all 16 comments

[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I think some people pretend to be dumb by not admitting to what they probably observed but don't want to get cancelled for being "transphobic" as they aren't sure if you have the same views as them or you're the "queer" who gonna cancel her to death. Crazy how it's now somehow worse to be transphobic than homophobic these days. Being transphobic triggers so much more response than homophobia nowadays.

[–]Mermer[S] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

God I wish. I had hope for her being on my side but she's not there yet. Once she was like "I don't understand "non-binary" but I respect it". We are both fans of The Owl House and when a new character Rain appeared she asked me if he was a man or non-binary and I said as neutrally as possible "non-binary" and she said "yey" and now his ship with Eda is her favorite and I despise the character (especially people who say he's a lesbian 🤢). When we talked about the new Sex Education season I couldn't say what I thought about the nb girl or that I thought Hope had valid points and the main reason I hate her is the pregnancy plotline (I'm an antinatalist). Interestingly, she didn't say she hated her and I imagine someone who supports the non-binary would but she still uses the correct pronounces around trans people and all when I'm trying to stay as quiet and neutral as possible. She's not on social media so I don't know what it would take for her to peak. I don't think she fears me cancelling her lol, I stayed chill when she accidentally "misgendered" Double Trouble from She-ra but she's too nice to have her own opinions on this topic.

[–]TransspeciesUnicornI sexually identify as a mythical sparkly equine 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Man I hate Double Trouble. Honestly, aside from Horde Prime and Shadow Weaver he's probably one of the most terrible people in the show. Like Catra and even Hordak at least have some humanity and capacity to care (or even feel remorse in Catra's case). DT is just a catty little douche who delights in tearing people's friendships apart or destroying their work solely for the delight of causing chaos. And of course all the wokesters in the fandom worship him for being a "fab enby icon". Ugh.

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

He's a collection of the worst gay male stereotypes basically. If they had made him just a gay man everyone would be outraged at gay men being stereotyped in such an awful way, but since he's non-binary he gets praised. I hate him.

[–]Mermer[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

For real and I can't say anywhere I hate Double Trouble, Raine or the nb girl from Sex Education (I don't even remember her name) bcs everyone would just start attacking me. I would hate these characters even if they were normal but you can't dislike anyone who's associated with the gender cult. There's another character in The Owl House, Hunter who everyone adores, and thinks he's trans for some reason and that he gives them "gender envy". I hate him so much and I'm already walking on thin ice. As soon as some creator would confirm he's trans I wouldn't be allowed to say anything bad about him. And I really hate him, he's a dick but hey, what a trans icon am I right?

[–]censorshipment 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This seems more like an "ableism" issue which is basically what "transphobia" is lol ...when you know someone is mentally fucked up but you can't cut them loose due to their fragility and codependency because you'll be viewed as the bad guy and they'll be seen as the victims to outsiders who don't know how frustrated you are as the "ableist" or "transphobe" listening to crybabies. Friends are NOT social workers, therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, etc. I think Gen Z and 90s millenials don't know that though lol we xennials talked to therapists.

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Sounds like your friend has her hands full. Even one of these genderwoo types are enough to leech one's empathy well bone dry.

Also, she sounds like the kind of person who worries much more about other people's happiness than her own. The continued exploitation of her compassion without reciprocation will only lead to some kind of meltdown for her later on. She may need the gentle input of someone somewhat external to the situation to point out that they are frankly becoming emotional vampires. And if the situation doesn't get any better, then shifting gears by "selfishly" taking care of her own needs by putting some social distance between her and them, may be better for all involved.

[–]Mermer[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I'm her main emotional support in those situations and I constantly remind her that there's no place for niceness in rejection and that she needs to put herself first. At first she was concerned for the friendship but the worse he acts about the situation the more she starts to be annoyed and she's starting to understand that they're gonna need to be cut off each other for a while.

She's unfortunately the center of her friend groups, the sunshine, (think your typical Disney cartoon protagonist) so people burden her with their problems and make her feel like she's responsible for their lives. She's very lucky to have me. I'm her doze of sanity and I'm the giver in our relationship as opposed to her usually being one.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

She might have some codependence going on. That's a difficult thing to untangle from but it might be interesting to read up on those dynamics and see how they relate to how she interacts with these friends. I can't advise about approaching that with her using clinical language, and in the meantime agree with Mark generally that it might be good to support her with the idea that some distance might be needed here for her own health. She can untangle the other factors about how she gets hooked into that stuff with a little more peace of mind after taking a breather. But she does sound easily hooked, so she'll want to explore that at some point (better with a good therapist than on her own, perhaps). Because people who manipulate for attention will use her endlessly until she firms up her own boundaries and belief in her right to take care of herself. And that will eventually hurt her if it isn't already (and it really sounds like it is).

And remember to take care of yourself, too. You're a helper in this situation. Nothing wrong with being apprehensive about what you disclose about your perspectives. Tread lightly and be supportive while she figures stuff out would be my approach if I were in your shoes. That's not easy either, so please don't forget about your own needs.

[–]Mermer[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you so much, it's so nice to hear so much amazing advice coming from such smart people.

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I have a friend who TRAs would call a chaser. He's a gay man who doesn't actually buy into gender ideology, but has a huge fetish for pre-op trans women(he calls them femboys in private). He is currently dating trans woman #4 and the previous 3 have all left him emotionally and financially drained. The new one has a job at least, so that's a plus over the others, but he's in perpetual state of being pissed off and anything you say or do can cause an outburst.

It's like watching someone repeatedly stick his hand into a blender, get bandaged up, then do it again thinking it'll be different.

how she feels so incredibly stressed with one of them having a crush on her because he insists on telling her even tho she tried to make it abundantly clear that she already knows and that the feelings are NOT reciprocated. (He got a bit aggressive last time she avoided the talk) Now she feels like his emotional vulnerability is her responsibility and I aggressively have to tell her it's not.

I've had regular straight men do that to me before. They know I'm not interested and will never be interested, but they feel the need to burden me with their emotional wellbeing anyway. Your friend has to learn that dumbass men's feelings are not her responsibility.

[–]Mermer[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

She really does. I get that she feels bad for her friend but he's starting to act like a dick. Thankfully she has me to beat some sense into her.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Does BSF stand for "best straight friend"?

I would love to meet other gay men, but so far, no luck. I live in a small town, with no gay bar, and the only place to go where you’d expect there to be gay men are apps, where the people are flaky. I do have a bisexual sister, and on my street lives a bisexual man who is my sister's age. They’re not dating, but they are close friends. However, I cannot be honest with them about the gender ideology, because my sister and my neighbour are adamant that non-binary people are valid. Now, my sister and I get along for the most part, except when we argue about our government's response to the coof (she supports lockdowns and vaccine mandates, I’m against them), and my neighbour is a nice guy so I have no issues with him except for lack of common interests, so I avoid the topic with them.

I do have my dad and my best friend (both heterosexual males) who are switched on and know that transgenderism is fake, for which I’m grateful. The other day my dad and I were driving home and the radio was on. The presenter was talking to what sounded like a man and then the presenter said the guest's name, which was a female name. My dad and I looked at each other in disbelief, and he said "that is definitely a man’s voice." My friend and I used to watch videos from the Skeptic CommunityTM and we have stopped watching their videos because that community is full of hacks, but we joke about them, and agree that Blaire White's boyfriend is definitely not straight.

[–]Mermer[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

"Does BSF stand for "best straight friend"?" It's just short for "best friend". (But she is straight lol) And I know how you feel I haven't been around openly gay people until I moved to the big City, I love how no one gives any fucks. I still am able to talk controversially to her I know she knows I'm smart and reasonable so she'd most likely understand but I can't straight up say "trans identities are bullshit". But I was able to rant about everything to my other best friend and she agreed 100% (But I had to keep it not too "terfy")

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It’s good that there are topics where you can be honest with your friend. But if she shows signs of being fed up with this transgender shit, assure her that it’s okay for her to be frustrated. Don’t push anything on her, just let her vent.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Don’t push anything on her, just let her vent.

I think this is wise advice. She has to do this learning at her own speed and when she's comfortable. Doing it does, after all, put one squarely in the crosshairs of a whole pile of potential abusers.