this is bullshit."

I am going to remember the people who care about women.

[–]Redditstinks 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

A dude with a dress is indeed a woman, while we’re merely “individuals with a cervix”. 🤡

[–]RevengeOfTheCis 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

In a couple of years I think all the "Trans Women Are Women" brainwashed ninnies are going to be backtracking and retconning

I agree. This is definitely going to happen. Right now, it feels like everyone on the left under age 40 is chanting "Trans Women Are Women", but I bet in 10 years, half the people in that same age group are going to be claiming they never supported it.

[–]Anonimouse 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think they'll argue that they just meant in terms of validation, yet every single conversation lately seems to emphasise that they mean it as a statement of fact - penis havers who identify as women are in fact female.

[–]greenish 24 insightful - 2 fun24 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I'm going to remember the people who don't care about women. I'm going to remember that about them for a very long time.

[–]sisterinsomnia 24 insightful - 4 fun24 insightful - 3 fun25 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

Hear, hear. I have a folder full of other examples of the differences between word use in health articles aimed at men vs. women. I have never seen 'ejaculators' used anywhere, and prostate-havers was used only in Teen Vogue's famous anal sex article (which tries to make nonprostate-havers accept anal sex) where the pictures of the pelvic area of non-prostate-havers had erased the clitoris!

That article is a metaphor for the whole trans movement. And shows what it thinks of us non-prostate havers.

[–]ShieldMaiden 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Wow, I'm really late but, any chance this could be made into a google docs or something, so that we can all see it? I'm really interested in these kinds of blatant, undeniable examples of misogyny/expecting women, but not men, to acquiesce. It's awesome that you've been collecting stuff like that.

[–]windupcat 36 insightful - 1 fun36 insightful - 0 fun37 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

My peak started with small flashes. Little connections to the trans worldview that left me confused, worried, and afraid, emotions I learned to suppress because they didn’t jive with the responses of others. The day I learned what “cis” meant I hated it immediately. The word felt tinged with hateful derision, but it was championed by the social and mainstream media. The video of transgender-identified children with thousands of supportive comments that made me sick and left wondering when liking pink and having long hair made anyone a woman. The college acquaintance who transitioned over the summer into a “woman” and how we, all the dormmates needed to be extra supportive. Why couldn’t I stop questioning this transition? There was nothing feminine about this person that I could remember. He had long hair, but that couldn’t be all, could it? Then there was that one time at summer camp.

For most of the 2010s, I taught at a summer camp for tech-savvy teens. We had always had a problem with female enrollment. One year the camp even set up an aggressive marketing campaign and scholarships to attract more female campers. Every year was a battle to balance the gender ratio. A couple of years after this campaign and consequently the last year that I chose to work at the camp something changed. Suddenly we weren’t allowed to talk about the gender ratio. The one time it was brought up in a staff meeting before students arrived, to inform everyone that for the first time the ratio had flipped and more girls had registered than boys, we were informed that championing women in tech was no longer “PC.” Also, this information was wrong. In fact, two of the girls were not really girls, but “transmen” and the status quo of more “men” at the tech camp was assured for another year.

Things escalated during camper check-in, it was like a switch flipped in our camp director’s head. Any misgendering, deadnaming, or questioning was met with swift and fierce admonishment. That didn’t stop the utter confusion that hit on that first day. One of the trans-identified girls, whom I’ll call B for anonymity, was registered under her birth name, not her chosen male name. When we as staff and counselors used the information provided on her forms and name tag, we had to be individually re-educated until a new nametag could be created. The roommates these two girls were assigned to felt weird about rooming with “transmen” and we had to shuffle assignments so that they could room together. The modus operandi chosen for the week wasn’t to just let these two girls mingle with the other students and have fun and learn but to constantly affirm and congratulate these girls on their chosen identities.

The two girls were different from each other. I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe the first girl (A), the one who proudly wrote “transman” on her admission form, but if I had I would have called her non-binary. Her gender identity didn’t seem to come from an innate feeling for gender dysphoria, but rather the innate need to fuck the system that most teenagers seem to possess. She liked keeping the other students on their toes by wearing feminine clothes with a nametag proclaiming her pronouns as “he/him” stickied to her chest. The second (B), I can’t attest to a diagnosis, but looking back she had all the warning signs for ROGD: anti-social, anxious, lonely, and needing affirmation, not about her gender identity, but for anyone to assure her that she wasn’t as broken and messed up as she felt on the inside.

I felt weird all week, trying to remember not to use the wrong names or the wrong pronouns. I felt sick when I learned that B’s parents had not been encouraging her transition at home and had informed the camp of that fact in the hopes that we wouldn’t encourage it either. The senior staff, including the camp director, instead took this request as a challenge to prove that they were the superior guardian. "Fuck those parents, what do they know? We just met you today, but we can already tell that you’re really a boy. Change your name, change your pronouns, we’re your family now."

We had a presentation for the parents at the end of the week. B’s plan was to play at being a boy during the week and then change back when her parents came to pick her up. The senior staff didn’t see the point in that and came up with a plan of their own. They decided (and I’m absolutely serious about this) to support B in her gender identity during the presentation and rub the parents’ faces in this transition that they had helped facilitate. They just knew that if the parents could only see how much happier she was, now that she was a boy, that they would finally see the light. (Let me reiterated that at the point of this presentation the staff would have known this student for less than A WEEK).

I left camp that year with sunburn and mental anguish. For days aftward I wandered around the house rambling about my confusion and my guilty feelings. Was I the only one who felt this way? Everyone else was so supportive, so why did I feel like I was living in a sinister bizarro world? At this point, I wasn’t looking for answers outside of my self or my immediate family. I was content to stew and ponder alone.

The moment that hurled me into the arms of gender-critical theory occurred a week after camp ended when I attended a drag show with my husband. The questions and bizarro feelings continued to gnaw at my brain as I watched a man in drag rail against the gender identity movement to cheers and applause. "What is happening?" I wanted to shout at the gay couple sitting at my table. For some reason, I had always thought of the LGBT as a unified family. If the homosexuals think this shit is weird, hell if the guy who chooses to dress in drag thinks this shit is weird, then what the hell is wrong with me?

I hobbled home having added copious amounts of gin to the addled mess of what was left of my brain and hurled questions and incoherent sentences at the google machine. The search engine overlords took pity on me and gave me these stories. Peak stories. I read them all and when I found out there were more I read those too. And then the world exploded and now we’re here. I’m sorry it took so long to say something. To add my own experiences, my own voice to this courageous endeavor of pushing back against all the chaos and insanity that is the world at this present moment. But I’m here now.

[–]TurtleFuzz 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. That is an insane story. That camp director should be ashamed. Using a child as a tool to show off how woke they are? Disgusting.

[–]Bumblebeezzz 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

My peak trans moment is when I watched Riley Dennis's video about demonizing sexual orientation of straight and LBG people. At the time people, thought it was crazy but now many agree with him.

[–]Kai_Decadence 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I remember that video, it was infamous on YouTube but hold up, people are actually agreeing with it now?? Why? What has changed? It's just as ridiculous now like it was back in 2016.

[–]TurtleFuzz 34 insightful - 5 fun34 insightful - 4 fun35 insightful - 5 fun -  (9 children)

I am a stay at home mom in my early 30s,with two amazing young daughters. I don't really think I'm a feminist, but I of course support the idea that women are strong, smart and can do anything they want. But, I do think that the trans cult is damaging our children.

My husband and I have a friend who is transitioning from male to female, and while I have no problem with her as a person, I am starting to see that she has really drunk the kool-aid. She claims that "trans people know themselves better than almost every cis person" because they have "done research" to find out who they truly are. This friend also flies off the handle and thinks every little thing someone says Must be an attack on her. She says when someone calls her by her old name (which is her last name, not even a masculine sounding name) she gets eye twitches and it "brings up painful memories of her fabricated male persona". Like, come on. Get over yourself.

I seriously think her paranoia is a sign that she didn't get proper therapy or medication before she started her hormones, and now she's just using her lack of self-confidence to cry foul on people. It's very worrisome to me.

Anyway, I look forward to meeting more women (especially mothers) who share these concerns, and finding ways to make sure my daughters are safe growing up.

*edit typo

[–]RevengeOfTheCis 38 insightful - 14 fun38 insightful - 13 fun39 insightful - 14 fun -  (8 children)

Your friend is a man, not a woman, and I can pretty much guarantee the "research" he did was actually just watching a lot of porn.

[–]Kai_Decadence 16 insightful - 2 fun16 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

THIS. That's how it is for a lot of them. Watching "sissy" porn and similar related fetish.

[–]TurtleFuzz 12 insightful - 3 fun12 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 3 fun -  (6 children)

If she wants to pretend to be a woman, I'm not going to fight her on her choice of pronouns. But the "research" she claims to have done is "pore through mountains of books on philosophy, world religions, biology, psychology and neuroscience". I agree it's a pretty ridiculous claim :) However, if she ever makes any comments about her penis or man boobs around my daughters, she is going to see how angry a mother can get I guarantee it.

[–]yishengqingwa666 15 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

He. That is a man. He's not your friend, either. Cut him off.

[–]IridescentAnaconda 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This friend also flies off the handle and thinks every little thing someone says Must be an attack on her.

Red flag: this is neither a person who knows himself nor a person who has any spiritual depth whatsoever.

[–]TurtleFuzz 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's a good point! Thanks for replying. The pandemic has given me the perfect excuse not to see this "friend" lol

[–]dancing_with_durga 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I am a mother of two as well and I would feel very uncomfortable having my children spending time with someone who expects them to deny the reality that they can see. My 2 year old daughter is already much more comfortable around women than men. This article helped me see that the insistence on pronouns is deeper than it may seem:

[–]TurtleFuzz 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thanks for the reply! The article was interesting, and the Stroop test comparison was something I hadn't seen before! Distancing due to the pandemic is the perfect excuse to keep this "friend" away :) While I disagree with the "fearing men" stance the author takes, I do realize that children naturally bond with females easily. It's instinct. So I will keep this in mind!

[–]yishengqingwa666 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

[–]twam 32 insightful - 1 fun32 insightful - 0 fun33 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I am in my late teens, very left-leaning. I was a trans ally originally. I was pretty apathetic - I didn't see what was wrong with them existing.

But, then, I found r/genderCritical. Just lurked there. I began to see the horrors of the trans cult! I'm glad that I'm on this side now.

This place saved me.

[–]RevengeOfTheCis 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Welcome! You should check out the book "Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters" by Abigail Shrier. The book is all about how this "trans allyship" narrative is harming kids your age.

[–]twam 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

God dammit! I accidentally hit paste and "save" before I realized it, which produced a weird comment which I had to find and delete.

I'll definitely check the book out!

[–]3MistersAndAMissy 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)


I am listening to it now on audible.

Great read (listen?)

[–]MissDemeanor 52 insightful - 2 fun52 insightful - 1 fun53 insightful - 2 fun -  (9 children)

I am in my late 30s very much on the left politically. I was very much a trans allie, starting in the 90s when the average trans person was a gay man. I felt empathy for them as, being female, I could understand feeling frustration with the sex I was born and discomfort with my body. I assumed their feelings must be similar but greatly intensified. After all they wanted to go as far as to cut their genitalia off, right? However my mum brought me up to challenge gender norms. It always bothered me that, while feminism was saying that gender was socially constructed and that gender norms were a product of society, the trans concept of having an inate, internal sense of gender, undermined that. Women were kept out of public life because we were thought to be predisposed to being overly emotional, unable to be logical etc. Feminists fought to dispel the idea of a female brain, the idea that our sex dictated our capacity and temperament . Gender identity theory would seemingly lend truth to those notions?

I couldn't reconcile these different schools of thought. So I just pushed the problem to the back of my mind. Who was I to tell anyone they couldn't live a certain way, because it undermined my views of the world? At the time trans people were very much the underdogs and I was sympathetic. Being bisexual and in relationships with women I was very much supportive of gay rights and many trans people were gay(I don't mean straight men who say they are lesbians).When the bathroom issue was first discussed I was still thinking trans women were gay men who had actually altered their bodies to look like women. I thought they were all disphoric and that the majority wanted to have their dicks turned into vaginas. Thus the term pre op. I also thought they were a tiny %of the population. With this misinformation in mind I didn't really understand why people were so concerned. Who would get surgeries etc to use the ladies? I thought it was only conservatives that were concerned . Then I found out anyone could self ID as a woman. Anyone could pop on a dress and use the ladies and other womens spaces. This got me thinking.

Then one day I saw a video of Riley Dennis. It was the Infamous " your genital preferences are transphobic video" . I couldn't believe what he was saying, it was just so regressive, twisted and ridiculous. We don't have preferences, unless we are bi, we have an orientation. To deny orientation reminded me of the kind of language straight men used about gay people yet this was coming from within the LGBTQIA community. To imply that people's "preferences" are shaped by social conditioning is ludicrous , particularly in the context of gay women, as they are rejecting social conditioning . Societal norms preference heterosexuality, so it is unlikely a straight women is rejecting Riley due to social conditioning either. Horrifically, Riley then implies that it is only acceptable to reject dick if you have been sexualy assaulted (and even then it would only buys you a grace period). The video was disgustingly coercive and provides ammunition for predatory individuals to use to gaslight young Lesbians . It also feeds the delusions of Trans youth, setting them up for disappointment. The video left me f. ing enraged.

I was really shocked that the gender identity ideology had mutated into the type of thinking Riley was displaying and wanted to know if he was an aboration. How did the concept of being born in the wrong body morph into an ideology that essentially sort to position homosexuality or heterosexuality as bigitory?

Unfortunately I couldn't just write Riley off as an outlier and what I discovered was peaking to say the least. It seemed that rather than medically alter their bodies, young trans people wanted to simply attempt to redefine their bodies. Rather than use surgery to change their genitalia, they would rather use linguistics to change the biological sex of their genitalia. Dick magically became lady dick or, worse still "big clitty" (shudder). Transgender, as a term, no longer referred to disphoric individuals wanting to change the look of their primary and secondary sex charictaristics. Instead it was an umbrella term for everyone from transsexuals to gender fluid people, feminine men and cross dressers. The fact masculine women and feminine men fell under the umbrella really disturbed me, it suggested that anyone who did not conform to rigid gender norms was trans. This made me see the term cis in a new light as I realised it was implying that I identified with femininity and its associated stereotypes.

But that was just the start, next I discovered the horrific messages from TRAs to women on TERF is a slur. I saw the vicious messages sent to lesbians, because they weren't interested in penis, on drop the L. In one particularly disturbing msg a 14 year old said she had tried to get over her disgust of cock but couldn't, did it mean she was a TERF? The response was shockingly harsh, condemning her for being a bigot due to her orientation. This sent to a child. I read the stories of Trans widows, and saw the same themes of manipulation and narcissism, repeated over and over again. I saw the constant policing of women's language. I saw a woman, on an online female health board, beg for compassion for women in pain and a break from language policing. I saw the vicious and manipulative rejection of that request by a T. W. who had no business being in a female health sub.

I read about the experience of a rape survivor who attended group therapy, along with two transwomen. The women in that group realised that the Tw were imitating their body language and facial expressions, the pitch an pace of their speach. They watched as their pain was appropriated, and a caricature mirrored back. Watched as they were revictimised in the very place they sort solice. I saw the treatment of FGM survivors as they were gaslit. As they were told their vaginas were cut, not because they were female, but due to cultural practices unrelated to their biology. I saw the harrasment to make everything, even the terms for this, brutal and female specific suffering, 'inclusive'. What kind of mind reads the experience of an FGM survivor and harangues them to stop using the term female? Why deny that this was done because of the sex of the victim? God I'm angry.

The stories of the kids are the worst. The gender non conforming kids, being told they are actually the other gender, make me angry. The stories of the gay kids whose parents use transition as conversion therapy, make me enraged. In their minds it's better to have a straight presenting trans kid than a gay one. Young people with deep unresolved pain, who think transition will cure them, make me want to scream. All these kids, caught inside this monstrous machine, turning healthy people into patients for life. Generating massive profits for the already obscenely wealthy. Kids being sterelised, before they can understand what they are giving up, irepairably damaging their bodies in innumerable ways. Detransitioners expose the lie that gender identity is innate. Yet their voices are ignored.

Meanwhile women are faced with constant demands to sacrifice ourselves on the alter of gender identity. We must give up our dignity and privacy, our spaces and our rights. We must give up the very definition of who we are. We must redefine ourselves to fit man within the definition of woman. We must treat these people as women we are told. Yet we must also acommadate their trans ness, centre their needs and use inclusive language. We are not to keep anything for us alone. Yet they want everything we have and trans specific benefits on top of that. They are women when it suits them and trans when it suits them. This is by no means all trans people. However there is a vocal contingent that behave horrifically and peak me on a regular basis. I am sick of watching allegedly progressive men pontificate and argue with women about what the term woman means. I am disgusted that they thing they have the right to redefine us and give other men our spaces, scholarships, sport, all in the name of inclusion. I am sick of them using TA as an excuse to vent their pent up hatred for women. They call us bigot and TERF, chastice and lecture us to be kind to this marginalised group. Yet it is their sex that is causing the violence, but on this they are silent. Our words are the real violence according to them.

The more I dug into this the more horrified I became. Tracing the money and the network of LGBTQIA groups, that push the gender identity agenda, was particularly troubling. The intersection of moneyed white men, lobby groups, corporations and the medical industrial complex, backing trans gender ideology makes a farce of the claim that this is a marginalised group.

This is a regressive, anti woman, anti gay, anti safeguarding movement, that poses a variety of threats to children. It is the bleakest form of capitalism dressed up as a civil rights movement. This is the comodification and monetisation of our bodies and reduces us to for profit products. Body hatred is celebrated as a form of self actualisation. Nothing about this is liberating.

[–]MonstrousRegiment 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Wow I think you really laid it out! Grade A rant!!!

[–]MissDemeanor 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks. It had been bottled up inside me for quite some time.

[–]oofreesouloo 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

"We don't have preferences, unless we are bi, we have an orientation. To deny orientation reminded me of the kind of language straight men used about gay people yet this was coming from within the LGBTQIA community."

As a lesbian, thank you. I LOVE hearing SANE bisexual people. Especially when I was shamed by 3 bisexual people for having a 'penis repulsion'. I always appreciate bisexual people who understand logic and don't think 'everyone's little bit bi tee hee'.

[–]MissDemeanor 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I am sorry that happened to you. I don't understand how it became acceptable to coerce someone to have sex with people they are not attracted to. The wierd loopy illogical thought patterns that go into this are all kinds of fd up. "We aren't saying anyone has to sleep with anyone but if you are ruling out attraction to transpeople you are transphobic"... Contradictory as fck. A number of lesbians I have known over the years have tried to force themselves to be het. , before coming to terms with their sexuality. Forcing yourself to be intimate with anyone can really damage you, it can lead to dissociation. No one should be pressured into that. I thought we had come further as a society.This is rape culture!

I really hate to think of how this is impacting young lesbians. People keep denying what is going on. Or worse you get women saying they are lesbians and they sleep with trans women. No you are not a lesbian ahhhh!! Honestly how does a trans woman's dick differ from a man's dick? A man simply can't be a Lesbian. Trans people say that gender identity and bio sex are different, but suddenly same sex attraction includes there opposite sex bodies, just because of their gender identity? Of course because this sort of contradiction has been pointed out, now bio sex doesn't exist. Ughh. I'm really sorry that the fall out of this Fckery is impacting you. I'm standing here with you pushing back against it! Once the majority of people realise how far this delusion is going there will be push back. I think J. K Rowling is waking people up.

[–]TurkishCoffee 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

As another Bi woman,

Oh, believe you me, the whole "preferences are transphobic" thing ruffles my feathers. they're not. I'm attracted to what i'm attracted to. Both sexes, but not all versions thereof. I will fucking raise hell for anyone who tries to force themselves on me or in my bed, or onto anyone else! Rape is rape is rape is rape is rape I dont care your "woke" justifications.

It makes me so mad, and I'm like "..fuck this would be worse if I was a lesbian wouldn't it?"

God fucking help me if I was lesbian or straight and someone was like "BUT NO YOU HAVE TO BE ATTRACTED TO THIS THING YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO AT ALL BECAUSE EVERYONE IS A LITTLE BI". It's such a perversion of one specific theory of attraction. FFS.

[–]thrownawaycan 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

god I wish the while "bi women are the dumping ground of sexuality" thing would die.

[–]oofreesouloo 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Awwww thank you 💖💖💖 These bi poeple were speaking to me as I was 'close minded' and had a certain 'prejudice' towards certain genitals LOOOOOOOL. Meanwhile, I had tried to like guys (INCLUDING THE F*CKING PENIS OF COURSE) several times before and it only made me more depressed (when I didn't accept myself). I've never forced myself to have sex with one thank god, but have tried to force myself to 'become attracted' somehow LMAO. Needless to say it didn't work. These people are the worst homophobes.

[–]bellatrixbells 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

And this is one of the best pieces I've seen on here so far. Very well put.

[–]bellatrixbells 10 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Also I think Dennis single handedly peaked half of the people on here hahahah

[–]DefNotASandwich 28 insightful - 1 fun28 insightful - 0 fun29 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I peaked a few years ago (not sure if I ever really accepted the movement to begin with, to be honest). The first time I peaked was hearing about transwomen participating in women's sports and receiving scholarships designated for women. Before that, I just kind of accepted it as "well, if they want to suffer as we do, why not?" I didn't realize there could actually be consequences to this train of thought.

I've peaked many more times since then, including hearing about children being trans and parents assisting them with transition, watching I am Jazz to try and understand (didn't work and honestly made it seem even more like abuse), hearing about people suggesting to children that liking "feminine" or "masculine" things may actually mean they're trans, reading about women being removed from rape shelters because they were made uncomfortable by someone who was born male (male was prioritized in a female rape shelter), witnessing the blind acceptance of this movement that's supposed to be about love and acceptance, but then finding that they're more hateful than a lot of actual transphobes I've met.

I'm tired of hearing how transwomen's lives are harder than my own as someone who was born a woman. I'm tired of children learning to consider that they may be a different gender rather than just having preferences that were traditionally assigned to another gender. I'm tired of every single feminist topic being co-opted by the trans movement. I'm tired of them making EVERYTHING about trans rights (i.e. those BLM profile pics that say Black TRANS Lives Matter and any other instances where it wasn't about them or they were assumed to be included, but felt the need to bring attention to themselves).

I would literally describe myself as a "more liberal" person, but I'm finding it harder and harder to do that knowing that so many far left liberals are censoring "wrongthink". I can't believe we got to this point where even Reddit wasn't a place to discuss purely feminist issues. Pay no mind to the subreddits that glamorize and fetish the rape and abuse of women and children, but if you say a negative thing about a man in a dress who claims to be more oppressed and expects you to agree with every delusion, YOU are the bigot here. Why can't women have a subreddit that doesn't include people born with penises? That's one of the least feminist things I've ever fucking heard. Why is that bigotry, but fetishizing the oppression and abuse of women is not?

FUCK the trans movement, and not in the way they want us to.

[–]angrygreycloud 28 insightful - 2 fun28 insightful - 1 fun29 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

It all started in r/actuallesbians. I'd lurked for a while and was increasingly fed up and confused by the 'trans/girl dick' content. I visited less and less and didn't really think too much about it, downvoted and moved on. Out of the blue the sub went private. Siting the brigading by 'TERFs'. So down the rabbit hole I went to learn about these 'TERFs'. I agreed with everything. All the things that upset me and I hated and downvoted were things that 'TERF's disagreed with, it was like finally sesing the light. I don't think that the sub never got brigaded, the silent majority just got fed up. In the end it led me to r/truelesbians and r/gendercritical and all the thoughts I had were there in much more articulate words than ever washed around in my head. I finally felt at home. Though I learned the uncomfortable true about the things going on in my country (the UK) I think my eyes were finally opened and for that I am grateful.

[–]thatradicallesbian 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I don't think that the sub never got brigaded, the silent majority just got fed up.

As a lesbian who used to love the r/actuallesbians sub until about 3-4 years ago for the reasons you described, YUP. I think it's equal parts ridiculous and hilarious that the [mostly MtF] moderators on that sub genuinely seem to believe that all the "TERF" things they're seeing on their sub are some sort of "brigade"–– as if it isn't perfectly natural for LESBIANS to be categorically uninterested in males & not want them in our lesbian spaces, regardless of whether they identify as men or women or anything else. They're still males, and that means lesbians are never gonna be interested in them sexually/romantically, and most of us aren't ever gonna wanna see them in lesbian spaces–– not "because they are trans", but because they are MALE, regardless of trans status.

They are so delusional on the topic of lesbians, it's absurd

[–]i_serenade_cows 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

i think it's straight up homophobia and rape to demand lesbians to cater to male sexual needs, by forcing lesbians to be sexually attracted to penises. regardless of whomever is doing it. this has been happening for decades, men trying to erase our sexuality by claiming 'you're not really a lesbian, you just never tried [good] dick before', and in today's day and age it just happens that these TiMs are the ones doing the demanding, so any resistance to their demands can be shut down by being conveniently packaged as transphobia.

[–]Fraeulein 28 insightful - 1 fun28 insightful - 0 fun29 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

In the summer between my middle school and high school year, a long-time long-distance friend of mine introduced me to one of her friends. This friend of hers identified as a transgirl, though, when we first met, I was not actually aware that she wasn't biologically female. We didn't talk too much at first, and all she really knew about me was that I was three years younger than her, a lesbian, and a huge Sonic fan. In the group chat with me, her, our mutual friend, and their other friends, she wrote her coming out story, which I believe was the first time I found out she was trans. I sent a very short and generic response, probably something along the lines of, "Rad! You're valid!" Didn't think much of it after that until a bit later, she sent me a direct message about how sweet I was. From there, we started DM'ing each other, mostly talking about our favorite video games and nerding out over Sonic and the Elder Scrolls. I also showed her some of my art, and she was very supportive of it, which made me feel really happy. Just a couple weeks later, though, out of the damn blue, she asked me out. At this point, I didn't have any feelings for her that were not purely platonic, but I was worried about saying no for several reasons. I didn't want to lose my new friend who shared so many of my interests, and I was worried about creating a divide among our mutual friends and being seen as transphobic among them. This was around the time where "if a lesbian rejects a trans lady just for being trans then she is a dirty transphobe and should be burned at the stake" started becoming a big thing among the inclusive LGBT spaces. So, I accepted, and figured we would probably drift away in just a month or so. Unfortunately, that was not at all the case. After a bit into dating her, I started seeing all new sides of her. She was very manipulative, and I quickly became very emotionally attached to her. The longer our relationship lasted, the less she started caring as being perceived as a woman, and about a couple years into it, "she" completely dropped the trans shtick and was identifying as a man again. I did ask him about it, and he basically admitted that he mostly decided to identify as a trans lesbian to make our mutual friend, who is a lesbian, like him more. I hadn't put two-and-two together at the time, but I now realize that this was just a sick man with a weird lesbian fetish (supported by all the lesbian porn he would always randomly send me unprovoked). It completely changed my belief that the idea of a person pretending to be trans for predatory purposes was unrealistic. And even though I was a victim in this, I am still very reluctant to talk about it in most LGBT spaces because I know they will consider me a TERF sent from the bowels of bigot hell. There's no room for a nuanced discussion when it comes to this sorta thing among most LGBT spaces now. Hell, I don't even consider myself gender critical, but this is one of the few places I know of that doesn't just hate LGBT people in general where I could safely discuss this.

[–]oofreesouloo 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Hi! I'm also a lesbian and I feel you. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm pretty new here and peaked because of actuallesbians. I consider myself VERY LUCKY that I peaked ONLINE and not in an actual real life contact with a "trans woman". But I do have a weird story with a "trans woman". And I'm SO glad in my country things aren't that bad, because maybe if it were, I would have been called a TERF and transphobic. I didn't and things ended peacefully. I've met VERY FEW trans people irl. So I didn't think much of them. 2 years ago, I decided to go to a LGB(T) gathering. It was mostly gay guys there, some bi or pan guys, a few girls (don't know sexuality) but I believe I was the only lesbian there. But one of the people there was a "trans woman". Let me tell you, this person LOOKED like a male 100% (didn't sound like he make any effort to pass). I could tell immediately something was "off" with this person, the first second I saw him. I asked myself: "Why is this person here?". This person looked 100% male, dressed masculine, was overweight, had very poor taste in clothing and was very clumsy. Had long hair, but treated poorly. I thought "this CAN'T be a gay or a bi guy. But if he isn't a gay or bi guy, WHAT is he???? A "trans woman" - he told me. I was totally respectful and REALLY did some mental gymnastics to try not to mess up with pronouns lmao. But let me tell you, this "trans woman" quickly got somehow 'obsessed' with me. He didn't leave me alone, I became kind of uncomfortable and tried to speak with one of the pan guys there, that I find very nice! This 'trans woman' didn't 'let me'. As soon as I tried getting closer to the pan guy, the 'trans woman' would make everything possible to keep talking to me. Then, he messaged me, always overly complimenting me and finally saying he was very attracted to me. IT WAS SO WEIRD. Saying he was hoping to finally get together with me when he had done the surgeries. I don't know, it was TOO MUCH. I was like, what the hell................... And I started 'dumping him' slowly and trying to be polite. Like I said, I'm lucky that in my country things aren't a mess yet. But OMG, he was obviously a straight male with AGP and with a lesbian fetish. But I was kind of clueless because it was my FIRST time contacting to a trans woman.

EDIT: By the way, I'm not saying that I thought the 'trans woman' wasn't a gay or bi guy just because of dressing masculine. It was the OVERALL vibe that I got from this person that it was very off putting. He looked like a very weird straight male.

[–]Fraeulein 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Oh my god, that is absolutely horrifying! Thank goodness you're okay now. My ex was actually pretty effeminate, and, if not for his deep voice, could actually pass as a girl when he kept up with his appearance (which, after awhile, he stopped doing). Thankfully, our relationship had stayed long-distance all four years we were together since I was just in high school the entire time and we lived 8 hours away from each other. We had come very, very close to meeting up several times and I now shudder just thinking about what could have happened if we did. It's absolutely abhorrent how far straight men with a lesbian fetish can get away with harassing actual lesbians as long as they claim they are a transwoman.

[–]thatradicallesbian 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I am SO relieved to read that this creepy older dude with a lesbian fetish didn't have a chance to predate on you in person, especially considering you were just a kid. I'm still sorry you went through that, though. As a fellow lesbian, it sounds extremely traumatic.

[–]itsnotaboutewe 22 insightful - 3 fun22 insightful - 2 fun23 insightful - 3 fun -  (6 children)

I peaked years ago but today was the first time trans lunacy has come to my front door and invaded my home.

I live in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere and because of our small population we have to all get along and co-operate or our community falls apart. Newcomers move here because of this special relationship we all have and new residents are immediately welcomed and made to feel they are an important addition to the community. Before covid forced us into lockdown we had a man from the city come down here doing odd jobs for people. He seemed nice and plenty of people hired him to do small jobs so he got to meet most people in the village. He loved it here so much he was arranging to move here when covid hit so he went back to the city with plans to move here before September. Everything was fine and dandy until I found out through a city friend that this guy is a cross-dresser but has now decided he is transgender and has been taking hormones and arranging 'gender affirming care' while in lockdown. He expects our small rural village to accept this new version of him and use female pronouns and treat him as a woman in every way without anyone objecting.

I am the only person in the community who has even heard of the term 'transgender' so I'm actually expecting most people to treat his fetish as they would treat someone with a quirky new religion. I don't know how individual villagers will react to his man now asking to be called 'she' but I do know this man in a dress will tear our community apart because anyone who is not onboard with his delusion (so far only me because I can't speak for anyone else) may be ostracised for dissenting. How can we welcome someone in and then turn around and disapprove of his lifestyle? People in our lovely village will have to pick a side and I have this terrible feeling I will be the only person refusing to validate his new identity.

He is a lovely man and I really like him. He is supposed to be doing some work for me when he moves here but I think the shit will hit the fan regarding his fetish before he starts. His selfishness at not thinking about how his autogynephillia may divide our village just makes me so angry. I have been sworn to secrecy by my informant so I can't even talk to anyone about this, not even my husband.

The man is in his 60's, bisexual, divorced, and has children and grandchildren. He only decided he is trans this year when he had nothing better to do in lockdown than concentrate of his sexual fetish via the internet. Christ only knows what other paraphillias he may have.

[–]RevengeOfTheCis 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Holy shit be careful posting this... your situation sounds extremely unique and you may be identifiable through this info if someone in your community finds this.

[–]malleus_maleficarum 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Please please provide updates on this. Or a blog link. Or a book if you write one. Seeing this start-to-finish in a fairly contained setting is pretty rare and I would truly love to hear about it as it unfolds.

[–]itsnotaboutewe 18 insightful - 2 fun18 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

I will update with news as it happens. I am trying to figure out what explanation I am going to give to our community elders as to why I am not going to play the trans game. I usually tell people that cross-dressing is a sexual fetish and transgenderism linked to a fetish is like public masturbation, so doing pronouns and treating a man with a fetish as a woman is like me stroking his penis in public and him getting his rocks off every time someone validates him. I don't feel comfortable talking to elderly community leaders about how a man is manipulating them for sexual purposes. Most of them wouldn't understand what I am on about anyway.

[–]yishengqingwa666 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

[–]itsnotaboutewe 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for that. I saved it to be able to show any villager who wants to discuss it with me. The man is back here now and I thought that my friend in the city must have told him that I would not validate his new identity because the guy twice ignored me and he refused to even look at me. Other people noticed it and one person quietly asked him if he had a problem with me. He replied that he knew me from somewhere, although he couldn't recall where or when he knew me, but he knew his experience with me was very negative. He was fine with me before this so he must have more mental problems than just autogynephilia.

[–]malleus_maleficarum 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I look forward to it. Also this is a fantastic description of why playing the validation game is not on the table for so many people.

I don't feel comfortable talking to elderly community leaders about how a man is manipulating them for sexual purposes. Most of them wouldn't understand what I am on about anyway.

It often seems to me that the generational gap is insulating trans activism from full visibility. I was trying to explain the related problem of doxxing & cancellation (and why I was refusing to give out personal information) to someone in their 60s the other day and ran up against a similar lack of understanding.

[–]TurkishCoffee 35 insightful - 1 fun35 insightful - 0 fun36 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

I've long lurked in GC subs and other places on Reddit before the ban. I have to keep my mouth shut in most places on most accounts, I live in a very liberal city and work in an industry full of TiMs (it's quite strange). But the other day was ..a new peak for me and enough to get me to post here. I tend to get into unrelated arguments with TiMs because they act aggressive and have to be right (honestly worse than most cis men I know. by a LOT), but then play the victim card and I won't bend to that and tend to ram logic down people's throats. I'm stubborn. It's why I've succeeded in a field where I am often the only woman in the department. Anyhow, there are still a few of the saner/less entitled TiMs in my social circle and I will play nice, and tend not to have any reason to make a fuss. Don't start none, wont be none. Well, turns out one of them isn't so sane. Apparently now the language has changed again and sex is a forbidden word entirely. It's not biological sex. It's "assigned gender". Didn't we just go through like 3-4 years of "Gender is a social construct and a spectrum and does not equal sex"? But it's pretty handy if gender=sex but sex isn't real and gender isn't either so do anything you want! It's fucking absurd and i'm tired of it. I'm critical of gender. and believe in biological sex. But other than that I'm very of the "you do you, just leave me alone" variety. Wanna wear a dress? You do you. Wanna be called a female name? Yeah okay. Dont care. I'll call you any name you have. Doesn't bother me. Have surgery? If you're over 18 you're a grown adult and it's your body. Do whatever you want to it, just don't come crying to me about the consequences. And that just really isn't enough these days. No no, we have to constantly change language, deny the existence of biological sex, pretend that transwomen are not only women but identical to cis women because everything else is offensive! I'm just fucking done and tired of it. I'm not here to play handmaid to whatever weird ass reality they think exists and affirm everything they say when I know it's wrong. Of course, the number of "cis" women who don't identify as nonbinary of some format is rapidly dwindling in my area to the point you'd almost think it's a socially motivated trend to be anything but a woman. I'm one of the only last remaining "bisexual women" standing who doesn't say "I'm totally pansexual and nonbinary" because frankly there are two sexes, and I am attracted to both, but not all of them! I'm not actually attracted to that many people to start with anyhow! But that's hate speech these days. I'm just exhausted. And i'm tired of every single thing and space being SUPER ABOUT THE TRANSWOMEN.

[–]i_serenade_cows 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Of course, the number of "cis" women who don't identify as nonbinary of some format is rapidly dwindling in my area to the point you'd almost think it's a socially motivated trend to be anything but a woman.

this is so true and i feel like it's casting a spotlight on the internalised misogyny most of these women have. why is it bad to be a butch lesbian/bisexual but still a woman? why is it bad to dress masculinely but still be proud of your identity as a woman?

[–]TurkishCoffee 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

what's fucking wild, most of the "non binary" "queer" women i know, aren't even butch! I'm not butch, i'm just not suuuuuper girly. I like power tools. I am currently wearing a skirt because it's comfy and i'm honestly ..truthfully rather physically unattractive so i just don't bother with the rest of the makeup mess most of the time.

But most of the non binary queer females i know are more girly, more stereotypically attractive, and dress far more feminine than I do. Flowers and makeup EVERYWHERE. Which is 100% okay, but I really don't get how the "non binary" label applies. They have stereotypically female hobbies, and are in het relationships that are now called "queer" despite being nothing of the sort (Seriously. They're straight or bi females, in long term relationships with straight or bi males. It's real simple. They'd be straight-passing if they didn't loudly proclaim to be queer non binary every other second). A handful are more androgynous in their dress and have the stereotypical half shaved funky color dye job that's become synonymous with the label. Again, i dont care what they dress or do, but yeah. most of them are girly girls. and i'm just sitting here with my power tools and chain saw and also female hobbies going..the fuck is wrong with you lot?

[–]i_serenade_cows 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

at this point, queer/enby labels are just a way for them to demand attention. full stop.

[–]yousaythosethings 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

The only upside is that it’s now easier to separate the wheat (real bi women like you) from the chaff (attention-seeking posers) who will flock to the pan and NB labels.

On a similar note, we just lost another lesbian on YouTube to similar madness. With little to no substantive explanation, Laurology took back her coming out as a lesbian and said she doesn’t want to be put in a box and that she now identifies as “queer” because she she “doesn’t solely like women,” she “likes really good people,” and “gender isn’t [her] biggest thing whether they are someone who identifies as male, female, or non-binary.” Like what does that even mean? This is the problem with basing everything on “gender identity.” We have no clarity or understanding anymore.” Does she just like biological females or what? And why does she look like she’s being held hostage for the entire video?

Edit: In the comments laurology said that if she had to choose a label it’s Pansexual. Sigh.

[–]i_serenade_cows 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

this gender identity bullshit is just erasing labels when the whole LGB movement was to create and own these labels because it's okay to be same-sex attracted. this stupid queerness shit is just dragging our movement back by decades.

[–]MonstrousRegiment 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh God it's everywhere! I will never get over having my young lesbian friend explain to me, an ancient straight woman, that she is not "lesbian" but "queer" (a word that still shocks me as much as any other slur) because – omg – her friends have basically bullied her into believing that lesbians are uncool. When I pointed out to her that one of her most admired friends was unapologetically lesbian, she said, "but my friend is too cool to be cool." Oh God. She didn't play the "my ex transitioned so I am queer not lesbian" card but it was in the air.

[–]moody_ape 28 insightful - 2 fun28 insightful - 1 fun29 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

i was part of an intersectional feminist collective at college and one day someone posted a polemic thread about a trans woman causing disagreements in a feminist event that took place at another university. the issue was that said TW was placed in the same dormitory (the event lasted 2-3 days) as many of the women and some of them were not comfortable with that. the beef was between radical feminists and intersec/lib feminists who took sides with the TW.

a lot of insults were thrown around, apparently, but what grabbed my attention was the real reason why the radical feminists were wary of the TW's presence in the dormitory: earlier that day, the TW had participated in a group discussion during the event and introduced himself as "a black lesbian tranwoman". however, if you looked at his facebook profile, you would see a white bearded male, dressed as a "cis" man. so basically, this person wasn't a black lesbian transwoman outside that feminist event.

inside the facebook group of the feminist collective i was a part of, some women accused the TIM of flat out lying to gain access to that female space. he wasn't a transitioned individual, he was f*cking WHITE and calling himself black and some of them even said they had screenshots of conversations where he harrassed lesbians and called them transphobic for not being interested in him. other women in the group defended him saying he was probably just a TW who hadn't fully transitioned yet, maybe she was in the closet - after all it's not easy to come out as trans. they said she could be herself in that feminist event but not in her facebook, etc. and the evil radfems were being terrile etc.

after that i was really confused. it seemd like the guy was a troll trying to be (or show that he could identify as) someone who is oppressed in every way possible. but maybe it was a real closeted TW, i didn't really know what to think. so i researched about radical feminism and their beef with the trans community, talked to some friends of mine from the collective (who concealed the fact that they wre aligned with radfem ideas but at that point felt safe to share it with me) and they explained that "you can't say you are a radical feminist because people will call you transphobic" and i asked why and they explained things to me. and here i am hahahaha

[–]oofreesouloo 14 insightful - 4 fun14 insightful - 3 fun15 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Libfems are so ridiculous. I'm also pretty new here

[–]Realwoman 10 insightful - 4 fun10 insightful - 3 fun11 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

This story is so ridiculous it almost sounds made up but sadly, I'm sure it's true

[–]moody_ape 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

i know, right? i kid you not, it legit happened. and the worst pat is that this kind of bs has only gotten worse.

[–]mrh2 34 insightful - 1 fun34 insightful - 0 fun35 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Not really a peak trans moment, but I just wanted to post what I sent to the Reddit administrators:

I am profoundly disappointed in how this - the mass banning of subs - was handled. Reddit leadership displayed stunning levels of cowardice and cravenness. I'm thinking in particular of how /r/gendercritical was banned suddenly with no warning, when the moderators were bending over backwards to resolve any complaint from Reddit about their sub. Yes, in the past 6 months the subreddit was swinging towards being more anti-trans and less about feminism, but there were 6 years of feminist posts and articles before that. It was a 60,000 strong community of women who needed a place to talk openly and feel safe - and you destroyed it completely without a warning. It's not just that the subreddit disappeared, all of the articles that were bookmarked from the past 6 years were gone too - no warning. It is a naked act of violence against women that was perpetrated here, akin to an attempted mind-wipe. A reasonable action would have been to give a weeks warning and lock the subreddit, so people could save the many resources and valuable discussions on feminist issues. What you did is beyond description. It's disgusting.

Some people here have pointed out the problems in your hate-based policy rule, in that it is vague enough and flexible that it can be used against whatever the popular scapegoat is at the time, even if that subreddit is not a hate-based subreddit. You also have not considered what happens when one oppressed group victimizes another oppressed group. It's not always the majority (white, male, middle class, WASP) who persecutes marginalized minorities, one persecuted group can attack and harass another persecuted group. This is what happened with the trans groups victimizing the women's group. And you took the easy route, the path of least resistance.

[–]bellatrixbells 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Well I think I like you.

[–]yishengqingwa666 18 insightful - 2 fun18 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I AM anti-trans. Trans is anti-feminism.

[–]Blank-out 26 insightful - 4 fun26 insightful - 3 fun27 insightful - 4 fun -  (5 children)

I have always been a gender abolishing feminist, pretty much a stereotypical tomboy who grew less afraid of feminine things as I got older.

My true peaking moment was when I noticed the articles from everyday feminism made absolutely no sense when discussing the female sex.

I think feminine and masculine as concepts should only be applied to objects if not gotten rid of altogether.

These concept have no place when discussing personality and of course personality doesn't determine your sex. You can be a dainty flower loving man or a muscled car loving woman. Continue destroying gender/sex stereotypes sisters! Loving whatever and whomever you wish.

[–]bellatrixbells 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

That must have been a while ago ? Almost three years ago a TIM friend I had referred me to it to understand better.
Come to think of it though it's pretty insulting that a person who has lived as a male for theforst twenty years of their life would school be about feminism.

[–]Blank-out 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

That does sound insulting and yea it was ages ago now. The group I hung out with back then were very into pronouns. So I looked up everything I could about the topic. Which led me down the rabbit hole. I already agreed with so much of radical feminism, especially the take on royalty, sex work, and class systems. It just made sense to me and helped me get over some internal issues I had growing up in this capitalist & patriarchal society.

[–]thatradicallesbian 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I already agreed with so much of radical feminism, especially the take on royalty, sex work, and class systems.

I'm super curious about radical feminist takes on royalty! Do you have any links or other resources about this that you might be able to share? :)

[–]Blank-out 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Reading it again... I could worded it better, if radical feminism is the belief that the oppression we face is from our sex and marxist feminism believe that the oppression is from this idea of a class-system then it would be more true to say I'm a socialist-feminist which is a combination of oppressive forces from capalitism/monarchies/any unfair ruling classes + the patriarchal systems which oppress women/females as a class, because of our biology something we have no control over.

I don't have any links available but try checking out the terms first and see if they resonate with you.

If you're a pirate try searching lib gen as a source for books, use a non tracking search engine if you're having trouble finding it.

I haven't studied this topic as deep as some so I recommend just reading as much as possible (from all sides of the argument - blogs/books/peer-reviewed papers) after all it will only help you gain a more critical mindset.

Others feel free to add on/correct/debate, I'm no expert and welcome the discussion.

[–]Ambrose 23 insightful - 2 fun23 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I started reading GC views on Reddit after the JK tweets. I belong to a few FB groups (rhymes with Funz for those in Toronto) which were very pro trans and very SJW (I don't love this word as I think there are valid conversations to be had but these people take it to an extreme sometimes). In any case, a few years ago a trans woman with a penis wanted to go into a Toronto spa and was denied. At the time, I felt she was a woman and should be allowed in (not thinking of what a woman really is as I had been indoctrinated into this way of thinking, if I thought otherwise I would be a Terf, transphobe, terrible person etc).

Anyway, I peaked after reading JKs tweets and researching GC on reddit, reading some actual trans peoples reticle and thoughts on these types of ideas and realizing that it is OK and even healthy to question the status quo. I realized that trans women will never truly be women and that gender has been willfully made to be a confusing thing so that you don't even need to medically transistion in order to be a "woman" or a "man". You can just identify as a different gender.

The lines have totally been blurred and I can't even define a woman at this point since apparently biology means nothing and all you need to do is wear womens clothes grow your hair long and put on some makeup. That, as someone who was born female, is something I cannot get behind.

[–]oofreesouloo 23 insightful - 2 fun23 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I'm so happy to be here again! I'm pretty new on Reddit and peaked pretty quickly. In my country, things aren't this bad... YET. I hope they won't get worse, but I'm scared. I am a lesbian, as in an actual real homossexual female, and when I joined Reddit, I joined naively actuallesbians because it seemed like a huge lesbian sub. I guess the rest you already know... LESBIANS DO NOT LIKE DICK! I was so angry that day, I thought everyone was crazy lmao. And then, all the offensive terms I heard there for the first time, such as genital preference, the redefinition of homossexuality, the JK Rowling tweets, etc etc. But what made me peak instantly was definitely being in actuallesbians and the claim that lesbians like d*ck. Before, I was pro Trans. Honestly, I've only met irl a few trans people and barely had any contact with them. I didn't even think about Trans people. "Live and let live" was basically how I thought. As long as they respect me and are decent human beings, who cares what they do to their bodies? But you know this isn't what is happening. I instantly peaked in actuallesbians, kept researching and ended up in GC in reddit, and now here! First time in feminist spaces lmao! It's good being here :)

[–]Sineadsiobhan 36 insightful - 2 fun36 insightful - 1 fun37 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I only peak trans last year. First, when Martina made the comment that she believed that TW had no place in women’s sport, it made me stop and think. I was ambivalent, “Why not, let them be in sports, let them be in women’s changing rooms, bathrooms, etc.” I wasn’t outrageously TRA, I was like, why not and thought nothing of it. Martina put that seed of change in my head.

I forgot about it because although I do admire Martina, she’s not really part of my interests (I do like tennis but I don’t really collect anything relating to it). So I forgot about the issue for a bit (my husband and I agreed with her that TW shouldn’t be in women’s sports and that was that on the issue).

Along came JK Rowling. I love love Harry Potter. I collect Harry Potter (mainly the books). I enjoyed reading The Casual Vacancy and I was getting started on reading Galbraith. My sister-in-law made a post on Facebook that JK Rowling was a transphobe. I was like, “WHAT?”

I was absolutely appalled that Rowling, my literary hero, was transphobic. I sincerely got very upset. I was thinking a million things, then I said, “Wait a second, Rowling is somewhat left of centre. She must have had a reason to have controversial statements. I better check on Twitter.”

“Dress however you please.”

I totally agree with that. How is that transphobic?

“Call yourself whatever you like.”

I agree, how is that transphobic?

And then on. I was like where is the transphobia? I then saw the TORRENT of abuse, rape threats, death threats, misogynist abuse, all sorts of abuse under the sun.

I decided then and there I’m siding with Rowling. Each time she tweeted her later tweets, the TRAs make their case worse and worse.

That was my peak trans. I peaked again with Susie Green’s story. And then I slowly realised what is happening to Desmond is Amazing isn’t good. I started seeing stories in a new light. Everything hit me all at once.

I could say the site that shall not be named added to my peaking experience.

[–]PostmodernJukebox 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

desmonds story is literally the saddest thing...wont be surprised if when he grows up he goes lizzy borden on his parents....

[–][deleted] 28 insightful - 2 fun28 insightful - 1 fun29 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

That TRAs weren't just content enough to get GC banned, they are now stalking us here. Creepy behaviour.

[–]VdeVulva 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Creepy indeed!

[–]voi_che_sapete 25 insightful - 2 fun25 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

There really is no Peakening story.

I've been interested in feminism for a long time now, since I was an adolescent. Back then, they accepted a meaningful distinction between sex and gender, and trans people generally fully understood a distinction. The process of "transition" was a process of socially integrating into the opposite sex class. And I was fully supportive of good people who felt they must do that. Generally, they seemed to understand that their experience was different from mine, and mine was different from theirs, and that it was OK. We met in the middle ground of current lived experience, battling sexism (if they passed) and homophobia (if they didn't).

Then things started to change. I got dogpiled in a queer forum for not using the word cis correctly. I was astonished that cis suddenly seemed to mean gender identity - instead of "not transitioning." Ironically enough - it was a trans friend of mine who told me what was going on. "You got trans brigaded," she said, and told me she'd observed a shift going on for years.

I was never on board with the word cis, because it never described me. I was never on board, when I discussed gender dysphoria, with people calling me trans. My history of socialization and the perceived sex of my body and the reproductive realities of that body matter. I am just a woman who (like most women) sits uncomfortably with where society has placed me.

I support trans women who are good human beings, and this whole time, I've had trans women who were dear to me, whose perspectives differed from the norm, ostracized from their communities by how virulent that "trans brigade" is. Something went very, very wrong in about 2011, something far beyond a generational changing of the guard. I want to go back to sanity.

[–]Rationalmind 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The only thing I remember from 2011 were the Occupy protests. I doubt those two things are correlated though.

[–]bellatrixbells 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I honestly wonder what happened. But it's actually refreshing to hear from someone in a trans group with nice people like that.

[–]voi_che_sapete 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

There are a lot of trans people in the Gen X/boomer generation who are very 'wtf' about all this (see Buck Angel, etc).