Lesbians and Long/Medium Distance Relationships

submitted by yousaythosethings from self.Lesbians

Lesbians seem prone to engage in very long distance relationships more than other groups including moving far to be with their partners, much more than gay men, for example. Obviously the very small number of women who are interested in dating women plays a major role in this.

How far do you cast your net when dating/looking for a relationship? How far would you or have you gone? What factors would make it worth it to be in a long distance relationship for you? Have you moved long/medium distance for a partner? Any stories of success or miserable failure?

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[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I like to imagine I could do something long distance but in reality I hate the idea. I want to physically be with the woman I love long-term.

[–]Lessom 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Agreed especially early on in a relationship when things are new and exciting.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

We did half time long distance for 4 years and it was really hard. We made it work but it took a lot of trust and a whole bunch of blind faith.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I had one long distance relationship. I would never do it again.

[–]knownasness 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

it worked for me because the love of my life and i both are.. well, were people that prefer space. unfortunately, we broke up for other reasons. but there was lots of falling asleep on the phone, facetiming, virtual lunch and dinner dates, care packages, movie nights, random flowers, love letters, gifts, etc. it was fun. the time we were together was even better but we just weren't the kind of people that liked to be with anyone everyday. i'd do it again if i found someone that i actually liked and was fine with not [physically] seeing me regularly. i have no interest in being easily accessible, even to people i care about. of course i don't want to be apart forever because that's a waste of money honestly, but it definitely would have to be a thing for a good deal of time. i'm on the opposite end of the uhaul spectrum ahhaha

[–]Seahorse 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I was initially in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend.

We lived a fair distance from each other.

It's not something I would have ever considered until her.

It's a very difficult situation that will only flourish if both parties are independent, have their own life going on and have some patience.

I realllly wouldn't recommend doing it if you're young (early to mid 20s).

For us we love each other's company and we made it work.

[–]biggreensunglasses 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's actually an amazing way to get to know someone because the communication has to be on point. 😘

[–]Seahorse 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly ☺️

[–]TarshishJupiter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My first relationship was long distance for 2 1/2 years before we broke it off. Living hundreds of miles away really exacerbates the problem of growing apart.

[–]spermaide 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've done it. Didn't work out. I'd rather be single than be in a long distance relationship.

[–]lmaonope333 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've never done it and I'd never do it. Physical affection is my primary love language

[–]SkinnyVanilla 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I ended up in a ldr by accident. I was visiting my parents in their country and met someone while I was there, and we just kept talking after I left. This was in 2013, and we just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary.

I was very upfront right from the beginning that I had no interest in being in a relationship with my phone for years on end. We went into it with an eye toward actively rearranging our lives to be together. I would not have been okay with it otherwise, because I don't think that a relationship that stays long-distance forever is a real relationship. We spent extensive time together (longest visit was ~6months) in order to decide if we wanted to commit, then committed, then did immigration all in fairly quick succession.

[–]carrotcake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I would not start a relationship being long distance but I would give it a try if one of us moved out and we had hope to be together at some point. I don't think it would work bc it's hard for me to feel connected with someone that I don't spend time with and because I hate video calls.

[–]les4les 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I live about 800 miles from my girlfriend atm hahaha. I'm meaning to move there to live with her someday, I think we have a really good shot

[–]FrostyNugs 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Tried it once, never doing that shit again. Would rather just be single.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You see it in heterosexual relationships; it's the woman who moves. You also see it in divorce courts— there's an expectation that women will have to justify (more so than the men) why they want to relocate or stay put. Different expectations I guess, women will prioritize the home while men will prioritize their jobs. I guess those norms don't just end with lesbian relationships.

[–]Rubyredpython 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It could only work for me if there was an end goal of living together or at least being in the same city. So far none of my attempts at long distance relationships have worked but I figure for the right woman, we'd make it work.

[–]Freetochoose 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My net was wide and I happened to find her in Australia! Im in the u.s. But I've always been open to finding the woman I feel is who I am looking for, wherever she is. And she is exactly who I've been looking for, want, desire, crave, love, want to spend the rest of my life with. I will be moving.

[–]Aurelius 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I live pretty far from people, so a long distance relationship would be the way to go. I prefer a lot of space and alone time, so it would work for me. Most aren't interested and I'm getting old so I may just be a solitary granny too.