Dating profile details that immediately make you swipe left

submitted by lovelyspearmint from self.Lesbians

Are any things that immediately make you go nope or turn you off when you're looking at profiles on dating apps?

For me, it's anyone who's obsessed with Harry Potter, i.e. overly mention HP in their profile or go into detail about their sorting house/have a ton of pictures with HP merch. Like, I like Harry Potter as much as the next person, but it's an immediate turn off when someone's entire personality is based around HP.

I think it's also because a ton of 'queer' women (read straight with ridiculously short bangs/coloured hair) seem to be obsessed with it, which makes me less likely to try and match with them.

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[–]yousaythosethings 26 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 0 fun27 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

FYI, these days putting something Harry Potter related in your profile is often purposeful to show that the person is not into gender ideology.

[–]SailorMoon2020 15 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

This. Although I don't do online dating and haven't done it in a long time, there is an app I'd like to try if it ever comes out. If it does get released, I'm going to be putting "HP fanatic" in my profile. It really is an easy way to weed out a lot of the bs I have no interest in.

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Good idea! I'd also heavily imply that I support JKR, because some TRAs are still into the books despite their hatred for the author.

[–]lovelyspearmint[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I dunno, maybe they're just old profiles that haven't had their details updated? I'm still a bit wary around Harry Potter superfans.

[–]yousaythosethings 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was definitely something of a Harry Potter superfan back in the day, but we're talking well over a decade ago. I will always have a soft spot for it, but I can't say it's an active part of my life now.

[–]PasLagardere 19 insightful - 3 fun19 insightful - 2 fun20 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

  • Whenever they show arrogance or bad character in their bio: ‘If you can only say Hi, don’t bother talking to me/ I deserve to be treated like a princesse / I will ruin your life (why oh why would you put that?)

  • When they put something like: ‘I don’t even know What I’m doing on here.’

  • When they mention being anti-police

  • When they mention their political beliefs à bit too much

  • Snapchat filters

[–]TalerTest 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't use dating apps. I find 90% of dating profiles cringey and I have no idea why

[–][deleted] 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

"I'm pretty chill, unless you piss me off lol." I came across that gem once. I inferred she had a temper, and it was always someone else's fault.

[–]33799 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I hate when women have something in their profiles that makes it seem like they were mainly/only thinking about men reading their profile when they wrote their description... you know what I mean?

Honestly there's way too many for me! I feel like I'm way too picky, even though it's not like I have high standards. Or maybe I do? I hate seeing really obvious makeup (would prefer someone who never wears any at all, but the clown red lips and big fake eyeliner "eyelashes" are so ugly to me, but then there's also the ones with black lipstick or crazy eyeshadow, ugh). Pics where someone has a bunch of friends make me feel kinda shitty about myself like wow congrats on being normal and having friends, cause I sure don't. I don't like seeing weed stuff since I don't do it, I hate seeing virtue signally-stuff, hate seeing q***r/nb/poly, and I'm really not into long hair. Or facial piercings or massive tats. So basically I hardly ever like anyone and it sucks.

[–]lovelyspearmint[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

At least with those women, you can tell they're probably leaning towards dating a guy or they're bicurious, so you can easily swipe left on them.

I pretty much agree with a lot of what you mentioned above. I'm fine with makeup unless it's overdone or too goth, which I'm not really attracted to. What bothers me are people who only have pictures with friends on their profile, so you have to find the common denominator to figure out who you're actually looking at. I'm not big on any drug use, soft or hard, as I don't do them myself either. Virtue signalling TWAW and them being vocal about being q***r/nb/trans/poly is good though, since it tells you that you can completely ignore them. Facial piercings and large tatts seem to be the norm in the community these days (or at least it seems to be), but that doesn't mean we have to like them. I still remember when that was a major issue for me, and I really do long for the days when you didn't have to look for Adam's apples and junk in the front when looking through profile pics :/

I think you're probably just traditional in your tastes, and that's perfectly fine. I am too, and so are a ton of lesbians. I'm sure you'll find someone who feels the same way you do :)

[–]Jillyjanejan 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think this question has been asked at least 3 times already. Does no one make use of the search feature... 😅

I second everything PasLagardere listed, but I'd add 'self-deprecation' to the list. I think that's as unattractive as arrogance.

[–]lovelyspearmint[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sorry about that :/

Yeah, self-deprecation shows a lack of confidence, and there's nothing attractive about that. Maybe it's attractive to men, so that's what these women are trying to achieve, just with women instead of men?

[–]Lessom 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If she posts about gender/pronoun nonsense, she can look like Jessica Alba and it would be left swipe. Also not a fan of women who make minimal effort in their pics and profile (e.g just selfies, filters and boring profile that doesn’t encourage conversation)

[–]knownasness 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

also HP. anything relating to astrology as well.

[–]lovelyspearmint[S] 10 insightful - 9 fun10 insightful - 8 fun11 insightful - 9 fun -  (1 child)

That's just what a Gemini would say! /s

[–]BigMommyMilkers 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

LOL

[–]Dravidian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Talking too much about booze and going out clubbing.

If all their pictures are outdoors in amazing vacations on the other side of the world (it's just not compatible with my lifestyle, I'm very poor and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, I wouldn't interest any of these wanderlust gals so why bother).

If they look like they have zero nerd interests (I've been considered weird so many times for harmless shit like liking LOTR or playing tabletop rpgs, I have to time to waste with people finding my interests abnormal).

Bad grammar, can't help it.

Also if they have children and there's a picture of their kid on their dating profile. I think it's just so fucking weird. Why are you putting your child's face on a dating app? Just why?

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]Dravidian 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Well I'm a big believer of the fact you need some kind of common ground with your SO. Of course being supportive is a plus, but I'd struggle to find things to talk about with someone who doesn't share my nerd culture, I guess? My girlfriend don't share my taste in music at all and I already struggle a bit with that haha.

    [–]lovelyspearmint[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Yeah, I love kids, but as soon as someone has their kids on the profile, you just know they're trying to find someone to take care of the kids for them, not a partner.

    [–]DifferentAirGC 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    Astrology, weed, antifa, being a partygoer (this is not because I think it's a bad thing, it's just because I'm a introvert and we would be incompatible), writing LGBTQIIAWTF+ in their profile instead of just LGBT.

    [–]lovelyspearmint[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    Thank goodness someone agrees with me about weed. I have a message on my profile no weed/drugs, and I feel like I'm in the minority in the community.

    [–]yousaythosethings 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Honestly I think it's better that you mention that in your profile if you feel strongly about that so that you can attract like-minded women. I smoke weed very casually, mainly at night, if at all, and these days barely at all. But historically I have smoked a lot more, especially to help with anxiety, hunger, sleep, etc. and not in a way that interferes with my responsibilities in life. I also know that no one is going to get the impression that I smoke weed from my photos. It's also not something I would put into my profile. Ideally I would find someone who had a similar attitude about it as me, and I'd rather know if someone was strongly against it to save us both from a nasty surprise later on.

    [–]lovelyspearmint[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Yeah, most of my profiles either have a no weed use option selected or it's clearly stated in my profile.

    [–]les4les 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    KINK. Immediate no. Also anybody who has their weed preference listed like it's a big deal

    Anyway I used to be a bit (a lot) of a Harry Potter fan but I've gotten mostly over it by this age lol. Definitely wouldn't put it in a dating profile, I have no idea what any woman would try to accomplish by doing that

    [–]Gynephile 5 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 5 fun -  (11 children)

    • Women who are 26 (I stay away from women born in 1994 lol, I have my reasons)
    • Anything about dogs
    • Bi women who only talk about men in their bio
    • Condescending talk or nonchalance

    [–]soundsituation 10 insightful - 4 fun10 insightful - 3 fun11 insightful - 4 fun -  (6 children)

    Women who are 26 (I stay away from women born in 1994 lol, I have my reasons)

    Wait I have to hear the story behind this haha

    [–]Gynephile 6 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 4 fun -  (5 children)

    I know a lot of women here are saying that a girl being into astrology is a turn off for them. But, I live by Chinese astrology so there's certain people, things, and places that I will avoid lol, I won't wear old navy or eat Chick-fil-a either. The dragon and the dog are enemies in Chinese astrology. Forgive me for sounding like a nutjob

    [–]yousaythosethings 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

    Can I ask how Chinese astrology ties into your aversion to Old Navy and Chick-fil-A?

    [–]Gynephile 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Chick-fil-A and Old Navy were founded in 1946 and 1994 which are both dog years.

    [–]yousaythosethings 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    That is some dedication!

    [–]soundsituation 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    That is not what I was expecting yet totally makes sense!

    Which year differential yields the best compatibility in Chinese astrology? Is there a full system of intertype relations? Feel free to link me if you have a site/article you like.

    [–]lovelyspearmint[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I know the dog and monkey hated each other in the Japanese version, so that's why the chicken/rooster is between them, but I haven't heard the bit about the dragon and dog.

    [–]piylot 6 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 4 fun -  (2 children)

    Explain #2? Controversial

    [–]yousaythosethings 2 insightful - 6 fun2 insightful - 5 fun3 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

    I like that you were like "Aversion to people born in 1994? Totes reasonable. But not into dogs? Now you've crossed a line."

    [–]Gynephile 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I am not a fan of dogs. I was scared of them as a kid but now I just avoid them and people who own them, I love cats though :)

    [–]TurtleChaos 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    Oh ouch, I was born in 94 and don't like dogs either! I always hated my Chinese zodiac because of that, lol...

    [–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Astrology, too many filters on the pics, and too much far-left political stuff.

    [–]babystud 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Identifying as queer

    [–]lovelyspearmint[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Oh dear god. The best part is when you ask them what that means and they say not straight, and then say they don't like labels. But queer is a label, a label they don't forget to announce to everyone they meet.

    [–]Mobymaybe 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    If they have something like “loves to laugh” or other uncreative descriptions. Photos with filters. Instagrams hashtags. Too many selfies.

    [–]ZeWombat 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I list JKR as one of my favorite authors. I do it to show I'm not into gender BS.

    I nope out if they mention intersectional feminism or in general go overboard with woke stuff.

    [–]Lizzythelezzo 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Probably the main thing is negative statements like "no drama" - I always wonder if they are the ones creating the drama, or they just don't want to do any emotional labour in a relationship. Another similar one is "good vibes only". I wouldn't immediately swipe left if the rest of the profile was really good, but I'd probably ask them what they mean as it sounds like someone who expects relationships to be easy and carefree 100% of the time. It also bothers me a bit when women specify on their profile that they are looking for someone with a good career. I understand why people would want that but it feels a bit gauche to say it like that, or things like "I want to be spoiled".

    I would see being into HP as a positive though as it might be a hint that they are GC.

    [–]lovelyspearmint[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I guess I meant people having a lot of Harry Potter stuff before the whole JKR debacle. But I can still change my mind about that ;)

    [–]emilyprentiss 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    Label ‘bicurious’ or any form of uncertainty (it’s ok to be questioning but I won’t want to date someone who is at that stage in her life), and if there are no pictures of her face. I was on this lesbian dating app once and there were so many women with pictures of their backs, pictures with their face scrubbed out... what’s the point!?!?

    [–]lovelyspearmint[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    I'm in the same boat as you. I don't want to invest time, love and effort into a relationship that might end up being an experiment or a fling out of curiosity's sake. No, I want someone who knows what they want, especially if they're my age (mid twenties) or older.

    Yeah, no face pictures is real odd. There is no point other than they might be catfishing?

    [–]emilyprentiss 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I think the no-face pictures could be because they're closeted so they're afraid someone could out them if they were seen on lesbian dating apps. But then, I agree with you - what's the point?

    [–]HelloMomo 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Lately it seems like half of everyone has "ACAB" or "BLM" in their profiles. Like damn, you only need like a sentence or two for a dating app bio? Can't you scrounge up a sentence or two of personality, without having to pad it out with your politics?

    Anyways, I came across my 4th grade crush on an app this year, because we were both back in our hometown because covid. She was my first big crush. She seemed so enigmatic when we were 9, so worldly, so dynamic. I know she had created a pattern with me: not all girls I'm attracted to remind me of her in some way, but I am attracted to any girls who remind me of her. And so I'd long had this suspicion in the back of my mind that if I ever saw her again, I would be a goner.

    But when I saw her tinder profile, with her short dyed hair and her politics-only bio, I wasn't. Not at all. She was just so basic. And there's a real tragedy in that, this wasted potential of all she could have been.

    I thought for a second of swiping right just so I would know if she'd swiped right on me, just out of curiosity. But then I realized I did not care. Even if she had, it didn't matter. I genuinely had no real need to know. I didn't want to talk to her again; I would rather remember her fondly than really confront who she'd grown into it. So I swiped left, and carried on.

    [–]Rubyredpython 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    For me, it's anyone who's obsessed with Harry Potter, i.e. overly mention HP in their profile or go into detail about their sorting house/have a ton of pictures with HP merch. Like, I like Harry Potter as much as the next person, but it's an immediate turn off when someone's entire personality is based around HP.

    Lol I'm the exact opposite. I need someone as obsessed with HP as I am so I swipe left if I don't see HP in their profile.