I quit Ovarit because of covert racism against BIPOC and AAPI women.

submitted by FrogEnjoyer from self.GenderCritical

Some background about myself: I wrote the following thank-you letter shortly after I first joined Ovarit.

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this: I've been struggling a lot with desire to transition FTM, got the hair cut and everything, came up with a new name. But I'm aware that this isn't going to make me a male, and nothing will. I've also been lurking a LOT on this website and I have to say that, it's not actually all that bad! It's great to hear different perspectives!

Honestly I think my parents (especially my mother, who also uses this site) might actually be right about not wanting me to transition fast for fear that I'll regret it. And to be honest, what they say probably has basis now that I think about it. I'm hearing the process of medical transition isn't actually as "reversible" as it might sound, and so on.

I'm not a "lesbian in denial" for the record, I would not feel comfortable in a relationship with another girl. Though in all fairness I wouldn't if it were another guy, I think. I'd say I'm probably asexual but I'm not sure if that's an accepted orientation here?

But if I had to point to one area where I'm most dysphoric, it would have to be my voice and how high-pitched it is. Even worse than my physical body, to be honest. I'm almost sick and tired of hearing it myself. I have read many stories of re-transitioners who regret their voice transition but are stuck with a low voice and don't like it, but, well, I don't know like my voice right now, so...

Thank you all, I guess.

EDIT: Am I sounding like an "AGP"? I think I might, because I'd rather be a man than be with a man (as in, dating).

EDIT 2: Thank you, Ovarit, again for all the replies! I think I'm still going to keep my name, short hair, and fashion stuff, and try to feel comfortable with my body and voice since I can't change any of these. I'm not going to completely rule physical transition out as an option for myself in life, but I think I'll wait longer before making a permanent and irreversible choice. However, there are a lot of things I disagree with, such as the notion that "all trans women are perverted men", or really anything with "all" in general.

I have been struggling with gender dysphoria (FTM), but have remained open to arguments from all sides. I'm also about to go to high school. In Ovarit, I found like-minded individuals who understood me and my experiences, and who were also (in theory, at least) open to critical thinking and discussion.

However, over time I've seen a shift in that community that makes me uncomfortable. It seems as though we're becoming less tolerant of people outside the mainstream. As an Asian-American woman, growing up, I've known what it's like to be ignored or overlooked by other feminists in favor of white women. Even now, after years of "progress," there are still many white radical feminists who wield their privilege unopposed. This is not the type of environment I want to spend my limited free time in, where I'm constantly having to justify myself or my beliefs. This has happened too often for me to ignore. My experiences with racism have taught me that if you don't stand up for yourself, then no one else will—and the abuse only gets worse as time goes on.

There's nothing wrong with disagreeing with someone else's views; everyone has different backgrounds and experiences. Especially on a platform dedicated as much to open discussion as Ovarit. But when a group doesn't take into account differing opinions and fails to respect those with minority viewpoints, then I can't remain silent. I need to protect myself and others from the oppression that comes with silence. I refuse to let other forms of oppression go unchecked. That means I need to start breaking out of my comfort zone.

What you've been reading now constituted my last post on Ovarit. I planned to stick around for some parting messages, but before long, my post was removed for "flouncing, meta-complaining", even though it was in the meta-discussion circle, "o/Ovarit." And then, they banned me. For calling them out for racism. Kind of expected, to be honest. I don't know... although I will still maintain caution about gender transition and the transgender rights narrative, I do hope that not all radical feminists are like the ones about Ovarit.

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[–]ku_va_nr 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

If you already struggle with real gender dysphoria, then Ovarit might not be the best place for you at first place.

In the past I would have suggested to see a professional, but since "affirmative gender care" is now an obligation, a professional will just push you to butcher your breast, take testosterone and satisfy your delusions of "becoming a male". I guess you should look at the result of some "phaloplasties" on the internet to see how ridicule and grotesque the so called women's penises look and ask yourself if you really want a useless lump of flesh between your legs to feel better in your body...

There's nothing wrong with disagreeing with someone else's views; everyone has different backgrounds and experiences.

Ovarit isn't a debate website. that's what radical feminism is. If you believe in "gender" at first place then again, it's pointless to be on Ovarit. Reddit might be a better place for you.

The whole "white feminism" thing has always been a troll used by modern intersectionalists to shut up radical feminists. It's high time radical feminists reject intersectionality, a flawed concept that allowed transexual activists, religious activists, pro-prostitution activists to hijack feminism by denouncing 2nd wave feminists as "privileged" or "non inclusive", the same old trick...

[–]WildApples 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

The whole "white feminism" thing has always been a troll used by modern intersectionalists to shut up radical feminists. It's high time radical feminists reject intersectionality, a flawed concept that allowed transexual activists, religious activists, pro-prostitution activists to hijack feminism by denouncing 2nd wave feminists as "privileged" or "non inclusive", the same old trick...

I agree that the concept of intersectionality has been wildly abused to silence women and promote dubious ideologies, but OP is not wrong either. The whole "women of color need to shut up and get with the program so as not to dilute the feminist cause" is super alienating. I myself have found posters on Ovarit to be tone deaf when it comes to race, and that is part of why I don't hang out there. If forced to choose between my sex and my race, I'll abandon the respective movement altogether. They are not separable.

[–]ku_va_nr 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

The whole "women of color need to shut up and get with the program so as not to dilute the feminist cause" is super alienating.

I don't think anybody ever said that on Ovarit. However identity politics is a distraction and feminism isn't about that. But if you can link to specific instances where non Caucasian women have been told to shut up on Ovarit, by all means...

Feminism can't be about all possible struggles in the world, because while females are too busy calling each other bigots or accusing some of "white feminism", it doesn't help fight sexism, sexual violence or misogyny.

On the other hand, every single feminist victory profits all women directly or indirectly no matter the color of skin.

For instance, some women in US prisons are black. Surely fighting against putting male rapists in women's prison profits these black women directly, in order for them to be a bit more safe, surely having single sex yards in hospitals also profit women of every races as well, these struggles can't be labelled "white feminism", surely anti-cat calling laws profit women of every races including south Asian looking women, it can't be labelled a "white feminist concern". Identity politics exists only to divide women and is the best trojan horse anti-feminists could have dreamed of.

Radical feminism needs focus right now, focus on fighting against that transgender absurdity, fighting against sexism and fighting for the right to chose a pregnancy. This isn't about you personally as a person of color, this is about females as a class, discriminated because of the sex they are born with.

But again, I don't believe that anybody told you to shut up on Ovarit because you talked about your experience as a woman of color.

[–]WildApples 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I was summarizing the effect of your argument. By dismissing racial concerns as mere identity politics, you are in effect saying to us minority women that our racial concerns are unimportant because they do not matter to you and that we should silence our concerns for the greater good (as defined by white women). Though you are pushing for unity, it feels alienating and leads to fragmentation as women of color feel forced to choose between race and sex.

Even now I am wondering why I spend so much time here when I could be at Lipstick Alley where my concerns about race won't be dismissed.

[–]ku_va_nr 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What comment was dismissed? I have seen no such thing on Ovarit, surely you could point out to a specific example where the experience of a woman of color has been dismissed on Ovarit because the commenter was a woman of color since that's your claim. Again I have seen no such thing on that website.

[–]FrogEnjoyer[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

What's wrong with intersectionality? Or more specifically, what's preventing intersectionality from being compatible with radical feminism?

[–]ku_va_nr 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What's wrong with intersectionality? Or more specifically, what's preventing intersectionality from being compatible with radical feminism?

well, maybe you're fine with the well being of TIMs, Muslim males, black males, pimps being considered ever before the well being of females. feminists invented intersectionality, then intersectionality made feminism a minor struggle and not "urgent" according to some so called "feminists" themselves and you don't see the problem with intersectionality?

Is it the duty of feminism to fight against "transphobia" or "islamophobia", or "racism" at the expense of the fight against misogyny and fighting sexual violence? Should a white woman shut up about her rape if a black man rapes her because "white women are privileged"? And you don't see the issue with "intersectionality"? that is that different intersectional struggles can be at odd with one another? after all trans rights can only be fulfilled if they walk all over women's rights.

Now you might argue, that's not what intersectionality is at first place, well it doesn't matter, that's what people who used intersectionality for their own agenda managed to turn intersectionality into. How is it that you're reclaiming that definition now? If you claim radical feminism is "diverse and inclusive", then "intersectionalists" will argue that it isn't inclusive of TIMs.

Don't you get it? That word is tainted.

[–]pcpmasterrace 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Do you have the link? There's nothing in the letter about being Asian.

[–]WildApples 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I am glad you are trying to remain open-minded because you are so young. It is totally normal to feel insecure about your body and unsure of how you fit into the world. You are going to evolve over the next years and likely be in a very different place mentally and emotionally from where you are now. Enjoy the journey of self-discovery, and I recommend not trying to fit yourself into neat little boxes and labels. So much angst these days seems to come from people who are struggling to fit themselves into a label instead of just just letting themselves be.

As for Ovarit, I don't really post there either because I do get a groupthinky vibe. However, that is not limited to Ovarit. That is pretty much a feature of most internet fora. Everyone is siloed into groups where everyone thinks alike and people are constantly on the look-out for dissenters to exile. It is not healthy. It sucks that they banned you, but they are harming themselves most in the end by limiting their access to different perspectives.