Most premature jumping-ahead about women

submitted by HelloMomo from self.Lesbians

I just matched with a girl I'm really excited about. She seems promising. Like I was reading the second message she sent to me, my brain spouted off to myself, "I'm going to marry this girl." Like in a joking way, but still, even just kidding, even just to myself, that's premature and my brain should not be spouting off that kind of stuff.

So I'm wondering if anyone else has any stories along these lines.

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[–]piylot 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm very guilty of this, feeling emotionally invested in someone I don't know enough to actually know if I like. It's tough too because I don't enjoy the company of the majority of people. When I do this it's like you take a rough outline from what you see and fill in 90% of the rest of the picture by yourself. Have you ever ended up going on a date with someone you've been prematurely excited about? I have and found that as I learned more about them there's a cognitive dissonance created as they reveal themselves to not be how you imagined/hoped. The other issue it can create is awkwardness if you've prematurely expressed interest (eg over text before meeting) and then you're not as interested in person, makes things more awkward to have put that expectation out there. I think ideally you learn to enjoy things only for what they are and not what you hope they could be, but I also think a lot of people do get prematurely excited about things and nothing bad happens because of it. I hope this girl is great and super compatible with you and you do get married but I also hope you enjoy it for what it is while it lasts.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I never get feelings like that. I definitely get oh my god I want to spend more time with her feelings and heart eyes, but I usually have to actually know the person pretty well before any U-haul itch kicks in.

I'm still a huge sucker for real life love at first sight stories. I don't know other lesbians manage it but it is so cute when it actually works out!

[–]HelloMomo[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm still a huge sucker for real life love at first sight stories. I don't know other lesbians manage it but it is so cute when it actually works out!

It's not first sight, though. 😆 It's covid, and we haven't met up yet. We just matched, and now we're texting. It's only been like... 3 days I think? I know is stupid and unfounded. But I just have this weird sense of certainly about it, that I'm struggling to shake it. It makes me kinda calm, though, and not as nervous as I might otherwise be?

[–]devonSwan 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hi! I'm 100% guilty of this, I just want to say that it's awesome that you're so excited and I hope you two get to meet in the future, but just be realistic about expectations. Being that excited about someone can blind you to if they're really into you or not, I had to learn that one the hard way as I got ghosted after 6 months. Just truly pay attention to the signs and make sure she's into you as well!

[–]funk_transcender 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yes. I'm TERRIBLE for this. I definitely want to take my next relationship a lot slower because I realise how unhealthy those whirlwind relationships are. I honestly think overall I'm pretty emotionally mature but I'm the most over the top romantic in the world and get infatuated very easily the minute I feel I have a connection with someone.

I will admit I'm actually very picky but as another commenter mentioned, there's very few people I feel I'm capable of forming a connection with and once I do I'm completely blind to any red flags.

At the same time I don't want to be a jaded person that enters every relationship on the defence... I find this 10x worse. I think the reason I let my self fall so hard is that I'm so passionately against being jaded about the one thing in life I'm not jaded about.

[–]HelloMomo[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I know it's just because between the covid and the queer, I'm lonely, and starved for any dating prospects. In the midst of that, of course matching with someone who looks promising is going to look like a like in the dark. Knowing that doesn't shake it, though.

[–]lmaonope333 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

yes, haha, I've been texting and video chatting a girl for the past week, I'm meeting her tomorrow for the first time but we're both already a bit too invested, she even hinted to me that she wants me to come to her works Christmas party. lol. lesbians are gonna lesbian I guess

edit: I'm not involved with her anymore, she cancelled on me for the second time, she was supposed to have a day off but her boss asked her to cover for someone, and apparently she doesn't know how to say no. I really wanted to see her but if she doesn't have time for me now she never will