DiscussionDoes anyone else find it depressing when your friend starts identifying as non-binary?

submitted by INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally from self.LGBDropTheT

I think it can be relevant to this sub because especially LGB people will witness that. Also even the said friend I have in mind is LGB.

On one hand I am relieved she has no thoughts of anything involving hormones or surgeries what was my biggest fear when I saw the relevation but on the other hand I still feel said seeing a really great woman suddenly just... "realizing" that she no longer is one. She clearly tries to explain her discomfort with so obviously sexist society with having different gender identity instead of seeing the biggest issue - sexism she faces or sees other women face. I find it incredibly sad, depressing and somehow seeing "they" listed as one of the pronouns and other people using it towards her for some reason hurt me. As if her person, who I knew for years, was being slowly desintegrated from my perspective. Maybe I am just freaking out after reading all the detrans stories for 3 years now - which tend to be harsh and depressing but maybe these are just the worst cases which need to speak out the most (for very valid reasons). Maybe I relate to her struggle and the way she approaches it hurts me. But I can't voice it because I'd be a "transphobe".

I wonder if anyone else relates?

I needed to vent these feelings anyways.

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[–]GreykittymommaMagical lady 💜 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yes and "theys" often get nasty when you ask them to even define the term logically without stereotypes 🤪

Sorry about your friend but the first thing that comes to mind is that slowly-turning-into-a-clown-meme.

Hopefully "they" soon realize that they are complacent with more poor treatment of women and that you don't just get to "opt out" of womanhood when it sucks.

[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What hurt the most was her trying to explain her non-stereotypically female interests and her tomboy look with that gender identity. I was in such a pain seeing this.

[–]JoeyJoeJoe 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Fighting sexism with delusion and word games is hard to take seriously.

[–]TransspeciesUnicornI sexually identify as a mythical sparkly equine 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't have personal experience with a friend coming out as non-binary, thankfully. But I found out after I graduated high school that a girl I knew in middle school and high school came out as FtM. It was pretty depressing to hear that, especially since I was pretty sure she was bi or lesbian. And the worse part is that she was a very petite girl so there's no way in hell she'll ever remotely pass as male.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Always. Because either they are too young to recall that we already dealt with acceptance of gender non-conformity back in the '70s/'80s/'90s, or they are old enough and have lost sight of reality. Either way it sucks. Nobody is non-binary. This is a fantasy. Also it's an insult to those of us stunning and brave enough to just be ourselves regardless of anyone else's gender stereotype addictions or projections. These poor souls need to level up their DGAF game and get on with living, not apologizing for living by rebranding themselves nonsensically.

[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah. I don’t know but I took this coming out as a slap in my face.

[–]MBMayfair 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

These poor souls need to level up their DGAF game and get on with living, not apologizing for living by rebranding themselves nonsensically

DAMN, Wafflegaff, that is SUCCINCT. Well done!

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm feeling pretty efficient / impatient about my verbiage lately.

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sorry to hear that. Hopefully she'll snap out it eventually. Sometimes non-binary feels like the only response against people telling one how to behave because of their sex. But it at best only delays the social pressure as no one truly believes in it anyway. And the toxic people in your life won't care about or respect anything you identify as.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Recently found out my best friend from high school has since begun identifying as non binary - come to think of it the writing was on the wall as she was very active on Tumblr and hopped on all the bandwagons, particularly the Superwholock and Homestuck fandoms, and through that got interested in Tumblr's particular brand of "social justice". She'd come out to me as bi back then and I was like "hey, nothing wrong with that" (I'm straight but have always been an ally as I have LGB relatives and friends I love and support), then switched to "pansexual" (basically bisexual but more woke), now she's claiming to be asexual, non binary and uses she/they pronouns (which I'll never understand. Does it mean either is okay, or do people who stick this in their bio expect others to alternate between them and make conversations needlessly complicated?)

Found this out completely by chance because she still has me blocked on Facebook even though it's been over a decade since we had our falling out, and we're adults now, but I stumbled across a new profile of hers on Twitter, and it was unmistakably her - the name and art style (she's an artist) were a dead giveaway. And despite her newfound asexual identification she will gladly draw sexually explicit artwork. Oh, and despite claiming to not be religious when I knew her she's gone all in for neo-paganism and new age hippie crap. I know it's been a long time since I last saw her, but she was the first real friend I had as I was bullied a lot for my nerdy interests, and it still breaks my heart that she's gone this route.

[–]TaseAFeminist4Jesus 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You know, a couple of days as some Elliot Page-Rogers short dude would go a long way toward explaining to "them" which direction the wind of sexism actually blows in.

[–]buhnahnuhbr3ad 0 insightful - 1 fun0 insightful - 0 fun1 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Omg, I have the same experience though I wouldn't say I was super close to her? She's an old friend from highschool and I could very much relate to her in mannerisms and her interests (loves anime and videogames and was very much the opposite of a girly girl). But apparently she too switch to NB which I find disheartening, because I know she's just a serious tomboy though I don't really know if she has any sexual attraction (I'm pretty sure she hinted at being bi). In a terrible way, I'm kinda glad I moved states so I won't encounter any of my old highschool anime friends because I know for sure they all knee-deep in this gender/sexuality crap. Apparently being into anime and art just does that to you :/ I just know it would be pretty tense if I did see her again as I would try very hard to not cause problems but also not use her new pronouns or name; I don't know if she has one, but I'm pretty sure she does. I honestly won't even be surprised if she started identifying as a man.