RantLGBTQ memes are full of stereotypes and group-signaling, not actual lived experiences

submitted by reluctant_commenter from self.LGBDropTheT

edit: formatting

I have a goal of posting 1 meme a day on s/LGBmemes. I'm trying to make it into a more active sub. So I spend a lot of time browsing every LGB-related meme community I can find on various forms of social media.

One interesting thing I've noticed is that gay men's communities tend to have memes that contain the most substantive content about experiences of being gay. You might be like, "Well duh, what else would a 'gay meme' be about?" but in TQ+ subs, a lot of the memes are about encouraging stereotypes-- "LGB people act like this! LGB people wear these clothes, talk this way, walk this way, act this way!"-- and are not actually about the experience of being same-sex attracted. Or, a lot of them are about silly wordplay that has nothing to do with the actual experience of being L, G, or B. Examples: "pansexual = attracted to pans" "all BI myself, ha ha" "if gay means happy then I'm straight"

Just thought I'd share. It's kind of fascinating to see how the LGBTQ+ community tries to push certain messages about LGB people using memes, sort of like propaganda. No wonder so many children have backwards ideas about what being LGB means. The internet told them that being LGB means you walk weird (r/lgbtmemes used to remove this but now it's a staple of LGBTQ groups), hate straights, do finger guns for some reason, can't sit right, regularly get so emotionally overwhelmed that you can't type properly, and yell "gay" randomly.

And trust me... I'm not joking when I say these stereotypes affect people's behavior. That list ^ in that previous paragraph, that's ALL stuff I've seen people in my peer group (gen Z) doing, in real life, in an attempt to seem gay, to "look gay," as they put it. "Oh I'm so gay" and I'm like Dude you don't have to wear rainbows and act like a stereotype and cut your hair short if you're female in order to BE GAY. God. Why don't people GET IT?!

And I'm not talking about people who just happen to like acting that way, wearing those clothes, etc., who naturally are that way. I'm talking about people who actively change their behavior, mannerisms and dress in order to conform to some sort of bullshit prescriptive norms that LGBTQ+ communities assign to gay people.

The most hypocritical part, is that so many people my age get so angry-- and understandably so-- at people making offensive stereotypes on the basis of race. But stereotypes about being gay? "Oh that's fine, haha, so funny, why are you bothered by it, what's wrong with you?? It's just a joke"

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[–]ElectricSheepSuperBi 18 insightful - 2 fun18 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

It's because the majority of people creating and consuming these memes are either in middle school, or mentally stuck in middle school. Nobody who is well-adjusted is posting to these signal subs. It's why everything except AGB is trash. There is zero critical thought, and zero space for it, because if it's not a #relatable horoscope level blanket statement (that explicitly supports the transtrenders, uwu) it will be removed.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's because the majority of people creating and consuming these memes are either in middle school, or mentally stuck in middle school. Nobody who is well-adjusted is posting to these signal subs.

I have seen (edit: typos) far too many other (young) adults who also consume these memes, lol. On the one hand, I'm inclined to agree with you and say they don't seem well-adjusted, and they often even frankly state that they think they are not.. on the other hand, that's a lot of people...

because if it's not a #relatable horoscope level blanket statement (that explicitly supports the transtrenders, uwu) it will be removed.

Yeah, that's a really good point. In order to talk about experiences accurately you have to be specific, and by nature, some experiences are just ones that not everyone will have. Over-emphasizing inclusivity-- while it sometimes comes from very good intentions-- can then lead to a silencing and dismissal of any content that does not include everybody.

[–]strawberrysun 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I absolutely hate all these stupid memes and stereotypes. I feel like 10 years ago we as a society were making a lot of progress towards not stereotyping people and recognizing that gay people are individuals too, and now we've thrown it all away in favor of stupid shit like "teehee gays can't do math or drive"

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Right?? Glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. It really frustrates me.

[–]Mikulbleu 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I quit going to pride because of that. What does a bunch of gay guys in thongs and lesbians running around with rainbow headbands wearing 3 squares of duct tape have to do with showing the world we’re just like everyone else? Not to mention all the strollers… Children should not have sexuality shoved in their faces like that, gay or straight

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Pride just makes us look like weird pervs, certainly not people like anyone else. Sure in the past might have been necessary, but now is just a bs tradition. But if you said it openly, you're a bigot, apparently

[–]HelloMomo 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

As a kid, my mom constantly had to tell me I couldn't sit with one knee up at the dinner table. She can testify I did this before there were memes about it.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Do you think that stereotype is an accurate one, then?

The only connection I can think of that would make sense is that there are disproportionately high rates of "neurodiverse" diagnoses among LGB people, for example, ADHD (and I believe autism spectrum disorder as well), and subclinical levels of these disorders might manifest in behavior that "neurotypical" people might think is unusual. Otherwise, I can't help but wonder if it is just a trendy belief among teens that has no basis in reality, such as the "asexuals like garlic bread" meme. (Not to dismiss your personal experience, I mean at the population level)

[–]HelloMomo 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I can't speak to why it's the case, nor what percentage of the population it's true for or if that's significant. All I can say is that for virtually all other stereotypes, from walking fast to dyed hair, I don't get it remotely. I'm like, "What are you talking about?" But sitting weird? Oh shit, this is a personally callout post now.

But overall, I guess I am willing to entertain the idea that many, if not most, stereotypes have a kernel of truth in them? Like there was a time when I probably would've rejected the idea that gender non-conforming kids are more-likely-than-average to grow up gay because that's a stereotype! But it's also, y'know, demonstrably statically true. So now I'm not nearly so defensive or dismissive about stereotypes in general.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

All I can say is that for virtually all other stereotypes, from walking fast to dyed hair, I don't get it remotely. I'm like, "What are you talking about?" But sitting weird? Oh shit, this is a personally callout post now.

Yeah I relate to it too, lol. I don't think I do that all the time but I have definitely gotten some weirded-out comments before on how I sit (e.g., sitting with my feet up on a couch, for example). I have ADHD, though, and I have met many straight people who have ADHD who do the exact same thing, which is why I might think it might just be a "neurodiverse" thing and not actually relevant for LGB people who don't have ADHD, for example.

But overall, I guess I am willing to entertain the idea that many, if not most, stereotypes have a kernel of truth in them?

I hear you. That is often (but not always!) the case. Honestly, my problem is not so much with observing stereotypes as with enforcing stereotypes. Because I've seen so many LGBTQ-identified people, both online and offline, not only observe a stereotype but then assume that they should act like the stereotype in order to be "more gay"! Which makes no sense.

[–]HelloMomo 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I have definitely gotten some weirded-out comments before on how I sit (e.g., sitting with my feet up on a couch, for example). I have ADHD, though, and I have met many straight people who have ADHD who do the exact same thing,

Wait, I just remembered something! So I was part of this computer programming boot-camp program for a year. It was a program that self-selected for ADHD-ish people; basically, people who can hyper-focus. And I did notice that several of my straight male friends there did it too.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

More data! Okay, I'm gonna do some digging and maybe see if there's anything mentioned about this in the ADHD research literature :)

That sounds like a pretty fun boot camp, by the way.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Gender non comforminity and homosexuality are highly related and that's biological . But pushing stereotypes and generalization like that, even if they represents a significant part of population, it's just dumb and does lead to conforminity, like kids believing they need to behave a certain way in order to feel valid gays

Anyway, I like to sit with my legs crossed. So quite not masculine at all lol

[–]Destresse🇨🇵 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I didn't even know some of these stereotypes existed. I do walk fast and sit weird lol, but apparently that's reserved for bisexuals!

More seriously though, a few years ago when I first realised I was a lesbian, I was really bothered and nervous about not fitting most (if any...?) of the stereotypes about lesbians. I thought, naively, that fitting those would make me... I don't know, feel like I belonged somewhere among people like me, I suppose. But I knew no lesbian, and my mental image was full of stereotypes, so I felt too unique, if that makes sense. I was worried other lesbians would not believe I was one of them haha. So I hyperfocused on those silly details and examined each and every one of them under a microscope to find something, one tiny thing, that could fit me.

It passed, like all things. I don't really care anymore, I wear what I like and am what I am and don't worry too much about it. But I think this is the root cause in many cases: the need to belong.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

But I knew no lesbian, and my mental image was full of stereotypes, so I felt too unique, if that makes sense.

Yes, it does!! At least to me. I was told by homophobic family members that "all lesbians shave their heads" and ridiculous stuff like that; that's a large part of why I assumed for so long that I couldn't possibly be lesbian. These things may seem trivial to many people but they can really confuse people who are LGB and don't realize it, and are also under the pressure of living in a homophobic culture.

So I hyperfocused on those silly details and examined each and every one of them under a microscope to find something, one tiny thing, that could fit me.

Yeah I think that's part of why some people I know are seeking so fervently to "seem gay." I just wish they would realize that you don't have to do anything extra in order to be, you know, legitimately gay! I guess that does take some time to sink in, for some people, but.. I find it frustrating to watch.

But I think this is the root cause in many cases: the need to belong.

Yup, absolutely. Acceptance, from somebody.

[–]dilsencySame-sex community 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Most of them are quite cringe.

[–]Lizzythelezzo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I take your point, but I also think a lot of LGB people wear rainbows and stereotypical clothes/hairstyles to signal to others as a way to find partners and LGB friends. Dating apps are a shitshow so I don't blame people for trying other ways of finding other LGB people in the wild. I don't see this as a bad thing necessarily, as long as people understand it's not compulsory and just do it because they want to. Some people might be actively changing their behaviour in a way that is more reflective of who they are, because they feel like they now have permission to do so.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

as long as people understand it's not compulsory and just do it because they want to.

That's the key part. I agree with your view. However, the people I am talking about would likely not. My own experience with LGBTQ-identifying people my age has been that whenever I try to emphasize this (the point that you made), I am met with hostility and derision. I've been asked before if I feel bad about being gay just because I don't often wear clothes with rainbows on them. Seriously, people??

Some people might be actively changing their behaviour in a way that is more reflective of who they are, because they feel like they now have permission to do so.

Some, but not others. A good example: US Democratic candidate Pete Buttigieg, who is gay, was criticized by many in the LGBTQ+ movement as "being too straight". He is literally a gay man with a husband, but just because he doesn't live up to the expectations of the LGBTQ community, people claimed he must be "secretly straight" or something. That's just ridiculous.

[–]Lizzythelezzo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

"I've been asked before if I feel bad about being gay just because I don't often wear clothes with rainbows on them. Seriously, people??"

Wow, that's really odd! I've never encountered this sort of thing before. I also don't think I know any LGB people who regularly wear rainbows or pride symbols. FWIW I'm age 30, so maybe it's different for people of other age groups.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ah, that makes sense, yeah the age gap might be part of the difference. I'm in my early 20s. Generally speaking, I believe people when they tell me their sexual orientation, but there have been several people I've met who seem very likely to just be experimenting. I knew someone in college who self-identified as lesbian but regularly had sex with men... like dude, I'm not sure you know what that word means, lol.