all 16 comments

[–]lmaonope333 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

I believe that true love exists, but not necessarily for everyone. Some of us are too emotionally damaged to form healthy and lasting romantic relationships

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I agree. Some people need to work on their shit and stop using it as an excuse for all of their garbage behaviour or they will fail to connect to anyone in a meaningful way. and that is HARD to do. I do believe it is possible for anyone willing.

[–]Seahorse 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Yep spot on.

Also if your ex was a douche, you allowed her to be a douche and you put yourself in a position to attract said douche.

People work on who they're attracting and once they do, they can go on to form a healthy lifelong partnership.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

EXACTLY. I’m not proud of choosing a couple of people who treated me like a doormat or like their personal issues were more important than my own feelings to the point where they only cared about themselves. It’s easy to slip back into relationships like that if you don’t be careful too. It’s work. It’s necessary if you want a partner

[–]lmaonope333 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I dont believe it's possible for everyone who is willing. Competent therapists are pretty hard to find if your issues are complex. Also, not everyone with emotional baggage treats romantic partners like shit. I know I don't. I'm just afraid of attracting narcissists and I dont trust people easily, so I avoid getting into serious relationships to begin with

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I didn’t say they treat their partners like shit, but behave in ways that make it hard to connect with other people. There are many ways that type of thing can manifest. I went to a few therapists before I found a good one, over the years. There is a good one out there for you, don’t give up on that aspect. For real. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you.

[–]Seahorse 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I do.

I believe in all the lame ass sayings with love.

You don't meet the person you're meant to be with though until you're in the mental state to fall in love. Sometimes this doesn't happen because to be open to proper love you need to address your own faults and things to improve on.

Also miss right doesn't fall into your lap, you need to get your girl😬

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, love is everywhere. It can be like trying to clasp a soap bubble in your hands to try and keep it sometimes.

[–]literallyjustvibing 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

love does. but "true love" depends on your standards. it's subjective. like, if you think that "true love" means finding a partner/relationship where you literally NEVER fight, are always getting along, etc, then no, it doesn't. but if you think that true love means finding someone that you love that you don't mind arguing with because in the end it's worth it, then yeah, it does. it's totally subjective, which is pretty cool if you think about it.

[–]beholdyourheart 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Definitely, but not the idea of true love or soulmates. The idea of soulmates always freaked me out because the idea of only one person in the whole human population being your one true love is kinda terrifying - the statistical odds of ever meeting her would be vanishingly tiny. But I believe that everyone has the potential to form deep and long-lasting romantic connections with others - but, like other people have said, it takes mutual work and consistent self-reflection the same way all meaningful relationships do. Personally I like the idea of romantic love but I wouldn't be devastated if I never found it.

[–]begonia_skies 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think the idea of love is interesting, especially with how oversaturated media influence is about how "all you need is love". Is love an emotion that you can easily place and identify such as sadness, panic, or joy? What does it mean to be "in love"?

I find it so interesting that American culture (I'm American, so this is my culture) places on how the relationship goes to the next level when both parties state they love each other. I think I read this normally occurs around the three month mark. But some people are stingy with the statement and will only say it when they "really" feel it. But honestly, I do not believe love is a state of being or even an emotion (the emotional aspect would lust imo), it is a concept. And the distinction between love and the mighty "true love" is a false dichotomy, it sounds nice but it doesn't mean anything. Love is the concept of caring for a person who is separate from yourself, who has their own beliefs and motivations, whose wellbeing you value and safeguard, and in this context, there is a sexual aspect to the relationship. Loving someone is constantly making the decision and conscious choice to value them and their needs. At least that is what I think.

[–]les4les 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm in it, is the gushy answer

I think it exists but is difficult to find and more difficult to maintain, is the longer answer

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Why wouldn't I?

[–]carrotcake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Yes and no. I believe in love as a feeling you build up for and with somebody, a feeling that is fed with companionship, support and respect. I believe love is something you have to work hard to maintain and you have to choose keep on feeding everyday. I believe that a lot of people have the potential to be the love of our lives. I don't believe in love at first sight or soulmates. I don't believe that it is the only thing that make humans happy and fulfilled. I don't believe that there is a person that will be perfect for me and fit into all of my dreams. I also don't believe that it only happens once.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I agree completely. I think this is the reality, and too many people wait for “magic” (meaning someone who just loves every single aspect of their personality etc, and doesn’t need any compromises to be reached or communication to sustain the relationship)

A romantic relationship is a thing that is separate from the two people in it, that they create together. Like a house. You have to negotiate and communicate and make personal sacrifices and understand the other person’s blueprints to build a relationship together. The house might not look exactly as you would have liked, but that is the result of creating something with someone else.

The popular notion of romantic love is honestly closer to what you would get from family, but with an unrelated person that you have sex with. Lol. Completely unconditional even when you are living by your own rules and behaving any way you please, and they still love you because they HAVE to. Two adults in a romantic relationship cannot expect this from each other

[–]carrotcake 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

YES. And the thing you said about family makes so much sense, I've never thought about it this way