LifestyleBoundries

submitted by HelloMomo from self.LGBDropTheT

I'm about to go back to university, so I've giving some thought to my boundaries: what they are, and how I succinctly articulate them. I know that if I wait and decide in the moment, I'll err on the side of giving in to not rock the boat. And I need to have my short explanations on hand, otherwise I'll end up stuttering and being overly verbose.

One good boundary might be I don't play pronouns, "I don't participate in other people's self-images." But I also wonder how realistic that is. The fact of the mater is that I'm small and female, and I don't want to be unsafe or paint a target on my back. I'm not looking to start a fight. I know that it's dumb to go around saying provocative things when I don't actually want to have conversations about this with most people. (That it shouldn't be provocative doesn't change the fact that it is.)

What are some boundaries you have? And how do they change depending on your life circumstances? I feel like it's easier to have stricter boundaries when you encounter this shit less, just because the total number of conflicts you find yourself in are lower.

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[–]chazzstrong 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My "boundaries" are the same as yours, but I don't compromise them. Boss, HR, corporate, my response has always been "I don't indulge self delusions." I'm not afraid of consequences because I know facts and logic are on my side. Coincidentally, I also still have my job, and they do not.

Call me stubborn, but I feel like if you compromise who you are, you'll never be that person again.

Then again, I'm 40 years old and big enough that people rarely confront me about anything without sufficient 'back-up'. I'm not sure how long I could hack it in college these days simply because I don't hold my tongue. I believe in truth and honesty above all else, even when it pisses people off, which is also probably why I only have like 3 friends.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

avoid people that looks like they want to get extra attention, i know we shouldn't judge a book by it's cover but playing safe is the way to go. about the pronouns... that's a tough one. a "call me whatever you want" will have you ending up in the they/them realm... but telling she/her means you "identify with a gender" wich is ... dumb since you're just born in a body and you're dealing with it. so... you can't really win, and if you push back their ideology they will get mad at you and you will be labeled as a transphobe i guess. i personaly am in the "they/them" realm if i interact with those annoying jackasses (bc i tell them to call me whtvr inspires their dumb asses), wich makes me roll my eyes but in "their langage" that's the most "human away from stereotypes" thing you can actually be so... yeah... and when they talk to me about "queer" stuff or whatever i straight out play dumb. like what's "a queer" ? in wich way are you using that word ? oooh i see, okay let me forget about what you've just said and play dumb once again the next time you try to talk to me about that. or straight out change subject/not respond/look at the void/smile at nothing.

i don't really know how you can manage to set boundaries except by avoiding them like your life depends on it and not responding to their bs.

(so many edits i cant write proper english sorry haha)

[–]GreykittymommaMagical lady 💜 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Good luck, this was just starting when I was at college 15 years ago. Maybe just say you aren't sure or are uncomfortable disclosing your pronouns at this time so they are forced to use your name? Best I can think of right now.

[–]fuck_reddit 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Mine is I don’t say my pronouns. Never had anyone push me to give them, even if I was the only one not to state them. Id say I dont use the wrong pronouns, either, but I haven’t ever been in a situation where it was difficult to use the trie pronouns of a person

[–]TeaSpill 1 insightful - 4 fun1 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 4 fun -  (6 children)

I'm about to tell you something extremely brave and controversial, that is probably going to upset everyone here:

It's not up to you to decide what pronouns someone uses. If you don't like them, don't refer to them. Someone telling you what pronouns they use is them setting a boundary with you, and if you don't want to respect someone else's boundaries, don't interact with them. This has nothing to do with "Queer theory" and everything to do with basic social interaction and respecting boundaries others set.

[–][deleted] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

What are you talking about ?

The probelm is that they impose their ideology on everyone else. And no, it's not their boundaries when they ask of you to change your world view to fit their ideas that you have every right to find deeply lame. That's not about "just pronouns" anymore, have you been sleeping the past few years ? You don't know the weight behind the question "what are you pronouns" ? It isn't about courtesy, it's a social test, and it's asking of you what are you "ID" with, wich imply that you are interested in their game or respectful of it. The worst part is that I think most of people here were kind enough to play along with trans bs until TRAs/TQ+ took it way too far. There is nothing brave in what you've just said, that's the discourse you can find everywhere and that got this very sub banned.

[–]hufflepuff-poet 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This has nothing to do with "Queer theory" and everything to do with basic social interaction and respecting boundaries others set.

So am I a disrespectful bigot if I don't bow my head in prayer if the person I'm eating lunch with bows their head and prays? Even though I don't believe in their (or any) gods? I don't believe in gender, but I'm expected to say a pronoun prayer whenever a gender believer bows their head and prays-- "I use xe/xer/xem, what are your pronouns?"--and if I refuse, I risk social ostracization, up to job loss depending on the situation. That's not respect, that's submission.

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Pronouns are meant to Identify one's Sex. Unlike names, you shouldn't get to Choose your own Pronouns. Other people shouldn't get to Choose it either. Biology- in the end, already makes the Choice for us; And we should Respect the Real physical boundaries set by it. ♂️|♀️