Detrans female— Venting, what the f just happened to me?

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[–]greenish 74 insightful - 1 fun74 insightful - 0 fun75 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hang in there, your life is not ruined! You are just passing through the crisis point right now, which is incredibly painful and confusing, and feels like the complete disintegration of self. Remember that it is only the disintegration of the false self (literally detangling (stopping integrating) things that are not true and not you into perception of self), built on a faulty premise absorbed from a society which for a variety of reasons has built up some very funny ideas at this time. What will remain afterwards will be you, and you can go from there.

I have been there too, several times in my life, although I am a desister not a detransitioner. It is incredibly hard but you will get through it, and while you may feel more alone for a while, the clarity about who you are and what society is doing will allow you to attract other people and take other paths that have similar clarity. It took me a couple of years to get over, honestly, but now I am in a much better place than I ever was before, due in large part to the experience. It was like a massive, violent exorcism of my baggage. I think of it almost like the shamanic concept of ego death, but played out in a really concrete, not very woo way.

This is what I hope for you too. You are strong enough to do this! And even if you don't feel you are, as I felt I wasn't, it is already forcing you to become strong, to find depths in yourself you never knew were there, and afterwards you will always have that strength, because you've developed and earned it. Good luck!

[–][deleted] 47 insightful - 1 fun47 insightful - 0 fun48 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

All this time I spent fighting for trans acceptance, I should have been with my sisters who would have told me I was beautiful and perfect as I was.

Sooooo many of us feel that way just for having been supporters. You actually undertook the hard process of journeying into that, waking up, and finding your way back out again! Please be patient with yourself, you're doing great!

[–]Lilith_Fair 43 insightful - 1 fun43 insightful - 0 fun44 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I just want to add a message of support. It saddens me to hear that detrans is ruining your life. Please remember that your life doesn't need to (and shouldn't have to) evolved around whether you're trans or detrans. In fact, the whole gender identity is stupid. You're a whole person. Why define yourself by gender anyway? Gender is not even remotely interesting. Try to move beyond that and explore your other interests or develop skills at something you're good at. Join those communities and meet new people, online or IRL, who share those interests. Leave behind friends who can't accept you and make new ones. Family--that one is hard, and I don't even understand. Do they want you to be someone reliant on hormones for life? As for the person you love, that one is tough too, but it happens sometimes. Even people who are married get divorced. But know that when one path ends, you'd be on a new path. You will be ok. This too shall pass. Your personhood need not be defined by whether you're a man or woman or living the lifestyle set by some ridiculous gender stereotype. You're defined by what you do, what goals you pursue in life for yourself, what you bring to your community, and a whole lot more beyond that.

[–][deleted] 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Please remember that your life doesn't need to (and shouldn't have to) evolved around whether you're trans or detrans. In fact, the whole gender identity is stupid. You're a whole person. Why define yourself by gender anyway?

OP this is key. Modern society is having an identity/personality crisis. For years, we've been latching on to random labels to identify ourselves. For example, I saw a trans guy recently complaining about people who center being trans in their lives. He mentioned how he was trans, but that wasn't his whole personality - it wasn't even the most interesting thing about him. He then listed the rest of his "identity" - father, husband, job, hobby, religion, etc. All roles/jobs/groups predetermined by society or personal interests or corporate intellectual property (those whose identity is a tv show or book series).

One thing that might help you is philosophy. Try to figure out who you really are. You can start with core values (I don't know this writer/am not encouraging anything else on his site; I just googled a list of core values). What is important to you? Who do you want to be? What five things do you want to always consider when making the decisions in your life?

I'll recommend this video series - take it with a grain of salt. As a man, he needs to point out Socrates' wife was a shrew five minutes in, and I personally disagree with him and Schopenhauer a lot on love (he also uncomfortably hits on a woman in that video), but watch and decide if what these philosophers believed ring true to you - or do you disagree. I personally find philosophy to be very helpful in grounding myself when I feel lost, and I just wanted to suggest to you. Good luck, and you really will come out of this stronger - the poster who mentioned the disintegration of the false self is spot on.

[–]BarleySammich 35 insightful - 1 fun35 insightful - 0 fun36 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You are so, so strong for seeing through the bullshit. You are NOT ALONE. Abigail Shrier has written about the harm being done to girls and young women in her new book. There’s a lot of gaslighting and brainwashing going on. You will get through this, and your experiences will help others.

[–]motionlessoracle 24 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 0 fun25 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

And it is but only in the sense of social suicide, spite will keep me alive if nothing else.

You are enough, just as you are. You may have committed "social suicide", but in a year you will have completely moved on. Seek out the detransitioners on Twitter. They are amazing.

Sooner or later the lid is going to blow on this entire thing, I know it’s going to be people like me, Elle Palmer, Ryan Barnes, et al the detrans community, forging the way.

The lid is beginning to blow already. It takes bravery, like what you've shown.

How am I supposed to keep going knowing what I now know?

Here's how. You wait. Don't be nasty to anyone you used to know. Don't shout at them and try to get them to see your truth. They will see it eventually. Give your time and attention to people who uplift you. When your former friends have the same epiphany you had, they will seek you out and then you can help them.

You are strong. Stay safe and try not to despair. Turn despair and anger into productive activity. Create words, art, change.

[–]GConly 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Find a support group. In person or on line doesn't matter.

If you feel you weren't given appropriate care help protect you younger sisters by finding out if legal action is warranted.

A few large class action suits by the medically damaged would probably work wonders stopping the medical profession from doing this in future.

[–]Lyssa 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for letting us know!

Sometimes it is hard not to let all the accusations get to you and this is a good reminder why and for whom we fight.

[–]MarkTwainiac 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Good for you OP! Sorry things are rough and seem so bleak now. That's what happens when people leave abusive cults. But you're on the right road, and now that you've seen through and abandoned the toxic ideology of genderism your life is bound to get much better. In the meantime, please be kind and gentle with yourself. And welcome to genuine feminism.

[–]Irascible-harpy 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You're still beautiful and valid and one of us. You've made some extremely difficult decisions and you've been so fucking brave. You will always have a place with your sisters. I'm so sorry for all the struggles you've been through and I hope you find peace and comfort in your body.

[–]poisona7 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hey! You did NOT ruin your life. You have value and you're an imperfect human just like everyone else. Breathe. I know a lot of the rhetoric involving detransitioners here and elsewhere can use harmful words like "ruin" or "mutilate" and such but I want to reassure you that while it's jarring having your entire worldview flipped upside down, you're (I assume) young, and it's okay to feel disappointed/scared/unsure. Growing up as a woman is not easy and can be very painful. Don't chastise yourself for being misled.

[–][deleted] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's going to be jarring to come back to, but it's worth it to shake off the sleep in your eyes. Sometimes you might end up questioning if you made the right decision. If you ever feel doubtful, make sure that you have an outlet, a person to talk to to vent it out--like you're doing now.

I'm not sure what brought you to decide to transition, or what the final straw was to bring you out of it, but I'm sorry for the pain and loss that you're going through in the aftermath.

If your partner does genuinely care about you, and you genuinely consider them to be the love of your life, there's a possibility that things could still work between you. If you want to leave that life behind for fear that you'll be pressured back into transition again, then you need to do what's best for you and leave it.

Just take a deep breath through the memories. We're not perfect, we do things sometimes that we think are great ideas at the time, and that can end with us being hurt or in a terrible position. Not too many of us are a stranger to paving our own roads to Hell with good intentions. Try not to lend yourself to hatred. It's great fuel to get past despair, but it burns hot and fast, and you can hurt people that do genuinely want to be there for you along the way. That said, be wary of wolves in sheep's clothing. You're vulnerable right now, and this is a lot to take in. I genuinely hope that you'll start to feel better soon.

[–]MonstrousRegiment 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You actually sound really tough, good for you! You will find your way through, the truth of yourself will sustain you!

[–][deleted] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I think they want to justify sexualization of children. Not that every trans or detrans person is one, but I find it odd how openly trans extremists can advertise their “lifestyle”, complete with cuddly cartoon characters, to children. This includes tik tok, REDDIT, YouTube, Instagram, regular cable channels and “trans” celebrities.

On a larger scale, big corporations have much to gain by obliterating sexual consent and creating lifelong “patients” and cosmetics consumers.

They use money, online attacks and cult tactics to get what they want.

[–][deleted] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The world is a huge place. You’ll find your people and make better friends and your family will come around. I’ve done things that angered a lot of my former friends and family but in my journey I made better and stronger friends.

[–]luckystar 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

You are totally fine. It took me until my 30s trying for pregnancy to fully appreciate the female body. I didn't really even understand biology or gender politics until it became very personal. And now we want kids to make these decisions. Regret is inevitable.
I'm so afraid for girls these days. If you go on Twitter there are detransition studies recruiting participants, I bet they would love to hear from you too.

[–]SanityIsGC 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Are you sure that the studies you refer to are legit? Twitter is so pro-trans I have to wonder whether that these studies might be run by transgender proponents trying to stop someone from de-transitioning.

[–]luckystar 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I never even thought of that angle but I concede it is a possibility

[–]courage2courage 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

"it’s just neolib capitalism"

It's good that you already understand this because this right here is the answer to this shitshow. Every single aspect of it is neolib capitalism. You asked what the f happened to you - the answer is neolib capitalism.

Glad you're here, and of course your life is not ruined, though it may seem that way in the small blip of time currently being endured. Rebuild, grow, gain knowledge, live fruitfully, speak the truth and share your story with the world. The world needs to hear the truth and you've been right in the blazing heart of it. Journey on, sister <3

[–]LadyStain 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's such a trip.

I never transitioned personally, but I was so sure that I was born a man in a woman's body for years. My path out of it was initially the realization that even if I were in the wrong body that I only have one body and needed to make the best of it. I pretended to be a woman (in a woman's body) for awhile and then finally realized that I'm just a person who was born with a body that happens to be female shaped.

I'm sorry that you're feeling alienated from your friends right now, I know it's difficult to go through a psychic change and watch the people you're closest to continue to be what they've always been.

Allow yourself to grieve, and be patient and kind to yourself while you go through the process. One of the most beautiful things about life (I think) is that we never stop growing and changing, there are always new things to explore and discover especially within ourselves. Changing our minds or growing into something new isn't a betrayal of our former self, just a new way for us to express ourselves as we are in a moment of time.

If you feel like you can't do anything else, never forget, a sandwich and a nap never hurt anybody.

[–]fuckingsealions 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm on a short break so I'll be brief! Do hang in there! Every crisis I've been through, every horrible thing that's happened to me... Eventually it stops coloring every minute and hour of every day. You will get some distance. You will heal from this. Thanks for coming back. <3

[–]dazedandsubdued 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

i'm so sorry. many of here once had our blinders on too and it was a real slap in the face to realize that we had been supporting something that was anti-women. i can't imagine how you feel but you are already so strong and brave for recognizing the bullshit and beginning to live your truth. fuck anyone who thinks that your life (or anyone's life) should be dictated by these bizarre gender identities.

therapy, anti-depressants, music, spending a lot of time outside and with people who love me for me...all of these things have helped me a lot during the worst periods of my life. it will get better!

[–]aldoushuxleyghost 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I remember your last post! I'm so glad to see you posting again. It's an incredibly hard thing you are going through. I want to double down on the advice to be kind to yourself (even when friends and family will not) and protect yourself.

I can kinda relate. I'm GNC and was lost/lonely when I was late teens, I joined/left a religious cult. Maybe it might help you if frame it as joining/leaving a cult (one that has mass media favor right now cause it sells and because it is run by loud narcissistic men who have $$). I'm not the only one with this idea (Arty Morty talks about this ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcqqGJrCpFY ). In the end looking back on it twenty years later, I regret it, but at the same time it really matured me and taught me A LOT. So please keep in mind that you can grow and survive this and come out stronger.

If you can mend bridges with family please try when you are ready (most sane parents will welcome you back), your true friends will still be there, if you don't have friends you will make new ones, guaranteed (you sound very smart and thoughtful).

There are more detrans reseources now then there was even two years ago, I hope you tap into them as well. Recently, I just started watching GNC Centric on youtube, love her and the conversations she has.

Take care and hope you stick around!

[–]NeedMoreCoffee 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Welcome back sister :)

[–]Spikygrasspod 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm so sorry. I want you to know that there is so much time left for you to find so many good things to keep going for. There will be friends. There will be family. You are mighty and valiant, both at times when you feel it clearly, and at times when you can't see it through the fog. You are beautiful and perfect.

[–]venecia 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hello again my friend. Thank you for sharing your story. The other ladies said everything I wanted to say, and I'll just add my little bit here.

Try not to let the rhetoric about ''ruining'' or ''mutilating'' bodies, spoken in anger, be taken to mean something about your worth. Among us, there are women with no hair, with their breasts or ovaries removed as they fight cancer. They are beautiful, strong, and WOMEN as a matter of FACT. We would never dream of calling their bodies ruined or disgusting for something they were victimized by, and I see you the same way.

Words like ''mutilation'' are about brutal, unnecessary medical procedures that are for some reason accepted by society, and rhetoric like this is pushback. Men's rights activists use the word ''mutilation'' to argue circumcision, yet they are not ruined as men for having gone through it. Just so, you are no less valid a woman or person. Please take care of yourself my friend.

[–]jelliknight 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment. You are why we keep fighting.

detranstioning ruined my life, everyone thinks I’m crazy. I lost friends and family,

I don't think it ruined your life, it changed it dramatically. We don't think you're crazy, and the people you lost weren't your friends

[–]UnderHisEye 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If a group has an ideology that leaving is equivalent to death, they are probably a cult.

I am sorry you've been through this. You are welcome here.

[–]RestingWitchface 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hi and welcome! It takes courage to admit when you're on the wrong path. Seriously, well done for being open to different perspectives and challenging your own ideas. It's so important to forgive yourself for past mistakes – we do the best we can with the knowledge we have at the time. I hope you find peace with yourself and supportive people to be in your life. Thank you for speaking out!

[–]Hard_headed_woman 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You're fine. Life might be difficult right now, but you really are just fine. Although it might not seem like it right now, you have your best life ahead of you.

Good luck.

[–]notdelusional 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You are what valid, brave, and beautiful actually looks like. You have the truth on your side.