all 29 comments

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I've found that reasonable straight people including liberal ones are open to having the veil pulled off of gender ideology. A lot of them have been seeing red flags but they lack the information and context to see the bigger picture. They're also completely unaware of the legal changes happening in the west as well as the rapid changing dialogue, including what is and isn't permissible to say. I find that a lot of liberal but not overly woke straight men are especially skeptical of pronouns in signatures and stuff like that.

Now on the subject of LGB people. I live in a highly concentrated area of wokery. The gay institutions in this area have been undergoing coups over the last few years as the original founders and previous leaders are being replaced by trans people and LGB people on board with gender ideology. For example, organizations founded and led by lesbians are now being run by trans people and obvious lesbians, but who refuse to call themselves as anything but "queer" and can't take a breath of air without uttering the word "inclusive." So it is suffocating out the ability to talk about these things and find our own. I am drowning amongst lesbians who identify as anything but lesbian or women it seems. It's depressing af. And also a huge turn off.

What I've found is that because organizations including corporations are increasingly encouraging people to put pronouns in their email signatures, but it is generally not mandatory, this can be instructive. Note who does that, but note who among the lot chooses not to. Focus on the people who do not. Be wary of those who do.

Another good way to find who has lost it and who hasn't is to innocently bring up Harry Potter, if that is something you think you can do naturally. Like, "I heard they released a special limited edition illustrated version of the Harry Potter series. I'm thinking of getting it for myself/my sister as a gift." Gauge response. Do they fly off the handle and go on their soapbox?

[–]HelloMomo 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Another good way to find who has lost it and who hasn't is to innocently bring up Harry Potter

I was on a dating app today, and I noticed sever profiles with something along the lines of "harry potter nerd" in the bio. I can't be sure, of course, but I wondered if they meant anything by it.

Is he... you know... a friend of Dorothy? Is she... you know... a Harry Potter fan?

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That would be a nice "subtle" sign to indicate someone is LGBDroptheT...

Or maybe they just really like Harry Potter and ignore all the politics around it, haha.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Can't believe that there are companies requiring pronouns. It's just plain silly. Currently, my boss is a MtF...glad he didn't make us do dumb pronoun crap, but he's not the main MAIN boss. I have many stories about him, but in different sub.

That boss got mad at a coworker for saying "Yes ma'am" or "Aw man"(expression) thinking that the coworker was calling MtF boss a "man" when said coworker kept explaining he didn't call him a "man". My particular department is EXTREMELY entrenched in that "wokeness". They talk politics at work often and sincerely believe MtF boss is a woman....the coworkers I am friendly with talk about how they're basically BFFs with that boss which I find rather...odd for workplace etiquette but I digress.

That is quite depressing that LGB people are calling themselves "queer". We are trying to get away from hateful word. You're right about it being a turn off---both romantic and platonic. I don't like to be friend either with overly "queer" people. It's sad. It was kinda hard when i tried to date same-sex in the past, most were "woke" oooor just plain unavailable(or I was just scared of being rejected...again..)

That's funny you bring up Harry Potter. I used to like it a lot when I was a bit younger. Then, I kinda got over it. I thought JKR was one of those "woke" folks trying to get inclusive points by making dumbledore gay out of nowhere. Now? I think I might like JKR again hahaha.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

As a point of clarification I don’t know that any companies require them specifically, but some strongly encourage them. What a toxic environment. Do your boss and coworkers know your sexual orientation? And are you looking for other jobs?

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ah okay, I see. And no, the only one who knows is the "pansexual" coworker. Everyone else told me they thought I was gay...until they found out I was pregnant and Every job I get, people ask me if I have a boyfriend and when I used to say no(before I was with current partner) they'd ask me if I had a girlfriend instead like...what? Why are you asking me these personal questions?

I currently am looking for new job. I do not like how politics are in job. I need to finish degree and go back to school...I'm strongly into tech and creative stuff.

Then I also have many problems with snooty MtF boss, he say condescending things to me. For example, one of my micromanaging boss(let's call him the "professor", he's above me but below MtF boss) specifically told me to ask him to make these tech tickets for job because he didn't want me to make a bunch of random tickets for not knowing how to troubleshoot specific issues. I was new at the time, so I thought, okay sure.

The professor was not around, and so I ask MtF boss who's above both of us if I should make ticket, I exhaust all troubleshooting options I could think of at the time(I know a LOT more know than back then, I mentor people and created two training/resource guides for two different departments.)

MtF boss say "What are you, a child? Why do you need permission?"

....I...I'm asking for HELP not permission. Oh well. He say many comments like this to me and I can't do anything about it because everyone excuses his behaviour.

And he never listens to reason. For example, the professor and one other boss, lets call, the sloth(same level as professor), tell me to do different things. This gets me in trouble with MtF boss. MtF boss says "Why did you do that when you are supposed to do XYZ?" Because I didn't know and both the professor and the sloth told me too. "That's funny, because I told them not to do that"

Then I send SCREENSHOTS of those bosses telling me to do that.

"Well, they said that 3 days ago, they know now. So don't do that."

Well what the fuck? You asked me WHY and I told you why. What else do you want from me? top it all off? He's a polyarmous, married transbian who believes in witch craft and had an "oops" child who's may toddler to gradeschool age. Brags about how him and his wife NEVER argue(according to him, his wife has either autism or aspergers...I sense someone may be taking advantage of the other...). Brags about how great he is and his military days, and boasts that he basically "built" this company, HAH!

Also...I found out his deadname by accident at the job site. Assuming he worked there for maybe...10 years and he might be 50y.o(because he's sooo "old" as he says), then he was maybe 40y.o when he transistioned.

That does not seem like body dysphoria to me.

I struggled for many years and...I...still think about it sometimes but bury that in the back of my head if I can because it sucks.

[–]reluctant_commenter 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

TLDR My opinion is that there are a lot of LGB-supportive people who are worried about trans ideology, but it will take some effort to find those people because they may hide their views out of pressure from the TQ.

I'm really sorry to hear you've had to deal with that homophobic crap. Yeah, a lot of conservatives are unsurprisingly against the T. But I think a lot of liberals are, too-- but silently.

I know quite a few people who are in academia (which is generally very liberal), and from my anecdotal experience, it seems like there are many people besides myself who are concerned about the transgender movement's claims and ideology. Particularly faculty members, because TQ undergraduate "adherents" are happy to accuse anybody of transphobia or whatever off of even simple misunderstandings.

I am lucky enough to have a straight friend IRL who is super on board with the stuff in this sub, but not homophobic. My eventual plan is to get him to introduce me to his LGB friends, lol (when the pandemic is less of a factor, that is). Chances are decent that they have similar values to him. I also discovered that another lesbian woman I know is largely against transgender ideology!

My suggestion is to ask "easy" questions to suss out the person before you really get into a conversation about these topics. E.g.: "How do you feel about J.K. Rowling? I heard some people were mad at her but I don't know much about why.." is one of my go-to's. (Side note: this is part of why JKR speaking up is so awesome, because she's provided an easy template for starting these types of conversations, lol.)

edit: Sorry that turned into a whole essay lmao. Here's a post I made about the friend I talked to, if it's helpful at all:

[–]8bitgay 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

TLDR My opinion is that there are a lot of LGB-supportive people who are worried about trans ideology, but it will take some effort to find those people because they may hide their views out of pressure from the TQ.

Yeah. I have one bi friend who is also pro-LGB and against the queer+ narrative, but I only found that out recently when I asked his opinion about something. He isn't talking about this stuff openly - I mean, neither am I!

At any rate, he lives far away from me nowadays. And it was kind of a lucky friendship, when I met him he hadn't even realized he was bi yet.

The JKR idea is great, I might start using it! I can imagine it would produce some interesting results too since it became trendy to hate her but most people haven't even actually read what she says.

I wish it was easier to find link-minded LGB in real life spaces. I'd like to make friends and eventually find a boyfriend too but it can be very frustrating when you find out people are following homophobic pro-TQ+ narratives. Sure, I avoid the obvious red flags, but unfortunately too many LGB people are peer pressured into this. Some people try to be nice and accomodate to everyone, but they don't realize that sometimes accomodating to one group means hurting another group.

If you see a guy saying women owe him sex and you just agree with him to be polite, you're agreeing with a behavior that hurts those women. In such a situation, you can't be "nice" to everyone, if you agree to one side you're disagreeing with the other. But for some reason when a similar situation happens with LGB, people often choose a side and don't realize that by doing this they're going against the other side.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's cool that you have some pro-LGB friends! Currently not having luck finding friends here like that...

I'm thinking of putting "JKR fan" on online profiles for gaming/hobbie related stuff for subtle sign for proLGB and GC people to pick up queue haha.

About the agreeing to be polite---I am guilty of that.

I used that more as self defense. I was heavily Catholic for some of my life, but catholicism never really made sens to me---everything made sense when I realized I was actually an atheist...I'm still mostly in the "closet" about it.

I pretend to agree with religious people(my family and in-laws) to avoid fighting with them or getting into a stupid argument.

I guess it may just depend on circumstances. If I would have say I was an atheist or loved the same sex back when I lived with my parents, I would've receive beating, thrown out of house, and possibly disowned...

I'm an adult now with a family if my own, so I don't have to worry about that anymore.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Looks like the consensus is to ask about JKR, I think I shall do that whenever this pandemic is over...whenever I meet new LGB people I mean. Everyone at my work is very "woke" and my boss is MtF, point in talking to them. My coworkers that I'm friendly with drink that koolaid too...One is a "pansexual" gal and the other is a super liberal tatted guy. You either for or against them. They have super strong opinions that I will let them go when I find new job. They don't really...think outside box.

For example, I have friend who leans right(I lean left, I guess?), let's call him "vaquero", he live maybe 1,5km away(i used to live there but move, I move around ALOT). Anyhow, we don't agree on everything but it was fun/interesting having conversation with him. He is intelligent and knows how to hold conversation well. The other two I mentioned? Nope it's "Fuck [conservative politician here]!" And "[liberal politician] has the best, most AMAZING speech unlike [conservative politician]...." Okaaaaay cool.

Vaquero was actually my cousin's friend first---my cousin is now MtF. Vaquero confided in me to let me know before I moved. He says he doesn't agree with my cousin transitioning, and said he thinks my cousin needs help(because we BOTH know my aunt/uncle, MtFcousin's parents, are terrible. Vaquero and I liver with my aunt and uncle at one point during separate times).

I haven't talk to vaquero in nearly two-three years though...I move around a lot and once I move I lose connection with people from my past life. So I want to make new friends when pandemic over that are LGB!

It is cool that you have a good friend that understands the TRA craze is nothing but a craze! Hopefully this pandemic is over soon so you can meet the cool LGB friends he has!

[–]Lesbianese 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

It's 100% luck if you find someone like that. You're actually better off trying to engage with woke LGB people and slowly inject sanity into your conversations. Most genuinely same-sex attracted people will come around eventually, as long as you don't out yourself as an EEEEVIL TRANS HATING BIGOT too early.

[–]les4leshomonormative 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Agreed, unfortunately. Don't write off the wokies too fast, a lot of gendercrits were once woke too. Sometimes it does work out to slowly discuss your way into understanding sex-based oppression and attraction

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes that's true...I used to be "woke" too, back when I was a teen. Then when became adult, I was able to think/see for myself without peer pressure.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was testing this out with "pansexual" coworker who considers me one of her "besties". We ended up talking about transing kids. I told her I don't agree and she got offended...then I said "I meant, I don't agree with putting them on hormones or doing surgery" [which is a lie, because I DON'T agree with ANY transitioning but wanted to see what she'd say] but she sorta ignored that and we talked about something else...

I mean...I detransitioned...I know what it's like. I never did hormones or surgery though. I always KNEW it would NEVER be the same as being born the opposite sex and that's what used to depress me.

That's what these TRAs don't understand. It won't help kids AT ALL.

We need to just let people be.

Just because I am more...masculine?? Doesn't mean I HAVE to transition to be a man. It's just as bad as back a few decades ago when society say "You must change your masculine personality and ACT like a lady". Now it's "You must change your biological female body to match your masculine personality"

It's a load of shit.

I'm...going to try the JKR thing instead for now on as a "slide in" conversation that many mentioned here.

[–]Seahorse 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm just incredibly lucky that most people I know don't subscribe to the bullshit.

The only one who is pro queer theory is my aunt, who's a 3rd wave feminist so everyone just sort of rolls their eyes at her and laughs.

I have a trans friend but apart from using her preferred pronouns (I don't care) I keep my distance. That friend is already destroying relationships with friends and family.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hey, I hope you don't mind me asking, but what do you mean trans friend is destroying relationships woth family/friends? Are they being overly aggressive about the queer culture or is it just simply her friends/family don't accept your trans friend transitioning?

My cousin is currently MtF...I haven't talked to him in a while(not for thay reason though). When he was just a...he and not MtF, before I left that city, he was extremely rude to me and can't think for himself. He just parrots whateber his parents wants him to say and does things to seem "cool". So not sure if he found a new friend coxing him to transition...

He also told me he's been with women(but never sticked with them), but fell deeply in love with a man.

I think he might be going through what I did. He doesn't want to be a gay/bi man. Maybe he is transitioning so he seems like a "straight(maybe bi?) woman".

He could be like me and have steong same-sex attraction...I don't know but I do know he bullied me a lot as a kid and as an adult he was rude to me before I left the city so I don't want to deal with him right now unless he comes to me for help, then I will let my pride down and suck it up.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Unfortunately, I don’t know a single gay, bi or lesbian person who agrees with me on the T. I don’t know a lot of other LGB people though, so there’s that. Thankfully, I know quite a few straight people in real life who understand what’s going on - my dad, my mum (although she does believe that transsexuals should be allowed to change their sex after surgery, but at least she’s not woke and understands that the T is a separate group), and my friend. I haven’t talked about the T with anybody else though.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Oh dang, we are in the same boat then.

My parents don't agree either, but they also think gay people are sinners or "gross". That's one of the reasons I don't talk to them(apart from physical/mental abuse).

Does you mother see the surgery as like "any type of plastic surgery, so they can do whatever they want" but maybe no the implication of what the surgery means?(ex. Person who is trying to invade on others rights). Idk, I think maybe some people don't see it bad because they might think it's not different than other people get plastic surgery...but I don't know.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I am assuming that my mother does not know what is involved in these surgeries. I didn’t know what was involved until I watched Mister Metokur’s video on the subject. I could show it to her, but the video is so disgusting that my friend, who has seen a lot of liveleak videos without any problems, couldn’t finish the video. If I show this video to my mother, it might traumatise her. It doesn’t help that Mister Metokur's tone might put her off. However, my mother does support separating the T from the LGB because she knows that they are separate issues and knows that non-binary is bullshit. She also knows that my country’s self-ID law is potentially dangerous. She’s not woke. That’s good enough for me.

[–]brialaisbae 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I met my now wife on Reddit years ago on a now banned sub. We started off gaming and as friends and it went from there. Before that, almost every gay or lesbian person I met was pretty deep into the cultural marxism and woke bs. If they weren't putting hammers and sickles in their bios, they were being overtly annoying about pronouns and inclusion. I live in the suburbs of a big city and it's suffocating. I've actually had better luck making friends with people in general the further out I go from the city.

[–]Ambisextrous 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Probably a very very rare occurrence but met a lovely open minded guy on tinder and I brought up the J.K. Rowling thing and he didn’t know about it but was very supportive and shocked by what the trans movement is doing.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's awesome!!! Glad you you found a (potential) love interest who agrees with you!

I hope it works out!!

[–]fuck_reddit 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I put that I was a republican on my Grindr profile for like four days and I got tons of messages from guys saying they were republican. I think non-conforming LGB people are more common than most think, they just don't like to have its known that they are non-conformists.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Hahaha that's awesome!!

It's cool that you were more blunt about it too, and I don't like to sound cheesy saying "you're brave" were.

I'm a coward when I comes to expressing my true opinion. If I put something blunt like "only sexes no genders" online for gaming/hobby, I would imagine I'd get hate haha.

This gives me hope though!! ((I like your username btw))

[–]fuck_reddit 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you for the (unearned) compliment lol. I live in a red state so it wasn't too brave of me. The one way to build up confidence is to start revealing your beliefs to people who already like you a fair bit. They probably won't agree, but it's harder for them to just dismiss you as a bad person.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

In real life, I know two reasonable LGB people. One is a gay man, who is a friend from high school. He went through a period of wokeness in our early 20s (about 5 years ago when this first was gaining traction) before getting fed up and rejecting it all. The other is an ex-girlfriend who came out late and missed all the indoctrination.

I also have an online lesbian friend who feels the same way about all of this, but she lives in another state and I’ve never met up with her. The HS friend and the online friend are in the south. I'm in an extremely liberal East Coast city.

Honestly, I’m thinking of moving out of the city to get away from some of this. Dating apps are full of "queer" profiles, as opposed to lesbian or bisexual, and almost everyone who uses that label is steeped in the gender ideology nonsense. Even most straight people here around my age believe all this stuff. I have a 27-year-old straight neighbor who is obsessed with “hexing TERFs” so yeah.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Why are these straight people trying to always talk for us?? "Hexing TERFs" LOL they don't even KNOW what the TRA are doing to us NOR them too!!

Sorry you have to deal with that, that neighbour soubds annoying and it sucks that the dating pool is small for proLGB that's away from the "wokeness".

Hope the next place you decide to move to is much better!

I've moved around a lot from place to place, town to city, state to providence etc.

But most have been highly conservative, it's just depends on whether you live near a college or what job field you're in where I live---that you'll see more liberal "woke" people.

I am not conservative nor liberal...I just say I am moderate or inbetween.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Right? That neighbor basically just regurgitates everything she reads on Twitter.

I've been thinking of moving out to the suburbs of my city before I consider a big move to another state. (My friends in the south actually both go on way more dates than me, though. Maybe something to think about haha.) I like pretty much everything about where I live except for this, so I don't want to go too far away yet. There are a lot of colleges in my city, and the suburbs tend to be more moderate anyway.