all 10 comments

[–]Feather 28 insightful - 2 fun28 insightful - 1 fun29 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I think most do, but considering the context - that relative did it before it was cool and stuck with it for decades - I think this is genuinely the life your relative wants, prefers, and likes. It's long, long past the time of hoping this might be a phase. You should assume this is who your relative is going to be for the rest of their life because they like the life they've chosen.

This post has made me consider two conflicting values:

  • The "females are female, and that's the actual definition of a woman" value

  • The "Jesus Christ, just let it go, your family member isn't going through a twenty-year phase no matter how much you dislike it and it's not your business anyway" value

Just decide whether you can accept that your relative is genuinely happy living the life they have chosen. If you can't, fine, don't deal with it - don't interact. But if you want to interact, you've got to accept it.

[–]Eurowoman24 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Maybe but judging by the fact that most grow out of it post-hs there's a chance s(he) could be part of the small percentage with genuine dysphoria who then chooses to live like this to manage it

[–]parapluie[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

"Genuine dysphoria". That's like saying brain sex. I don't believe in gender identity. Male and female are not feelings. You can't feel male. Male and female describe the gametes your body was meant to produce. I am female but if one day I woke up a man I wouldn't care.

[–]Moirawr 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Wouldn’t there be a huge sunk cost involved? If you spent 20 years on T and had all the surgeries, it may be easier (even if you have come to terms with being female) to continue to identify as a man. If she likes the way she looks and is comfortable, undoing all of that could open up a Pandora’s box of mental and social issues. Some people may think “going back” isnt a real option for them, especially after surgeries. There was an interview with a detransitioned woman had all the surgeries for years too, and she still looks like a man, and I’m sure that brings it’s own challenges. Even if you are comfortable with yourself, other people go out of their way to make sure you are not if you look different, I don’t blame people for avoiding that. On tumblr at least there seem to be lots of FTMs that don’t detransition because they say it helped their dysphoria, but beyond that no longer drink the kool aid.

[–]parapluie[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

She has not come to terms with being female. Also, she is a woman, even if she doesn't meet society's definition of a woman. She will always be a woman. Sex is immutable.

[–]our_team_is_winning 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

So she's 36? I'm not sure at what age severe health problems are likely to kick in. I guess we're all going to find out soon enough. Butchering people's bodies and giving them excessive doses of the other sex's hormones surely can't lead to perfect health.

Very sad for your relative.

[–]RIP_r_GenderCritical 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Not if hormones are involved. Also, if they trans at a younger age the detrans factor goes way down.

[–]parapluie[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I thought it was the opposite - the younger you are, the more likely you are going to detrans.

[–]RIP_r_GenderCritical 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Because if you trans at a younger age you're more likely to take hormones/puberty blockers.