all 46 comments

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 57 insightful - 3 fun57 insightful - 2 fun58 insightful - 3 fun -  (4 children)

Being turned off is a normal part of attraction, not just if the person is trans. For example, I would be turned off if I found out that someone I liked was strictly vegan and guilted me for using animal products. I wouldn't be a veganphobe or bigot if I stopped dating her, I would stop dating her because we are clearly incompatible in one important aspect of the relationship.

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 28 insightful - 23 fun28 insightful - 22 fun29 insightful - 23 fun -  (0 children)

I wouldn't be a veganphobe or bigot if I stopped dating her

That's where you're wrong you bunnykiller. /s

[–]julesburm1891 28 insightful - 7 fun28 insightful - 6 fun29 insightful - 7 fun -  (2 children)

Yeah. There’s so many other things that are nowhere near as fundamental an issue as sex that could turn a person off. I would lose interest in a woman if I found out she was a furry, a hardcore Trekkie, or a weeb. I’d also lose interest if I discovered she had kids or loved Jack Kerouac or was an SJW or was a huge Lizzo fan. None of those things would make me (or her) a bad person. Losing interest over someone’s sex shouldn’t be any different.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly. But when they're rejected, they feel the need to put the fault on the other person, and therefore use bigotry and transphobia as a shield so they don't bear any responsibility for the person's loss or lack of attraction after learning something about them.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 7 insightful - 7 fun7 insightful - 6 fun8 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

weeb

It's possible that I have now heard everything.

People.

https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/weeb/

[–]julesburm1891 35 insightful - 3 fun35 insightful - 2 fun36 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

It’s not the “trans status” that’s the problem. It’s the status of the person in question’s sex that’s the problem. Pretending otherwise is disingenuous.

[–]8bitgay 33 insightful - 4 fun33 insightful - 3 fun34 insightful - 4 fun -  (3 children)

No, you don't have to justify your reasons, but if your reasons could be bigoted, you may want to take the time to unpack them.

I wonder if they realize how gaslighting they are. You can't say "you don't need to justify your reasons" and then go on to say how your reasons are bad and you have to unpack them.

If you are excluding an entire group of people, based solely on their membership in that group, you are bigoted. Reasons matter.

If not dating someone actually means being bigoted, then what you're doing is just making the word "bigoted" lighter. Also come on, this person is all over the thread claiming that preferences are bad and people's reasons are bad, but then they go to say "you don't have to justify your reasons".

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 34 insightful - 11 fun34 insightful - 10 fun35 insightful - 11 fun -  (0 children)

Seriously, f*** this TRA; Their statements are a contradictory mess.

"you don't have to justify your reasons"

"reasons matter"

"unpack them"

"bigoted"

"bigoted"

No, I'd prefer to keep my potentially bigoted reasons neatly packed with lots of tape and shelved in the basement in the section labeled: None of your damn business. That'll be just fine.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 20 insightful - 3 fun20 insightful - 2 fun21 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Another thing they don't consider is that if the person is indeed bigoted or transphobic, why the fuck would they want to date them anyway? It would be like immigrants actively wanting to date someone who is xenophobic, even after finding our that the person isn't interested in them. It makes no logical sense.

[–]8bitgay 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've made that point about dating preferences (not just trans people). If a gay guy isn't into fat guys, do you really wanna be the fat guy that dates him knowing he's forcing himself to try to be with you? I know that I would rather be rejected than to find out someone's dating me just because he was peer pressured into it.

But whenever people are confronted with these points they'll often go the incel way. As in, they start saying stuff like "we don't want to date you anyway!". Ah, yeah, you made a long argument about how cis men need to date transmen, but transmen aren't interested at all in dating cis men, sure...

[–]Three_oneFourWanted for thought crimes in countless ideologies 33 insightful - 1 fun33 insightful - 0 fun34 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Reddit mods are anti-consent

[–]ChodeSandwichtender and moist 27 insightful - 4 fun27 insightful - 3 fun28 insightful - 4 fun -  (2 children)

Oh look, there it is again. "I know I can't flat-out order people to fuck me, but if I pretend that I'm just complaining about ""backtracking"" instead of the entire concept of consent, drape my decoy escape clause with half-remembered murder victims and then guilt-trip everyone who even looks at it then nobody can tell the difference, right?"

Her example is pretty funny because I used to know a guy who was 100% my type, surface-of-the-sun h o t until he started talking and I realized that he's a 15 year old in an adult body. I can't even think about him without wanting to gag. Am a personalityphobe now? Is it classist if I turn him down because he refuses to get a job? Lmao

[–]8bitgay 18 insightful - 2 fun18 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Right? There's also the example people often use of drunk gay men finding a "twink" at a bar attractive only to find out the "twink" was an androgynous lesbian woman. Funny how I've never seen TRAs reply to this type of situation. They don't reply because it's more useful to them to pretend these situations don't exist.

[–]deliciousdogfoodmy name isnt a puppyplay reference i swear 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I used to know a guy who was 100% my type, surface-of-the-sun h o t until he started talking and I realized that he's a 15 year old in an adult body.

Ouch. I wish I couldn't relate.

[–]Rosefield 25 insightful - 2 fun25 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

When the food I'm eating tastes like crap I stop eating it. When I realize I'm walking in the wrong direction I turn around.

People are allowed to change their decisions and opinions. Dating trans people is NO exception.

[–]Rosefield 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't care if I don't conform to trans ideology. I won't and never ever will. I reject the crazy gender cult and its dogmas.

[–][deleted] 16 insightful - 4 fun16 insightful - 3 fun17 insightful - 4 fun -  (3 children)

So, who wants to take bets on the next type of person we're all going to be bigots for not dating?

[–]mvmlego 10 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

People with spinal cord injuries, or people with certain personality disorders.

[–]cure_osa_disorder 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I would, but I'm scared that I'll be right.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm thinking people with significant mental health issues/disabilities. As someone with autism, the last thing I want is for someone to continue dating me because of pressure or fear of being called a bigot. If my disability is something they can't handle (and that's understandable), I'm perfectly happy to break things off. But with the way people are going with 'you can't use crazy or stupid or insane, that's ableist!' or 'people first terminology! You can't say someone's autistic, they're a person experiencing autism!' (this one is especially ridiculous when actual autistic people often prefer autistic anyway), I feel this is next logical step in the current trend. The only difference here is that the only ones calling people bigots for changing their mind won't be the ones with the disability itself (unless they don't have the ability or desire to see things from the other person's perspective), but 'advocates' and 'activists' talking over and for them instead.

[–]ThiccDropkickGay 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They love to act like the only difference between a trans and natal man for example is that one calls himself trans and the other doesn’t, and that’s it. I might be initially attracted to a clothed trans man, because I’d make the assumption that he’s male. Upon seeing that it’s not true, the attraction goes away.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 11 insightful - 3 fun11 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

LOL. Okay, I am just going to say it: These people are creeps.

We do not live in a world where people who look like dudes aren't also 99.?% likely to actually be dudes. Nor one where people who look like women aren't likely to be women. Nor a world where things look like the sun but aren't the sun, or look like the ocean but aren't the ocean. That is just not reality. People navigate the world by attempting to quickly and correctly identify those they encounter. This is of course where we get dreadful things like racism, but it is just also reality. Brains like easy decisions.

So if you deliberately go against that, and if you want to fill a niche, then advertise honestly, or nobody is going to want to fill YOUR niche. Because you are trading on the notion that you can fool people. Bait and switch is not a relationship strategy. And your buyer's remorse over having gotten sucked into a cult is not anybody else's problem.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Is it just me or does this never happen, though? Like - it's rare for me to be truly sexually attracted to someone, so, your milage may vary - but the closest I've ever come to this situation was when I saw someone on a "femboy" community who posted a picture, and I thought "aw he's cute, it's unbelievable that he's actually a guy" aaand then 2 posts down it was revealed that, surprise surprise, "he" was actually female. But I had no real attraction there, since I saw the person in a photo online for a minute or two.

In order for what they mean to happen I'd have to encounter someone for an extended amount of time IRL to be attracted to them, and... there's just no way that would happen. I have never seen a single trans person who perfectly "passes", nor one (IRL or online) who doesn't immediately tell you that they're trans every chance they get. I don't think that I'd be fooled even with my like of feminine males, because there's just no way I'd be around a FTM for that long without her telling me several times over she is a "soft trans boy".

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Is it just me or does this never happen, though?

I agree, I'd imagine it's uncommon at best. Trans rights activists freak out if you even talk about losing attraction that way, though.

Perhaps they also bring it up to justify their lack of success in finding romantic/sexual relationships: "People are attracted to me, it's just they find out I'm trans and decide to stop being attracted to me because they're transphobic." When really, most people observe that they're trans from the get-go and are not interested.

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 9 insightful - 7 fun9 insightful - 6 fun10 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

They do love to conjure unicorn hypothetical situations to "prove" a point.

"What if you started enjoying a delicious ketchup cake and only stopped eating it once you learned it was ketchup flavoured?"

"No, I wouldn't have started eating it to begin with!"

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Good point. Your brain only gets so much information from a single picture. The picture could be edited, shot from a certain angle, etc. But if you were to look at the person IRL for a longer period of time, look at their mannerisms, heard their voice, you'd clock them pretty quick.

[–]zephyranthes 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Two different adult women raped several girls each by pretending to be boys, and enough people have been scammed by Nigerian princes. It's not impossible that a would-be rapist strings along a shy or desperate person. Shy people's brains go into denial mode and shut down when they suspect they're being scammed: no no no, this can't possibly be happening! Telling a man he's not manly enough is the ultimate insult, likewise for women (especially if she is "gender-nonconforming" -- that's sexist!). A beard and male pattern baldness immediately signal "man" to most people.

It helps if you're hot and can take your pick from hot people, but someone who rolled snake eyes in the genetics department can look at a powdered keg or a garden gnome and think, hey, maybe here's my chance at love.

Photos obviously don't count, they're shopped and filtered. They're more like pose references for artists at this point.

[–]cure_osa_disorder 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That makes us gay men almost as bad as the str8 guys who refuse to fuck us.