Family / RelationshipsNB and trans people are destroying the internet and my marriage

submitted by GreykittymommaMagical lady 💜 from self.LGBDropTheT

My husband defended my permanent reddit ban today and it really pissed me off. We are going through some crap lately and I used reddit for therapy and general bitching at strangers for being stupid.

I saw someone post about their family member coming out as NB because they "like science, video games and aren't submissive to a man". I of course responded:

"Silly girl 🤣 doesn't she know it doesn't matter? She will be treated like a woman if she's delusional or not.

Why not make it cooler and better to be a girl (not better than being a boy just make it appealing to little girls)

When I read NB I immediately discount what that person has to say by 40%."

So the last line really stuck in everyone's craw. I have said so many worse things without being banned. It seems like anytime I engage with trans or NB people their feelings are so special that they have to get their way or it's bigotry.

Can't tell a 7' linebacker not to use the ladies toilet anymore, THEY are NB!!!!

I got called wrong and hateful by my husband for defending women. What about NB prisoners?? Do they switch sides every other Tuesday? Women are being raped in prisons and schools by transwomen already and nobody cares NOT EVEN MY FUCKING HUSBAND!

We have a daughter. What happens if she "is NB" he asks... I love her but she is wrong. She might be an androgynous female but she will never be male, I won't let her be as stupid as her father apparently is.

She can call herself whatever she wants but liking boy toys and blue isn't getting her hormones, hating how society treats women isn't making her chop her tits off. I will divorce him instantly if he ever tries to trans my kid.

Any words of encouragement or even some ridiculous NB and trans stories will lighten my mood I hope.

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[–]Horror-SwordfishI don't get how flairs work 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My biggest gripe against the idea of "nonbinary" is that, if you look at it closely enough, you understand that it's effectively a stop-gap measure by lazy people that want gender-nonconformity to be accepted by society at large but want to be shielded from any criticism while they try to change society.

I actually don't have any issue with the idea of gender non-conformity becoming, not celebrated, but tolerated by society at large. I know that it already is to some degree, but I think it'd be cool if no one took a second look at a man wearing a dress because that's just normal, you know?

The problem with "nonbinary" is two-fold: (1) see above; people are lazy and sensitive and don't want to "do the work" of being an outsider in society, so they've made up a special identity that isn't able to be criticized in order to deflect reality, and (2) reinforcing the idea that "nonbinary" is even a thing also necessarily enforces gender norms. So when you see people screeching about breaking down gender norms and then calling themselves nonbinary, all they're doing is shooting themselves in the foot.

Just be a masculine woman or a feminine man and learn to accept that you might have a tougher time in life until society gets over its prejudices. I can guarantee you that a masculine woman or a feminine man has it easier now than they would have 60 years ago. I know it sucks that you might not live to see a world where people don't give you the side-eye because you're a man in a dress, but you can't force social progress. That shit takes generations, and if you really want to make a difference, you have to be doing it for people two or three generations down the line, not for yourself.

[–]CancelPowerSuper Bi Male 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I can't blame your husband tbh, heck, I can't even call him stupid (even though he really is) the whole society has been completely brainwashed. Seriously, I'm in Med School and you're not going to believe the number of students who believe in this gender identity bullshit, they will literally be doctors! Insane, none seems to realize that we are changing definitions and words to cater to 1% of the population.

And what's even worse is that as much as I hate to admit it, it doesn't seem like this disease is going away anytime soon ):

[–]GreykittymommaMagical lady 💜[S] 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That was were I drew the line. I respect everyone but we need definitions to mean something. He actually asked me if I wanted to talk to a bio student that works at the bar he works at. She's 19. No I don't think I will be listening to some kid about something I've experienced for 30+ years.

[–]wendyokoopa1 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This. I refuse to listen to some cocktail waitress student tell me of biology regardless how far it is in it's studies.

[–]wendyokoopa1 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I had a doctor seriously be ok with this transwomen are women thing and transwomen being allowed to compete alongside females sadly if My country/province wasn't in a doctor's shortage I would Have been searching for support against that woke bull crap of transwomen are women and maybe fight back but sadly we can't even keep residents graduating from Queen's on as doctors

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I imagine it's difficult when your core values diverge from those of your partner. Ideally you should respect your husband's beliefs even if he disagrees with you, and vice versa. People's thoughts and feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are, and you gotta deal with them.

Funny NB stories... Well, my niece's gay accessory is doing the whole NB thing. Literally nothing changed, he's still a gay boy, just now they call him a stupid version of his name. It's super cringe but he'll probably grow out of it.

[–]Chocolatepudding 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Encourage her to think for herself and question everything. Talk (age appropriately) ever so often about gender stereotypes and how unfair it is to both genders sorry sexes.

[–]HelloMomo 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I might tentatively recommend Helen Joyce's work: I think she's whip-smart and knows how to lay out her arguments

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

by 40%

Only 40%?

I'm sorry to be flip while you're being serious; apparently I agree with you. Not feeling wise at the moment but I see that others here are.

I hope your husband starts staying in his lane soonish, which is not policing your critical thinking activities.

[–]GreykittymommaMagical lady 💜[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I lean libertarian/independent and he's a progressive/leftist so we can clash at times but this was really weird because he has agreed with me on some of the trans stuff. I don't think his ideas are bad at all but his media is pretty saturated by TRAs.

I guess my 40% pissed him off too. He also doesn't get that these aren't just androgynous people (I have been fairly androgynous at times) but they want to make it political and themselves a victim for not being like the "others".

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

they want to make it political and themselves a victim

Standard narcissist operating procedure.

He probably just needs more help peaking.

[–]wendyokoopa1 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was semi lucky possibly for now(mom can be slightly wishy washy sometimes) but my mom refused to accept this gender nonsense. She like me hated how it was destroying women's health care rights and kids right to play and how people with treatable cancer, curable cancers like a friend of the family's late patriarch died during the pandemic but some mentally ill predatory freak show could get "gender confirming care".

[–]ElectraHeart 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Any words of encouragement or even some ridiculous NB and trans stories will lighten my mood I hope.

You are a good mom, determined to do whatever you can to safeguard your daughter from the gender cult. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. If this means anything, I was there on tumblr when non-binary was becoming a thing, and i came to the radfem conclusion without even knowing a single word of radfemmery, at the age of 15. And i'm like not even bright or anything.

They may hate it, but its foucauldian that removing binaries only create new ones. Instead of the 'gender binary' now we have teh 'binary - nonbinary' binary. In their attempts to 'blur the lines', they only created new lines, which is hilarious.

She can call herself whatever she wants but liking boy toys and blue isn't getting her hormones, hating how society treats women isn't making her chop her tits off. I will divorce him instantly if he ever tries to trans my kid.

I know this is a light mood post, but keep in mind you will become the 'evilest mom in the universe' by preventing it. There was a father who had to resort to kidnapping his own son because her mom had custody since he was 'transphobic' and pushed his son to transition. I'd suggest caution. Being overt about this can ruin your legal chances in the future.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 7 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

now we have teh 'binary - nonbinary' binary

They've handcuffed themselves to their own merry-go-round.

[–]GreykittymommaMagical lady 💜[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, unfortunately I heard that story and others like it. I would kick and scream all the way down.

I considered if I was trans when I was young then realized it was insane and I would never be a biological man. I was bi and in a culture where it was preferred you changed your sex rather than date the same sex.

GNC is a description of me but it doesn't classify me as a protected class or really say much about me at all (which is what these NB people want). I am trying to break stereotypes, they embrace them. I could also call myself a newer word to make me seem special but it doesn't make it true.

I tolerate all kinds of people I don't like or agree with but when they want special treatment I refuse.

[–]wendyokoopa1 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Are you talking about the younger family? James Younger?

[–]Wanderingthehalls 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

We are going through some crap lately and I used reddit for therapy and general bitching at strangers for being stupid.

This will sound random but have you thought about joining mumsnet? It's probably the 'terfiest' place on the internet, especially the Sex and Gender forum. It turns out that when thousands of women come together to talk, with an initial interest in motherhood, pregnancy, miscarriage, trying to conceive, etc, they tend to understand biology. And after a while 'be kind' turns into 'what the fuck?' It has a pretty unique tone but once you get used to that it will fulfil your reddit needs while also being someplace that you can talk relatively freely about how some people's gender identity is affecting everyone else and what we can do to protect our children. (And the Am I Being Unreasonable forum is great for bitching at strangers for being stupid. Also entertaining car parking threads.)

Aaannnddd think about what a massive 'fuck you' it will be to your husband when you tell him that you have joined one of the biggest parenting forums on the internet and all the mothers there share your concerns. (Or if you want to be more grown up, plenty of women talk about how to find a way to discuss this with their husbands so they can understand why they are so concerned and find a way to improve your relationship, at least as far as this topic is concerned.)

The main forum re-gender issues is here, just be careful about using the term autogynephilia as that can get your post deleted but you won't get banned for it. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights

[–]GreykittymommaMagical lady 💜[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That is an amazing suggestion thank you!!

[–]wendyokoopa1 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Don't ever join the peanut app there are so many ftm on there it's frustrating.

[–]automoderatorHuman-Exclusionary Radical Overlord[M] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

RIP Snappy, I AM THE NEW GOD!

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[–]wendyokoopa1 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I hate to say this but sadly your husband maybe to far gone to be salvaged. If op has a daughter I suggest getting out and limiting his contact. I mean nb sounds cool, edgy, funky but you still can't deny science. I went to school with a man who wore skirts, no not kilts full on bought at woman's clothing store short skirt and the most amazing inky black leotards and didn't bother me one bit. We need to accept biology but as society teach that it's ok to wear what you feel comfortable with.

[–]St_Origen 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

That’s too much, most of us here would have probably said the same things once upon a time. He is just regurgitating generic progressive talking points without giving it too much thought. He doesn’t sound evil just misinformed. Certainly not cause for leaving him lol.

[–]wendyokoopa1 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah. I just worry because a child is involved