LifestyleFeelings about large age gaps in same sex relationships

submitted by lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian from self.LGBDropTheT

I'm not sure if it's just me, but I've always been fascinated how nobody calls out large age gaps in (or underage + of age) relationships when it's a same sex couple. How come it's considered creepy/not great when it's a hetero relationship but sweet when it's homo?

Let me give a couple of examples. There is almost a 30 year age gap between Stephen Fry and his husband, yet every newspaper was commenting on how wonderful it was that Stephen Fry had finally found love. Sarah Paulson's wife Holland Taylor, an well liked actress in her own right, is 32 years older than her. Everyone online thought it was 'cute'. My final example is a fictional one but a big one at that. Call Me By Your Name was lauded as a romantic masterpiece, but everyone seems to ignore that the main character is 17 whereas his love interest is a 24 year old man. Not once did I see any vocal criticism that this is promoting pedophilia or that anything in the book can be construed as coercion, since the character wasn't old enough to legally consent to sex.

Now let's compare this with a recent example of a large age gap in a heterosexual relationship and the response: Florence Pugh and Zac Braff. It's a smaller gap of 21 years, compared to the other real life homosexual examples, and yet people were talking about it for weeks, calling him cradle snatcher and other things. Had he been with a man of the same age as Florence, would the response have been a flurry of coos over how cute they are together?

Any else see this as an issue? Why is there a resounding silence or indifference when it comes to significant age gaps in gay relationships? What are your thoughts on this?

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[–]Rogue_Toucan 26 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 0 fun27 insightful - 1 fun -  (29 children)

There are no kids involved in these examples. A 17 year old, while legally a minor in most countries, is not a child and the laws of age of consent vary by place.

About the age gap between homosexual adults, these are my theories:

There is no need to worry about having a young fertile partner to have children.

There are fewer homosexuals than heterosexuals in the world, so we’ve expanded our range of options when it comes to age.

We already are outcasts due our sexuality, so the age gap is a lesser problem to homophobes to talk about.

Homosexuals tend to be more open-minded to overcome social taboos.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Here is a personal story FWIW. When I was younger I was genuinely attracted to older men, 10-20 year gap. One man who I had a fling (or series of flings with) was 25 years older than I (met him when I was 25) -- he was in excellent shape and exceptionally handsome and the sex was some of the best ever. Back then I definitely would have considered a LTR with him but we were geographically challenged (there also some intimacy issues on his part, also he was still in the military during the era of DADT). I have maintained a friendship with him over the years, even after meeting and eventually marrying my now-husband (who is 5 years older than I am). I am now a little older than military-guy was when we first met.

So a few observations: when you are 25 and hooking up with or dating a 50-year-old, you are healthy and he is "healthy enough", no obvious problems that would interfere with dating or hookups. However, when you reach 50, you start to experience those health problems that are relatively easy to hide from people who don't live with you but are irritating as fuck and sometimes really impact your quality-of-life (GI problems, back-aches, headaches, etc.). Both my husband and I endure these on a daily basis and realize that it's only downhill from where we are now: we are aware of parents' serious health problems, and also (in my case) the formidable and occasionally life-threatening problems faced by 70-something-year-old military-guy. I'm willing to put up with my husband's problems because he is more or less on the same schedule I am, but I would not, at this point in my life, want to be caring for a partner in his 70s.

The point being is that at 25 it is easy to imagine "spending the rest of your life" with somebody who is 50. At 50+ I can't imagine spending the "rest of my life" with somebody who is 10 years or less away from death and is likely to require a lot of intense care-giving at a time when I am still "in my prime" but on the downslope.

Aside from health issues, there are also developmental differences that are much easier to see at 50 than when you're 25.

Just to clarify: I'm going to care for whoever I marry regardless, "in sickness and in health". But all other things being equal it's better to marry somebody who is close to you in age.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian[S] 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's still a 7 year gap with a 17 year old. If it was, say, 18 and 17, fine, I get it, but 7 years is a lot of time when it comes to brain and sexual development.

But I agree with your other theories, especially the one about the lack of options. Most lesbian couples I've known have had a 5+ year gap at the very least, but never anything too drastic like the real life examples I gave.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 3 insightful - 9 fun3 insightful - 8 fun4 insightful - 9 fun -  (26 children)

Yeah, USA see 17 years old as a kid, which is dumb as a fuck, but not in Italy where the movie was done. The age consent is 14 years old. A 17 years old is totally capable of consent. I love older women. Age doesn't matter, it's a matter of life stage. There is less difference between a 30 years and a 50 years old, then there is between a 20 and a 25, mentally speaking.

[–]VioletRemiCat, homosexual one 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (25 children)

14 years old is waaaay too young for this and only serves paedos. Especially considering they are targeting always teens at age of 12-16 for relationships.

And let's not forget regular power dynamics - men always searching younger women, or much younger women. Like in Hollywood - 30-35 years old is "too old". There was even scandal when Keanu Reeves in his 60s was dating woman in her 50s, like - she is too old and he need find someone 30 years old. In almost all cases low age of consent is much-much worse for women than men (or well, it is very bad for boys from poor families too). Plus women can get pregnant and men can't. And so on.

Rarely when it is just real love and not some fetishes and not abused by grown ups.

17 looks as decent age, but I'd raise it up to 18 tbh.

We have age of consent 16, but only if difference of age is not more than 3-4 years. And after 18-19 any age is fine, but very big age can be suspicious, especially if there is power dynamics involved and can be checked if it is not grooming.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 2 insightful - 8 fun2 insightful - 7 fun3 insightful - 8 fun -  (24 children)

Pedo aren't attracted to 14 years old. 16 is fine. At 16 you're more than mature to have sex consesually. And even if 14 years old is age of consent, it isn't like is acceptable for a 14 years old to date an adult. Although depends. a 15 years old boy with an adult woman is considered cool. A 13 years old kid made a woman pregnant, and lots of men were praising him in the comments sections. The opposite would be considered much worst.

[–]VioletRemiCat, homosexual one 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (23 children)

This all is just pedo apologetics and is disgusting.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 2 insightful - 7 fun2 insightful - 6 fun3 insightful - 7 fun -  (22 children)

Pedo aren't attracted to teens, again. Yeah, well, machos culture consider men sexually maturing fast a good thing. Not saying is right.

[–]VioletRemiCat, homosexual one 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (21 children)

It is almost same thing, and same ugly, with big power difference and almost completely consisting of adult grooming teen who don't understand much yet, but thinks he/she knows everything. In France it led to girls age of 13-16 being often raped and their perpetuators getting nothing because "age of consent and she said yes". I think I linked that article about firefighters to you before. It is disgusting and abuse. Low age of consent works against females and feminine/gay boys and only benefits men in power and paedos.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 6 insightful - 6 fun6 insightful - 5 fun7 insightful - 6 fun -  (20 children)

I don't like to argue with you lol

[–]VioletRemiCat, homosexual one 11 insightful - 5 fun11 insightful - 4 fun12 insightful - 5 fun -  (19 children)

I don't like that you protecting paedo's :'(

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 2 insightful - 7 fun2 insightful - 6 fun3 insightful - 7 fun -  (18 children)

I'm not protecting pedos WTF

And pedo is by definition some attracted to kids below the age of 13. A pedo will never be attracted to a 14 years old, because they're fertile teens not kids.

[–]julesburm1891 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (17 children)

When Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor got together, my first reaction was, “she’s going to be dead before you hit menopause.” While it’s rude, I stand by it. Huge age gaps are kind of strange because age does affect the stage of our life we inhabit. When there’s a big gap, it forces one or both partners into another role before or after their time. Like, I don’t want to have to look into assisted living options for my wife when I’m fifty. That’s when I want to be traveling with her, hiking with her, entertaining for our friends, and living life like you generally expect at that age.

I don’t get the hype around Call Me By Your Name either. The entire film I was mostly just really grossed out by the fact that they were trying to pass off statutory rape off as romantic. If Chalamet’s character had been a girl, everyone would’ve lost their minds.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian[S] 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Exactly. There's a generational thing as well. You're less likely to get along with someone or understand them if you're older than them by 10 or more years, it's just a basic fact. I'd never date a Zoomer because I know they wouldn't have my experience and they would feel differently about things than I would, for example, gender politics.

There's a real weird double standard when it comes to gay relationships. I'm currently reading a book called The Councillor, and the main character (an adult woman) has an infatuation with an older woman, who may/may not be reciprocating that affection. The issue I have is that the main character has idolised the woman since she was a small child, as the woman had saved her from an orphanage and raised her in her palace. It's not quite grooming, but it's uncomfortable that it's being portrayed as romantic and right, when there's a power imbalance as well.

[–]julesburm1891 15 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I think it creates some weird dynamics on top of that too. My fiancée and I met when we were both 26 and are now 29. (Not saying you should be the same age as your partner. We just happen to be.) We fell in love because of our personalities, values, interests, and wants for a shared future. But, let’s be real. The fact that we are physically very into each other is a huge factor as well. Likewise, knowing that we’d be building a life (socially and financially) around the same stages was kind of a big part too.

So, let’s imagine I’m with a woman thirty years my senior. To start out, it’s already a little weird because at 59 she’s older than my mother. Moving on. So, let’s say we have compatible personalities, values, interests, and future wants. Cool. This doesn’t change the next bits.

At 29, I’m not going to find a 59 year old woman sexy. That’s not to say that older women can’t be sexy, but it’s definitely not what I want or am looking for at 29. (I’m thinking back to what I thought was hot at 19 and it was women in the 18-24 range. When I look at women that age now, I just think they look like kids and I’m not into it.) What I would be into is the life she’s built up—by which I mean assets.

This hypothetical 59 year old woman definitely isn’t going to be into me for assets. I’ve been a homeowner for less than a year, don’t yet have a huge nest egg, and only have a modest stock portfolio. If this woman wanted me, what she’s probably going to be into is my body. It just really seems like these scenarios are set up for one partner to be excited about money and the other to be excited about tits. Which, you know, is not a relationship I want.

[–]reluctant_commenter 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'd never date a Zoomer because I know they wouldn't have my experience and they would feel differently about things than I would, for example, gender politics.

Whoa, some of us are not that insane :) that's totally legit though, haha. And I agree with you on the generation gap.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 3 insightful - 7 fun3 insightful - 6 fun4 insightful - 7 fun -  (13 children)

statutory rape

17 years old is age of consent. Actually, where the movie was done age of consent is 14. Not everywhere has dumb laws treating 17 years old as unable to have sex with consent.

[–]reluctant_commenter 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

Personally, I think 14 is way too young to be able to consent. I suspect this may be a cultural-based argument that we're unlikely to agree on, though. :)

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 3 insightful - 8 fun3 insightful - 7 fun4 insightful - 8 fun -  (11 children)

In France is 13, and before there there wasn't even a consent, which was crazy. In Europe we aren't so prude about sex like americans. But yeah, maybe 14 is a bit early. 16 would be better. But saying 17 years old are kids who cannot consent is laughable. They're not kids and that has nothing to do with pedophilia

[–]reluctant_commenter 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

I think of a 17 year old as a child because developmentally, they have not fully matured yet.

I am ready to bash the US like 99% of the time, lol. But having 18 be the age of consent is one of the few things I think we get right. At the very least, I think there should be some sort of limit on age range for dating at that age. 18 and 25? That's VERY likely to have a power imbalance dynamic and the potential for grooming.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 4 insightful - 8 fun4 insightful - 7 fun5 insightful - 8 fun -  (0 children)

17 years old is almost an adult and totally able to know what they're doing. But would find it pretty weird of a 25 years old being into someone that age because of difference in maturity level, but that doesn't imply grooming. USA the country where a 18 years can't buy a beer, but they can totally a buy an assault rifle lol

[–]ukrdude10 2 insightful - 9 fun2 insightful - 8 fun3 insightful - 9 fun -  (1 child)

17 year olds are not children, they can legally work, drive, join some military programs, and some other adult privileges. They're not fully developed, that only happens at like 25. However, that's old enough to make a sexual decision, in my opinion. At least I was capable at that age.

Also, most US states have the age of consent at 16, which is also the most common age of consent worldwide, if I'm not mistaken.

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Interesting.

  • About 30 US states have age of consent laws of 16 years old (the rest at 18 or sometimes 17), but

  • most people in the US live in the states that have age of consent laws of 18 (or sometimes 17) years old. (since most of the population is urban and not rural)

Graphs: age of consent and population distribution.

17 year olds are not children

In the US, legally they are children (although in some states they can consent as children). And personally, since you mention 25, I think most age-related laws should be higher-- we know people's cognitive function is still fully not developed even at 21, for example.

At least I was capable at that age.

I won't speak for anybody else. However, I hear transgender people I've met IRL say "I was mature enough to decide to go on hormones at 14!" and the like, so I don't really trust that phrase anymore, hahaha.

[–]theytookourjerbsXX only. 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Disagree. There's literally no difference between a 17 and 18 year old. They're still developing and I think we should raise consent to 20. EightTEEN guys, eight TEEN.

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Disagree. There's literally no difference between a 17 and 18 year old.

I never said an 18 year old wasn't a child, either. Developmentally, a human is not fully adult until 25.

I think we should raise consent to 20. EightTEEN guys, eight TEEN.

Honestly, I could get behind that.

[–]theytookourjerbsXX only. 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

For the first one, my bad; I read the comment too fast. But, anyone 13-19 is an adolescent, which is INBETWEEN childhood and adulthood, and it annoys me when people (not you, because I misread) call anyone 13-17 a "LiTeRaL cHiLd" and an 18-19 year olds a "GrOwN aSs AdUlT", because those groups are BETWEEN both like I said prior. For the second one, your response is based.

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

No, I feel ya. Honestly having the legal age be 18 as a "magic number" when someone is now adult is pretty bullshit. It is a shame that laws are not really informed by what we know of human development, but at least in the US we have trouble passing any laws remotely common-sense, let alone something as nuanced as different age rules according to different capabilities of that age. Lol.

For the second one, your response is based.

Haha, thanks lol. I'm not 100% sold because of implementation, but honestly I can see a case for it. I still think it's ludicrous our driving age is 16. That should be like 21 IMO.

[–]theytookourjerbsXX only. 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah teenagers are not very smart on the road that for sure!

[–]VioletRemiCat, homosexual one 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

France is very famous with paedos, thought. And there a lot of cases when girl was gang raped and then court is not sueing rapists, because she "gave consent and was age of consent".

Like that horrible case with team of firefighters who were grooming that girl for almost 5 years. It is horrible and very abuseable stuff and only serving paedos and males.

Historically it was always that women and girls were going into marriage at age of 10-12, while boys at age 16+, and often girls were not even chosing - they either were traded or groomed into marriages. So historically low age of consent always was hurting us as well.

[–]ukrdude10 1 insightful - 6 fun1 insightful - 5 fun2 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

No, France is not "famous with pedos", you don't know what you're talking about.

The age of consent in France is 15, and that's a normal age of consent for Europe. However they don't have "statutory rape" laws. Punishment depends on the presence of coercion. So violent rape will get a much longer sentence than non-coercive sexual acts. I don't agree with that logic, especially in the firefighters case, but I'm clarifying that French society does not in any way support pedophilia, and many people want stricter laws.

If someone is above the age of consent, and there is zero violence, threats, or persuasion, then the act is considered legal, I think that's how it is everywhere.

[–]KingDickThe2nd 15 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I know someone who is in their early 50s and is gay married to a 30 year old in a relationship that has lasted 10 years, yet no one mentions the age difference or the fact that they knew each other since the younger person was in their mid teens.

The fucked up thing is the guy tried seducing me a couple years earlier when I was 16 (the age of consent in my country), so that could of been me (I actually found him very attractive, but the age difference was creepy to me)

[–]fr_bandersnatchghey... 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I was in a 15 year gap relationship for 9 years, he was 40 and I was 25 when we met. It started as a purely physical thing, then grew legs. I'm a stick in the mud, too old and serious for my age. He was immature for his. So it worked. I think we were both occasionally insecure about the age gap publicly, especially when we were mistaken for father & son. He was married previously to a woman and had kids, so my being mistaken for his son creeped him out whereas most gay guys it would just let it roll off their backs.

We lived in a rural, politically very conservative area. People here won't harass you for being gay, it's sort of a live-and-let-live situation though you did catch people staring sometimes, trying to figure out what the story was. Over the years it's become even more of a non-issue. But the age gap was the lesser of the elephants they had to pretend not to notice. Without our being gay overshadowing it, I can see an age gap being noticed or commented on more. If you've already transgressed the sexuality boundary, folks won't think twice about acceptable age gaps.

[–]barnarnasis this tv show my friend? 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I am so very jealous that you managed to avoid seeing any of the CMBYN discourse in 2017. Or any sort of criticism of same-sex age gap relationships from other LGBs. I know I personally side-eye a large gap between a man and a woman more than I would a man and a man or a woman and a woman because the balance of power is different. However, the potential power imbalance is not absent from same sex relationships and should be talked about more, but I don't know if the examples of RL couples you gave are relevant to that discussion.

CMBYN is fictional as well as an example of the kind of gap that I would consider more of an issue. It's not pedophilia but the power imbalance is great enough to be considered questionable.

I'm having a hard time answering your question when it's presented as something no one is talking about since that's not my experience, but I agree with Rogue_Toucan's theories

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I don't move around in LGB circles offline, and the few LGB friends I do have are embroiled in gender theory/TQ nonsense, so they'd never mention that sort of thing and often romanticise gay relationships (they're bisexual but have always been in straight passing relationships).

Did you have these discussions IRL or was it online? I really can't recall any of that discourse at all, but maybe I wasn't in the right places at the right time? Only looking at the Wikipedia page do I see there was some discussion, thankfully.

[–]barnarnasis this tv show my friend? 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What kind of discussions? With the exception of my best friend (who hates any sort of age gap and calls it "bad rep" as if real people are representation yikes) my LGB friends share my live and let live attitude - it's just not a scandal to us.

Twitter is where I see the most discourse surrounding it, which is where I thought you were referring to since I remember seeing a negative reaction to Florence Pugh and Zach Braff on there.

[–]ThiccDropkickGay 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It doesn’t really bother me. I’ve always thought straight people overreact to age gaps anyway.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

This might come across as blunt, but it is the voice of experience (several times, because I matured precociously and have mostly found people my own age too immature to be with): I am not sure there is anything to "call out" between consenting adults. And yes, I have experience with 10+ year age gaps with both men and women (in both directions, but mostly older than me). There are specific considerations in those relationships that are not present with closer age ranges, but again, this is not a problem in need of a solution. It's between the people involved. For everyone else it should be "who cares" and nothing more. It's unusual but that doesn't make it relevant to other people's lives. Just like sleeping with someone with the same plumbing doesn't. It does mean you might experience things you'd rather not sooner than you'd like, but again, who cares? Love is love. This just strikes me as a tabloid-fodder topic rather than anything that is the business of anyone not in the relationship.

ETA: And before there is any commentary about "several times" meaning it didn't work, it did just fine and for the most part they were great people. People just don't always stay together, either, and not all of those developed into long-term situations in the first place.

[–]barnarnasis this tv show my friend? 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

There are specific considerations in those relationships that are not present with closer age ranges, but again, this is not a problem in need of a solution.

There's the point I attempted to make in my own reply lol. Hard agree.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes. It is absurd to turn down a once-in-a-lifetime companion because they didn't quite tick all of one's perfection boxes but came closer than the vast majority of humans ever will. While people my own age are still flailing around looking for true, deep, lasting love in their lives, I've been there and done that. It's not a mystery or a longing I will have never known. It could have been, if I had stopped and said, "Actually, you are amazing but not quite totally perfect so I have to pass on this opportunity."

No regrets.

[–][deleted] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think it's weird if there's a significant age difference and one of the people is under 25. People aren't fully developed until 25 and there's still a lot of naivety in people until they've been living life on their own for a bit. It feels a bit exploitative of that.

After that I don't think it's that weird. I wouldn't personally want to do it though, I prefer people around my age because there's more commonality.

[–]ImNOTRobertPaulson 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Are the people in the relationship consenting adults utilizing their own free will? If yes, I can't see a reason to care. That sentiment doesn't change based on the sex/gender of the people in the relationship. Hell, it doesn't change based in the number of people in the relationship.

What consenting adults do in their private relationship should not matter to other people.

To answer the original question regarding why age gaps aren't called out in same sex relationships as opposite sex ones, I imagine a big component of the reason is society itself. It's a lot easier (and safer) to poke at straight couples than gay couples. People don't want to risk being labeled homophobic.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

When it’s between two adults well into adulthood, that’s not for me but I don’t think it’s inherently problematic. I do always worry about young people and grooming though and I definitely feel like one of my gay male friends experienced some of that when he was coming to terms with being gay when we were younger, though he was technically a legal adult.

As for me personally, I’m not into them. Ive only ever dated close in age with me. Currently 1 year age difference. I like having the same references. But at the same time our dating pool is so small that age gaps are going to happen. I’m low 30s and it feels like 25-26 already seems quite young to me. And below that they look like absolute babies to me. I just can’t see them as part of my dating pool.

[–]censorshipment 8 insightful - 5 fun8 insightful - 4 fun9 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

When I saw rumors about Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor, on The L Chat, I cringed so hard. I've always been attracted to older women (I had a crush on my 50 year old Creative Writing teacher when I was 16... I boldly expressed my feelings for her during class through poetry). I know I have "mommy issues" and should not chase after women who are old enough to be my mom, even now that I'm in my late 30s. Age-gap relationships likely stem from parental issues and should not be supported (imo).

[–]Cacator 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Stephen Fry though. I didn't feel like watching QI anymore when I heard he had married a boy/man 30 years his junior. https://imgurupload.org/files/Stephen-fry-and-husband.jpg

[–]Rag3 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

TIL and now I don’t think I’ll watch that anymore. :(

[–]ukrdude10 1 insightful - 6 fun1 insightful - 5 fun2 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

I had one of my best sexual experiences when I was 18 with a 53 year old. I don't think age gaps are a huge issue as long as everyone is above age of consent, really we should live and let live, especially without limited gay dating pool.

Call Me By Your Name, what's the difference if they were 17/24 or 18/25. It's a gap, but it's not large enough to cause creepy vibes. 17 Is not considered pedophilia, and age of consent in Italy is 14 I believe, so I don't have a problem with it.

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Any topic about age differences in relationships is not complete without a reference to the ancient 'Half your age + 7' rule, which has been used since the dawn of time for a straightforward prevention of pairing creepiness. Unfortunately for Stephen Fry, his husband is just a few years too young for their relationship to be objectively acceptable. The good thing is, all Fry has to do is wait for about 7 years and they'll be a-ok according to the golden rule. Sarah Paulson just seems to make the cutoff at 46 with her partner, so good for them. They cannot legally be criticized by anyone now.