Looking for resources for my abused family member

submitted by Greykittymomma from self.MentalHealth

I have a young family member (13) we just found out they were being sexually abused by another member of our family.

They are out of the situation and the person is being charged but how do we help my young family member?

I don't want to be too specific to protect my younger family member of course.

The acts are very bad, have been going on for years and we were all very shocked.

Are there other subs for this topic? I don't want to upset anyone on a general sub like this with more details.

The abuser does have a history of mental health issues as well and we hope they also seek help. The main focus now is this young child. They feel responsible and they were brutally abused by this person and told we wouldn't believe what happened.

I feel awful we didn't see the warning signs.

I am not technically related to this younger family member so I am somewhat limited but it seems we will be able to support her.

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[–]FuckMasks 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Prolonged abuse like that does damage that cannot be undone or fixed. Ever. Understand that foremost. In consideration of that try to not always walk on eggshells or serve pity dishes, as it is a constant reminder that you, and everyone else knows. Harder than it sounds.

There's not a ton to 'do' except buckle up for the long ride, be there as support and realize there's going to be random rough patches, for a long time.
Also, suicide watch is important, parent(s) may not want to hear it, scary subject, but emphasize the importance as it is a huge risk for her ( not in front of her of course).

Horse lover and ex equine therapy instructor myself, I highly recommend equine related therapies. Also other support animals.

Lastly, push aside the guilt, it helps nothing & you can't blame yourself. Try to be thankful the abuse has been stopped.

[–]Greykittymomma[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yes that is my focus. I'm glad she was strong to say something when she did.

I went through some trauma myself but nothing this bad so I should be able to handle some rough patches.

Thank you for the response. She is an animal lover so I will definitely suggest that to her guardian.

I know not focusing on this abuse will be hard but I will just try treating her like a kid that just needs some extra attention. I understand she will likely have scars forever from this.

[–]Greykittymomma[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Also, suicide watch is something I thought about but honestly I feel that is more a likely situation for the abuser. He has a history of threats and mental instability. It still makes me sad.

That is difficult, wrapping your head around feeling sad to lose a family member due to them becoming a monster but still being unable to let go of the many memories from before. I was very close to this person for 30 years and the betrayal is hitting me so hard, harder each day it seems.

More likely this person will be put away forever (already looking at 50 years) he probably wouldn't last that long. Our worst fear is that he gets killed in prison. He had a difficult life and it isn't an excuse AT ALL it just adds to the general misery of the situation.

I must have really needed to vent this morning, thanks for listening this far.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Therapy asap.