My neighbor thinks he's a chicken. What can we do to help him?

submitted by passionflounder from self.AskSaidIt

It all began a couple years ago during the logical and sensible Covid lockdowns that proved to be remarkably effective.

Anyway, his behavior and habits have radically changed. He scratches around the yard, clucks and has developed an irrational fear of foxes and dogs. Twice this year he has been found laying unconscious in the front yard, having concussed himself trying to peck the hard ground (it has been an unusually dry year). Some have suggested just going along with it to humor him but I'm worried.

I'm hesitant to arrange an intervention for fear of dangerously upsetting him. He's finally started making friends with neighborhood chickens and seems pretty content with his new lifestyle. Besides, the eggs sure come in hand with dairy prices through the roof.

Should I just leave well enough alone?

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[–]makesyoudownvote 4 insightful - 10 fun4 insightful - 9 fun5 insightful - 10 fun -  (1 child)

Your neighbor IS a chicken!!

A chicken is anyone who identifies as such.

Stop being so poultrifobic!!

Get that chicken some species affirming care you biggot.

Then, next week invite us all over for nuggets.

[–]passionflounder[S] 1 insightful - 5 fun1 insightful - 4 fun2 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

There's a Colonel of truth here. Dr. Perdue specializes in that type of care... we shall flock down to his office and I shall henceforth call him "Nuggets" and enroll him in the friers club.

[–]0_0 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

For starters if you see him at an intersection you can help him cross the road.

[–]Tom_Bombadil 2 insightful - 5 fun2 insightful - 4 fun3 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

help him cross the road.

Human-chicken intersectionality.

[–]passionflounder[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah I know- to get to the other side. I'm worried that he may try to peck the pavement and slam his head into it while crossing.

[–]twolanterns 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

old joke is : nothing because of the free eggs

[–]chottohen 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I would take him to a mental hospital but we really need the eggs.

[–]IkeConn 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Ring his neck and fry him up.

[–]passionflounder[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

But I'd have to start paying retail for eggs again!

[–]Be_incorrigible 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Regular or extra crispy....?

[–]passionflounder[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Oh extra, extra crispy!

[–]jet199 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

an irrational fear of foxes and dogs

Your neighbour is black. Stop being a racist.

[–]passionflounder[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Stop being a racist

But... but... but...

I don't know how!!

[–]Vulptex 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I won't eat him 🦊