all 63 comments

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I can only says that a woman calling herself a him has serious problem of internalized misogyny.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 14 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 3 fun -  (53 children)

I can give you my brief anecdotal experience from the early 2000's. I was hanging out with this Mexican-American gal, we weren't together, we were "just friends" and she would take me to this place where the older generation Mexican-American lesbians hang out. At that time, these women had to be age 40's-60's so they would have been teenagers in the 1950's to 1970's. All of them were dressed extremely masculine, they were beyond butch, they were like uber-butch. Short, 1950's greaser-style hair, leather jackets, plaid shirts, etc. Some of them had motorcycles, they were rough and pretty mannish. You could tell some of them lifted weights, they had big muscles and tattoos and everything.

My style was mannish too back then, but I was a "manlet" compared to them. I remember one of them shook my hand when we were being introduced, and she was kind of rough as a joke, just to test me, and I laughed and she just grinned at me and nodded approvingly. I remember feeling like "O. M. G. she is SSSSOOOOOO COOOOOOLLLLL!!!!!!"

And then when my friend was telling me about them, she called some of them "he" and some of them "she" and I was like... "Hold up... He?" and she said that some of them just like being called he/him. Those ones had manly nicknames too, but I don't remember anymore what the names were, sorry. It's been too long. But I think they all had nicknames, including the "she"s.

My friend tried to explain it to me like, they are still lesbians, they don't think they are literal men or anything, but in their relationships, they are 100% "the man", and their girlfriend is "the woman." The girlfriends are lesbians too, but thinking about "him" as "the man" turns them on, I guess. And the girlfriends are basically pillow princesses. The "he"s do all the work in bed, and then they just go masturbate later if they want to get off, they don't let the girlfriend touch their vagina.

There was more, but these are the parts I remember the most clearly. I'm not saying this is how it is for ALL "he/him" lesbians, just a tiny amount of he/him lesbians I met IRL 20 years ago.

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 17 insightful - 4 fun17 insightful - 3 fun18 insightful - 4 fun -  (48 children)

"The "he"s do all the work in bed, and then they just go masturbate later if they want to get off, they don't let the girlfriend touch their vagina."

Can't undertstand the mind of someone thinking like that or how someone can like staying with a person behaving like that. As if the "he" and mainly behaviour were not already bad enough.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (27 children)

When I read this part:

"The "he"s do all the work in bed, and then they just go masturbate later if they want to get off, they don't let the girlfriend touch their vagina."

I was like 🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮 And this part is the worst:

My friend tried to explain it to me like, they are still lesbians, they don't think they are literal men or anything, but in their relationships, they are 100% "the man", and their girlfriend is "the woman."

The girlfriends are lesbians too, but thinking about "him" as "the man" turns them on, I guess. And the girlfriends are basically pillow princesses.

As a femme4femme, this is literally a nightmare dynamic for me and so awful. Like I don't want a "man" ew. But to each their own, I guess.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (7 children)

Haha, I was thinking to myself, "if they want a man this badly, then why don't they just date a man?" and then I realized.... "They are at least getting guaranteed orgasms with the "him," and probably way less of a headache too."

I wish there was someplace to read up about this kind of dynamic to really dig into the psychology behind it. Both the "pillow princess" mentality, and the "him."

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't think the pillow princess gf really do want a man nor the butch woman really does want to be man. I just have to agree with floraris and say it's LOADS of internalized mysogyny and that they think that that's how a "Couple" should operate, based on heteronormative dynamics. Anyway,this is only my opinion. I'm not attracted to butch women at all in the first place, let alone want such a dynamic. I really crave for something very equal so a masculine/feminine dynamic is very weird to me personally. But definitely, the psychology behind it should be interesting.

[–]Seahorse 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

It's a dynamic, it's not really to do with wanting a dude.

Dudes are usually the opposite of a stone butch.

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Heterosexist dynamic.

[–]Seahorse 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Nope.

Dudes just want to get laid, some of them don't even eat girls out, their own pleasure is priority.

Like I said that's the opposite of a stone butch.

PS if any straight guys are offended at this, go and do better now by your partner.

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, but the dynamic is similar. Someone very masculine and totally dominant and the other feminine and submissive as fuck. Really, fuck this hetero bullshit.

[–]BiHorror[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh, so it's mainly just dynamics?

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think the girls are mostly hetero leaning bi or straight, that's why they're fine not touching pussy and having someone totally looking and behaving like a dude. And will never understand pillow princess. I like the active part so much. Would die being passive like that

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 4 insightful - 5 fun4 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 5 fun -  (18 children)

Yeah, I know you like mostly the passive part, as I like mostly the active, but not like that LMAO

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (17 children)

Im more of a bottom yes, but that means I normally like a partner who likes to "take the charge". It doesn't mean I want to be there quiet and still at all lol. Besides, in reality I'm a switch but more bottom than top. Like 70 bottom/30 top lmao.

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (16 children)

Top and bottom are gay men words talking about the one who always take it while the other don't want the asshole touched and used for lesbians doesn't work, at least you do vulva on vulva act when both give and get pleasure at the same time and someone is always the active, but would want either, because at some point thing switch, can't imagine someone always being the activr. Anyway, I would say like 80/20 for me, as the active.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (15 children)

Words aside, I just want something equal in bed basically. I want to receive, but I want to give as well. I just like my partner usually to be one who likes to "take the lead". Thats how it feels more natural to me. It's more about the dynamic and chemistry between me and partner and not so much about who gives and who receives.

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 6 insightful - 5 fun6 insightful - 4 fun7 insightful - 5 fun -  (14 children)

I like to control the action most of the time, but that doesn't mean I also don't like to just receive pleasure. A pillow princess would be so fucking boring, like doing it with a sex robot LMAO

[–]VioletRemiCat, homosexual one 6 insightful - 5 fun6 insightful - 4 fun7 insightful - 5 fun -  (12 children)

80/20 as active

70/30 as non-active

You were created for each other!

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (11 children)

We were created for each others, yet you still refuse my proposals , you heartless bitch :(

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

😂😂😂

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Yeah, like I know different women like different things, and some women just don't like being touched town there due to trauma, but for me, I couldn't date someone where I'm not allowed to go anywhere near her vagina, but they're allowed to go near mine? No way, everything has to be reciprocal.

With these women, I try to look at it from a 1950's lens, like maybe they were recreating the gender roles that they knew, especially with their culture and men having to be macho, and being "the man" meant you don't get penetrated or have your vagina touched because that's "emasculating." It's a totally different mentality. Your other comment is dead-on, I think internalized misogyny had a lot to do with it.

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sex is either reciprocal or is using someone as masturbation tool. A situation like that isn't a relationship. I can understand liking to be sexually dominant and active (with one can be perfectly by stimulating a vulva with her own vulva as top), or not liking much inside vag stimulation, I'm like that too,but not wanting to receive gentalia stimulation and contact from a part makes zero sense. Clearly internalized misogyny or some others very serious trauma issues.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, I reckon a lot of this would make sense if you'd grown up in the 50s or 60s. Times were different, now we have totally different ideas about how women can be women and how relationships exist. Like, if you were a super butch / gnc girl I suppose there were limited roles in which you could see yourself and carve out an identity. I guess they were just working with what they had at the time. Now we have different options on the table and people are happy to be more flexible with gender roles and relationship dynamics.

[–]Seahorse 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I get it.

I could happily just please my partner for the rest of my life however I understand there's needs she has too and I allow myself to be vulnerable that way.

I just don't need to get pleasure that way, but I'm not stone butch...I don't have an aversion to being touched all that much, just don't require it.

It's possibly a control thing with these lesbians.

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Well, If I use my vulva I can please both at the same time while also being the active. Still no, staying with someone who doesn't give oral or just lay like a fucking corpse. Never surprising you by getting above you, would get old.

[–]Seahorse 6 insightful - 8 fun6 insightful - 7 fun7 insightful - 8 fun -  (1 child)

You talk about tribbing a lot friend😂

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well, first I adore it. And second, we're talkibg about a sex dynamic when you're always in control. That for me would make sense only by using your own genitalia. Because you're also stimulating your pussy and pleasing yourself, other than her.

[–]Aurelius 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They used to call them Stone Butches.

[–]FrostyNugsI'm allergic to nuts 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

Ikr, it's like you lose out on all the best things about being with a woman

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

In fact. The best thing about women is the fact they're different then men. I like and want femininity even in look, I like the fact there are no gender roles, no masculine ìndividual. Heteronormative and masculine role total ruin lesbian relationships.

[–]Lessom 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

I completely agree. This comment would get immediately deleted if it was made on s/lesbians.

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 7 insightful - 5 fun7 insightful - 4 fun8 insightful - 5 fun -  (3 children)

I love this sub, because mods are pretty chill. Like they never deleted all my flirty horny comments with VioletRemi :D

[–]Lessom 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Lesbians flirting with each other on a LESBIAN sub? Shocking behaviour. Let’s instead discuss how much we hate being lesbians instead that would never get deleted there smh.

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 7 insightful - 5 fun7 insightful - 4 fun8 insightful - 5 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah, that's so stupid. Me and Violet are so adorable with each others :D

[–]VioletRemiCat, homosexual one 5 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

You are always making me blush on public. And yet again!

[–]FrostyNugsI'm allergic to nuts 2 insightful - 6 fun2 insightful - 5 fun3 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

REEEEEEEEEEE DELETE ALL THE COMMENTS AND BAN EVERYONE

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I stopped going there because of that mentality on s/lesbians.

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Violet keeps sending me links of that sub or mentioning me in snarky comment :D

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ahah 😂😂😂

[–]BiHorror[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Eh, I can "see" it in a way? If they're masculine, then they probably wouldn't like being touched by still. Especially since being touched in certain ways. Whatever rocks the boat. I'm not into that whole "heterosexist / heteronormative" queer logic tho. So meh. Just curious on why they would want to call themselves w/ male pronouns.

[–]BiHorror[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Ah... Thanks for the answer! But yeah, on places, like Twitter for example, they always keep bringing up these "he/him" lesbians. Funnily enough, majority of them I seen weren't even close to masculine! They literally just looked feminine (not super) and still called themselves w/ male pronouns.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I don't like to comment on the younger generation too much because holy shit so much of their problems are caused by the older generations that they never really even had a chance, but I've noticed (and I blame this on the fact that these people are so used to hiding behind the internet and creating unrealistic fake personas for themselves that they can't live up to IRL) like these he/hims, probably in their own fantasies, they are mega-butch lumberjack-like amazon tough-guy bad-ass women. Meanwhile, IRL they are fragile little cupcakes with pink hair, and about as ferocious as the claws and teeth of kittens.

This younger generation gets SSSSOOOO ANGRY when the world doesn't coddle them and agree with them that their fantasy version of themselves is also the IRL version of themselves. I don't know if these girls want to call themselves "he/him" because it feels sexy/cute, or what's really going on in their heads. I wish I had saved my comment for later and let other people post comments first, because maybe it derailed your whole topic to talk about stone butches rather than the types of girls you were actually talking about.

I know I blame EVERYTHING on straight women, but I really feel like some of these he/him lesbians are straight teen girls going through an identity crisis. Sometimes girls will subconsciously say and do really stupid things to make themselves unattractive and undateable as some kind of self-protection mechanism, but at the same time there are conflicting emotions/hormones flooding their brains and they want to be seen as sexy and desirable, so you get these he/him derps with like a full-face of make-up wearing a Hot Topic bustier with their boobs hanging out. You need a whole team of scientists to figure out what the hell is really going on, it's layers and layers of weirdness, like an onion.

[–]BiHorror[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

it feels sexy/cute, or what's really going on in their heads

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the actual ones who were masculine turned out to be trans identified females or just simply butches who used male pronouns. I admittedly used to be like that but due to internalized shit I had going on, alongside being androgynous/tomboy. The ex always treated me like a man. I was the "man" in the relationship, and she was the femme lesbian. But the majority of them? They're the exact opposite of masculine.

I wish I had saved my comment for later and let other people post comments first, because maybe it derailed your whole topic to talk about stone butches rather than the types of girls you were actually talking about

Honestly, I'm quite happy you brought that up since it just showed these girls were just using the stone butches as a prop/excuse their "he/him" usage w/o actually being one.

he/him derps with like a full-face of make-up wearing a Hot Topic bustier with their boobs hanging out.

Heh funny enough, majority of them did exactly that too. Alongside the supposed "they/them" lesbians. Profile pictures? Make up, cleavage puffed up, sexual poses, etc.

[–]candiedDagon 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

“Persistentlyfem” on tumblr has a blog about this dynamic. It does seemed linked to gender identity and trauma. To me it seems like two people absorbing themselves into roles so they can be codependent together. Their identity is the relationship. Like how a hetero woman might build her identity around being the perfect wife based on whatever cultural ideals are floating around.

[–]BiHorror[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

okay, thanks. I'll check that out!

[–]zephyranthes 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

When did these "he/him" lesbians start popping up?

Different country (Russia) but we had a lot of masculine [grammatical] gendered women in the noughts, the reason being Russian first and second person are gendered in the past tense, and women who thus revealed their sex were considered (cough cough rule 4) thirsty for negative sexual attention from males. They were still majority straight, but less so than the general public. This mostly went away even before genderism, as home internet use became widespread.

[–]BiHorror[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ohh. So if I'm reading this right (correct if I'm wrong please): if Russian women were revealing they were women, language wise, were considered thirsty for attention from men? So in order to evade that, they used masculine grammatical gender instead?

[–]Seahorse 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Nah can't help you, I've never met butches that refer to themselves that way.

[–]BiHorror[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Ah. I seen it more online wise, especially with this whole QT stuff going on. Which never helped and was even more confusing when some of these women who were "he/him" were feminine as fuck.

[–]Seahorse 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

If you want a mind fuck go to ftmfemme or something like that (it's basically straight girls🤣😂).

[–]BiHorror[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That already sounds like a mind fuck even w/o searching it up.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Whaaatt that is too much🤦‍♂️