"Women catering to men is so normalized that NOT treating men as a priority in your life is considered an attack on them"

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[–]vitunrotta 42 insightful - 3 fun42 insightful - 2 fun43 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

While your post (and the quoted post) is true I honestly don't get why one wouldn't open a door to a guy with crutches? That's a bit too far IMHO. I'm imagining a normal situation somewhere in public, not some Ted Bundy shit.

Why would you not open the door? I totally get the OP's other points in supporting women, and I also do not think that not opening the door is somehow "violence against men" etc., but it just rings a bit odd to me. If I see someone struggling to do something - trying to reach an item in a grocery store, trying to open the door with crutches or whatever - I don't care about their sex, age, weight, skin color or any other completely irrelevant thing. I'd just help and go on to live my life.

[–]TurtleFuzz 24 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 0 fun25 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I agree. Sometimes people can get so bent out of shape that they forget that sometimes people just need a little help.

[–]feministunderyrbed 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

although I would instinctively want to I would not

Yeah, my feminism is about not dressing, smiling, dumbing down for men, not about squashing my altruistic urges for the principle of gender separatism. Full personhood to me means being able to be nice to anyone I want to without having to be a chump/slut/doormat for it.

[–]Sun_bear 30 insightful - 2 fun30 insightful - 1 fun31 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Didn't Ted Bundy use a pair of crutches to lure his victims?

[–]Eurowoman24 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

pretty much, also an arm cast

[–]just_lesbian_things 25 insightful - 4 fun25 insightful - 3 fun26 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Pretty much. Lesbians have always been considered man-haters for not wanting to have sex with men.

You know what happens when a woman I have a huge crush on doesn't like me back? I go home, curl up in bed, maybe cry a little, then I move on like a normal person.

These men, trans-identified or otherwise, don't even like me. But the moment I say no to their (feminine) penis, all hell breaks loose. They're frothing at the mouth, accusing me of misandry or transphobia or generally being a bitter, angry, hateful person. All for someone they wouldn't otherwise give two fucks about.

[–][deleted] 24 insightful - 2 fun24 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Reddit is the epitome of misogyny. Men on there always seem to perpetuate the idea that it's actually MEN who are oppressed. It's actually MEN that experience sexual assault the most. It's actually MEN who have it the hardest. Give me a fucking break.

[–]RedditHatesLesbians 24 insightful - 2 fun24 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Maybe it's just my female socialisation talking, but I'd help anyone with crutches without even noting their sex as an important characteristic if this was a public place. It would literally only take a few seconds and would be very helpful, without you losing anything. The world would be a much better place if we were all nicer to each other. Obviously, you have to take the necessary precautions to be safe around men. Notice any red flags, never follow them anywhere private, don't climb into any cars and if you're uncomfortable, don't be afraid to leave out of rudeness. The usual. As women we have to be very wary of possible male violence at all times. And obviously, no one is owed anyone's help. If you see someone bleeding to death outside of a hospital, you're not legally liable to help them. But not every day to day interaction has to be a political statement.

[–]Astrid2448 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It isn’t female socialization. It’s literally just normal decency. Most people open doors for people. Most people help disabled people out when they can. That’s just how our society works out of kindness. The level of misandry needed to say you won’t even help a disabled man get through a door is insane, and the reason why people think radfems are idiots.

[–][deleted] 21 insightful - 2 fun21 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

"although I would instinctively want to I would not, because I'm trying not to spend any effort/time on males"

I think this is why her friend called her extreme. Inaction is one thing, but going out of your way to not do something is another thing entirely. It would be like not going to Walmart because there isn't one in my area and I have no reason to find one (inaction) vs driving to a store that's out of the way because I'm purposely avoiding Walmart for whatever reason (going out of my way to not do something). If her initial reaction is to help but she suppresses it, that's not passive inaction. That's actively avoiding it.

This reads like she goes out of her way to not help males, no matter the circumstances. She even said she's "trying" not to. She's putting effort in to not spend any time/resources on men. It would be one thing if she wasn't expending any emotional/financial labor on men beyond what's necessary for healthy interpersonal relationships. But she's actively avoiding giving any male any help for any reason. And that does strike me as a bit over the top.

[–]tuesday 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Inaction is one thing, but going out of your way to not do something is another thing entirely.

er, I thought the definition of "inaction" was literally "not doing anything"...? I'm confused.

It would be like not going to Walmart because there isn't one in my area and I have no reason to find one (inaction)

exactly, that's what the woman did in the given example. She had no reason to reach out her hand in order to open a door, so she didn't.

vs driving to a store that's out of the way because I'm purposely avoiding Walmart for whatever reason (going out of my way to not do something).

er, this doesn't seem right to me... A better comparison to your analogy would be, "she didn't want to open the door for the disabled man who was right in front of her but she did walk across the parking lot in order to open the door for the able-bodied woman".

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Maybe "inaction" was inaccurate as far as word choice, but the point is when this woman says she's simply "not doing anything" it doesn't fit here.

"She had no reason to reach out her hand in order to open a door, so she didn't."

She did have a reason though: the desire to help. Wanting to do something is a reason. She admitted herself that she'd want to help but would squash that urge if the person in need was a man.

You can say my analogy doesn't work but the motive is the same. In one case I don't go to Walmart because I have no desire or reason to. However in the second situation I have the urge to go to Walmart but I suppress it, resulting in either staying home(which might look passive on the outside but it is not the same thing) or driving out of the way to a different store so I don't have to shop there. One is passively doing nothing. The other is active avoidance.

This woman is actively avoiding helping men no matter what, and suppressing her altruism in a way that I see as unnecessary. Thinking that way often promotes hatred and resentment.

[–]BrendaFricker 19 insightful - 2 fun19 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

If you find yourself thinking that way, turn off the internet and have a look at yourself. You won't help someone on crutches open a door because he's male? Wise up, that's not feminism, it's being an arsehole.

[–]MonstrousRegiment 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I would probably help the guy but I think the writer is wise to de-program herself in this way.

It depresses me to remember how many lessons I needed to understand that for many guys, common human decency from me was perceived as a come-on. And that's only one facet of the situation.

I, too, reserve my charity for females, right down to the panhandlers on the street.

[–]LasagnaRossa 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I hate reddit lol. It's a male cess pool.

Yep, it is. But the rant is some next level persecution complex.

The other day a libfem friend asked me if I would help a man with crutches trying to open a door and I said that although I would instinctively want to I would not, because I'm trying not to spend any effort/time on males.

You really need to hate men to withhold assistance to someone who is differently able and happens to be male. That's sexist.

I'm literally not doing anything.

You have just said you would actually avoid helping someone in need just because they're male. That's sexist.

Men actively hurt women every day and all I'm doing is not spending time/energy on males

So what, this man should pay for the actions of others? There's nothing logical here, just principles you chose to adhere. Which are sexist, by the way.

Females catering to males is so normalized that NOT treating males as a priority in your life is viewed as an attack on them. 🙄"

If this is what you've understood from that imaginary scenario, you need help gal. That scenario had nothing to do with sex or patriarchy.

[–]eddyelric 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I understand what you mean by that post, but I'd still help someone with crutches. I just wouldn't cook, clean, organize, set appointments, do his home work, file his taxes and otherwise be a maid for a man.

[–]tuesday 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I admit, I have done similar. Just... fail to do my womanly duty by offering my services any time a man needs something. I also didn't smile or tilt my head!

The point where people are getting stuck is that he's disabled. If he wasn't disabled then nobody would bat an eye when she didn't open the door for him cos clearly, he's perfectly able to open the door all by himself.

But we live in a world where sexism and racism and homophobia are things which exist, oftentimes socially and institutionally set into stone; and because of that pervasiveness, many times we do need those in the more powerful group to step up and speak out and agree that a specific sexist/racist/homophobic thing is awful and needs to be changed -- yet they remain silent. They remain silent year after year, decade after decade, eon after eon. Because they just don't care.

Fuck 'em. They had their chance to be decent human beings and they've failed spectacularly.

If you want me to be nice to you, then you have to give me basic human decency first. If you're in a demographic which has denigrated me from birth onwards, failed to help rectify that in any way, and then expect me to do you a little kindness? Don't be daft. I am not man's loyal dog, content to lap up his crumbs after being left for years out in the cold and rain. When men continually place me in the box marked "madonna whore maid" then I'm not gonna do jack for men.

(edited to add. I would help him if I knew him personally, and knew him to be a decent sort.)

[–]Comatoast 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'll hold a door open for whomever is behind me. It goes above and beyond genders, sex, zodiac signs, etc. to me. I have had the door held open for me many a time by men and women. It's merely courtesy.

[–]Dragonerne 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Unsubscribing from this subreddit. I'm sorry I ever defended GC and retract all statements.

[–]eddyelric 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Sorry to hear that. Have a good day.

[–]nopointdenyingitnow 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Aw frig this deeply introspective post got deleted. Hope you weren't banned. The 2 people expressing outrage seemed to be projecting their own hatefulness.