LesbianHow I became labeled a t#rf--part three

submitted by FluffyPotato from self.LGBDropTheT

https://medium.com/@eyebehiding/how-i-became-labeled-a-terf-part-tres-three-767ec2b5f30d

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[–]GayNotQueer 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Superb and very detailed post. Thank you so much for your work.

I wrote another post just now regarding your comments vis-a-vis weekly estradiol severe withdrawal.

"And through all of that, I came out the other side after reading much original feminist prose, and my own experiences, that it is amazing to be a woman, a female, who just happens to rock at science, and math, and biochem, and biotech, and sociology — who can change a tire in combat boots or a dress, who can play different instruments, who sings and cares for the elderly, who sucks at making potatoes or anything that is a starch, and most importantly, I found my face during the pandemic. I stopped wearing makeup most days, and I have been more accepting of myself, and compassionate, than I think ever before."

Beautiful! I am so happy that you made it through those treacherous waters and have claimed your life. All the best to you going forward. Your strength is impressive!

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

I read all 3 of your posts in quick succession. My plan was to read part 1, make coffee, and then read 2 and 3. But it was too compelling, I had to read all the way through and I still have not made my coffee yet!!

Random thoughts:

1 - Holy fuck, I just realized that all the girls I've ever been with have been around my height or lower (5'7 1/2) and one girl who was 5'8 and one lady who was 5'9. I have never considered dating a gal under 5'5 1/2 because in my head I think "Too itty-bitty." (No offense to anyone, it's just a pwefewence uwu.) And I never really had to consider anyone taller because they are so rare. But I never connected the dots that this was a lesbian thing.

You mentioned in part one that there are other unspoken rules like this one, do you feel comfortable sharing? I just feel like I always thought this was a "me" thing, and my mind is blown that it's been an "everybody" thing this whole time! I'd be curious to know what else I've been doing that ends up being an unspoken rule that everyone else is also doing.

2 - You mentioned things interacting with Wellbutrin. It's the only medication I take now. I was just wondering what you know about it and what mixing it with other substances can do.

3 - Okay, now about you. Hoooooooooooooooooollllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkkkkkkk! I am so sorry you had to deal with all this shit. Women like you are actually the reason I always say that "non-binary" can be a stepping-stone to clarity. So many women have to go through the "I don't feel like a man or a woman, I must be different" phase before they can finally break through to the "No, everyone else also feels like this, I'm normal!" phase.

4 - You kept (metaphorically) getting punched in the face and standing back up, over and over and and over again. I'm so sorry any of this happened to you. None of my business, but were you and your therapist able to get to the root cause and figure out why you keep on ending up with these trash men and abusers and why you kept either being unable to see the warning signs/patterns or ignoring them?

In a strange way, your story reminds me of the Betsey Johnson memoir I recently read. She too is a brilliant woman, just like you, highly creative, marching to the beat of her own drummer, she influenced an entire generation with her fashion, and yet she kept on ending up with these ABSOLUTE GARBAGE men, every single time. These were not just regular bad men, these were like, overachievers in the category of bad men. Even her 5 year old daughter was able to develop a gut instinct about these men at a very young age, but Betsey still could not see it, she spent her whole life falling for these men's traps while her daughter grew, and every single time the daughter kept warning her, but was helpless to do anything about it, being only a child/teen. It feels like either you've made the breakthrough already or on the precipice of a breaking through (she was never able to. After reading her book, I feel like tomorrow she could end up in another awful relationship and continue to not learn a thing.) and I wonder if you will be able to develop that gut instinct of "yeah, this guy is trash, I need to stay away" (I know you're capable of it, every one is capable of it. It's just a matter or mentally/emotionally being able to get there and unlock that skill.) Sorry, I'm talking in circles. I hope I'm not insulting you, re-reading, a lot of the stuff I'm saying is awkward. I just never want this to happen to you again.

5 - I know you think your height is a problem but there's got to be other 6'0+ lesbian women out there, like, real women. I know you've put yourself out there a lot with the dating apps and haven't found anyone suitable but........ Fuck. I don't even want to go down the "well, have you tried xyz?" route because I have a feeling you've already tried everything. I guess the next thing to try would be to close all your online dating apps, and try looking for her in places were weirdos don't hang out. (I know this advice is useless, I just have no idea what to say. I wish I could wave a magic wand. I'm so angry about everything that happened to you, and I want a happy ending for you. And I need my coffee.)

Thank you so much for sharing your story!

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Well, I relate to the height thing, but on the other way around (me being around 5ft). Being uncommon height comparing to average can create problems. And yes, the preferance of having someone not to difference in height is something simply normal, because of practical thing. For me the ceiling is 5'7, more than that and the difference is too big comparing to me.

But come on, are you fucking suggesting her to search for rare super tall women who are also lesbian. Bone lenght is just a part of a person, and surely far the for the most important, especially in a relation where character compatibility matters much more.Preference is one thing, but having it as important factor to choose a person is another. She doesn't have to date someone around her height, which would reduce her chances to very few (unless she don't date actual male in dresses, of course) and again, that's not a way to choose a fucking partner.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Honestly, the only reason I said it is because it seems to be a big deal for her (like she literally dated trans women because of this) the likelihood of tall women being lesbian is same as the likelihood of short women, but the problem is there's way less 6 foot+ women out there so it sucks for her. But she's under the impression that no one shorter than her wants to date her so........... (Which......... I really don't believe, I think shorter women would love to be given the chance to date her, but it's hard to tell someone you've never met 'My opinion of your reality is more valid that your actual experience of your reality.' I think the problem is more, she wants to date people near her own height, but maybe I interpreted that part wrong.)

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

No, she doesn't seem to want to date people near her own height, with would reduce her dating pool to very few (like if I did the same, unless I go to somewhere like Philippines or Mexico, maybe there would find much more of my type, but not in Europe, and especially in Germany where I plan to live and average women are 5'7). She has been rejected for being very tall comparing to an average woman. But yeah, there is pretty desperation in giving chances to trans. That's sad.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

What sucks is that it sounds like most of the trans she dated were not only shorter than her but also asking her to wear heels so they can be even shorter still. It makes me so angry, like I just want to swat all these damaged perverts away from her!

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Well, most men are shorter than her in USA, so... But they're still close to her height. She also mentioned butches. Surprising, someone following male look would also think and want a male dynamic in relationships. Reason why the couple butch/femme have always turned me off. The heteronormativity of it is so pathetic. Date normal feminine women, OP. Not women with fragile male ego.And most of all, not date males, for fuck sake.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I mean... I don't want to hurt her feelings because she's gonna read this, but "How I labeled myself a lesbian despite serially dating penis-havers" might also be a topic she could explore in a future article.

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I mean, it's exactly what I thought too, but didn't want to indulge. Doen't matter how hard it is to find women, a true lesbian could never being fine with a dick or falling in love with a male. What really weird, it is that the whole problem is about height there, not the fact they're males and got a dick. If they didn't mention height, she would be fine with them. That's not real homosexuality.

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I fucking knew they would be trans seeking her for her height. Predictable. Still she seems against gendercritical And the problems she got with trans is height, not the fact they're males. Quite disappointing though

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Finally getting around to reading this and having a few "holy shit" moments. Here's one:

This was the cycle of abuse I was receiving by every single transgender woman I encountered.

A friend of mine told some really serious abuse tales some years ago that spanned a few years, each one of which involved abusive trans women. My friend is also tall, about as tall as you. And her stories sounded pretty much like this:

I was put through a meat grinder.

Extraordinary that you went and interviewed several therapists. I'm going to save what you wrote and show it to my friend at some point. It might help her. So thank you. For that and generally for the risk of sharing.