all 9 comments

[–]TurtleFuzz 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

You are not obligated to be friends with anyone. At all! You should still try and be civil with your coworkers, but you don't have to be friends. The people who claim your boss is a "cool person to talk to" are probably just kissing ass to get a promotion :/

Especially the woman who thinks other women are just sex toys. That's so gross and sexist.

I don't think you're biased, because your boss is obviously treating you differently than everyone else. You don't dislike him because he's trans; you dislike him because he's an asshole.

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'll start distancing myself from them. We had a different boss before TiM(an ACTUAL lady boss), during that time, we were just chatting it up like normal. But...now that TiM is boss, it feels like I can REALLY see where they stand politically...Normally, I don't care much at all, that is their own business. However, the fact they excuse asshole makes me not want to talk or hangout with them much(we play videogames together online).

Yes, it really IS sexist and pissed me off honestly. I known with bisexuality, some people tend to lean more one way(for example, I'm more attracted to same-sex rather than opposite, but I still like both). But one sex for entertainment purposes...is terrible.

I'm also kinda annoyed that they complain about TiM occassionally, but ultimately say how "cool she is" and...it made me uncomfortable that...I was complaining with them, then it felt they flipped the script and it made me uncomfortable to complain about their "friend", especially since TiM is the female coworkers "cool friend" supposedly. So I told them I'll stop but they were like "Oh it's okay! We get it! If she treated us like that we'd be mad too!"....hmm...

I don't make friends with boss. I am only there to work, so I do not know HOW people make friend with EVERY boss. It's strange. But maybe I hypocrit because I've made friend with coworkers...Im going to stop diing that or be MORE precautious..I move VERY far away from home town, many kilometers...I was lonely and didn't know anyone except for my SO and a brother who invited me to live there. I have family in many different part of the world and I move A LOT. But..yeah...

[–]our_team_is_winning 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

How long until all of us have a TiM in our workplace or school? Sexual fetishes have no place in those environments, and I am so sorry you have to deal with that. WHY are you coworkers talking about their sex lives? Hope you can get out soon. The fact that everyone else is cool with having a TiM over them.... The Cult of Woke spreads.

[–]Thatstealthygal 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

There is a TIM and a TIF at my workplace and they cause no trouble at all. To be fair, not every trans person is going to be like this person's boss. And yes, coworkers should shut up about sex!

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I used to be a TiF myself and detransitioned. I don't agree with transitioning AT ALL to help with the disforia (because it WON'T help, it'll never be the same as being born a certain way, and that was depressing to me when i was TiF) but...I do agree there are some well meaning TiMs and TiFs that need help.

I just happen to encounter assholes who happen to be TiMs on real life, and its good you have not.

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yep...it seems that TiM/TiF are more common nowadays. My cousin is TiM, boss is TiM, my SO's step brother is TiM. So far, the TiMs I have encountered are no well meaning...I used to be TiF but detransitioned. It seems like most don't even HAVE body disforia, they just do it for the kicks(my TiM boss transitioned LATE in life. I saw his "deadname" at the workplace by accident. Assuming he is in his 50s because, as he calls himself so "old", he worked at company for about 10yrs, so was 40 something when he transitioned...)

So the "pansexual" coworker talks to me about EVERYTHING under the sun and latched on QUICK. Since I do not have friends here(I move quite a bit), I was kind of okay at first. Then, when we barely start talking and she talks about how she wants to see my little one, hanging out, going on vacation together, and wanted me to attend her wedding? I thought "maybe people in this country people are very...open?"

But long story short, I...will follow my gut and disconnect myself from this.

[–]Shesstealthy 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You can tell them talking about sexuality is inappropriate at work and you do not consent to it, you are giving a hard no and if it continues to happen you will be forced to go to HR.

Respect goes both ways.

[–]SanityIsGC 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Sounds horrible.You're not biased, you're pissed off and legitimately so but how he treats you.He probably senses you don't like him and you can offset that by being a reliable, hardworker. My advice is do not make friends with any of your coworkers. Keep your head down and just work. above all do not confide in anyone at work.

[–]PeakingPeachEater[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah...I'm going to start focusing more on myself and not bother with coworkers. I ended up being the "class clown" amongst my coworker "friends" so they come to me for a pick-me-up...They get weirded out when I'm "quiet". That's how I really am naturally though haha.

Which reminds me...My TiM boss used to ask me questions like "Why don't you have confidence in yourself?"

I don't have low confidence, thank you. Also, whenever I do what I think I should do, I have 2 other bosses shouting at me that I did something wrong so maybe that's why I have to ask more instead of doing? (I have 3 bosses above me...the TiM is above those other two male bosses....)

Both my coworker "friends" agreed I seem to have low confidence because I used to be "quiet" like lol, okaaay? Of couse I was!!! I normally don't converse too TOO much with people. Also, was dealing with personal stuff and pregnancy on top of that. So, I think being "quiet" doesn't mean "low self-esteem". I'm just more reserved(plus it's common in my particular...multi-cultural background, parents from different countries, I pick up some things after both of them).