all 37 comments

[–]Shinjin_Nana 33 insightful - 2 fun33 insightful - 1 fun34 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

We don't do enough of it these days.

It's just become a cover for filthy behavior like pedophilia.

[–]threefingersam[S] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I have realized that not shaming enables people to get away with heinous things. Shame is a actually a more useful social tool than I initially thought

[–]Shinjin_Nana 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The problem is that it has to be done with responsibility, but should never be outlawed. It definitely greases the slippery slope to perversion.

[–]lefterfield 24 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 0 fun25 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's none of my business till people make it everyone's business. Then I will judge and/or shame the hell out of them for it. BDSM is harmful, fantasies that involve harming people are... harmful, and people who desire to cause harm to others for their own sexual gratification should be kinkshamed for it.

[–]zephyranthes 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Anyone who shares the details of his or her sexual habits should be shamed and should expect to be shamed. It should be an obstacle in employment and public recognition.

Credible claims about the sexual habits of others should be treated as revenge porn / defamation, unless the alleged facts do or should warrant a police investigation.

[–]LucasAlolu 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly. Freedom of speech means also freedom to criticize.

[–]Riothamus 16 insightful - 10 fun16 insightful - 9 fun17 insightful - 10 fun -  (0 children)

Kinkshaming is my fetish and how dare you judge me for it!

[–]sisterinsomnia 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It is like that 'lights out at nine, children, do you hear me?' command. To be accepted without questioning. The difference is that it is not aimed at children, and that some kinds of kinks actually involve non-consenting individuals in potentially harmful activities. And yes, pedophilia would be one of those.

[–]fuckingsealions 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Why do people think their kinks are above criticism?

Because "words are violence" now, which kills any kind of discourse. Some people cannot separate criticism of ideas from criticism of self. Internet culture teaches us that no one needs to feel shame, you just cancel the other person for being a bigot.

And, of course, actual violence is sexual liberation.

[–]Finnegan7921 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It is funny how with the removal of shame as a component of society, that people are at least imo, becoming more and more uncivilized. Nobody has standards anymore and if you try to enforce some, you're a bigot.

[–]moody_ape 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

i hate the trend of "stop kinkshaming me" and i think it's just another way to allow people to be creepy pervs. people think their kinks are above criticism because, well - they are creepy pervs.

[–]Realwoman 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

There's nothing wrong with kink and shaming, many kinks are shameful. Sorry, but if you find horses sexually attractive there's something wrong with you.

[–]Veneficca 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I see more vanilla shaming these days.

[–]TeaAndCigarettes 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think there's lines.

If an actual loving couple of any sexual persuasion wants to experiment in the privacy of their own bedroom then mind your business.

If you want to wear your fursuit out in the open along with your diaper and get mad at people "kinkshaming" you then you can fuck right off forever. Same thing goes for public displays of BDSM outside of adult clubs made for the sort of thing. The parade or the grocery store is not an appropriate venue for your kinks.

Why this needs to be explained to people is beyond me.

[–]Spikygrasspod 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Feminists are always accused of shaming individuals when they attempt critiques of culture. Critique the expectation to wear high heels to work? You're shaming women who wear and like heels. Critique religious doctrine? You're shaming the adherents. Critique violent media? You're shaming those who enjoy it. If your moral framework is individualistic and focused on personal freedom, then critiquing society is unimportant and respecting everyone's conception of the good life is paramount.

[–]worried19 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think it's a good thing. Some kinks should be shamed. If you get off on hurting others, that's not something to be proud of. Many of these people insist on throwing their kink out in public and mentioning it in places it doesn't belong. I couldn't even go a fucking day on r/AskWomen without seeing certain posters mention it in threads that had absolutely nothing to do with BDSM. They just couldn't keep their penchant for sexualized violence to themselves.

[–]Catbug 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Love it. Want to see more of it.

People are so determined that nothing they do is something to be ashamed of when it goddamn is. Getting off to punching women, or scenes that appear to be rape, or bizarre stuff like a gaping anus is something a normal person would be ashamed of.

The degenerates who think that their fetishes are just a personality quirk or a fun conversation starter can cry and call decent people vanilla prudes and sex-negative til the cows come home, but it won’t make people believe that it’s normal to jack it to pictures of cats and cartoon schoolgirls.

[–]Ossidiana 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (15 children)

Well, I'm into BDSM and rape-y roleplay scenarios. Are you going to kink shame me?

In my experience, being open about your kinks is a twofold matter. If you're open about your kinks, you are one of two categories of people:

1) a person who's healthily confident in their sexuality, and is creative;

2) a person who doesn't know social boundaries, overshares, and is a creep.

People who have kinks and don't hide them are either sexually healthy, quirky people, or weirdos. It all depends on wether you're simply open about those, or..... if you impose them on others to the point it's just gross (aka what certain TRAs do).

[–]lefterfield 25 insightful - 2 fun25 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

I don't really care what your fantasies are or what you do in the privacy of your own home. But when you bring it into public scrutiny, you invite others to judge. And I see nothing wrong with that. Either keep it to yourself, or grow a thicker skin.

[–]Comatoast 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This. If you're deliberately sharing with someone, you opened yourself up for that.

[–]Ossidiana 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I agree. It's not even about having a thicker skin..... it's about accepting not everyone shares your views.

[–]lefterfield 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

So much this, yes! We need to be able to disagree and accept that we won't always change someone's mind.

[–]DifferentAirGC 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

I don't see how oversharing information has anything to do with creativity.

[–]Catbug 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It doesn’t, it’s just another one of those quips like calling normal people vanilla and boring because they don’t want to have sexual on top of a methed up gorilla or fetishising rape victims. If you don’t have kinks and make them public info you must be a square philistine who doesn’t understand fun.

[–]Ossidiana 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Me neither. That's why I said it's one or the other.

[–]Catbug 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Yeah, yeah I’d shame that. First for the rape bit and second for the openness about it. Nobody should be so open about what gets them off that casual acquaintances are aware.

[–]Ossidiana 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Allow me to disagree. One thing is to suddenly tell your fetishes to everyone (like, what the heck?). Another thing is that, if we're talking about fetishes like in this very case..... there's nothing wrong about being open about it. Also, I was kinda waiting for someone to be outraged for the rape bit. Are you also outraged when kids play GTA or shoot each other in COD?

[–]Catbug 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

No because playing a video game isn’t deliberately sexualising something traumatic and generally only appealing to rapists like raping is. What a silly comparison.

You honestly sounded surprised that someone is happy to kinkshame you over a rape fetish in a feminist space and I cannot comprehend that being even slightly surprising to anyone.

Imo if you’re gonna say you get off on rape, expect to be shamed. Doesn’t matter if it’s a conversation about kinks or not. It’s a shameful thing to find sexy and it’s perfectly acceptable to say so.

Remember earlier comments about needing a thick skin if you wanna chat about having kinks? Plenty of us don’t think that rape is cute, sexy, and creative lol.

[–]Ossidiana 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

I'm not surprised at all: otherwise, why would I have said in another comment that I was waiting for someone to be outraged? Sexual roleplay is no different from playing a videogame. In both cases, it's only a make-believe scenario. If you're outraged that someone has a BDSM rape fetish, you should be outraged that millions of people play videogames where you kill other human beings.

So, I understand you not finding rape scenarios sexy. But some of us do, and they're not any different from people whe enjoy gorey horror films. It's an escapist fantasy. The REAL problem is only when people don't distinguish fiction from reality. I would hate real rape just the same way I'd hate real violence, not the one I see in Mortal Kombat.

[–]Catbug 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

You seem really bothered that I’m shaming your kink despite you literally asking for it to be shamed.

But okay, normalising rape via pretending getting raped is a perfectly normal and healthy fantasy and creative people being creative and disliking it is pearl clutching outrage. Whatever you need. Maybe though, don’t publish your fetishes if you’re upset someone finds them grubby.

[–]Ossidiana 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Uh, why do you insist so much that you want me to be bothered by the fact you're shaming my kink? I just said I'm not and I understand you? I feel like you're not really paying attention but just monologuing. By all means, keep being offended by my fetish, as long you don't want to stop me from enjoying it I will respect your right to talk against it.

[–]Catbug 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Why do you keep insisting I am outraged? You asked if anyone would kink shame you, and I do. If you were as unbothered as you’re insisting you wouldn’t have started insisting in the first place.

[–]Ossidiana 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Good point, I guess I won't insist. We both shared our views and that's ok. :)

[–]Terfenclaw 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Whatever two fully consenting adults do in private is none of my business. But that doesn't mean I won't have a reaction to certain things if they flaunt it in public. Like diapering or furries or shit like that.

[–]materialrealityplz 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I hate the 'don't kink shame' line. People should be able to speak about what makes them uncomfortable and there are definitely kinks that need shaming. You don't have to be okay with everything related to sex. It's okay to be a prude. :P

[–]CastleHoward 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I grew up in a Hippy "community". The worst crime was judging someone. This led to countless crimes and disgusting behaviour being allowed. I'm going to judge everything that hurts women as a group or individual women.