Long Distance Relationships

submitted by UneedREM from self.Lesbians

What do you all think about Long Distance Relationships? If you had any, share your experiences and tips. Currently I'm in a one year relationship with a woman from Russia and I'm from India. There are so many hurdles to close the gap, primary being that both of our families are homophobic.

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[–]Elvira95 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

God, Russia and India Well, if she's the right one doesn't matter where she lives. But at some point you need to live together in the same state and house.

[–]UneedREM[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yes, it's definitely a difficult relationship. I love her more than anything but I don't think it will be successful. The end goal seems so far but we can't seem to let each other go.

[–]Elvira95 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, I know that feel. Well, you should try to migrate to the west,if you can

[–]Poppy29252 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I was in one for a couple years, a few years back. It was a bad experience and I will never even consider an LDR again.

We met up a couple times but ultimately I think she idealized who I was from us knowing each other online for ten years. I don't think she expected that I was a real person with struggles and faults and baggage. She had a superiority complex, was deep into queer theory and was in college for gender studies and getting her doctorate in social work. For all of that supposed empathy for others, she was tired of me having been emotionally and sexually abused in a previous relationship and I think her being fed up with my trauma led to her seeing me as only text on a screen.

After a while she became very cold, withdrawn, cruel towards me, she refused to Skype, didn't want to talk on the phone. She still lived with her ex and they went on trips together but wouldn't even give me her address to send her birthday cards or gifts because it was "disrespectful." Definitely wouldn't let me visit.

I could go on and on and on. I ended it and about 5 months later she emailed me saying I was right that she was cruel towards me and she was sorry. Haha.

[–]Destresse 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ditto.

It's so easy to forgo empathy when talking online. And to give a different image. I experienced that a little bit, but mostly it's my straight friends who warn me against that lol. They have more experience, they know what they're talking about.

With how many stories I hear/read of failures compared to the small amount of success stories... I don't know.

[–]UneedREM[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Aah, this is the main problem of LDR. Opposite person idealizing the other without thinking that they have certain traits of their own.

That's not real love then, a lot of people love out of pity. Sometimes just because they are narcissistic.

It's good that it ended with clarifications.

[–]GameteGoddess 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This right here.I could add in more things to it, but not much. YOU get hyperintimacy because you share things faster, and CRAFTED. Just like I am typing here. It is not real time, and you are not seeing raw data. Was it Chris Rock that said, you have not yet met them, you are currently talking to their representative.

[–]censorshipment 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

I've preferred LDRs since my 20s (I'm 37) because I don't like being smothered nor do I like girlfriends ignoring boundaries. I need a lot of "me time" (like 5 days a week for myself). I hate unannounced visits. I hate sharing a bedroom. I just hate having another person in my space all the time.

I was in a 6 year relationship in 2007-2013... 3 of the 6 years were long distance. She dumped me because I refused to move back to her state. I'd rather be single than to live with a girlfriend. 🤷‍♂️

[–]Elvira95 11 insightful - 4 fun11 insightful - 3 fun12 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

The ideal is finding another loner introverted who want to spend lots of time by themselves too.

[–]UneedREM[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's very interesting that you prefer LDRs than being with a girlfriend. What about physical intimacy, don't you miss it?

[–]censorshipment 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Not really. My love language isn't physical touch. I can go years without missing physical intimacy.

[–]Hydiee 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's not something I'd be able to keep up for years.

[–]piylot 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I was going to chime in and say with the small dating pool I've been open to seeing women cities that would be 1-2hr on a train, but can't relate to anything nearly as close to yours- How did you meet? How long have you been together?

One issue with dating people who live far away I've found (besides pandemic related travel issues currently) is that I really prefer to be in a situation where I can leave / cut things short as easily as possible if I'm not feeling it/ need some space, and that's hard when travel needs to be organised in advance

[–]UneedREM[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I never imagined myself to be in such a relationship too. We met through a letter writing app and exchanged letters for three months. After that we moved to chatting. I never expected to find someone so amazing as her. I have been with her for one year and three months now. It's really difficult to keep the relationship going especially when we hardly get to talk on phone because we still live with parents despite being 21 yo.

Yeah, you're right.. For now we're nevermets. I hope to meet her in 2-3 years. That's still long.. but I hope we'll make it.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I never liked the idea of them, but I found myself in something of an LDR recently due to quarantine and while it didn't work out because I need to focus on career stuff right now, I think we actually interacted more and got to know each other better much, much faster than any real life relationship or friendship I've been in. I can take forever to open up to someone in person though, like it's ridiculous.

The downside is you don't get to know the quirks and flaws, ones they might not even be aware of, that you would deal with in person, but I also think I'd be more willing to overlook / learn to deal with them, since we already bonded. And hopefully that's the same on their side too.

So I'd be open to an LDR again once travel is possible. Good luck to you and yours.

[–]MyLongestJourney 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

What do you all think about Long Distance Relationships?

Avoid them like the plague.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

My first relationship was an LDR, but I want to date women who live much closer. Maybe two hours driving distance if we meet halfway, or something like that. I just don't want to date someone out of state again.

[–]SailorMoon2020 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

My experience can be found hereand even further in my post history.

LDRs are fine but she has to be okay with me dipping out for sex. I love it too much to not have it.

LDR can work like any other relationship as long as those involved are on the same page when it comes to expenses and intimacy. Flying back and forth is fun but gets expensive real quick. Zoom is cool and all but that human desire will give way. If not addressed, depression and angst will interfere.

[–]UneedREM[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I realised I'm pretty naive still. Making a relationship concrete requires so much decision making than just being in love with each other. It's scary but eye opening.

Yes, right. I'm currently in that state where we haven't spoken on phone for more than 2 weeks because she can't leave her house. I'm mentally taxed. Sometimes, the desire to feel her physically becomes too overwhelming.

[–]SailorMoon2020 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

You're young though. When I was in college, I was open to LDR because I had nothing to lose and lots to gain. Noy only was I experimenting with it but so were my other friends who were gay.

One friend met her girlfriend on Tumblr. They did LDR for an year then she moved to be with her in Canada. I had a gay friend who was with us in Austin yet his boyfriend was in El Paso, which is ten hours away from Austin. I have a friend who's from Nigeria and who I met while living in Canada. She went to Portugal because she works from home. Although she was only looking for sex, she met this woman down there. When she came back to Canada, the woman from Portugal continued to reach out to her. They had a LDR and now they're married!

I'd also suggest this YT couple but I forgot their name. One is Polish and the other is Taiwanese. They met online and spoke three months on the phone. The Polish girl then moved to Taiwan for an year and now the Taiwanese girl moved to Poland. They're young too like 21, 19. Though I don't believe the relationship will last due to other reasons, it may give you some support to watch others in similar situations as you.

[–]UneedREM[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you for the reply! I'll take a look at their channel :)