Where do I go to safely find GC community in real life?

submitted by watermelonsappho from self.GenderCritical

hi, i'm a gc lesbian (in my twenties if that makes a difference) and i am going towards saidit, spinster, and tumblr to find community online now that r/gendercritical has been banned. does anyone who has more experience in these communities have advice for finding friends in real life who understand and relate to my perspective? i don't expect or require people to agree with me on everything, but libfems and the alphabet soup crowd pretty much hate me and i would like to know more people irl who i can talk to about this stuff and who won't immediately villainize me for who i am. i am tired of walking on eggshells or having to justify my existence to people who are supposed to be my allies. and as much as i appreciate internet communities, real life connections are extremely important to me. thank you!!

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[–]tea4two 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I'm glad you asked this question because I have the same problem (×100 due to covid ruining everything).

Unfortunately, it means I can't tell you where to go but I can tell you what didn't work for me: "Women in X" groups (with X being occupations, hobbies, etc). I was invited to a few by women who seemed cool and feminist and then I'd go to their website and there was always a trans flag, "trans women welcome" banners, inclusive speech manifestos etc. which turned me off right away because I don't play that game.

I pondered looking for a chapter of gender critical orgs in my city, or buying and wearing Posie's "definition of woman" t-shirt in public, but I'm going to be honest: I'm not that brave.

[–]aldoushuxleyghost 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That'll depend on where you live and you'll have to some extent out yourself to meetup with others IRL. You might have to dive deeper into GC social media. That's how I found some women. If you live in Seattle ... https://sosrights.org/ . I heard about them by following @rGenderCritical on twitter.

[–]jet199 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If you are in the US you will probably have to aim for the sceptic movement or the newly popular cynical theories crowd because most of feminism has been captured over there.

Possibly look at the rules and policies of your local women's movements orgs, shelters, charities, etc. The TRA ones will have a big trans inclusive policy virtue signal. The ones who don't might be GC on the down lie but you'll still need to send out feelers.

[–]lairacunda 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't have any good advice that isn't also dangerous. If you become the woman everyone knows is a TERF, you will lose your community. The only upside is that like-minded women may (or not) approach you. If you meet people in your area online and vet them well, you may be able to meet women IRL. I would not go meet them alone the first time. I've heard some people say that they confided in one dear friend who didn't necessarily ditch them. Have also heard of this backfiring. Your best IRL options if Covid ever lifts, might be to find the music festivals.

[–]tuesday 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

meetup.com. Here is what I would do.

book a room at the local library to discuss cleaning techniques. That's what you tell teh library when the day come where you need a neutral physical space.

On meetup.com do not use your real name. Say you are starting a group to discuss gender critical books. Act like you are just starting the group so after enough participants have contacted you then you will all meet up somewhere. Have everyone contact you at a new email address but please, make sure the email does not sound like some stupid honey pot trolling thing. Possibly encourage everyone to get a new email for this group.

For safety, you're not meeting anybody anywhere for awhile. Send out a email (DO NOT CC EVERYONE ON THE LIST JESUS) which is like a "getting to know you" thing, no identifying info, just how they came to be gc, things like that. Then after quite a few rounds of that, invite ONLY the people who actually responded in a gc manner to the library room, once you feel safe. Do not park your car in the library parking lot, you don't want some T**F hunter following you home or getting your plate number.

Or possibly, screw the library and just meet for coffee at a food court at a local mall. I think that's a better option. There's no need to tell the food court that you're planning a small group for a meetup, it's none of their business. So there's nothing for the T**F hunters to complain about, in advance. If you park far far away from the food court, it will be easy to see who is trying to follow you. And of course, pay for your drink with cash.