all 20 comments

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman 20 insightful - 6 fun20 insightful - 5 fun21 insightful - 6 fun -  (4 children)

I've always wondered about that though.

If my workplace mandated we include our pronouns in our email signatures (as some places do, according to friends and acquaintances) I think I would really struggle to do it in good faith, and would end up writing something facetious like 'Pineappleself (🍍for short!)' because the notion is ridiculous etc.

But of course, writing something facetious is problematic because obviously you're doing it in bad faith and so on and such like. But my question is, how does anyone know that I'm doing it facetiously? Surely the whole point of this pronoun nonsense is that I can identify how I like, and if my identify gels with Ananas comosus, who is anyone to tell me otherwise? How do I know Brian, sorry, Brenda from finance isn't doing it in bad faith?

[–]11mile_house 13 insightful - 6 fun13 insightful - 5 fun14 insightful - 6 fun -  (1 child)

You could always say you don’t want to include use them in emails because you’re pre-transitioning and writing your pronouns would mean you would either have to come out about it or lie.

[–]Oof_Too_Humid[S] 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)


[–]worried19 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I doubt this would ever happen to me because I live in a conservative state, but I've thought about what I would do. I'd say I consider my gender a private matter and am not comfortable discussing it in public or at work. I'm extremely GNC, so most likely they'd figure I was closeted trans and leave me alone.

[–]_UngodlyFruit_ 15 insightful - 3 fun15 insightful - 2 fun16 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

If I were in this situation, I would just state that I don't have a gender identity, and therefore have no pronoun preference either. I find the only people that really care about the "correct" pronouns being used are the ones that believe in gender identity and highlight it as a major aspect of their personality. I'm a woman and I wouldn't care much if people referred to me as he. If anything I'd find it amusing, because I know it is a fact that I am a woman. Someone calling me "he" doesn't make that any less true.

Initially I thought it might be clever to identify as "agender", but then I realized I'd just be going along with their belief system. It's better to refuse to participate in the delusion.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Or say you identify as a this

[–]our_team_is_winning 13 insightful - 3 fun13 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Maybe get really vocal early on about safe spaces for women and sexual harassment of women. Stress having a safe work environment for women and that women should not be made to feel uncomfortable at work. For bonus points, add that sexual acts of any kind, including fetishes, have no place in the workplace, "I'm sure we can all agree on that." AGP is a fetish, and fetishes belong behind closed doors or in sex clubs. Fetishes Belong at Home = FBAH. Can that replace TWAW? Please?

[–]Oof_Too_Humid[S] 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

If I could be incredibly well-spoken, direct and convincing, then yes--saying all that early on and getting the room on my side should do the trick. But I'm just not sure I could slam-dunk like that. Just out of habit, (at this point), I'm constantly re-working my arguments and considering how to phrase things in order to get a wedge of logic into someone's mind.
But even if I convinced the room, I'd still have the gender diversity trainer reporting me to HR...

[–]Spikygrasspod 8 insightful - 9 fun8 insightful - 8 fun9 insightful - 9 fun -  (4 children)

You could always identify as a trans women.

[–]Oof_Too_Humid[S] 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

But I'm a woman. So, if push came to shove--I bet they'd try to make me prove that I was "AMAB".
That's why I'm thinking "gender-fluid" (it is SUCH NONSENSE!):
"I was AFAB and eventually I realized that I'm actually a man because I never wanted to be a mother, I keep my hair short, I don't shave my legs, and I don't wear makeup. At some point, however, my love of cooking, my empathy for others, and the fact that I cry sometimes led me to understand that very often, I'm still a woman. That's when I knew that I'm actually gender fluid."

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman 5 insightful - 6 fun5 insightful - 5 fun6 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)


I've been spending far too much time on the internet. My mind immediately went to 'all men are bastards'.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Makes sense. A 'trans' 'woman', cause she 'transforms'. OP has a weekend hobby of stealthily making herself into a lookalike of famous people. Like the Kim & Trump duo. She puts a lot of money and effort into that hobby. Hence a 'trans-woman'.

[–]RoundFork 7 insightful - 10 fun7 insightful - 9 fun8 insightful - 10 fun -  (0 children)

Make a calendar/math problem on when you change pronouns.

Ze/zir on Monday except when it’s cloudy, unless it’s the first Monday of the month; they/them for Wednesdays and Fridays and the third week of October; she/her when it’s raining on Tuesdays and Saturdays, otherwise use Xe/xir; ALWAYS use he/him on emails... make it as long as possible.

Then have the genius who suggested this explain to each and every individual who complains to you. Refer to that person whenever someone asks.

[–]DarthVelma 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Bring up the accidental experiment that made so many headlines a few years back. A woman had been telling her boss for years about the sexism she dealt with from their clients. He didn't really seem to believe her until he switched email accounts with her for a while and saw for himself how people treated him when they thought they were talking to her.

There's plenty of other actual research that backs this up. People will treat you worse if they think you are female. Putting she/her/hers on your email just encourages them to do so.

[–]Lyssa 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I think nobody can get fired for asking question or at least not yet.

So I'd ask uncomfortable questions.

"Can you please explain again what a gender identity is? So I totally got that it has nothing to do with somebody's body. But the examples you've been giving seem all to refer to some old-fashioned sterotypes... I mean, surely I should not ask any wo... ehh person I meet without make-up who I would expect to wear make-up because.. eh.. the gender I suppose they've been assigned at birth if they'd like to be addressed by male pronouns. That could be impolite as well, or not? And how do I tell a man who just likes to wear a skirt and make-up sometimes - because there's nothing wrong with that, is it? - from a trans woman?"

Nobody could contrue that as transphobic. You are just trying your very best to be the best person you can possibly be...

Expose the insanity by going above and beyond what's expected of you (Sitting silently through the re-education and practise what you've been taught. Shutting up, that is.)

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I remember reading some posts on Reddit where people would use bizarre pronouns. To be honest, I would skip those posts because they were UNREADABLE for me.. as were posts where people would use acronyms and letters for people.

[–]JustAMom 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You could change your pronouns everyday. When questioned act offended and hurt by their violence. Tell them you don't feel safe by their questions, your worried you will experience suicidal ideation. You are working through your gender identity after all, be brave. Then take a extra break in their safe space....

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Are they forcing you to attend?

[–]twam 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, that's not going to work.