all 37 comments

[–][deleted] 19 insightful - 14 fun19 insightful - 13 fun20 insightful - 14 fun -  (1 child)

I learned the hard way to immediately swipe left on anyone using the word "folx"

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 4 fun3 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)


[–]piylot 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I recently heard someone say its a bad sign if someone's profile looks too perfected – you don't want someone who's really good at using sayings apps. That being said, I've had the apps for a long time lol

I don't know if I could call them "red flags", but my left-swipers:

-A bio that takes a stance like I have to prove myself against their negative expectations, eg "Message me with something more interesting than hey" or listing negative traits they don't like. Comes off badly in my opinion.

-A profile that comes off as self deprecating or unconfident. I don't need someone to be super charismatic but I think, unfortunately, having someone who doesn't feel confidently able to express they're on there to date and because they're attracted to you can make me feel really unattractive, and it's better to screen that out earlier.

-Classic answer but selfie filters are a plague where I live currently, it's 2020, I didn't think anyone used snapchat anymore. It's off-putting.

-Anyone who lists they're looking for someone into hobbies that I'm just not into, but if I like the rest of their profile it takes some self discipline to be honest and say no.

These last two are a bit picky, I'll admit. Not 100% rules but usually gets left swipe.

-A copy-pasted joke in the bio

-A bio that mentions tea or pizza. You've got a few sentences to describe yourself and you mention the most universally (regionally) liked things, doesn't make you sound very interesting.

[–]ohbarnacles 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

You mentioned the importance of a good bio...What kind of Tinder bios make you swipe right? And what are the best bios that you've seen?

[–]piylot 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

deserves its own thread

[–]yayblueberries 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Maybe this is one most people don't think about, but a sense of over-confidence in the bio. When I'm reading it and it starts sounding like, "I have the best life, I have the greatest life, I do all these great things, I do this, I do that," I get wary, because nobody's life is 100% perfect and narcissists love talking like that.

Also, at this point in life I am wary of people claiming they have over 9000 hobbies and travel all the time, after years of meeting people, I have learned most people do not do even half of the fun things they claim they do. Hell, even the woman I'm currently living with swore she spends most of her free time looking for free furniture to fix up and resell - she sits on her ass every day watching YT videos for real. I haven't seen her do anything in 2 months. Those women who claim they go hiking all the time? They probably go once a month, if that. I am so sick of people lying in this way to look good.

[–]votkriscan 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I don't really have much red flags concurrently. This is because the lesbian app I'm using isn't supremely flooded with men at this point in time, which is really my chief concern. Due to cultural reasons, the threesome stuff isn't that popular. Curious straight women usually tend to prefer to experiment on a one-to-one basis, and they seem to like the butch/femme demographic more than mine (femme/femme). Also, gender/identity nonsense don't really exist.

I'd say the biggest issue would be women who are only here for virtual stimulation versus women who genuinely want to date. Because there isn't any real good way to differentiate such women just from looking at a profile. In part, this is due to the vastly different structure of the app.

[–]TalerTest 14 insightful - 7 fun14 insightful - 6 fun15 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

the lesbian app I'm using isn't supremely flooded with men at this point in time, which is really my chief concern. Due to cultural reasons, the threesome stuff isn't that popular.

I need to move to wherever you live.

[–]MyLongestJourney 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Due to cultural reasons, the threesome stuff isn't that popular.

Lucky you!

[–][deleted] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I always had a issue with profiles that looked like they were trying way to hard to sound awesome, or a huge list of don’t message me ifs. Then there were the close in shots of face only that looked like they were taken years ago, or group photos. The one that really got me was “to much to write, just ask” answer in the bio, it’s a red flag for not being able to hold a conversation.

[–]whateverman 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Red Flags:

-Quotes as bio. Any quote. Doesn't matter what it is.

-Preferred pronouns. Big nope.

-Hiking under her list of hobbies (unless most of her photos show her outdoors).

-Only photos are indoor selfies.

-Only photos are of her with groups of other girls.

-Short, multi-coloured hair. Not as much of a red flag if it's long. This one is mostly based on anecdotal experiences for me.

-Fixated on hating children, cats or dogs. Hard pass. It's fine to not be fond of them or want them, but if one of your defining traits is hating children or animals, you're creepy.

-Fixated on one music genre without being a musician. This is the kind of person that will lecture you on shit you're an expert in. This is also the kind of person that will have a mid-life crisis.

Green Flags:

-Solo photos of her out and about. Playing sports, fishing, at a restaurant, travelling, painting, whatever. A selfie or two is all right, but I want to see that she actually does things and has a life.

-No more than one photo with friends (if any at all). Also shows she has a social life, but isn't insecure or trying to prove anything.

-Normal coloured hair at almost any length or style, butch or femme.

-Bilingual. Real exposure to another language and culture outside the anglosphere.

-Some kind of creative talent. Putting in the effort to master a certain skill is sexy.

[–][deleted] 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I never understood the fixation on hating kids or pets where it becomes a personality trait. Hate adults, they are knowing shitty lol.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don’t get it either, and I’m childfree.

[–]zephyranthes 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

-Hiking under her list of hobbies (unless most of her photos show her outdoors).

Aw, that's so unfair. I don't even own a selfie stick.

[–]PopeyesChicken 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Yeah I never take hiking pics because I’m just enjoying the scenery. I might take pics of the mountains but I won’t be in them. Seems like a weird thing to judge people for... like do you WANT them to spend all their time in the woods taking selfies lol

[–]whateverman 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's more that most girls I've met that list hiking as a hobby on their dating profiles don't actually like hiking and spend most of their time indoors.

[–]PopeyesChicken 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I know that’s a thing, I just feel like your method is gonna help you find the girls who want to show everyone they’re outside and come in fancy gear, not the people who just like being outside

[–]PasLagardere 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

  • Arrogance: ‘If you can’t say anything more than ‘Hey’ don’t brother. Or ‘Treat me like a princess’.

  • Putting themselves in a negative light: ‘I’m a bitch, just so you know’ for exemple

  • Snapchat filters

  • Pictures that are too posed

[–]Ricky_Ticky 9 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I can take any bio length, pics, etc. Some people tend to overestimate themselves, others are way too humble and reserved. It's all human and it's all understandable.

The only thing I can't stand is complaining. Why on earth some people believe their complains might be of interest to strangers (let alone attract them), has always been a mystery to me

[–]spirette 8 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

1)A big one I've noticed, since I'm recently single, is the rainbow emoji. Swipe left immediately because that means she's either kweer, straight but wants to experiment (or even weirder: a straight woman looking for a female friend, like WTH) or bisexual who also wants to check "sleeping with a woman" off her list (and is very likely to have a boyfriend).

2) Another one: a bio that consists solely of emojis (like 10 or 15 of them). Probably another queer, but also immature. swipe left.

3) Women who say they're here for a "new adventure", or "and more if we hit it off" swipe left because they are clearly not serious about dating women

4) I'm suspicious when there is only one picture. Not that it could be a catfish but that this is the only decent picture of her that she found and she probably doesn't look like that at all in real life. I've had that happen several times in the past where I couldn't even recognize my date (but she could recognize me right away). It's annoying because I feel deceived but I don't want to be an asshole at the same time.

[–]PopeyesChicken 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I use the rainbow emoji ):

[–]spirette 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm sure some rainbow emoji users are legit lesbians but I've noticed it's something straight women love to appropriate :)

[–]knownasness 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

no pics of themselves. i understand privacy issues and maybe not wanting to out yourself but i personally don't want to be involved with someone that can't post a single picture of themselves. they usually don't put a real name either. what if you end up talking to your cousin or something? hahah. also, people that list their moon and sun rising signs. not into that astrology nonsense so once i see any mention of it, i'm out. same goes for myers briggs. have no interest in someone who lets a personality test or the stars speak for them. let YOU speak for you.

[–]spirette 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

lol the Myers briggs is so true. Astrology too. It's so Tumblr that I know I have to swipe left asap.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 4 fun7 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 4 fun -  (3 children)


[–]PopeyesChicken 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Lol yeah I noticed a lot of self-proclaimed empath are narcissists. Makes sense because the word basically means you’re nicer than everyone else and such an awesome person lol

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Usually they are very sensitive, but only to their own feelings. Lol

[–]Innisfree 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Wheezing! 😂

Talk about a word worth a thousand pictures.

[–]VioletRemi 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In general, only "pronouns" is big red flag to me, however, in my language this problem does not really exist. The rest red flags are always personal to a profile, so not always the same.

[–]carrotcake 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

People that need to mention weed in their bio are not for me. People that have something like "let's grab a drink" are ok but I've seen some weird stuff about alcohol or even women jokingly state that they're alcoholic. Also not for me. That's what I've thought that isn't here yet.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Omg people who mention weed. Good one. “420 friendly” usually means they are chronic

[–]carrotcake 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Lmao yes

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Wine people, especially

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Anyone with pictures of their children on apps.

These women are KNOWINGLY posting pictures of their children for strangers to see on a dating app and it makes me so frustrated. Most of these women are bisexual, so their profile is being shown to both men and women in their area. Like...why do people think it's safe to do that? I just don't get it.

I'll always swipe left on anyone with kids because it's a deal breaker for me, but there is a way to tell everyone you have kids without pictures and compromising yours and your children's safety.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

OMG Yes! I saw this multiple times. Multiple pics with children used as some sort of prop. Aren’t these people aware of pedos?

Also IF someone is cool with children, it usually is a gradual process of introduction, not an album on a dating site. Oof

[–]lovelyspearmint 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My favourites are the ones who identify as straight and specify that they are looking for lesbians and bisexual women for friendship and nothing more. Ah yes, this is why it's called a friendship and not dating app.

But seriously, it sounds like they want validation and someone pining after them without them having to reciprocate in a romantic or sexual way.

[–]lovelyspearmint 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Kind of a silly one, but anyone who overly mentions or has tons of Harry Potter related content on their profile. Responses like 'I won't shut up about Harry Potter' usually makes me swipe right immediately. I like Harry Potter as much as the next person, but I'm finding more and more people seem to put their interest in Harry Potter like a badge of pride on their profiles, even though it's pretty much universally liked. Also want to avoid having to listen to them talk about how J. K. is a transphobic dumpster fire.