LifestyleHow to stop being a coward (fear of social exclusion)?

submitted by HelpWhat from self.LGBDropTheT

So I made a few friends recently and we get on well and have stuff in common. I was hanging out with two today (we were representing LGB in attendance). The topic came onto gender and I was saddened to find them spewing the same stuff that we've seen time and time again. I rocked the boat slightly by "playing devils advocate" but I could not completely commit to stating my full opinions on the matter because I didn't want to be completely excluded from the group. I did state that I have been labeled a TERF before and stated a couple of the reasons as to why but I could not find the courage to disagree when they said stuff to the effect that trans identified males can be lesbians (and vice versa) - instead just staying quiet.

To be clear I didn't agree with anything that I don't agree with but I also feel annoyed at myself for not standing my ground and speaking up more. I feel like any other topic I would have no problem doing so but people can be so touchy around the subject that I just couldn't do it in fear of social exclusion. I also wish that I had outright asked the gay man if he would date a transman (and is therefore bisexual not gay).

Also help, how do I actually make LGB friends who actually know what a lesbian and gay man is ??

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[–]Chocolatepudding 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Drop in reference to gay men dating trans men, doesn't that seem a little bit strange to anyone? Aim for making them think rather than starting a row. Or don't, accept that you (internally) agree to disagree and you have more in common with these friends than not

[–]GenderSpecial 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

IMO when it comes to friends it’s easier to stick to less controversial topics:

-trans women don’t belong in womens sports

-queer is a slur for a lot of people and it’s offensive when it’s used as an umbrella term

-non-binary is more of a fashion statement than anything real

-transing children is based on sexist stereotypes and medicalizing trans children is causing irreparable harm to many children who would otherwise grow up LGB or GNC

^ I think all of the above can and should be argued without rocking the boat too much. No one will want to be your friend if you’re an extremist, keep it to the arguments that support your views but aren’t too extreme and you should be ok.

[–]Inoki 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I try to avoid topics like this because politics is a great way to lose friends and I'm probably not going to change their mind if they are that deep in it. I just hope one day everyone gets over this junk.