all 29 comments

[–]julesburm1891 23 insightful - 3 fun23 insightful - 2 fun24 insightful - 3 fun -  (6 children)

Tbh, I met my fiancée on tinder and just lucked out. Most of the women I met there were at least tethered to reality. (The downside was sifting through a bunch of straight couples that wanted a three-some.)

However, I would not recommend the HER app to someone I hated. At least a third of the “women” there were dudes. Every woman I went on a date with was either a huge TRA or crazy in some other way (e.g. crystals help my chronic pain).

It’s too bad there’s not a dating platform for people like us (or a filter on an already existing platform, at least). I mean, people who only want to date farmers have a dating site. Why can’t we?

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Tinder is actually good. I mean is full of girls wanting theesome with their bf and hot girls promoting their instagram account, but among the many you find normal people. Since is the most known dating app, it's the one with the better chances of meeting people.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Congratulations on the engagement.

[–]julesburm1891 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Aww, thanks!

[–]usehername 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Lol, I chatted with a woman on HER for about two days and she told me she needed to stay with me for a night because she was being kicked out of her apartment for having too many people in it. I let her stay for a night, but thankfully she ended up finding a place to stay with a family member the next day. We never spoke again. Very weird experience. And yeah, a lot of dudes with the absolute raunchiest pictures. Old, dirty, wrinkly men in lingerie, sometimes with their dicks out.

Every woman I went on a date with was either a huge TRA or crazy in some other way

I feel like that's just the majority of women my age. Some people just need a religion.

I mean, people who only want to date farmers have a dating site. Why can’t we?

Lmfao right?

edit (I'd also like to add): I had better luck finding women on Tinder. HER was not very popular in my city. I actually ended up going through every single profile x_x

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

She slept at your home and never spoke to you again? That's weird. Did she give you pussy, at least?

[–]usehername 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No lol. I think she may have just been grifting.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

Look for conservative guys, even if they currently don't know enough (yet) to drop the T. Over time they can learn.

My husband was kind of indifferent to or even weakly supportive of TQ+ nonsense, but he grew up in the Bible Belt and his parents are very serious Christians (still sweet and very supportive of our relationship even if on paper they are not supportive of "gay marriage"). Over time (10 years) his natural conservatism has led him to agree more and more with my center-right positions.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

I second this. Conservative or right wing same-sex attracted people tend to be less supportive of TQs or at least more switched on to how bad the movement is.

There are many different kinds of conservatives. There are neoconservatives, who are just as bad as neoliberals, so avoid them. There are libertarians. There are paleoconservatives. There are traditional conservatives. There are nationalists. There are members of the far right. There are populists. And so on. Some of these conservative ideologies are more tolerant of homosexuality than others, but there is going to be at least one gay person who holds one of these ideologies. Divide your beliefs into dealbreakers and agree-to-disagrees before you make any commitment with another person.

There are liberals and moderates who oppose the TQ ideology, but they are harder to find.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Divide your beliefs into dealbreakers and agree-to-disagrees

This is an important point. Also, if you are really interested in someone, try to steer disagreements into the "agree-to-disagree" territory. Husband and I did not agree on US presidential candidates this last election cycle but we can respect each others' opinions.

If TQ+ doesn't directly impact your life I think it can go in "agree-to-disagree" bucket. For me, it would only ever become a deal-breaking issue if there were children involved, children for whom I had responsibility.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 15 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

Exactly. I can agree to disagree on a lot of things. Including the President of the United States - for the record, I think that both Trump and Biden suck. I can even agree to disagree on whether or not my own (Irish) government is good, but I’m extremely vocal on how bad they are. But I have a lot of dealbreakers, including:

  • Transgender children - I’ll never date a man who’d let his minor children transition. If we have a son together and the son declares at the age of 15 that he’s non-binary or wants to become a woman, I’m taking the boy with me to Florida, where you have to be over 18 to transition. I’d even relocate to Hungary! And if we have an adult son who transitions, I’d do everything I can to talk the son out of it, even if this leads to divorce.
  • Surrogacy - I don’t mind if he’s in favour of it, but I do not want to have a child through surrogacy. If he wants kids, we’re adopting. If he wants biological children of his own, then I hope he has them from a previous relationship, because as far as I’m concerned, surrogacy is immoral.
  • Anti-Irish - if he hates Irish people, I will not be the exception to the rule. As much as I resent my own people for supporting the lockdowns, I will not tolerate a foreign man who hates Irish people, even if he’s willing to make exceptions.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 11 insightful - 3 fun11 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 3 fun -  (3 children)

Who hates Irish people?

Oh yeah, I live in the US, not the UK.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Most British people don’t mind us, thankfully. They do hate our government, but Irish people also hate our government, so I’m fine with that.

[–]Cass 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Black people in Ireland hate the Irish people. They claim they've been there since the dawn mankind and St Patrick killed them all so white people could come and settle. They also tried to have their own violent blm protests after some violent black druggie was killed by the police recently, after he attacked the police and they tried to use other means to subdue him.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They also tried to have their own violent blm protests after some violent black druggie was killed by the police recently

Deja vu...

[–]GayBoner 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Lol ew no

There are plenty of liberal gay guys who don’t buy into the TQ+

[–][deleted] 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Agreed lol, just because I want a non TRA partner doesn't mean that I'd run to the first rightoid man. Conservative gays can be self-hating

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 10 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Assess different kinds of ideologies, because some are more likely to oppose TQ ideology than others. A gay or bisexual person can have any sort of ideology, or have no ideology at all. Unfortunately, most LGB people have been brainwashed by the cult, so you’re going to have to dig through the landfill site to find gold. But there is some gold there.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 9 insightful - 6 fun9 insightful - 5 fun10 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

I wish "landfill site" hadn't made me laugh as hard as I did. <3

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Personally I'm not even against dating someone with these ideas, as long as she doesn't push them on me and doesn't influence my relationship. Like I wouldn't like a political activist. Of course I would prefer someone gender critical or just with logic, but you can't agree on everything. And as long as you compatible on thefundamentals that matter in relationships, sexually, liking each others and generally getting along well. you can tolerate different opinions on this and others kind of matters.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Let me offer a counterpoint to this because I see two rather contradictory trajectories here:

  1. A lot of former TRAs get a clue and stop feeding themselves this nonsense. So, there's hope for some.
  2. One sometimes finds out well into a relationship that one's partner is abusive, might have Cluster B issues, etc. Guess what the risk is there? That you stand up for yourself one day, and this (now you know) professional victim chooses THAT moment to turn on you and run around talking about how transphobic you are.

Think about that risk before dating one of these people. It isn't going to be worth it in the end if they also turn out to be Cluster B. You are still trusting that person with your safety and future, at this point in time. So it's not a small thing to choose carefully.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Mmm. Tra means activists. I won't date activists. I just say, if she just believes trans woman is real woman as she believes astrology is real, they both bull, but if that doesn't effect my relationship, like her being into queer spaces/activism or asking me to pretend she is not binary rather than a female, I don't care. Like I dont compromise on shit like having kids or her being dominant/calling herself a top since I'm not submissive, but believes that doesn't effect me personally, I don't care.

[–]Q-Continuum-kin 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I've been observing guys on dating apps a d have yet to see anyone with a decent tell in their profile. I think most people just don't think about it then deal with being called phobic if it comes up.

The only thing I've done recently is type in the box for gender as "critical" but I have a suspicion that the average guy will have no clue what that means and actually think the opposite, that I'm specifically trying to be part of Al'Queerida... Then the gender crazies will actually know what it means and start trying to report me or something.

[–]jjdub7TERF (Trans Exterminating Reactionary Fascist) 1 insightful - 3 fun1 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)



[–]usehername 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Trial and error? Let your views be known quickly so you don't waste time. Some people here are okay with being with a person who believes in that stuff, but I personally am not lol.

[–]fuck_reddit 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This might not work for you, but i just put “republican” in my bio and got a lot of positive responses, both in liberal and conservative areas. Shockingly, i didnt get any negative messages.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I feel you. Despite me being in a country where the TQ+ ideology isn't still so prevalent, it is become more and more relevant and if I share my views with people from our "" community""" is very likely that I will be seen as phobic or weird or something of the sort. I wish you the best.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Time ago I tried to frequent a lesbian italian forum.Turns out you can't say nothing against queer ideology without the threat of getting banned. I seriously hate LGBT spaces. Even before TRA they looked full of stereotypes but now I can't really see myself frequenting anything related. Like I'm a lesbian who hates lesbians related culture and spaces ahah It sucks

[–]Radish 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My partner is solidly in the trans camp, unfortunately. Her best friend is trans, and she just swallows the whole thing and gets offended that I don't. We avoid the topic because we offend each other, and are both sure we are in the right. She believes I'm bigoted, I believe she just doesn't get it. We've been together for almost 20 years, and I didn't understand the issue when we started out. If I were doing it today, I suppose I would get into more GC active circles and just meet more women in general.