The ways cold weather can affect your body – from winter vagina to blood clots ... wait, what?

submitted by jet199 from thesun.co.uk

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[–]Noam_Chomsky 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (8 children)

The ways cold weather can affect your body – from winter vagina.

I suffer from winter penis.

It turns grey, and wrinkly.

It then grows to about 9' in length. I can tear small trees out of the ground with it.

Winter penis isn't all that bad.

Never had any blood clots. Never will, cause I'm not getting the gene therapy.

Anyone tries to give me a gene therapy, and they'll be flogged the winter penis.

[–]turtlew0rk 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

Roughly how large of a tree can you manage?

[–]Noam_Chomsky 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Not too big. Any tree up to 8"-9" in diameter. Takes less than a minute, or so..

[–]turtlew0rk 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Not too big, but certainly not something to shake a stick at. Call me an optimist but I bet Winter Penis has more gifts for you that you have yet to discover. Ot possibly I am just worried about my own status as I am certainly showing signs. My penis has definitely been grey and wrinkly come to think of it. No more han usual but that doesn't mean I am in the clear by any means.

Now the good news...I run a tree transplant service that pulls the tree roots and all and plant it anywhere they want it. Never had a transplant fail so long as the tree has matured to 7 to 8.5" in diameter and you execute the extraction in less than 90 seconds. Only issue is I can only afford 1 professional grade tree extracting machine so we are limited to that as well as my employees all resigning because they refuse to work my untheorized genes.

[–]Noam_Chomsky 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Point me in the direction of the trees you need.

Winter penis is on it.

[–]turtlew0rk 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

You are a good egg Winter penis.

[–]BadumTsh101 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No I imagine that's sperm, not eggs.

[–]BadumTsh101 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

But how does it grip the tree?

[–]Noam_Chomsky 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Around the base of the tree trunk.

[–]IkeConn 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

In the southern USA we don't see many cases of winter vagina.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Here they'd call it swamp vagina!

[–]IkeConn 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

We would pollinate it also.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The dishonest twats putting out this sort of 'research' seem to think that this is the first winter that anyone has experienced? Whatever it takes to cover up the deaths from the jabs, even if they are trying to cover it up with horse shite. Well, the whole thing has the odour of horse shite to begin with.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I remember a time in the UK when the men didn't let their women's bits freeze over. Course, the women there didn't use to be quite so large.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

damn, weed, climate change, and winter, the unholy alliance for causing blood clots