Is being aggressive a requirement for getting women in the West?

submitted by trident765 from self.nonmorons

A few years ago my grandfather asked me about how I was doing with women. I told him I didn't have any prospects and he confided saying it is difficult to get women in America because American men are so aggressive, so American women always have options that present themselves to them. So is it a requirement to be aggressive in order to get women in America? Was it always this way? Are there cultures where a man can get a wife without being aggressive?

I myself am repulsed by the idea of aggressively approaching women. I hate the idea of even spamming women on dating sites. It's just so degrading. I think it is unfortunate that this is the case, but I would rather not procreate than degrade myself like this. Women should be coming to me! I am good enough for hot young women to be interested in me! They should be spam approaching me because I am a superior male!

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[–]Zapped 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Don't get aggression confused with confidence. And confidence in yourself, first and foremost, not the outcome of every interaction.

[–]jet199 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I think there's a confusion of different definitions here.

Most Americans would define "aggressive" as looking at them and define "harm" as getting their feelings hurt.

You yourself are engaging in this.

Messaging people on dating apps is not aggressive unless you are threatening or insulting. It's not spamming either, you aren't going to know if you actually like one of these people unless you meet them so getting as many dates as possible is the aim, not expecting to fall in love to a picture.

Stop being such a wet and whining about the consequences of you inaction.

I fell in love the supposedly perfect way last year by getting to know someone gradually and getting that real spiritual connection and let me tell you it was like hell on earth.

At least if you ask people out, either in real life or online, you know right from the start if they are looking for a relationship with someone like you. It's actually highly protective against getting played around even though it seems scary/risky at the time.

The fact is other than the UK and Japan men are far more assertive and always take the lead for the simple reason that most single men won't turn down a woman so if women ask men out they far more likely to end up in a relationship which is isn't going anywhere and will break up as soon as the guy finds someone he actually likes. Women soon learn not to fall into that trap. A man asking you out is a pretty basic test is they are actually interested in you rather than just getting any women.

[–]LarrySwinger2 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Are there cultures where a man can get a wife without being aggressive?

Yes. Any culture where marriages are arranged.

[–]jet199 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

In those cultures your mother rules your life as long as she lives.

[–]fschmidt 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

Why would anyone want Western women?

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Because physically I prefer White European features like red or fair blond hair and blue/green eyes, and I like the Germanic and Central-Northern European aesthetics generally.

Not that I don't acknowledge that non-European women are beautiful too, but it's not as strong as a preference of mine.

[–]fschmidt 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think Belarusians and Russians are White without being Western.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Russia isn't wholly White, there are Whites and other ethnic groups living together there.

[–]trident765[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Because they are here and if one were interested in you it wouldn't take a big commitment to meet her. And plus they are constantly in your face, being advertised to you as you walk down the street. If you watch pizza hut commercials all day, you are going to want pizza hut.

[–]LarrySwinger2 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

"What do you like about me?"

"Well, people like you have been advertized to me my entire life!"

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You don't have to be aggressive but you will likely have to take the lead. I don't think you have to try to hard, when you find someone you have chemistry with everything falls into place.

[–]Vulptex 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Well unfortunately they've been raised their whole lives with the expectation that men will hand them everything and do everything for them. Idk how this stuff works but I hear what you said a lot, and I'm sure it's no different from everything else.

Sexism is still here. Funny how feminists fought away the parts that unfairly hurt women, but demand to keep the parts that unfairly benefit them.