I'm in a creative/fandom group online (I won't say what it is exactly, just to be safe) that I talk to multiple times a day. It's quite active and there's a lot of people in it now, but I'm not even exaggerating when I say that half of the female users are trans or nonbinary identified. It's also very strange because the group's theme has nothing to do with LGBT at all, yet so many of these people make being "queer" or trans their core trait.
Anyway, there are a few people I talk to on the regular who are... acquaintances, I guess - I'm hesitant to call them friends because although I can be friendly, I don't think they like me that much and they occasionally say things that feel like statements going against who and what I am.
One who I talk to the most is actually really intelligent & friendly 99% of the time, but every so often she will make such a weird or even somewhat hurtful statement, such as getting offended over trivial words (dumb, stupid, etc because they are "ableist" for example) or reminding everyone that she's a Real Boy and men who are not into trans men are bigots.
It's weird because I have definitely met a ton of SJWs and TRAs, even in this particular group, and most of them are always very vocal and are nonstop bullshit machines. But for some reason, this person is capable of acting normal almost all of the time, then randomly dips into nonsense. It's more jarring than a TRA who is combative and zany consistently, somehow. She also says things sometimes that make me think she's doubting her own agenda, like, a few times she has explained to me in private that she's not attracted to trans men or other biologically female people because of her "dysphoria" and insisted to me that it's because of said dysphoria and that she's not a bigot, like she's trying to convince ME that she's not "transphobic", as if I would be the one to freak out and accuse her of such. (I want to tell her I literally don't care nor believe in those things, and always defend someone's sexual boundaries, but I feel like that would backfire.)
Interestingly, although she thinks it's "transphobic" for gay guys to not be into trans men, she is fully aware I am same SEX attracted and not into trans/nonbinary, and hasn't accused me of bigotry or even commented on it much at all. In fact, this seems to be the case for the entire group. They will chat amongst themselves and sometimes make some pretty rude statements about "cis gays" and how homosexual males see FTMs as "undatable" and are thus transphobic, but when me or other exclusively same sex attracted people talk about our sexualities, they don't accuse us of "transphobia" and seem to be fine with it.
But the person who's been making me feel the most offended/appropriated is someone who literally just decided to be FTM overnight (as far as I can tell.) Like, she was fine being called a she and referred to as female, she talked about being female and being a mother (she is 30+ with kids, which disturbs me even more) until one day she just says "I'm a boy and go by he/him." She then later went on to explain that she's also non-transition, non-SRS, and non-hormones. Like, she doesn't want to alter her appearance at all. She's fine with having female genitalia, female secondary sex characteristics, and "passing" as female, but she insists she is "still a boy" and people are bigots if they don't see that.
Excuse me, but what the fuck? As much as I don't believe in it, I can KIND of see where people are coming from with "dysphoria" (but please don't mistake that for sympathy with transmedicalists, because they are the worst.) but this is... what? I genuinely don't understand. I'm supposed to see a biologically female person, who doesn't even take testosterone, get "top surgery" or make any attempt to "pass" as male, as a "boy", because... of some intangible, unspoken reason? And I'm a transphobic bigot for not being sexually attracted to said people?
She was even saying how she likes having breasts and a vagina as a boy and stuff like that, it was fucking strange. And other FTMs chimed in to agree.
Another thing about this group is that there's a serious discussion channel, and it feels like every time I talk about my personal struggles that directly relate to being a male (and some more personal, specific stuff I won't mention) one of them jumps in and tries to "relate" (read: steer the topic towards them) with being trans. And I just find that really hurtful. I'm talking about very male exclusive issues that I go through, a lot of which is very biological and a female bodied person would not be able to understand AT ALL, and I can't say anything about it for a minute before someone comes in and goes "oh I feel similar, I'm trans and my life is so hard." For example recently I posted about how it sucks growing up being assumed to be the "gay one" because you don't fit masculinity, how I was bullied for it and how turning out to be actually gay was very hard for me, and even TODAY I still feel ashamed of my femininity as an adult. Only to have about 3 FTMs jump in telling me that they know what it's like or even that they have had it WORSE because they're "trans femboys" and how they wish society would see that their breasts and vags are "male."
No, no you don't. I won't even say sorry. Being female and suddenly deciding to "become a boy" based on some intangible religious bullshit is NOTHING like growing up living through what I did. Nobody ever fucking attacked you and saw you as a joke for being feminine because you are female. It's considered socially normal and acceptable for you, and considering what I've seen of "soft trans bois", nobody is telling FTMs it's wrong for them to be girly either.
These issues are something that have caused me a great deal of stress in my life, I struggle with a huge inferiority complex and paranoia about whether or not people take me seriously even to this day, I worry incessantly about being that unlikable stereotypical gay guy that nobody likes. It's insulting and actually offensive to be told that some women who are internet RPing as anime boys for the "aesthetic" know what I'm going through.
Am I in the wrong for feeling like my male experience is being "appropriated" here?
I'm kind of expecting to be told that I'm not allowed to feel hurt because women have it worse in society and what MTFs do to them is therefore "worse." But I don't see how this isn't exactly the same as what MTFs do to women. GenderCritical and radical feminist subs say that MTFs are "appropriating womanhood." What I am experiencing is FTMs appropriating maleness.
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