This there any hope for me?

submitted by Bunnygirl from self.help

I'm starting to think that my life is over and I don't want to live anymore. As of writing this I am a 23 year old woman with no qualifications or education. I have learning disabilities and my IQ is just 76. I struggle with things like talking, maths and spelling and I can't find a job.

When I was a kid I knew I was different. Things that were easy for the other kids to do took me ages to learn. Kids used to make fun of me because of the way I talked and in general I could fit in. As I got older my learning disabilities become more noticeable. I was diagnosed with ADHD and low intelligence and therefore struggled academically but my dad refused to put me in a special education program because he thought it would be an embarrassment. School was very hard for me. I would work my ass off just to get C's and B's and my father was very abusive. He would expect me to do well in school and if I didn't he would beat and punish me. I had to repeat the 7th and 9th grade but I eventually graduated but very poor grades and no qualifications. When I was around 15-18 started to do drugs like weed and alcohol just to cope.

My parents kicked me out when I was 19 and went to live with a friend. I have very little money as I'm addicted to drugs and my lack of education makes getting a job practically impossible. I don't see my life going anywhere and when I'm not on drugs I'm miserable. My brothers and sisters have done so much better then me and it makes me so jealous, angry and ashamed. I know this may sound cringe but I honestly can't do this anymore.

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[–]ID10T 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

You write far too well to have a 76 IQ. Your spelling and vocabulary indicates higher.

[–]Bunnygirl[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Oh sweet summer child. Thanks but it takes me ages to write things. I'm always using the voice to text thing on my phone because I can't spell a lot of words. I suck at grammar and it I always need to look over my sentences because I misplaced words a lot. If you told me to write something on a piece of paper with no help I would write something nonsensical.

[–]ID10T 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm by no means an expert but I would suspect some learning disability like dyslexia or dysgraphia contributing to an incorrect low score. A 76 is just above moron level and morons don't use words like "nonsensical".

[–]cunninglingus 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Yes, there is hope for you. Seems you can seek counseling (and/or an AA meeting) and a job and/or college. There are good options available.

[–]Bunnygirl[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

What would counselling or a AA meeting do? I'm still low IQ, I still have no education, I can still bearly spell, my life is still over. Non of that is going to change just because I went to some idiot who's just going to put me on some new drugs. And I can't either go to college or a job I already said this.

[–]cunninglingus 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Which is it: that you know exactly what counseling and AA do, or that you have a low IQ and do not understand what they or others will do?

(Counseling does not necessarily involve drugs, and AA certainly doesn't. It seems you might have anxiety, for which there are mild anti-depressants, but these too should not be necessary, though they can help for 90 days or so. If you're having psychological problems, seek help in that area. If you're worried about IQ, rest assured that there are numerous people with low IQ who are managing very well. It can also be very helpful to have a basic IQ. There are many jobs where this is beneficial. Funding is available for the start of college, and there are jobs available for everyone. If you are worried about spelling, low IQ, ADHD, and all of the other learning difficulties, most colleges have programs where none of this counts against you. You can in those cases use a spell-checker for assignments, take as long as you wish for exams, and benefit from the other disaibility allowances.)

Let's start here: what do you want? How do you want to get it?

[–]Bunnygirl[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Which is it: that you know exactly what counseling and AA do, or that you have a low IQ and do not understand what they or others will do?"

I don't have very good experiences with therapy as a lot of my drug habits came from therapy and a lot of these social programs don't apply to me as I'm disabled in a way that people don't care about. If your in a wheelchair your a brave little soul who's fighting against the odds, if you have down syndrome your a cute little freak but if your low IQ or have have ADHD then your just dump and lazy and should read more books and apply yourself.

I don't like the thought of giving up drugs because drugs are my escape and when you say I should stop it's like telling me to just be miserable 24/7.

[–]cunninglingus 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I don't have very good experiences with therapy

They're not meant to be fun

as a lot of my drug habits came from therapy

Not if you get therapy that's drug free or with limited forms of anti-depressants &c

and a lot of these social programs don't apply to me

They apply to everyone

as I'm disabled in a way that people don't care about.

Therapy and social programs are designed to help you, and everyone else. They're not meant to focus on making each individual feel as though the progrms care about them. Indeed, one point of those programs is to focus on your health, instead of assumptions that people are supposed to show caring toward one individual. The extent to which one cares about you is related to the outcome of a program like that, not a focus of the program itself. You would start a program like that by avoiding the validation of the self by others and focusing instaed on methods of improving your health, for its own sake, not because you want others to care.

If your in a wheelchair your a brave little soul who's fighting against the odds, if you have down syndrome your a cute little freak but if your low IQ or have have ADHD then your just dump and lazy and should read more books and apply yourself.

All of those circumstances are common disabilities. Indeed, the last two are very common. Hence there is a lot of support for those difficulties. There are lots of options.

I don't like the thought of giving up drugs because drugs are my escape and when you say I should stop it's like telling me to just be miserable 24/7.

Are they helping you? No. The obvious decision you have to make is about helping yourself. Drug addiction won't help, obviously. It will kill you.

Again, let's start with: what do you want? How do you want to get it?

[–]Bunnygirl[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They're not meant to be fun

I'm not saying there meant to be fun. I use to go to counselling in school but I remember how rude and judgemental she was. I have no idea how she became a mental health professional. I remember how she would tell me off for my stutter and make me play with puppets for some reason and is there even drug free therapy? Even if it's just anti-depression I won't be able to handle it. What you said about drugs is completely valid. I'm going to have to look into Social programs tho.

[–]Bunnygirl[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

This site is soooo dead

[–]American_Muskrat 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

Yup this place is a total shit hole, but it's our shit hole.

What kinda drugs?

[–]Bunnygirl[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Weeb, valium, LSD and coke mostly

[–]cunninglingus 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

If you can afford coke, you've had a source of income, like a job.

[–]Bunnygirl[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

No, I don't have a job yet. I have just have friends who are well connected. I know some dive-bar like nightclubs where, I... shall we say "work it" in order to score some drinks and blow.

[–]cunninglingus 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

'Working-it' won't work in the long term.

You've admitted you have a problem and you want help. This is an amazing first step. Many in your situation don't get to that first step.

The second step will be to adopt a good plan for yourself.

Determine what you want. Think about how you want to achieve it. It can also help to sit in silence for a while. Let the thoughts and feelings develop. Write down potential solutions.

[–]Bunnygirl[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I understand what your saying. I don't understand why I'm so self destructive. Some times I just have these moments where I look at myself from the outside and it's like I hate myself.

[–]LollygagSunshine 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

FIND A GUY, GO HAVE KIDS. its easy. fuck. get some kind of friends.

stop seeking male attention.