I'm Asexual. I don't consider myself LGBT and really don't want to be involved with that community due the politics and highly-sexual nature of it.

submitted by AceTossaway from self.whatever

I am someone that considers themselves asexual and sex-repulsed. I've had a traumatic experience that I believe it tied to it, but I'll leave it at that because my backstory isn't the point.

I've been really upset ever since mainstream culture decided to tack on asexuality to the LGBT spectrum. I don't consider my lack of sexuality a sexuality. Sex is the last thing I want to hear about, when it's a MASSIVE topic of discussion in literally any LGBT circle. I'm not "gay". I don't have "pride" for my "sexuality". I'm definitely not "sex positive". I think I'm very far from the rest of this community when it comes to political beliefs and views on sexuality and I've gotten upset hearing nonstop graphic sexual chatter in my so called "safe spaces" online.

So why do the powers that be insist that I be lumped in with those people? I've gotten banned from a few asexual subreddits for even daring to say this and I'm actually horrified. It feels predatory that asexuals literally do not have a comfortable place that they don't have to hear about sex or pornography and now it's considered "progressive" to put us right next to our triggers.

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[–]florasis 29 insightful - 3 fun29 insightful - 2 fun30 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

I'm a lesbian, and I don't want to be part of the LGBT bullshit either, which today is mostly focused about gender nutjobs heterosexuas and hetero males in dresses, anyway. They just wants to add anyone to make numbers. They even add intersexuals and try to use it as a argument pro-trans, even if it has nothing to do transexuality. Next time you know, they will add pedos

[–]dong_master 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

The real problem is that the LGBT world is now ruled by people who were born male. Regardless of how they now identify, people who were born female, have very little power or much of a voice in the narrative.

[–]florasis 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The LGBT is now more about literal hetero males calling themselves lesbians than anything else. The type of sexism, toxic and fanatical mindset you see in that world, can only compete with far right and ultra-religious groups.

[–]lazy-summer-god 28 insightful - 3 fun28 insightful - 2 fun29 insightful - 3 fun -  (3 children)

Unfortunately for you, LGBTQWERTY+ community is not only a cult, but also a political force, which keeps creating made-up genders and sexual orientations for a very trivial reason of increasing their numbers. Pulling asexuals into this was pretty much a natural order of things.

[–]BallBagIsBurning 14 insightful - 8 fun14 insightful - 7 fun15 insightful - 8 fun -  (2 children)

They can't reproduce, so they recruit.

[–]ElectricSheep 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

More like enlist

[–]Dragonerne 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

People that can't reproduce are perfect for position of power for those families in power that can reproduce. This is a way to distribute power without having to share it. This way no new families can gather power intergenerationally.

[–]Canbot 17 insightful - 3 fun17 insightful - 2 fun18 insightful - 3 fun -  (4 children)

Why do you even go on to those places? Obviously the entire foundation of LGBT shit is sexual preferences and identity. And to be more specific and blunt, it is about sexual deviancy and disorders. Anti sexual groups would obviously be religious, or family oriented. It is illogical and extremely arrogant for you to want to "reform" a sexual identity group on the basis that they titled their group "not a sexual identity group". Sure it's a misnomer, but the mistake to take it literally is yours.

To talk about sexual trauma join a sexual trauma support group. To talk about a particular sexual deviancy characterized by the lack of sexual drive and or ability to engage in sex join a group that identifies as asexual.

[–]Hard_headed_woman 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Seriously? "To talk about a particular sexual deviancy characterized by the lack of sexual drive and or ability to engage in sex"

You would say that someone who doesn't have a sex drive is a "sexual deviant?" I would say they're almost all people suffering from trauma or a medical issue!

[–]Canbot 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

The word deviant does not mean what you think it means. It is normal for people to have a sex drive. Not having one deviates from the norm. Prepubescent kids do not have a sex drive and they do not identify as asexual or seek out conversations about it.

[–]Hard_headed_woman 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

True, but when used in regular conversation and not in a science/medical setting, the word has a somewhat different and negative connotation.

[–]Canbot 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Because it is used instead of degenerate and depraved in polite conversation. Picking a different word because this one has been sullied just does the exact same thing to the next word. Retarded used to be the polite way to say stupid. We need to stop destroying things in the name of politeness.

[–]Comatoast 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Dropping in from /s/all. It's important to start working on that trauma because it can be destructive and have a trickle down effect on other aspects of your life.

I'm seconding 72ndGender's suggestion of getting a full hormone panel pulled, thyroid too. That and an assessment of any medication that you're currently on (if you are). If you don't want to change, fine. But if your hormone levels are borked it has an effect on other processes in your body as well. Fatigue, depression, anxiety, skin problems (acne, dry/flaky, etc.), weird weight gains or loss--all just a few problems that can happen aside from libido issues.

[–]72ndGender 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (11 children)

Not entirely certain of the point of your post, or if you just wanted a chance to vent, but saidit would be a great place to build a sub for you folks. You have the right to exclude LGBT people which will keep out the sex talk. The sub would be removed from /all but I think that's what you would want anyway.

I have an obligatory comment to make though. Sorry to impose, when I know that you aren't looking for a cure. Go get a thorough hormone panel done, and make sure you are exercising nearly every day. You won't regret it.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

Go get a thorough hormone panel done, and make sure you are exercising nearly every day. You won't regret it.

Can you please bugger off with your pet theories about hormones and how exercise is a cure-for-all? I'm asexual and had to do a lot of hormone level checking (thyroid, gonadocorticoids) since I suffered from gynecological problems for years - they always returned normal results. I also exercise every day for at least 1 hour.

[–]72ndGender 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (9 children)

Doesn't sound thorough to me. If you didn't get T, FT, E2, FSH, LH, SHBG, DHEA-S, prolactin, progesterone and every thyroid measurement, then you didn't get a full panel. Meanwhile, the doctors will tell you the results are normal even when they are in a low or high range for your age and health status.

But you tipped your hand with your response. It's all I need to know that you aren't feeling well. Hormones are the first step, nuerochemicals are the second. Don't forfeit. Guys go through this all the time and doctors could care less about them. Even when there is a simple fix.

[–]Realwoman 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Not having sex is not a problem, wtf. People who don't want to have sex don't need to be "fixed". If they have legit health problems, sure But if the only "problem" is that they are don't want to engage in sex, this is not a problem whatsoever

[–]Wandering_Idiot 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

The asexual spectrum isn't a just a pet theory of new age sex studies. Asexuality has been represented in history as early as the 1860's when there were referred to as monosexual or anesthesia sexual. People on the Asexual spectrum don't need fixing they aren't broken.

[–]72ndGender 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

I couldn't care less about people's sexuality, or lack thereof, but many people experience non-existent libido based on underlying medical conditions. That needs fixing. Not their sexuality. Ignoring underlying health conditions on the basis of acceptable is one of the most fucking retarded concepts I've ever heard of. Encouraging people towards that direction makes us the villain, not the hero.

[–]Wandering_Idiot 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Except that just like you don't randomly turn gay, you also don't randomly turn asexual. People who suffer from hormone issue generally start off fine and end up with a low libido, once again low libido. Now low sexuality. Sexual desireakalibido is not the same as sexuality.

[–]jelliknight 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

I can't understand what you mean can you please explain?

Hormonal birth control for example can cause lack of sexual desire and attraction. I would class sexual desire are the physical desire resulting in wanting to have sex or masturbate, while sexual attraction is a similar feeling specifically directed towards a particular person. I might feel sexual desire right now because I want that act right now, but I feel sexual attraction to that guy because he seems like I'd want to do that act with him as some point. A lack of desire and a lack of attraction are closely linked. If you disagree can you explain how?

Many hormonal issues can be chronic. It's possible to have them all your life, or to develop them over time, or suddenly. They can result in feeling a lack of sexual desire and therefore feeling no sexual attraction to anyone in particular.

It's possible that a person may simply have a naturally extremely low sex drive and be asexual (unable to experience sexual attraction). It's also possible that it's the result of a physiological condition which may be causing other physiological issues and needs to be investigated.

It seems to be really important to you that asexuality ISN'T fixable. Why?

[–]Wandering_Idiot 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Hormones can affect sexual desire but not sexual attraction(sexuality) a lesbian isn't going to become strait by being on birth control. And as you have mentioned masturbation, many asexual do masturbate (but not all). If hormones=sexuality then all the gay men who were chemically castrated back when homosexuality was a crime would have magically been strait. We now know that isn't the case. Sexuality is who you are attracted to now how much sex you want.

Edit to add: It's not that the asexual spectrum isn't flexible. I myself am a demisexual; someone who need a strong emotional bond to feel sexual attraction. Demisexual is on the asexual spectrum or "under the asexual umbrella".

[–]jelliknight 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

there have been studies showing that straight womens sexual attraction does change as a result of hormonal birth control. Women on it are attracted to different men than while they're off it so hormones do play some role in sexuality.

[–]Wandering_Idiot 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

attracted to different men

Exactly different men. Hormones doesn't affect your sexuality.

[–]jelliknight 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I absolutely agree with you. I could be that any given asexual person simply has a naturally extremely low sex drive. It's more likely that they're experiencing physical issues which are impacting their normal function. For OP it sounds like its a mental issue more than anything.

But i understand the knee jerk reaction you're getting too. People begin to identify with whatever makes them different, partly as a way of coping. I read about deaf people who refuse a simple treatment because they refuse the see being deaf as something to be 'cured'. They'd rather their identity than an extra sense.

[–]HeyImSancho 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The sickness in our society is that we're taught to broadcast a truly almost minuscule aspect of life, as the most important; whether A-sexual, or whatever sexual. It's a god damned joke, and I don't care to know another's sexual preference, lack there of,, or belief in fairy tale genders.

People need to grow the fuck up, and expand their horizons in life, there really are greater things out there.

[–]Tom_BombadilBombadildo 5 insightful - 6 fun5 insightful - 5 fun6 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

I've been really upset ever since mainstream culture decided to tack on asexuality to the LGBT spectrum. I don't consider my lack of sexuality a sexuality.

Ha! That's an interesting detail.

LGBT: Hey asexuals we're fighting for your rights, and we oppose discrimination based on your lack of interest in sex.

Asexuals: What?! Fuck off! I'm not into any of that stupid shit. Also, no one is bothering me, because I'm not bothering anyone else. Get lost.

LGBT: Fine. <insert LGBT snark jargon here>. Whatever. <walks away>

LBGT: <whispers quietly to self> Hmm.... Who else can we harass into being co-opted...?

<Looks up and notices someone approaching>

LGBT: OH FUCK! Here comes Pedo "P" walking down the street. Shit he sees me...
<Hops in car and drives away>

[–]Literallyawoman 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

A old high school friend of mine also went through a traumatic experience and considers themselves asexual now which is fine-but they keep posting their asexual pride flag and articles on inclusivity for asexual people. At this point people want a flag for if they identify as someone who prefers sweet over salty food

[–]just_lesbian_things 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah I don't know why anything beyond maybe bisexuals were attached to the gay rights movement. TQ and everything after should fuck off.

It feels predatory that asexuals literally do not have a comfortable place that they don't have to hear about sex or pornography

Wouldn't most SFW content be just fine? It's not "asexual specific" but I think it serves the same purpose. Most mainstream internet is SFW. I don't consciously filter out NSFW stuff, but I hardly see them anyway. That's true for almost every social media platform I've been on (saidit, Reddit, twitter, etc), so I don't know where you're hanging out.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (8 children)

Things are matters of definitions. For myself, I consider myself very "sex positive" in that I am very "liberal", as in free. People should be free to do with themselves as they wish, and naturally people fall on a spectrum of more promiscuous to more monogamous. Some people think this is about happiness, and perhaps it is, but it's also about experimentation. A society cannot truly learn from its mistakes if it is never allowed to make them, nor can its people. You're lumped into these groups, as am I, because the activists and people with speaking power want most to be perceived as powerful. You can only do that by being perceived as speaking for others - and "LGBTQWTFBBQ" people get that power by lumping in as many people as possible.

That said, I wish to lodge a skepticism against you, given your professed identity. As such a skepticism is generally not allowed in polite conversation, but anonymously I fear no backlash. I've met, and unfortunately been in relationship with, people who either profess to be or who I deem to be "asexual" (That is, apparently zero interest in sex and/or actively avoidant of it). Invariably they fall into two camps (kinda three but rarely so): (a) Extremely morbidly obese and disgustingly slovenly (thus their health is the reason), or (b) Absolutely fucking nuts (whether from molestation, abuse, or natural neuroticism - so their mind is the reason). Least common (c) of "Not attracted to people they've stupidly been in relationships with in spite of knowing they're not attracted to them". I firmly believe "asexual" is properly a medical designation, not a true or real "sexuality" in the same sense, caused from or by other things creating a condition where one rejects their natural sexual urges. Why is it you deem yourself "asexual" and why do you adopt the label? Do you truly believe it somehow legitimate, or do you honestly accept it is a condition caused by other traits or experiences?

[–]SeasideLimbs 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

If I may, I'd add categories (d) people who, due to hormonal reasons, have an unusually low libido and stupidly decide to turn this simple, biological fact into an identity, and (e) people who identify as asexual for sexually-perverse reasons, which fall into two subcategories, (e1) people who are fetishistic in the psychopathological sense, meaning they require this fetish to function sexually and can no longer do so without it, and who no longer wish to engage in sex for that reason and instead engage in fetishistic acts exclusively, and (e2) people who have become addicted to porn to such a degree that they prefer masturbation to having sex. I've personally encountered people of all three types.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I would argue (e) and (e1-e2) fall into the range of (d) or (c) most of all. Masturbatory or porn addictions make sense among people who are themselves not very attractive and only attracted to highly attractive people. The "hormonal reasons" of proposed (d) fit into the health related and morbid obese reasons of (a) to me. I suppose it is a matter of definition. So perhaps (a) should be "health reasons" and (b) should be "mental reasons" with (c) being "stupid fuckers". Vague enough to encapsulate all perhaps?

In any event the reason for my skepticism you perhaps understand. Having been in a relationship with one, I've found myself exceptionally hostile to them as a concept. People who hide behind their traumas and problems who, instead of working through them with their partner, decide to reject said partner in favor of adopting an identity to hide behind. Instead of addressing a porn problem, or being honest about not being attracted, or working on their health. Maybe you can't offer me many answers if you are self aware, but my query relates to why such people are so cowardly as to run from the obvious? If you have someone who loves you, just wants to work with you, to give you time, why would you just reject that? Forgive the projection, but I do wish to receive some input on this matter.

[–]SeasideLimbs 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I would argue (e) and (e1-e2) fall into the range of (d) or (c) most of all. Masturbatory or porn addictions make sense among people who are themselves not very attractive and only attracted to highly attractive people.

Good point, you're right.

(d) fit into the health related and morbid obese reasons of (a) to me.

I didn't think about it that way. That would actually make a lot of sense, because obesity is actually proven to have a marked effect on hormonal levels. I'm unaware how exactly in the case of women, but I know for a fact that obesity in men can reduce testosterone levels.

So perhaps (a) should be "health reasons" and (b) should be "mental reasons" with (c) being "stupid fuckers". Vague enough to encapsulate all perhaps?

That would be another way of putting it! Really just a matter of definition, like you said.

Since I don't identify as asexual myself, I unfortunately can't answer your other questions. (I'm not the OP.) I'm someone who agrees with your skepticism though.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ah. I had assumed you were in the same boat as OP so that I might glean some insights. Perhaps someone else will come along and also engage the conversation. We'll see.

[–]72ndGender 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Masturbatory or porn addictions make sense among people who are themselves not very attractive and only attracted to highly attractive people.

You beat me to it. These people would gladly have sex with an attractive person, but they aren't able to pull an attractive person because of their looks and/or personalities. They're essentially incels posing as volcels.

[–]Comatoast 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

3DPD, etc.

[–]72ndGender 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I learned a new meme. Thank you.

[–]Tom_BombadilBombadildo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I firmly believe "___" is properly a medical designation, not a true or real "sexuality" in the same sense, caused from or by other things creating a condition where one rejects their natural sexual urges. Why is it you deem yourself "____" and why do you adopt the label? Do you truly believe it somehow legitimate, or do you honestly accept it is a condition caused by other traits or experiences?

You just asked this question? Fill in the blank for any "preference", and behold.

Also, I like your explanation of the lumping in of the various groups, and how certain individuals presume to speak for the "community".

You're lumped into these groups, as am I, because the activists and people with speaking power want most to be perceived as powerful. You can only do that by being perceived as speaking for others - and "LGBTQWTFBBQ" people get that power by lumping in as many people as possible.

Cogent insight. +3

[–]Delia 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Just call yourself a straight asexual and no one will take any notice, think, unmarried librarian stereotype. No one cares do they?

[–]blowininthewind 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

if i were you i'd probably talk to fellow asexuals on say discord forums. just make sure they're really asexual though.

[–]ISaidWhatISaid 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

So why do the powers that be insist that I be lumped in with those people?

The LGBT organizations are playing the numbers game for political reasons. They have to inflate their numbers by pulling in ever more sexual subcultures to make themselves seem like a huge "minority" group of interest to politicians. I will post all parts of The Pink Dollar documentary series in s/Documentaries soon, so that people can learn how this works.

[–]Dragonerne 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I'm sorry Sweety, but as a heterosexual male that's also a woman, you're not actually Asexual. In fact, I am more Asexual than you are!
Yes, and I am also not going to debate or platform a nazitransphobe like you! You are NOT Asexual, stop claiming it.

Bye!,
LGBT-member (/s) (referencing the "I'm more black than you" white sjw male to a black republican...)

[–]IridescentAnaconda 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm homosexual. I avoid LGBTs (other than my spouse) and really don't want to be involved with that community due the politics and highly-sexual nature of it: in particular, the way gay male culture pathologizes monogamy.

[–]Trajan 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Because it’s an identity that pertains to sex. Of course it’d be scooped-up by the alphabet mafia. Maybe just hang out in subs on topics of interest that are unrelated to sex? I can’t say I’ve seen many references to sex while browsing Angband or Unix forums. As a happy bonus you’ll probably also run across lots of people not having sex.

[–]JasonCarswellMental Orgy 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

It's much like atheists being called a religion. An absence of faith is not a faith.

Anarchists are for no-rulers. That's not a political party - and sadly that's partly why they have no traction.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

THIS

Asking asexuals to be exposed to real-life sexual behaviours, which make them feel uncomfortable and even repulsed is abusive.

IT NEEDS TO STOP

[–]Comatoast 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Of course. I'll still advocate for their healthcare in that libido that is nonexistent can be viewed as a medical anomaly and could possibly be caused by an underlying health condition. Better safe than sorry, and they can remain asexual with more information about their health.

However, I feel awful that OP isn't able find a group of others that feel the same way that isn't hijacked. In that case it's probably just best to find groups that are based exclusively on interests where sex isn't a topic likely to come up.

[–]grassfed 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Mm

[–]bald-janitor 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Ok

[–]DifferentAirGC 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You are my favorite kind of asexual person. I hope you can find a good asexual website.

[–]Edge_Finder 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

im straight, and there is times i could a give a crap about women.

sexutality is very little in a realship imo. there is much more.

I dont have straight pride parades etc nor do i want one. just keep all you to you self. yes i know lesbians, we just never talk about it, instead we just just talk like normal people would talk. she knows im straight, so yea i'll make flirt comments to her... she just laughs

again its about the relationship, not sex

oh and trannys, they are mentally retarded..... sorry just truth, you aint "brave"

[–]C3P0 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Asexual is a term of biology. Some plants are asexual. There is no such thing as an asexual human--only humans who make a personal choice not to have sex.

See: Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

[–]screwballeclipsed 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

i'm straight, but nobody gives a shit either.