She said her husband hit her. She lost custody of her kids.

VioletRemi · 2020-07-09T17:28:05+00:00

When my mother was divorcing, judge was saying "do not ruin family, stay together, think about kids" to my mother. And that was after seeing my scars as one of reasons why divorce is happening (back then it was not possible for women to get divorce without heavy reasons in my country, today situation is better). Sad part was that judge was a woman too, but caught up in patriarchic "family above all" housewife mindset.

Shinjin_Nana · 2020-07-09T19:15:35+00:00

and MRAs whinge about the pro-maternal bias in family court.... what a joke.

The fact that a sperm donor can beat his wife, have an affair, put his abused wife on the hotseat isn't bias for mothers....

notgonnabenice · 2020-07-09T07:38:37+00:00

"At one point during the trial, Cunningham’s attorney suggested she had “a lot of unresolved issues and anger from the divorce.” Coronado shot back, “I have a lot of unresolved issues with putting up with 15 years of getting beaten to be left penniless and raising four children by myself.”

But outbursts like that don’t play well in a family court system that women’s rights advocates say is permeated by gender bias. Judges and court-appointed experts are trying to seek the best interests of children in cases where polarized and combative parents present irreconcilable versions of reality. They point out that in the high-conflict cases they are drawn into, they’re often the target of fury from the parent who loses. Yet some also punish women who appear angry or aggressive; fail to understand how trauma can warp emotions and personal demeanor; and rely on forensic assessments that some experts consider misinformed at best and unethical at worst...

As the custody case dragged through the courts, a parade of therapists—assigned by the court, but paid for by Cunningham—would weigh in, declaring that the problem wasn’t him, but Coronado, whom they described as manipulative, hostile and defensive. They labeled her with a range of diagnoses, from borderline personality disorder—an illness marked by unstable emotions and interpersonal relationships—to the contested theory of “parental alienation”—that is, deliberately estranging the children from their father and coercing them into supporting false claims of abuse."

Killer_Danish · 2020-07-09T23:47:09+00:00

"Parental alienation" is almost always used against women in family courts to GREAT success by fathers. Any good, skeevy divorce lawyer knows this.

Woman claims the reason for divorce is physical/emotional abuse
Man counters, "judge, she's lying (like ALL women do!) and wants to keep me from MY children!"
Judge almost always sides with man, sometimes punishing the women for "lying" by giving the man more custody

Parental alienation used as 'secret weapon' in custody battles, says expert

‘Parental alienation’: the debunked theory that women lie about violence is still used in court

EDIT: Added some links

StupidHappyPancakes · 2020-07-11T18:41:08+00:00

Wow, this was a TOUGH read. It reminded me so much of my previous marriage and how horrific the divorce proceedings were. I was abused throughout the marriage, and then my ex bought a new car, ran up my credit card bill, emptied all the bank accounts and left. He also broke into the house later to steal all my important documents. Since I was disabled and unable to work, I literally had zero dollars for FOOD, even, and meanwhile my ex had already been plotting out his actions with an expensive divorce attorney LONG before he left. Not only was I up against the total monster that my ex is, but I was basically at the mercy of the entire court proceedings because I couldn't hire my own expensive lawyer and fight fire with fire.

I had gotten a temporary order of protection because I had medical records of one of the times he hit me, but I STILL hadn't been able to get an attorney because I needed one who was pro bono, and although there are many pro bono domestic abuse attorneys, almost all of them only take cases where children are involved and I (thank God!) didn't have any. When the actual trial for the permanent order of protection was coming very soon, I had no choice but to drop it because I knew how horrible he and his attorney would have treated me on the stand.

My ex got away with it all. He was making over $100,000 when he left, but suddenly cut his hours dramatically to make himself look poor, which is supposed to be illegal during divorce proceedings, but he got away with it. He even tried to make his monthly expenses ABSURDLY high by taking all his coworkers out for $500 dinners every night. In the end, I received an absolute pittance of spousal support and that was it. None of the money he took, the money he used to buy a brand new car he bought, or the debt he left me with was ever ordered to be returned to me.

The only ruling I got in my favor was that he was ordered to return my documents, but he wouldn't listen and I had to keep telling the judge that he wasn't complying. Ultimately, he gave me about ten pieces of paper back that weren't important at all; he still has my passport, my birth certificate, my social security card, and many more vital things. And get this, that asshole even stooped so low that he tried to get custody of my parrot!

My ex always tried to push me to have children, kind of like a child wants a puppy. He didn't care about being a good parent, just having more people to abuse and manipulate and make him feel special. I absolutely refused to bring a child into the world with a monster for a father, and it was the only boundary I managed to hold firm. Readinf this article gave me chills because not only could I see myself in her, but it gave me a horrifying view into what would have happened in the divorce if we had kids together. My ex would have done everything the husband in the article did, and I have no doubt he would have succeeded.

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