LifestyleBreaking up w my gf over trans ideology..

submitted by hufflepuff-poet from self.LGBDropTheT

I'm struggling to decide whether I want to end things with my girlfriend over this issue. I'm a firm LGB drop the T person and she has a trans brother and many queer friends (and referred to herself as queer/bi/pansexual early in our relationship but she considers our relationship a "lesbian relationship"..).

We're so good in every other way but this issue is a sticking point for us and I'm trying to figure out if it's enough of an issue to warrant a break up. I feel like it's so hard to find lesbians I vibe with irl and I don't want to lose her but also I want my relationship to be a safe place for me to share my frustrations with trans ideology and the invasion of lesbian spaces. Also idk if I'll be able to bite my tongue with her brother and his bf (both former lesbians turned trans men) because they "talk about trans and queer stuff all the time" (according to my gf) and she wants me to "see them and understand them to understand her".

Idk, I'm also a conflict averse person and don't wanna do anything rash and break up when this could be something we work through together.

How do y'all manage this topic in your relationships?

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[–]lazy-summer-godSuper Gay 29 insightful - 1 fun29 insightful - 0 fun30 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If you find the trans topic so crucial, apparently it's a dealbreaker for your relationship.

In your post, you make it sound like you haven't even met this trans brother of your girlfriend. Are you sure they're this kind of a person, you know, who polices other peoples' sexualities and does unfair things to LGB communities? It's easy to forget that there are lots of reasonable trans people and lots of degenerate "cis" straight trans rights activists who speak for trans people without consulting them about anything.

[–]reluctant_commenter 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I think that's a really good question. I also think that the most accurate answer, even if it's lame, is probably "it really depends on the individual in question."

At a broad level... I try to make sure that the people I want to date (and my friends) believe in the same values as I do. There are many people who believe in the same values as I do, who also happened to get sucked into the cultlike transgender movement. For me, being in that situation would be like if I were dating someone who is fervently Christian and I am an atheist. It is possible that it can work-- if I still have the same set of values as the Christian person I'm dating, and our respective specific religion beliefs are both congruent with those values. But... often, that difference in religion speaks to a difference in values, which in the long run may present problems for a relationship.

I guess I would ask-- is she forceful about her beliefs? It is one thing if she is encouraging dialogue and is open to considering alternative perspectives, and another thing for her to turn her beliefs about being transgender into a character attack on you if you disagree. I think there can be quite a range.

[–]emptiedriver 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I guess I would ask-- is she forceful about her beliefs?

I think part of the problem/ frustration with gender ideology is that since it is a socially supported system, one almost has to be forceful in order for it to hold any water. If you can't get other people to acknowledge and validate you as your chosen gender, what does it even mean? Could anyone be trans alone on a desert island? You'd just be a person with a body. Maybe you could obsess over it and alter it as you stared at your own reflection but really you need other people to use your pronouns and your new name and complement you or give you a pass in accordance with the gender you're trying to attain.

I know a trans man who always posts the most ridiculous "dude" type of posts that no one I know would respond to if it was actually someone's brother, but bc it's someone showing what a guy they are, anytime they post something like "just having a beer and watching the game!" like a dozen alternative-artsy-lesbian type people write things like "right on, my man!" It's a complete farce as far as I can tell, all done in hopes of helping this person feel they are correctly achieving manliness.

Someone can be religious without external support. They can talk to their pastor or congregation about it and not with you, they can pray or write about it for themselves but consider it private, they can even have a fairly public religious worldview, but agree to disagree about some fundamental issues as long as you're respectful. But in trans ideology, it is automatically disrespectful to not already support the facade, and while this can work when it's a rare thing, it's more cumbersome when it's regular. I used to just use preferred pronouns when they only came up on the odd chance I'd be having a conversation that referenced a tiny handful of trans people in my circle - like bowing your head at the occasional ceremony where someone else leads a prayer.

But if it starts to be the case that everywhere you go starts and ends with prayers, and you're now required to say "amen" and if you don't you're called a bigot, your atheism starts to seem more important - or at least your right to it. And people who aren't seeing any problem are definitely frustrating...

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

All very good points!

trans man who always posts the most ridiculous "dude" type of posts that no one I know would respond to if it was actually someone's brother, but bc it's someone showing what a guy they are, anytime they post something like "just having a beer and watching the game!" like a dozen alternative-artsy-lesbian type people write things like "right on, my man!" It's a complete farce as far as I can tell, all done in hopes of helping this person feel they are correctly achieving manliness.

Lol, that's absolutely ridiculous. I've seen that sort of thing before, though, too.

I used to just use preferred pronouns when they only came up on the odd chance I'd be having a conversation that referenced a tiny handful of trans people in my circle - like bowing your head at the occasional ceremony where someone else leads a prayer.

But if it starts to be the case that everywhere you go starts and ends with prayers, and you're now required to say "amen" and if you don't you're called a bigot, your atheism starts to seem more important - or at least your right to it. And people who aren't seeing any problem are definitely frustrating...

COMPLETELY agree. This is exactly how I feel about it; I appreciate you verbalizing this, because it's something I struggle to get across to most people I've talked to. I might have to steal the metaphor.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

I'm Christian, but not fervent, but I do worry about dating an atheist since most of the lesbian and bisexual atheists I've met have been fervently atheist and I feel it would cause conflicts, but on the other hand, I couldn't handle a fervent Christian either, who wouldn't be happy if I didn't go to Sunday church with her or worked on the Sabbath.

Any forcefulness in ideology/beliefs isn't healthy in a relationship, even when you both agree and have the same beliefs.

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I feel you. I am not atheist myself but am generally against religion, and haven't encountered enough bisexual/lesbian women who are Christian to test that approach (haven't encountered many LB women, period...). I agree about forcefulness, I would say that's a red flag in general as well.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I personally don't like organised religion, and prefer to follow my own interpretations of the Bible (which I treat as a piece of historical fiction which contains morality tales rather than fact).

I haven't had a lot of experience, personally, but there hasn't been a lot of middle ground. They're either really Christian or really atheistic, barely anything in between (which is why I look for agnostics more often than not).

[–]julesburm1891 17 insightful - 2 fun17 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 2 fun -  (12 children)

A few months into dating my fiancée, she sent me this via text:

Baby, I know. Present over perfect. I’m ready to be here for you, and with you every day. I know it won’t always be nice, or exciting. I know we are going to disagree, our idiosyncrasies/neuroses made to be less cute. But today when I was driving home, I had this fantasy of going home to you. That thought stays with me. It’s not about diets or cultures or habits. It’s about existing in a world we choose to share.

A few years later and I still think this is one of the best assessments of a relationship. You guys aren’t going to agree on a whole lot of things outside of TQ+ madness. What matters is that you respect each other and be honest. (And sometimes, one of you isn’t going to be respectful about differences and there has to be a conversation about that.)

Trying talking to her. Tell her how you feel and see if you can work through it.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

This is so fucking romantic, my heart hurts so badly. Your girlfriend is a romantic like me. Real love is so intense, almost suffocating in its power. There is nothing more beautiful than finding a person wh will still with you, regardless od differences. Someone you can always rely, because in the end love is the most serious form of commitment, it's having a person that makes you feel at home and safe, regardless of where you are. Lucky is the one who finds love, in a world where hate and indifference reign. You guys are very lucky

[–]julesburm1891 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Sei italiana, vero? Naturalmente, sei romantica. 🙃

Thank you. I think you’re right. Love is both rare and a lot of work. You’ve got to do your best!

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

Sì, italiana. Sai la lingua? Although being romantic is italian feature, I'm just ridicolous level of romantic. Like I still really believe in fairytales, true love till death and even though I know is naive, the passion, love is the thing that makes you really feel alive like no other and nothing it's worth fight for than this. But it's so difficult to find,especially for us homosexual. I hope you two will last till the end and that I can manage to have something like that in the future. That message is so damn heart melting lol

[–]julesburm1891 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Sto provando di imparare. ...è andare...

Idk. I think there really is the possibility of a fairy tale romance. The fairy tales just leave out that, after the wedding, there’s a whole of not-so-sexy work and disagreements that comes along with keeping that romance alive and growing.

You’re going to find it. (I feel it in my bones.)

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Yeah, it's possible, but also unlikely and not everyone will have it, unfortunately. How many divorces or people in shitty relationships are there? It's even less lilely as gay, so you got an huge deal of luck to have found such romantic woman and a lasting love.

My neighbor died surrounded by his children and his wife, who was saying "ti amo" after decades of marriage. And I thought, that's the best thing, that if I could choose a way to die, would be with my wife saying she loves me. In the end, it's a matter of luck though and I always remind myself that not believing in fairytales and being more realistic, including the acceptance of not finding the perfect relationship of my dream, is necessary to avoid so much sufferance.But you are a successful story that everyone can use as hope for the future. In the end, it's only takes one right person to be happy

[–]lavender_menace 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Did you ask her how her relationship was built and maintained? Maybe we can all learn from her wisdom.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Well, no, but old fashioned. It was normal in the past to get married, stay together and never think about divorce no matter what. There was far more tolerance, today far less tolerance and more demand. Which isn't bad per se, life is too short to stay in relationship fort the sake of it. He did often house chores, quite rare for a men of his generation

[–]lavender_menace 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don’t think it’s “forced staying together” thing if she actually loved him till the end, I’ve seen the old guard hate each other guts, but if she did love him and he loved her for decades, I do think both of them put effort into it and that’s their wisdom I’d like to have as well.

But you are right - it is heart warming to see old couples like that, old friends as well ❤️

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That was so cute! :' I wish you the best happinness in the world!!

[–]julesburm1891 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Aww, thank you!

[–]reluctant_commenter 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That is so insanely wholesome. :) :) Thank you for sharing it.

[–]julesburm1891 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks, pal! :)

[–]censorshipment 11 insightful - 11 fun11 insightful - 10 fun12 insightful - 11 fun -  (1 child)

How long have you been together?

I personally believe that couples don't have to talk about everything... that's what friends and the internet are for, vent to people you don't sleep with.

My bi ex and I rarely agreed and therefore avoided topics that would start a fight (although I enjoyed arguing... she didn't lol). She vented on Facebook, and I vented on Reddit (before the sub bans... we broke up in Dec 2019 but remained friends until 42 days ago).

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 18 insightful - 7 fun18 insightful - 6 fun19 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

What happened 42 days ago? lol I do agree you don't need to agree with on everything. But when you're very similar, it's magical, like soulmate, having a bestfriends you can always talk to. Not everyone can be so lucky, I guess.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If she's shoving TRA ideology into your throat, that would be a dealbreaker. Otherwise, I'll say, no. It's very hard to find someone you mutually like to stay with, it's extremely hard when you've a very small dating poll. Life should be about compromise, unless the compromise is too much and goes against your nature.

[–]newaccount85 8 insightful - 5 fun8 insightful - 4 fun9 insightful - 5 fun -  (1 child)

she has a "trans" brother....meaning he's some confused, broken defeated gay kid? Or literally a straight man who gets off on identifying as a woman? what type of brother does she have? You might be able to persuade her if you show sympathy for her brother but then show her "transbians" lol Transbians (straight men who FEEEEL like lesbians) have psychotic levels of homophobia and would want to crush your brothers skull to hear him scream. They HAAAAATE his type of "trans". And they publicly argue with one another. Homosexual "transexuals" are sexually repulsed by women, have no attraction to them and theyre always treated as non threatening to women cause theyre seen as just harmless gay boys and have lots of access to girl spaces and that just enrages transbians.

Show her transbians. If she doesnt sympathize then she'll come after you and you should dump her. And most gays and lesbians expeirence massive dysphoria when theyre younger. if you've ever experienced it, bring it up. Dont make it about how you hate and want to "oppress" these people because thats how she might see you come off as. Just about how its unfair that your community is being torn apart by their bullshit and most of these trans people are straight bullies who bully gays and lesbians.

[–]emptiedriver 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

she has a "trans" brother....meaning he's some confused, broken defeated gay kid? Or literally a straight man who gets off on identifying as a woman? what type of brother does she have?

I think the "brother" was the whole other way around, a former sister turned "trans man", so lesbian now identifying as a straight man:)

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It really depends on how much you can tolerate personally. For me, I had to cut ties with my trans friend because I couldn't stand watching her inject her internalized misogyny into every conversation, or bring up how excited she is to go on T or where to get a good binder or whatever. I wouldn't be able to date someone who was really deep into it like that.

As others have said, talk to your gf. I stayed friends with a few woke people because they aren't militant about trans stuff. Your gf could be that way, or she could be a TRA and dating her might not be worth the headache. But I wouldn't break up with her without getting a feel for the situation with her 'brother' and 'his boyfriend' first.

[–]NeedMoreCoffee~=[,,_,,]=^_^= 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think you are overthinking this.

From what i can extrapolate from your post this a newish relationship and you have never met the sister. Like Just go meet them and you can make up your mind after. It could be they are 2 of the reasonable trans people, some are very nice and fun to hang out with.

Things could work out fine on its own.

However if things go bad and they turn out to be the looney tunes transtrenders kind you can revisit where you want to go and how much you love this girl.

Just remember almost every family in law has people you going to hate from a sexist brother to a creepy aunt. The thing to look for is how much are they influencing your partner and how often will you have to deal with them.

[–]HelloMomo 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Just remember almost every family in law has people you going to hate from a sexist brother to a creepy aunt. The thing to look for is how much are they influencing your partner and how often will you have to deal with them.

That's a good point; I second that.

[–]our_team_is_winning 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

lso idk if I'll be able to bite my tongue with her brother and his bf (both former lesbians turned trans men)

So there is no brother or boyfriend here. It's a lesbian sister and her lesbian girlfriend, but they're both pretending to be male?

[–]HelloMomo 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Because of her sibling, I bet it's unlikely her views are ever going to change. (Except if the sibling detransitions.)

Since gender ideology is logically incoherent, it seems to me that 80% of people who believe it do so because it's emotionally satisfyingly to them somehow. And believing this out of love for your sibling... I mean, as emotional reasoning goes, that's pretty unshakable.

[–]plenty_water 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is exactly what I was trying to say in my comment on this post: gender ideology is LOGICALLY INCOHERENT. This is the issue I had with my ex-girlfirend who was 100% completely indoctrinated by the trans cult. I tried explaining to her in a neutral, non-emotional way how the queer/trans logic is flawed, and I tried to build her a logical tree that demonstrated precisely why the ideology should be rejected - and she just didn't get it. And that is one of the fundamental components that made me deeply unattracted to her. It's like, not only are you supporting a demented ideology, but you are at the same time refusing to acknlowedge a logical reality. And there is a deeper meaning to that - what does it say about a person that obfuscates reality when the truth is in front of them?

[–]plenty_water 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Hi. I have been in a similar situation as you before. I even posted about it on /r/truelesbians and /r/gendercritical when they existed. My post was entitled something very similar to yours, "How to deal with my girlfriend who has completely imbibed trans ideology?" I was surprised by the responses that I received, which were similar to the ones here in this thread. They said, "if you love her and you get along, why throw it away?" That response was quite a surprise to me. Even though all of us here are critical of the trans ideology and gender bullshit, it appears that many of us wouldn't allow it to interfere with our romantic relationships. Of course, I respect everyone's opinion here and they are entitled to it - but it is curious to me that everyone here is so vociferously against this ideology but would demure if it was supported by their significant other. Curious.

As for me, I dated a girl that I'd known for ten years for about 10 months about a year ago. She was deeply ingrained in the QuEeR lGbTqIaa2+ cult in my large metropolitan west coast city. Yes - i went into it knowing that she was indoctrinated, but I really tried to ignore it. However, it is something that I could not end up ignoring. This was because a lot of her friends identified as a gender special, and I was constantly having to interact with them. People here have differing approaches to this, but I do not want to hang out with people that force me to change my language in accordance to their ideology. Thus, I do not want to hang out with trans/queer people. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I just find it a fundamental violation of my autonomy to participate in someone's delusion. Not going to happen.

Anyways, my ex had never once had a critical thought about the movement until we started being romantic and I started sharing my feelings with her. At first, she was deeply disturbed and wouldn't hear me out, no matter how gently i explained to her my feelings. When we did discuss my stance on it, we had serious fights because she felt like i was "disrespectful" to trans people. And i'd always say, "how could the truth possibly be disrespectful? It is simply the truth."

I couldn't understand how she didn't follow my logic. To me, examining and arriving to a just conclusion on trans and gender issues follows a simple logical tree. And when someone rejects the conclusion that we have all arived to, it is because they are rejecting one of the truths along that tree. For instance - it is a truth that there are two sexes, male and female. That is a point along the tree, and a person may choose to accept or reject that piece of logic. So, my ex was unable to follow the logical tree. She was unable to understand the truth. And that was one of the elements that made me deeply unattracted to her, among other things as it relates to this issue.

As I mentioned above, she had a lot of queer friends. And another thing that started creeping me out was that she befriended a trans lesbian who did not pass in any capacity. I was already struggling using the pronouns of her female friends, but when she brought around the male lesbian I just...couldn't handle it.

I told her, "you're forcing me to change the way I perceive reality by brining [insert trans woman's name] over..." So yeah....

Anyways, your situation is different than mine, and perhaps your values are different than mine as well. I guess, I want you to ask yourself this: 1. do you feel like using her brother's (or sisters?) pronouns is a fundamental violation of your autonomy as a human on this planet, and is it something that you do not want to sacrifice? and 2. will you still find your girlfriend attractive despite that deeply unsettling feeling that you disagree on this topic?

I am curious to know the answers to these questions, too, if you have time to respond.

Unlike others, I do think that it's a completely justified reason to break up with someone over. I wouldn't date someone ever again who wasn't critical of gender. And I promise, there are attractive, sane, intelligent and gender critical lesbians out there... hmu...ha.. ;)

[–]HelloMomo 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

That response was quite a surprise to me. Even though all of us here are critical of the trans ideology and gender bullshit, it appears that many of us wouldn't allow it to interfere with our romantic relationships. Of course, I respect everyone's opinion here and they are entitled to it - but it is curious to me that everyone here is so vociferously against this ideology but would demure if it was supported by their significant other.

I think one way in which we on the forum vary quite a bit is how willing we are to play along with pronouns.

I know some people are completely unwilling to play along with the facade to any degree — you give an inch, they'll take a mile. And I get that mindset.

But the pronouns game is the one area where I will compromise a little. Maybe this is just practicality on my part: I'm a college student, and I need to be able to exist there. Getting tarred and feathered as a terf in all my liberal arts classes would be a logistical problem for me.

But the way I justify it is that, in other contexts where I disbelieve something, I don't need to mention how I disbelieve it every single time I name it. If I don't believe in someone's religion, I don't feel the need to say "your fake god", I can just say "your god". And in that context, I do think it'd be rude to do otherwise — like yeah, we get it, you don't believe that, you don't need to bring it up every other sentence.

The key difference between that and pronouns is that with pronouns, playing along is seen as a sort of tacit agreement or endorsement. But I'm mostly a non-confrontational person, so I'm do that anyways.

[–]plenty_water 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I hear you. I went to a hyper-progressive liberal arts college in the PNW for my undergrad and masters. There would be No. Way. In. Hell. i'd ever "misgender" someone to their face or around people that I do not know. Otherwise, the repercussions would be actually quite serious. I was a graduate assistant at my university and I could have been fired, have lost funding for my research, or removed from the program. So yes, I do the same thing. but in private, around my friends and family who know how I feel - I do not use people's pronouns.

But that's the thing that aggravates me about it. It is that I am forced to do it to their face, otherwise face repercussion. And in theocratic countries it's quite similar - you must adhere to their dogma or face repercussion despite not sharing their personal conviction. It is the fact that someone else is imposing a standard upon me that I do not believe in that freaks me out.

Does that make sense?

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It is that I am forced to do it to their face, otherwise face repercussion.

I hear you. If someone is saying "your fake god" in a context where they have religious freedom, that comes across like self-righteous atheist being a dick on purpose. If you change the context to a theocratic country where a person could face serious repercussions for that, suddenly that person seems like a brave rebel.

The difference I guess is "I'm deliberately doing this to provoke you, safe in the knowledge that you can't do anything about it - ha!" vs "I am risking a lot by saying this, but I'm doing it anyways because I believe this issue is important."

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Even though all of us here are critical of the trans ideology and gender bullshit, it appears that many of us wouldn't allow it to interfere with our romantic relationships. Of course, I respect everyone's opinion here and they are entitled to it - but it is curious to me that everyone here is so vociferously against this ideology but would demure if it was supported by their significant other. Curious.

I think it's influenced by a few factors:

1: There isn't exactly a big pool to choose potential romantic from when you're lesbian or gay, so people might be less likely to break up over trans ideology.

2: We know this entire ideology is bound to crash and burn at some point, so people are waiting it out rather than breaking up immediately.

3: You can usually break things off with friends than romantic partners, and people may be avoiding having to cross that bridge too quickly.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My best friend's wife's best, childhood friend, is a trans woman.

My best friend's wife is razor sharp, highly critical of everything, but I have my doubts that she can really accept the big picture on trans ideology because she's so emotionally involved with the trans woman.

You're in a similar boat in that your girlfriend is probably pretty close to the issue. These sorts of situations don't respond as well to a more logical take.

My best friend, he sees the trans issue pretty clearly, but he doesn't really want to integrate what it means into his worldview on account of his wife; it would just cause marital strife.

[–]fuckupaddamsBisexual Terve 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My boyfriend hears out and agrees with my rants (95% of my friends are trans suddenly, I vent to him and the internet.) If I didn't have that I'd be completely miserable. I wouldn't be able to date someone I have to bite my tongue around when it comes to this issue, personally. And you risk being slandered to everyone you know if you really tell your girlfriend your views on this stuff. It's a tricky situation. Don't go all in if you're gonna try talking to her about it, she's probably too far deep to not cry to everyone she knows about how she's dating a terf.

[–]usehername 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My partner is sane so this is not a problem for me. Personally, bi people who won't admit to being bi are a pet peeve of mine. I'd say be honest and if she leaves, she leaves. You don't need to break up with her, but you should NOT lie. A relationship were people can't even be honest with each other is hell.