all 21 comments

[–]WildwoodFlower 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I usually "notice" someone right away. There will be something about her that draws me in. Maybe she's my "type." Maybe there's something about the way she moves, or the sound of her voice. I have to actually be around her in real life-- photos don't do it for me.

Sometimes, after I "notice" someone, that's it. But other times, it feels like I'm cruising along at 25mph, and then VROOOM! The next thing I know I'm doing 90 on a side street.

Then there are those rare women that I "click" with, where I "get" her and she "gets" me.

[–]piylot[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I agree with you, these apps mean you can meet way more women who date women than you would encounter in the real world but I don't think they're that accurate for judging if you'll feel attracted to someone

[–]hufflepuff-poet 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is how I am with women. I know right away when I "notice" a woman and get that spark of interest and it tends to grow the more I get to know her. Apps make dating so hard because I really need to be in person to read the spark.

[–]VioletRemi 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

For me it is both at same time. I am slowly learning more and more about person, and then boom - it clicks. Almost always it is with people who I found nice and attractive from the very start, tho. However, I have some trust issues, and can only feel good with woman I can trust at least to a some degree. Same with kissing (or sex), I am often the one who is starting the kisses, but I need to know person better, or I will feel nothing.

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

in my experience, if the chemistry wasn't there to start with, it never showed up.

[–]piylot[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Good to know. You'd be shocked at the amount of heterosexual women who say they fell head over heels with a man they were initially put off by haha

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

i've heard of that. and seen it happen in the movies. i thought it would work for me -- i dated a girl who was really into me and having a relationship but i just felt no spark/chemistry. and i thought that it would develop because she was so positive about us, but alas it did not. i guess i'm just the type who has to have initial chemistry to have any at all.

[–]piylot[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for your response, guess I'll just have to figure out over time if that can work for me ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Don’t leave it all up to your reaction to a dating site profile. Most women I’ve been most attracted to are not ones I would have chosen from photos alone. Be careful about that.

[–]piylot[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

My (limited) dating experience— I had one date where the chemistry was there on the first date, the sex was good, and she was definitely on my mind more than anyone else after one date. I'd love to have more experiences like that. Her personality wasn't great (lol), I love a woman who's kind and I think she was mostly just good at flirting and confident. Still was nice to experience feeling that much.

I've had a handful of lukewarm experiences, and it can feel disheartening. I also worry about keeping things going too long if my hearts not in it and the other person is potentially developing stronger feelings, but don't know if I'm being naive/unwise by expecting to be infatuated early on.

[–]LesChameleon 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

the chemistry was there on the first date, the sex was good...Her personality wasn't great

Hate when this happens haha. I then have my mind telling me to let her go, but I am at the same time hooked up on that chemistry and sex hahah

[–]Innisfree 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've had it sneak up on me over time. Mainly because even if I like somebody I try not to let myself feel too much, before getting to know them better. Generally it matters to me to get to know how a woman sees the world, what moves her, what makes her laugh etc. If she responds to the way I see the world, and we can come up with something new, sth as simple as making each other laugh, or inspire each other in our respective work - I am a goner.

[–]LesChameleon 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If I meet girls off of Tinder or other dating apps, I'm not gonna stick around after a second date if there's no crazy chemistry (unless I'm just looking for friends). However, it did happen to me a few times to develop a crush or even strong feelings for a girl after I've known her for years. I think it's also because people grow and change so much in late teens/early twenties that after a few years someone can have a totally different personality and interests.

[–]RedditHatesLesbians 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Both. There's initial physical attraction, yes, but that's a very shallow way to view attraction. After that a lot more can develop with time, where you become attracted to them as a person, which makes them look even more beautiful in your eyes.

[–]Astrid2448 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I usually know how I feel quickly... every time I’ve tried to go on a few dates just because someone is “smart”, “cute”, “nice” and I thought I would get feelings that were deeper later, it didn’t work. The people I’ve liked have started with passion

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

same here

[–]piylot[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback & appreciate the honesty

[–]Icantplaytheviolin 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

For me to be physically attracted someone is instant, but also ongoing. I can be more or less attracted based on personality and our general compatibility. Romantic interest for me is like a switch because theres usually an action the makes me start looking at her as a serious partner instead of a fling. If someone clicks the attraction switch and I can see myself being happy with her, my romantic interest is likely soon to follow.

[–]sallyseton 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

All my relationships have been instant attraction/chemistry. For me, passion has never 'developed' and I've never grown attracted to a friend or acquaintance. Either it's there or it isn't.

[–]basetenprefix 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There has to be an instant spark when we are together in person. Even if I feel excited about an online conversation, if we later meet and it's "meh" in person, I lose all interest. I'm not sure what it is. Typically they will be "my type" physically, but that's not the only thing that matters. It's something about how the conversations we have leave me energized and excited. How they look at me. It almost feels like an undeniable physical pull that you can't control and it's almost never sexual (to start with). It's why I have had absolutely no luck with dating apps (imo). I go on dates but they always fall flat. Pictures don't really do anything for me.

[–]Disillusioned 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Our first date, initially I thought she was pretty and even better than the photos. Then she hit me with a nice personality, she was funnier and less cold than I expected. After some time I wanted to touch her, felt butterflies etc. Was curious about seeing her again.

So yeah, I was attracted almost from the very beginning. However, usually I'm someone who needs a bit of time but considering her pretty is a must