Pentagon Officials Panic After Chinese President Shows Up To Fight Them In Parking Lot

by Inuma to /s/WayOfTheBern from theonion.com

Feds Wistfully Gaze At Photo Of Hunter Biden’s Penis One Last Time Before Closing Investigation

by [deleted] to /s/funny from theonion.com

Crypto Leaders Call For Infusion Of 20 Million Dopes To Stabilize Market

by neolib to /s/Satire from theonion.com

Report: Dad Proud Of You; He Won't Say It, But It's True

by BISH to /s/whatever from theonion.com

Conservatives Claim Hitler’s Nazi Allegiance Greatly Exaggerated

by neolib to /s/Satire from theonion.com

Trump Condemned For Giving Platform To CNN. “It was dangerous, irresponsible, and downright disgusting for President Trump to provide CNN with a large national audience like that,” said media critic Greg Polinsky.

by Chipit to /s/Satire from theonion.com

The Onion goes full retard - fabricates a cringy, unfunny and pathetic “interview” with JKR.TRANSGENDER

by ClassroomPast6178 to /s/TumblrInAction from theonion.com

War-Weary Americans Not Sure How Much Longer They Can Occasionally Glance At Headlines About Ukraine

by neolib to /s/Satire from theonion.com

Farewell to The Onion - now clearly captured by the alphabet people. Pretty bad really. Just looked at the homepage; The Onion stopped being funny years ago. The first thing to go when you become an ideological puritan is a sense of humor. You can feel the woke ideology behind whoever wrote that.

by Chipit to /s/politics from theonion.com

Farewell to The Onion - now clearly captured by the TQ+. Pretty bad really.Virtue Signaling

by Chunkeeguy to /s/LGBDropTheT from theonion.com

ABC Reveals All ‘GMA’ Anchors Have Been Castrated

by [deleted] to /s/whatever from theonion.com

FDA Warns Tying Penis Into Knot Only Prevents 73% Of Pregnancies

by [deleted] to /s/whatever from theonion.com

‘So You Brought Home A White Girl, Huh?’ Say Skeptical White Parents To White Son

by aaarrgh to /s/funny from theonion.com

Newly Upgraded Tesla AI Makes Fart Noise Any Time It Runs Over Child - The Onion

by [deleted] to /s/whatever from theonion.com

China Threatens To Retaliate For Pelosi’s Taiwan Trip By Letting Her Return Safely

by [deleted] to /s/Humor from theonion.com

‘It’s So Nice To Finally Meet One Of Pete’s Work Friends,’ Says Chasten Buttigieg To Traffic Cone

by [deleted] to /s/whatever from theonion.com

IDF Soldier Recounts Harrowing, Heroic War Story Of Killing 8-Month-Old Child

by Chipit to /s/Satire from theonion.com

The Onion 20 years ago, or an actual news piece in currentyear? This USED to be satire.

by iamonlyoneman to /s/whatever from theonion.com

NRA Calls For Teachers To Keep Loaded Gun Pointed At Class For Entire School Day

by [deleted] to /s/politics from theonion.com

Libertarian Reluctantly Calls Fire Department

by Drewski to /s/Libertarian from theonion.com

‘Frozen 2’ Creators Confirm That Elsa Gay But Also Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist - The OnionHumor

by reluctant_commenter to /s/LGBDropTheT from theonion.com

Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian

by ActuallyNot to /s/whatever from theonion.com

Minneapolis Honors Police Brutality Victims By Dedicating Armored Vehicles To George Floyd

by Drewski to /s/Satire from theonion.com

Studio Ghibli Theme Park Opening Delayed After Construction Site Overrun With Curious Forest Sprites

by Tom_Bombadil to /s/funny from theonion.com

Disney Installs Animatronic Christian Missionaries To Convert Natives On Jungle Cruise Ride

by Sw0rdofDam0cles to /s/Satire from theonion.com

FBI Vetting 25,000 National Guard Members Ahead Of Inauguration

by Evilphd666 to /s/WayOfTheBern from theonion.com

QAnon Followers Frustrated After Q Calls For Respecting Election Results, Uniting Behind Biden

by Drewski to /s/Satire from politics.theonion.com

Nation Hopeful For Better Future Where Activist Celebrities Will Finally Shut The F*ck Up

by Sw0rdofDam0cles to /s/Satire from theonion.com

Media Glad It Can Finally End Half-Assed Charade Of Trying To Understand American Populace

by Sw0rdofDam0cles to /s/Satire from theonion.com

Wisconsin Reports Zero Evidence Of Voter Fraud In Ballots They’ve Thrown Out So Far

by Sw0rdofDam0cles to /s/Satire from politics.theonion.com

John Bolton Seething With Jealousy After Trump Gets To Become Living Biological Weapon

by Drewski to /s/Satire from politics.theonion.com

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Upgraded To Full DNC Speaking Slot After Announcing Support For Iraq War

by EndlessSunflowers to /s/funny from politics.theonion.com

Study Finds Gap Widening Between Rich Pets And Poor Americans

by Sw0rdofDam0cles to /s/Satire from theonion.com

Most Anticipated Games Of The Summer

by Sw0rdofDam0cles to /s/Satire from ogn.theonion.com

Severely Injured Woman Heroically Fights Off Paramedics Trying To Force Her Into Medical Debt

by Sw0rdofDam0cles to /s/Satire from theonion.com

Biden Addresses Sexual Assault Allegations: ‘My Advisors Told Me To Say They Aren’t True’

by [deleted] to /s/funny from theonion.com

Pope Francis Urges Priests To Refrain From Molesting Children Over Coronavirus Fears

by [deleted] to /s/news from theonion.com

I'm Totally Psyched About This Abortion!

by Froglich to /s/funny from politics.theonion.com

Growing Drug Tolerance Drives Trump To Buy Black-Tar Hydroxychloroquine Off Dealer In D.C. Metro Station

by [deleted] to /s/funny from theonion.com

Updated Patriot Act Finally Legalizes 80% Of Current FBI Operations

by [deleted] to /s/funny from theonion.com

Study Finds It Statistically Impossible That Your Mom The Best Mom In The World

by Tom_Bombadil to /s/funny from theonion.com

Overcome Stress By Visualizing It As A Greedy, Hook-Nosed Race Of Creatures

by hennaojichan to /s/funny from theonion.com

NYPD Officer Hopes Black Teen Only Coughing Because He Just Choked Him

by JasonCarswell to /s/Humor from local.theonion.com

Russian Roulette Champion Wouldn’t Let His Son Play Russian Roulette

by [deleted] to /s/funny from local.theonion.com

Quarantined Umpire Cleans His Entire Home With Tiny Brush

by [deleted] to /s/funny from sports.theonion.com

British Man Astounded To Hear How Much It Would Cost To Get Mustard Jar Removed From Rectum Under U.S. Healthcare System

by [deleted] to /s/funny from local.theonion.com

New Report Finds Americans Willing To Trust Scientific Knowledge Of Anyone Holding Glass Beaker Up To Light

by [deleted] to /s/funny from theonion.com

Department Of Interior Announces Birds Will Continue Going About Regular Bird Activities During Pandemic

by [deleted] to /s/funny from theonion.com

Trump Quietly Checks With Aides To Make Sure He’d Be Included In Receiving $1,000 Government Checks

by Tom_Bombadil to /s/funny from politics.theonion.com

Violently Bored Americans Begin Looting Puzzle Stores

by [deleted] to /s/funny from theonion.com

Frustrated Dog Has No Time To Jerk Off Now That Owner Home All Day

by [deleted] to /s/funny from local.theonion.com

Conservative Worries Relief Checks Would Discourage Americans From Providing For Selves By Killing Him And Taking His Property

by [deleted] to /s/funny from politics.theonion.com

New Neutrogena Deep Cleanse Just 130-Pound Chimp That Rips Your Face Off

by [deleted] to /s/funny from theonion.com

Bloomberg Hires Thousands Of Canvassers To Stop Black Men On Street And Force Them To Hear Campaign Pitch

by [deleted] to /s/PoliticalHumor from politics.theonion.com

‘It’s Time To Go, Mr. Stone,’ Says Ski-Masked William Barr After Running Prison Bus Off Road

by [deleted] to /s/PoliticalHumor from politics.theonion.com

[Satire] Report: Doing Your Part To Stop Climate Change Now Requires Planting 30,000 New Trees, Getting 40,000 Cars Off The Road, Reviving 20 Square Miles Of Coral Reef

by happysmash27 to /s/collapse from theonion.com

Cackling Julian Assange Disintegrates Into Lines Of Code As Baffled Authorities Attempt To Handcuff Him

by EndlessSunflowers to /s/funny from theonion.com

New Department Of Agriculture Study Finds 85% Of U.S. Farmers Woefully Kicking At Dirt

by ikidd to /s/farming from theonion.com