Aggravated by the statement “everyone is a little queer”

submitted by [deleted] from self.Lesbians

I’m still on reddit because of the NWSL sub, so I started talking to the other members and there’s other lesbians there. The word “queer” being thrown around to describe lesbian things gets me really irate because it just rubs me the wrong way. Enter a conversation about Brie Larson (who btw is not gay, she’s dated men, is dating a guy, there’s no gay bone in her body whatsoever) in which one goes “everyone is a little queer, she must have some queer in her”. Like what?? You either are gay or not, no one is a little “anything”, not even bisexuals, cause bisexuals aren’t gay, they’re bisexual. This has me tired. I guess they want to include straight women, or make it so that a straight women’s sexuality is not respected with that statement and it bothers me.

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[–]hufflepuff-poet 27 insightful - 1 fun27 insightful - 0 fun28 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This annoys me too. I feel like it's also harmful to women questioning their sexuality because it plays into that "women's sexuality is fluid, all women want a man, lesbians being objectified" and makes it harder for women to take same-sex attraction seriously, atleast it did for me.

Also, queer is just such an awful word and I hate that its become a "catch-all" for gay/lgbt, I make a point to say I'm a lesbian now, not queer.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes it’s not that hard to say lesbian. For fucks sakes I never liked being compared to others and I certainly never liked being put into a catch all box, not now, not ever!

[–]bastetkat 24 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 0 fun25 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I’m just so tired of seeing the word “queer” everywhere. It’s worse when I hear it, can’t help but cringe.

[–]SaidOverRed 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank_you!.jpeg

[–]CJLez 21 insightful - 2 fun21 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

I really hate this 'everyone is a little bit bisexual' malarkey. Not only does it insinuate that homosexual women/men are capable of being happy in a hetero relationship it also makes us look like jerks who don't respect straight people's boundries. It also contributes to bi-erasure. Everyone loses.

I also hate how queer is a slur that a lot of people don't want reclaimed on their behalf. I used to work in archiving and, on an archiving Listserv, saw a younger archivist who was running a Queer Oral History project and older lesbians and gay men in their 60s-90s didn't want to participate. Even when an older gay archivist gently explained to her that she needed to change the name to make them comfortable because it would be too upsetting for people to participate she couldn't wrap her head around why they didn't want to volunteer because queer was the nice, friendly, inclusive term and started arguing with him about how it was the right name.

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Wow what ignorance from her! To even argue with the elders is ridiculous enough as it is. I just hate how it invalidates every single type of sexuality and I can’t say anything as to why it bothers me to them, in fear of being booted from the only sub I can discuss women’s soccer on.

[–]CJLez 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

When I was working at a local council archive my job was creating an online index of people from our records that visitors could access rather than have to request the delicate documents. They ranged from the years 900s-2000s. I was explicitly forbidden to fill out the male/female box on the database as 'it isn't really okay to call them male or female as we don't know if that's how they identified'. All of the archivists were 45-70 so it wasn't even a youth-driven rule.

I really do worry for the future of history. So many historical lesbians and GNC women have already been re-written as trans men and now, if there isn't a backlash about gender in the future, women and their literal centuries of sex-based oppression and hard-won rights will be written out of history all together.

On a more positive note, why not create an NWSL sub on here? Or women's football/women's sporting leagues in general, I'm sure there's bound to be other people round here that would sub to it and, though it would be small numbers initially, I think more and more people are reaching peak-reddit all the time.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was thinking about that, but I’m terrible at managing subs, especially since the NWSL sub on Reddit is so large that its my main way of getting news, analyzing things about teams/players, and league inside jokes. Reddit is just souring more and more things I guess. I truly don’t know know if these girls are lesbians or just saying so for clout with regards to all of the “queer” talk.

[–][deleted] 20 insightful - 3 fun20 insightful - 2 fun21 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

People who think all women are a bit queer are probably “a bit queer” themselves, and not actually lesbians. This has been the case 100% of the time I’ve had conversations with women who say things like that but also claim to be lesbians. Only women who are bisexual think everyone is a bit bisexual, because you literally have to be bisexual to not understand lesbianism or heterosexuality. These people don’t relate to monosexuals because their own bodies are attracted to men and women, even if it is a small amount. There is no point in even bothering to correct them, even if they are self-absorbed enough to speak for everyone else. They are wrong about lesbians and wrong about the majority of straight women. Sucks to be them.

Also, women who are preoccupied with the sexual orientation of celebrities have no lives. It’s gross and annoying to keep speculating about which women are “really gay” because they looked chummy with other women (the majority of straight female celebrities). Just let them call themselves straight because that’s what they want. Ugh, leave it alone. Don’t be creepy.

You wanna get really creeped out? Go on L chat and read their gross threads about Taylor swift and Brie Larson and the other straight women. These people devote loads of their time living in fantasy worlds. If every photo of a woman performatively kissing another woman on Instagram or at a bar meant “all women are a bit queer” then it would be very very easy to find women to date, and it’s not.

[–]Fleursdumal 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

The worst one is Elizabeth Olsen and Aubrey Plaza. It used to be that lesbians were always assumed to be close friends but now it's like straight women aren't allowed to be close friends.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, like leave women alone, assholes. I find lesbian fandoms and obsessing about celebrities to be very gross and embarrassing and giving us a bad name. I feel like apologizing for our people to these poor women.

[–][deleted] 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I hate when people act like there is a spectrum to being gay, and confuse us with the bisexuals. Personally, I have never heard the word "queer" (shudder 😂) being used like that but definitely the word gay. As in questions like "how gay are you?", or statements such as "everyone is a little bit gay". Lets not even get into how some bisexuals act like they are more enlightened than us for being attracted to both sexes lmao.

Also, people who like saying "queer women" rather than lesbians (or even bisexual women )are annoying.

[–][deleted] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

A spectrum is one of the most reductive ways possible to describe anything. It doesn’t even accurately describe bisexuality. I really wish people would just drop it

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yes they kept saying “queer women” when referring to things like Portrait of a Lady on fire or about Kristen Stewart and her “comedy” show

[–][deleted] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, I also saw that the movie "the half of it" just kept being called "queer". Sadly, it doesnt only happen for movies/tv shows, it also happens a lot to historical lesbian figures and their works too.

I actually do get somewhat surprised when I read the word "lesbian" in the media in a way that isnt simply lumped together with the rest of the LGBT community. The only time I really hear the word "lesbian" spoken by non-lesbians its usually about something negative, like us being "biphobes" or something.

Somehow, the few times some of these people choose to say the word "lesbians" it relates to p*rn or something sexual, I have NEVER heard of people trying to rebrand the oversexualization of lesbians as "queer". The rest of the time online, like when us lesbians are going about our regular lives, we often get called queer or if we are lucky gay.

[–]7of99 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was talking to a bi woman who asserted everyone is a little bi. I told her that actually I am homosexual, even if it's difficult for a bi person to imagine being incapable of attraction to a sex just as it's difficult for me to imagine being capable of being attracted to men but clearly there are straight women and gay men and bi people, even though I'm certain there are a lot of people who are a bit attracted to the same sex so bi but claim to be straight or gay (usually straight).

So she changed it to "well I think everyone's a little bit gay" but I said that if I want others to respect that I am strictly homosexual, I should respect when others say they are strictly heterosexual, unless there is evidence to the contrary. Yeah if a dude claims to be straight but also loves sucking cock I'm not gonna just accept he's straight because he said so. Has to be bi or gay.

But if someone says they are only attracted to one sex and there isn't any contradictory evidence, then I'll take them at their word. I mean maybe it is the case that all straight-identifying people are actually bi but in denial because of homophobia, but that doesn't seem likely, and I'm not going to presume that unless there's some high-quality scientific evidence backing it up. It would be like me presuming that straight women aren't actually attracted to men because I have a difficult time understanding or relating to that kind of attraction, and gay men must actually just be misogynists instead of having a genuine attraction to men. I think that was actually a fringe feminist "theory" at one point. Seems like it's based on overgeneralizing your own experience as if everyone shares it.

She conceded the point, although I don't know whether she actually changed her mind or just wanted to get me off the subject.

[–]Fleursdumal 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Usually what they mean is that all women can appreciate the beauty of women and would be okay with fantasizing about being with a woman but would never actually do anything physical. I find it actually more insulting for bisexuals. It makes it look like all bi women aren't serious about dating the same sex because all these straight women misrepresent them.

[–]oofreesouloo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This.

[–]writerlylesbian 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

lol, must be one of those days. I just made a post complaining about this same thing! The 'Sexual Spectrum' in that case, but it's pretty much the same idea. Everyone is a little bit fluid!! Um, no.

[–]spirette 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

"kweer" means straight basically. Boring-I-have-no-personality-and-I-want-to-look-edgy-for-my boyfriend-and-I-dont-care-if-I appropriate-the-struggles-of-lesbians-and-gays kind of straight.

This shitty fad will pass. But the damage will be severe.

[–]BigMommyMilkers 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Is Brie Larson a Jameela Jamil type bisexual? As in, never dated a woman, never will, had many boyfriends but still super gay?

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Probably, which would make it even more super aggravating than it already is 🙄

[–]yousaythosethings 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don’t think Brie Larson has even claimed to be bisexual. I don’t really follow her. I’ve just seen a lot of people discussing her possible orientation online. Similarly I heard that Jameela came out as “queer” not even bisexual and with no elaboration so maximum ambiguity without having to commit to anything.