Rant I hate escalators

submitted by Macheetuh from self.self

You know what grinds my gears? These damn escalators in the building where I hustle! First off, they're as reliable as a monsoon season forecast. If I could climb the stairwell to heaven, I would, but after a few flights, I'm sweating more than a Khmer chili farmer.

We've got two express escalators, but it's like a Khmer wedding procession on them. People hop on and off like they're practicing for a temple dance. And don't get me started on those vanity businesses cluttering up the floors. Who needs a day spa or a fish pedicure when you're dealing with the human Tetris on these escalators?

But the real kicker? When some numbskull decides to play games in the basement, delaying the escalator while I'm standing there solo. Then, like they're conjured by a sorcerer, a horde of commuters materializes out of thin air, flooding onto the escalator like it's the last tuk-tuk out of Phnom Penh.

The absolute worst is when I'm about to ascend to the pinnacle of productivity, and a mob of clowns presses every damn button of mine, turning a quick ride into an Odyssey. It's like their mission to sabatoge my day faster than a leaky boat in the rainy season.

I swear, it would be faster to ride solo, loop back into the basement, and let these clowns board afterwards. But no, they gotta cram in like sardines at the market and ruin the ride for everyone else, all because they couldn't wait for one extra second for the next escalator.

This happens almost every day! It's like playing minesweeper with my sanity. And don't even get me started on trying to plan around it. There's more foot traffic in this building than a morning market, and half of the businesses are as essential as a pocketful of Riel.

But mark my words, I'm training to tackle those stairs like Angkor Wat. Maybe even then, I'll get an aged 20-24 Cambodian girl for a short king like me, instead of those disgusting 25+ post wall foids that are entitled as hell and want a 6'3" chad instead of me! Until then, I'll make fun of the 25 post wall roasties for being mentally ill and queer while I'm huffing and puffing my way up those steps, dreaming of a world without broken esaclators, jackass commuters , and entitled 25+ post wall foids.

Thats my rant and I needed to get this off my chest.

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[–]Cantbot 4 insightful - 4 fun4 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Alright, it's finally time for me to unleash my frustration about escalators. First off, they're like the amputee tortoise babes of the transportation world. You step on them expecting to zippidee-doo-daa up or down to your destination, but instead, you're greeted with this excruciating crawl that makes you feel like you're a legless monkey trying desperately to escape a cheetah walking up to slap you around for fun while battling unconsciousness. And don't even get me started on the people who stand still on them like they're statues, blocking your way and staring at you with their soulless, predatory eyes, as if they're about to gut you like a fish and laugh about it and post the video in a private WhatsApp group. It's like, jeez people! Some of us have to get to work! Ayyy I'm walkin' here!

Then there's the constant fear of getting your shoelaces sucked into the teeth of the escalator monster. You can't help but picture yourself being eaten alive by the escalator while children clap and giggle. And let's not forget the unsettling sensation of stepping onto an escalator that's going the opposite direction—your brain can't quite compute it, and suddenly you're hit with a wave of dizziness that makes you question who the fuck put you on this Earth and why, God, WHY??

And the worst part? Escalators are everywhere, lurking in malls, train stations, airports—places where you're just trying to go about your day without feeling like you're going to be eaten by a mindless machine or turned into a skin suit by random passersby. So yeah, escalators may be a convenient invention for some, but no thank you! I'll pass!

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Man, there's not a year goes by--not a year--that I don't read about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid that could've easily been avoided had some parent--I don't care which one--but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator!

[–]UncleWillard56 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They do kill 30 and injure 17K per year though. So there's a silver lining.