I'm fed up. I'm stressed. I'm tired. And I don't know what I did to piss off karma so badly but I would REALLY like to know

submitted by Randabanana from self.Rant

My husband had a stroke (CVA) on Easter Sunday and in a group on Facebook I was stressing out, venting (the group is gone now) and someone said "Make a gofundme! I'll donate!" So I spend over an hour figuring out GoFundMe and making a post and trying to make it sound like my wheels weren't spinning... I waisted time I could have spent calling other people making that thing and the person who said they would donate? Blocked me. I figure, ya know, since I already made it I might as well share it. My little brother sends enough to make it go public. and it does okay. Then it just. It stops.

I spend every night till 4-5am posting it, reposting it, retweeting, adding details. I updated the story on it. Friends I had for YEARS refuse to share it. They block me. New friends help me share it, donate 20 bucks here and there... But here's the thing.

Every day I hear "Just go to work" "just work at home" I CAN'T. I have three kids I am caring for while being the SOLE caregiver for my husband and not receiving any help from the state except SNAP. I am too busy at home to work at home. I have a broken computer, shitty internet I cannot afford to pay... No sound proofing and did I mention kids? They are loud. distracting. Then I have my husband. The state will not let me be his caregiver because we are married. I do everything for him. Help him get dressed, walk to the bathroom, help him shower, make him food, sort his meds... I do. Everything.

I have no support system where I am. we moved because my husband got this AMAZING job. the job went bankrupt with COVID. laid everyone off. Never recovered. I started to work. I had a good job. A job i loved. A job working with victims of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault. We were okay. --Enter the stroke. Left my job. and now I am in go mode all the time.

I put flyers up in my town. They were removed by spiteful assholes. I asked old coworkers whom i respected for help.. Nope. One friend said "well I guess you're stuck then" in response. I'm just fed up. I'm tired. I need a break. I dont WANT to spam my gofundme. I dont. But it is quite literally my income. my husband can barely care for himself.... He cannot care for the kids. he cannot drive. he cannot change a diaper, cook, stand for long periods, if i went to work and a tornado touched down again... THEY WOULD LITERALLY DIE. We live in a mobile home. A manufactured home. 2 miles from the emergency shelter. but if I have the car.... and since he cannot drive...

I'm. Exhausted.

all 17 comments
sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun

[–]In-the-clouds 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

The video posted shows the husband in a hospital talking with a doctor, who tells him he had a stroke. 

https://youtube.com/watch?v=4FpxDTcxeHI

The doctor did not ask the first question that came to my mind: Did he take any COVID injections?

[–]Randabanana[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

No, he did not receive any COVID injections.

[–]In-the-clouds 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

I am glad to hear that. I wondered because blood clots are reported to be an adverse reaction to the COVID shots, which has been nicknamed the clot shot. The COVID tests could also have adverse reactions.

An overlooked source of help is God himself. Have you tried praying? Those that come to him, as a child talks innocently to his father, will be heard by the Father of fathers. It would not hurt to pray, and you can do so from any location. You do not have to go to a man-made church to be heard by God.

[–]Randabanana[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I had not heard that about the clots but one of the primary reasons we didn't get vaxxed was because we KNEW he had high blood pressure and I am a nervous person. Our second child has a VSD (hole in the right ventricle of his heart) and while he is thriving now, I didn't sleep for a long time after he was born. (Side note: now he loves being a "robot" at the cardiologist.)

I am a spiritual person and I do pray. I just don't follow any mainstream religion. I'd honestly consider myself more Pagan. I'm a baptized Catholic but there's a whole story about trauma with that topic.)

[–]In-the-clouds 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I identified you as being spiritual in your original post because of your question about karma, as if karma were God with power over your life. Jesus explained a spiritual law that people might associate with karma. He said whatever a man sows, that shall he also reap.

If we do good, we should expect good to come back to us. Many of the bad things that happen to us are the consequences of previous misuse of our free will, such as bad thoughts, words, and actions. I am still reaping consequences from my own bad choices, but I have learned from Jesus to do better, so I have hope for the future.

I am not Catholic, but I am praying for you, for your husband and your children. 🌞 Sow good thoughts and good words through prayer, and God will see that you harvest the same. Refrain from wishing evil to others or speaking curses over them, so that we do not reap evil. As Jesus said simply, Love one another. Do this and love will be your portion.

[–]In-the-clouds 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Gofundme:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/easter-morning-stroke/

[–]Randabanana[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing it... I didn't think anyone would go to my profile. <3

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (7 children)

Might want to try Reddit to reach a larger audience. Other FB groups. Times are tough now though.

Unfortunately Texas voted against expanded Medicaid. You might want to get on filing for disability, the process takes at least a year. Maybe contact your local place of worship. Hell, have your husband panhandle if he has to.

[–]Randabanana[S] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

I had an interview for social security disability on May 12th and am waiting for them to go over it (they said it could take up to 6 months). I apologize for the late response. I had to take him back to the ER yesterday night. I may need to talk to his doctor and adjust his meds again, his blood pressure ended up spiking, he had headaches, dizziness.. It's been a long night. *Edited to add I'm a lurker on Reddit, but I did have my husband slowly type a post out in his own words. and I have posted in every Facebook group that would let me as well as joining new groups specifically for GoFundMe's

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

My Uncle had a stroke last year, he's doing better but his peripheral vision is gone, he can never drive again. He forgets words for things sometimes. And he's not going to be 100%, but he's still doing pretty damn well considering. Works at a beer store now, big step down professionally, but it's good for him to do something.

If my blood pressure spikes I just take more bp meds.

[–]Randabanana[S] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

I am sorry to hear about your uncle. With my husband he has his peripheral vision but he sees things askew. Slightly tilted. I hope to bring him to an eye doctor once we make it to Alaska so we can see if there's any corrective lenses that might help or anything. Husband's primary care doctor shrugged off his vision issues. I'm wary about just giving him more BP meds because of the side effects. He's taking Lisinipril and Metropolol.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I am sorry to hear about your uncle

He's doing okay. And he had a good career before this. Kinda depressing if you think even if you have a million dollars, that works out to just $55k a year if you need to live on that for twenty years. From millionaire to below average income.

Lisinipril and Metropolol

I used to take Lisinopril, now Benazepril (same class), and still take Metoprolol. The Lisinopril is an ACE 2 inhibitor, it blocks the signal that tells blood vessels to constrict. Wider blood vessels, less pressure. Metoprolol is a beta blocker, it blocks adrenaline receptors. The idea is to keep blood pressure down by reducing natural anxiety.

once we make it to Alaska

Why are you going to Alaska?

Husband's primary care doctor shrugged off his vision issues

Texas doctors are garbage.

[–]Randabanana[S] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

We are going BACK to Alaska. My mother-in-law lives there, we used to live there up until late October of 2018. Living with his mother isn't an ideal situation but it gives me an extra, full time, person who can care for my husband and kids so I can work (I have a job lined up. Not for sure hired but I have an interview for doing the same work I was doing prior). Not to mention provide me with my first break since the stroke in April. We got met in Alaska, got married in Alaska, had 2 of the 3 kids in Alaska... And we loved it there. It had it's problems like everywhere else but we never had to worry about receiving care and we spent a LOT of time outdoors.

[–]JasonCarswell 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Find a voice-to-text app to transcribe his words if that's easier than typing.

[–]Randabanana[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

That's a good idea, not gonna lie, but practicing to type (even though he cannot physically feel the keys) is good for fine motor skills and hand eye coordination. Since he doesn't want to attempt to play controller games... I try and get him to type.

[–]JasonCarswell 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Join a church like the Latter Day Saints.

[–]Randabanana[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Ya know. That's getting exceptionally tempting.