I first realized I wasn't straight shortly after my 13th birthday. Back then I wasn't a part of any LGBT related online communities, in fact I was low key homophobic because I was raised in a really homophobic environment. It was a very confusing and hard time for me, and naturally I looked for advice and people to talk to on the internet since I didn't have anyone to talk to in real life. That's when I first became involved with the 'LGBT community'.
I started watching a lot of lgbt related videos on Youtube, reading articles, stories, following lgbt meme accounts... basically I sank deep into the online community and slowly got indoctrinated with many of their stereotypical ideologies. I was particularly fascinated with trans people, I looked at a lot of trans related content, read studies regarding transgenderism, I even debated pro-trans in a competitive debate.
Naturally, this fascination of mine made me question if I could possibly be trans. I've always been your stereotypical tomboy - all my friends were always guys, I have trouble relating to most women, my clothing choices and haircut kind of make me look like a guy, I have stereotypically masculine hobbies and interests. I've always hated when people assumed I couldn't do something because I was a girl, I always despised gender stereotypes and assumptions. And on top of that, I was now attracted to girls. Pair that up with the fact that I had sunk deep into the LGBT ideologies and of course I had to have doubts about if I was trans or not.
I just hate so much like I can't just be a tomboy without people assuming I'm trans or trying to convince me I am. My own father, who is a homophobe and a transphobe by definition, asked me if I 'felt like I was a boy' when I cut my hair shorter than usual. My mum's friends asked her if I was trans simply because I cut my hair and wore typically boys clothes around that age. I could've easily just given into all this and convinced myself I was trans.
Despite all this, I always came to the conclusion that I was very much comfortable being a girl. I may not be comfortable with people assuming things about me and underestimating me because I am one, but that just means I have to prove them wrong, not that I need to change myself to fit their stereotypes.
I feel so sorry for all the people who were manipulated into thinking they were trans for being different and had to detransition later in life. And I'm really glad I wasn't one of them.
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